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The lights in the ballroom seemed to be mocking Jason. His hands drifted up to the collar of his suit once again, before he realised what he was doing and carefully lowered them. He couldn’t help it. The suit was stuffy, and the room full of rich bastards was even more suffocating. Jason knew he didn’t belong here in the upper crust of Gotham, but the Waynes never really let him think that. The same couldn’t be said about the other people here.
He could feel their stares boring into him. He didn’t have to hear them to know that they were talking about him behind their dainty little fingers decorated with gold and diamonds and jewellery so expensive, it could feed all the Crime Alley kids for a month straight. Jason didn’t belong here, so why did Bruce have to insist that he has to be here? Was this also meant to be some sort of test for being Robin?
When Jason first donned the suit, he had been elated beyond belief. Robin was, after all, the hope and light of Gotham. Robin was magic, with his kind heart and gentle hands, with his cheerful laugh and cunning plans. Jason looked up to Robin and to be standing there in his costume felt like an honour, and like magic was surging within him at the same time. It had been everything. At that moment, he had been so glad he let Batman adopt him. It had been the best decision ever.
Now, Jason couldn’t help but think that he should have thought it over some more. Batman was one thing. Bruce Wayne was another. Jason couldn’t be like the rich kids, and even if he tried, something told him that it would never be enough for these people who were eyeing him with unmasked disgust or pity or their superiority complex over Gotham’s lower rungs. Bruce was kind, he was different, but these people weren’t the same.
Back then, Jason had thought that he was already at the bottom of the cliff. He couldn’t go any lower. He was standing corners, letting men touch him so he could have a meal to survive, and then he was stealing when the… standing got too much to bear. Bruce changed his life. Jason didn’t care about the looks. He would swallow and smile through them if it meant he could still be a Wayne. It didn’t matter if all the people here laughed at him because there was no way Jason could give up three warm meals, a shelter and an education for something as worthless as pride.
Still. It hurt. No one wanted to talk to him, but it wasn’t like he could interrupt a conversation and forcefully insert himself amongst adults. All he could do was stand here and smile like an idiot, hoping for a rescue. Damian was back at the Batcave keeping an eye out for any emergencies, and Bruce was… well, Brucie was laughing with four girls hanging off his arms. Jason was left alone and there was no one who could—
Jason’s breath hitched when he saw a familiar face politely laughing some fifteen feet away amidst a group of those same rich people who had been giving him dirty eyes some time ago. Jason could count on one hand the amount of times he had met Timothy Drake in person, but each one left him more disheartened than before.
Because his predecessor had been perfect . He wasn’t even exaggerating it. Bruce had once off-handedly spoken that Tim had been the best of them. Jason still remembered the way Damian had tensed, his face flashing a myriad of emotions before he quietly agreed in a one word response. Although Damian rarely, if ever, spoke of Tim, Bruce mentioned him all the time. Jason knew first-hand about all the cases the previous Robin had solved by himself, the ones he solved that even Batman couldn’t, his excellence in the field when he used his brain to outmatch his opponents.
Damian once told Jason during training that Tim was never as good at combat as he himself was. Later during patrol, when Jason asked Bruce, the man had simply said that while Tim was certainly not the best in physical strength, he was still an exceptional fighter who learned to make up for his weaknesses with his smarts.
Jason wanted to impress Tim so, so badly. He wanted his predecessor to look at him with approval, because if Tim thought he was worthy then he could say he had made it. That he was truly doing Robin justice. Not that Bruce or Damian’s words didn’t mean anything. Of course they did. Their praise mattered too, but somehow, the lack of Tim’s praise just hurt a bit more.
He understood why. After all, Tim never wanted to give Robin up. He had been forced to give it up by his dad and he had to give up the vigilante life, which created an open spot for Jason. The first time they met was when there was a mass break-out at Blackgate and they needed all hands on deck. Tim had come in his Robin suit and helped them out, before leaving. He exchanged a few words with Bruce and nodded at Jason, but that was it. He completely ignored Damian, and the eldest didn’t even say anything about it.
The second time they met was at Jack Drake’s funeral. It had been a strange experience for Jason. He didn’t know the man, but he had thought maybe Tim would resent him for taking Robin away. Instead, Tim had dried tear tracks on his cheeks and a hollow smile for everyone present. When it was just Bruce and him, Tim had crumbled into tears and clung onto Bruce. How does one face their hero crying helplessly? When the person you believe can do anything can’t do something for once? How do you console a boy who you’ve always seen as a man, as something larger than life?
And Jason had been so selfish at that time. Because he had been worried that this meant he could no longer be Robin. That Tim would come back and be Robin again because how could anyone prefer Jason over Tim? Bruce would of course want him back. Instead, Tim had given him a polite smile after crying his eyes out and then said, “You chose well, Bruce.”
That’s it. Nothing else. Jason had been elated at first. That meant Tim approved of him, right? Except it didn’t feel like that. Two months later, Tim returned to the vigilante scene, but not in Gotham. He took on a new name and worked mainly with his Young Justice team.
The third time they met was for a Justice League mission where Jason and the other younger sidekicks were managed by Young Justice and he got to see firsthand the co-leadership of Wonder Girl and Cardinal. That was the most Tim had ever spoken to him, when he was giving orders. Seeing up close how he made plans, Jason had only realised how much he lacked in comparison to Tim. He wasn’t even half the Robin Tim had been.
Still, Jason also wondered if Tim hated him. He never showed it if he did, but Tim also never tried to talk to him. That was the last time they had properly met, and Jason still remembered the last words Tim had said to him.
“Good job, Robin.” With a tired smile, he had moved on to praise the next person. It had been nice for all of two seconds before Jason felt like he was just… one of the crowd. Nothing special.
Now, in the ballroom, his palms were sweaty. Should Jason go and try to talk to him? Would Tim be okay with that? But if Tim wanted to acknowledge him, he would have come to Jason first, right? Right now, he wasn’t even sparing Jason a glance, like he had no idea his successor was standing there.
And Jason knew that Tim was very much aware of him. He was like Bruce. Of course he knew, and he was still ignoring Jason, so he had to take the cue and not disturb him. Right.
“Oh?” The voice sounded familiar and it was so close that Jason startled. Internally admonishing himself for losing his own sense of perception, Jason turned to greet whoever had finally thought him worthy of attention. The words turned to ash in his mouth when he took in the face that was familiar for all the wrong reasons.
When Jason had started standing corners, he hadn’t thought he would ever see any of those people again aside from when they wanted his services. But of course they had all sorts of clients and that meant even the upper crust of Gotham were amongst them. Jason didn’t know why his luck had suddenly turned over for the worse by putting this man of all in front of him.
“Aren’t you Jason, the new ward of the Waynes?” the man asked. Jason swallowed thickly, trying to get his mouth to work but it was like his throat had clogged up. He settled for a jerky nod and a plastered smile.
“My… You certainly look quite familiar. Have we met perhaps?”
“Ah, um, n- no?” Jason finally managed to stutter something out, but his heart was beating too fast now. Any hopes of the man not remembering him were dashed the moment he smirked and placed a hand on Jason’s shoulder.
“You don’t think Brucie would know why you seem familiar, do you?”
Jason’s heart stopped in its place. He had known ever since Bruce took him in that he could never ever let the older man know Jason had been selling his body. Bruce’s kindness must have limits too. If he found out what Jason had been doing… his life would be over. Bruce would be disgusted and he would throw him out and then Jason would be homeless again, or worse, Batman would have to kill him because he knew their secrets and oh god, he had tainted Robin so Damian and Tim would hate him too—
“Mr. Duvex,” a cold voice interrupted Jason’s scrambled thoughts like a knife cleanly cutting through butter. Bony fingers pushed the man’s hands off Jason’s shoulders and replaced them with a gentle squeeze. “What a pleasure to see you at this event. Forgive my manners for interrupting your conversation. I was just so surprised to see you here since you were unable to make it the last few times.”
“What?” the Duvex guy seemed confused. Jason tried to stop his body from shaking but there was a faint tremor in him that he couldn’t dispel. Behind him, Tim inched closer so that Jason’s back pressed against his front, and his hand squeezed his shoulder again. Strangely, it helped the boy relax and lean back into the comfort Tim was offering. “Ah, you must be making a mistake, Timothy. I was he—”
“Mr. Drake,” Tim’s voice was sharp, enough to make Jason glance upwards once to check if the older boy was angry. He was smiling, like a shark with all its teeth out. “I do not think we have become so acquainted yet. And I’m no longer a child now, so calling me Mr. Drake is simply the standard of decorum expected of people of our standing, isn’t it, Mr. Duvex?”
“Of course,” Duvex seemed to be gritting his teeth behind the polite smile he gave. “Mr. Drake. As I was saying, I have visited all the recent events hosted by the Waynes. If anything, your absence has been noted. My condolences about your father, Mr. Drake.”
“My condolences about your divorce case, Mr. Duvex,” Tim’s shark smile was not going anywhere and Jason didn’t really know what was happening anymore but Tim had now placed both his hands on his shoulders and it felt… protective. Like he literally has Jason’s back. “I must have mistaken myself into thinking you were not present at those events. After all, your wife’s thoughts on your marriage would make even the best of us hesitant to be in such public events so soon. I have made some wrong assumptions, I see. Allow me to apologise.”
“Yes,” Duvex wasn’t even trying to smile anymore. There was a crowd surrounding them now, and Jason could hear the loud whispers calling the man shameless.
“I’m afraid I must take my brother away from this conversation,” Tim nodded at Duvex. “Let’s catch up some other time, Mr. Duvex.”
“Right, yes, of course Ti- uh, Mr. Drake,” the man nodded jerkily and then Jason found himself being gently steered out of the crowd and straight out of the room. Tim didn’t say anything as he kept walking, and Jason’s throat had unclogged but he didn’t know what to say so he stayed quiet until Tim entered a room and finally let his shoulders go. They were much farther from the party now, and Jason waited as Tim turned on the lights.
“I would ruin his company to the point of bankruptcy but it’s already doing so badly that I need not involve myself,” Tim sighed and fixed his cuffs. Then he looked at Jason and asked quietly, “You okay?”
“Y- Yeah,” Jason nodded. Something in Tim’s eyes told him that he knew . “Please don’t tell Bruce!”
It was out before he could stop himself. Tim’s eyebrows furrowed for a second before he nodded.
“Alright,” he agreed without any questions. “But I just want you to know that it wouldn’t matter to Bruce. Not in the way you’re afraid of, at least. If anything, he would be upset on your behalf and work harder to do you justice. Although my personal opinion is that he should know about this so he can better protect you, I also think this is something he should hear from you rather than me.”
“I can’t,” Jason whispered. “He would… he will throw me out. I can’t give it all up. I… I know I made a mistake but I can’t give up the best thing to ever happen to me because of it. Please…”
“Hey,” Tim made him look into his eyes and Jason couldn’t hide the tears welling up in his eyes. “No one’s going to take anything away from you. Bruce would never throw you out. He loves you. And even if he was being stupid about anything, you’ve got me. I’ll fight him for you, okay?”
It didn’t make sense.
“But you don’t even like me,” Jason blurted out. Tim blinked and huffed a short breath of laughter.
“Who told you that, hm?” he asked, looking faintly amused.
“Nobody has to tell me,” Jason mumbled, looking down at his shoes. “I can see it.”
“Never let it be said I’m not aware of my flaws,” Tim said, gently tapping Jason’s chin to get him to look up. “Sorry about that, kiddo. I’m… not the best when it comes to emotions. You just came into my life at a very bad point. My best friends died, I couldn’t be Robin anymore and my dad was in a wheelchair. I didn’t have it in me to be there for you. But I’m okay now and it’s been high-time that I met you properly and told you how proud I am of all you have done these past few months. Don’t think I don’t like you, Jason.”
“You mean it?” Jason’s voice was small, unsure. Tim was smiling at him though, and not in that shark way. This one was warm and soft and he had never seen Tim smile like that except in photos with Bruce or his parents.
“Yeah,” Tim nodded. “Called you my brother back there, didn’t I?”
Oh. He had. Jason had glossed over it back then, but now that he mentioned it…
“I might not be a Wayne,” said Tim, “but I am a bird. And us birds gotta stick together, you know.”
“But you don’t even talk to Damian,” Jason pointed out. Something complicated crossed Tim’s face before he sighed.
“Our relationship is far more complex than I would like it to be, Jason,” Tim admitted. “There are some things you can’t easily forgive, and some things you can’t easily forget. Don’t worry about us. We’re the grown-ups here, it’s not your job to look after us, kid.”
“You’re seventeen,” Jason looked at him funny. Tim shot him a grin.
“I’m emancipated and the CEO of Drake Industries,” he replied back. “If I’m doing the adult work, that makes me a grown-up, okay?”
“Sure,” Jason didn’t get it but well, it didn’t matter. Right now, his predecessor was looking at him warmly even though he knew what Jason used to do and he said he was proud of Jason.
“Did Bruce ever tell you about the time I got stuck on the roof?” Tim asked as he slung his arm around Jason’s shoulder. The younger boy hurried to fall in step when Tim started walking. As Tim started telling him about the time his photography got him stuck on the roof at 2 in the morning, Jason looked down at his feet and realised that he was finally walking beside Tim.
Not behind him anymore.
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