Work Text:
original/finnish:
Leikit mulle vihast vaik haluisit huomioo
Älä anna sun tunteiden ikin mennä kuolioon
Koska tyttö sä oot tähti
En sitä kestä et sä lähdit
(Tähti – Fabe)
english:
You play angry to me although you want attention
Don’t ever let your emotions become gangrenous
Because girl, you’re a star
I can’t stand that you left
(Star – Fabe)
Another adventure. Yippee! Well, not so yippee, because the carpenter was there as well. To be honest, it was his own fault. He had made them to go with him and their friends. But usually, he just couldn’t stand them. It was mostly because they had made it clear that they hated him. He didn’t even know why. If they’ve lost their memory, they basically didn’t have a reason to hate him.
They had been getting along somehow lately and he was kind of surprised about that. Although as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he liked it when they argued. He sometimes just tried to find the carpenter to argue with them, because it gave him hope. Yes, he was probably delusional, but God forbid a boy have a hobby. Well in this case the hobby was annoying the person he has been in love with since they first met. But that was not the point. Well, it kind of was actually.
He had told everyone who had asked that he had gotten over them. He didn’t know if any of them believed him really. He didn’t care. If he believed in that hard enough, it would become true, right? Right?
But let’s not talk about his love life, shall we? Let’s talk about the adventure instead.
He was determined to find that fucking spell book. It had been lost for so long that he honestly started to lose hope at this point. But still, he couldn’t lose something so valuable, so important. It has been in his family for ages, and he didn’t want to be the person in the family history to lose the book. He had also recognized that the longer he was without the book, he would feel more ill as the time passed by.
So, he kept looking for it. And dragging his friends and Andy with him. Because why not? They all would probably be in bed, doing nothing. Instead, they were now spending time with each other AND looking for that book. Win-win, right?
It was currently evening, it has gotten dark, and they all were sitting around the campfire. Gray was playing Riptide by Vance Joy on guitar, Rachel and Desca seemed to have an intense conversation about something, Eli and Ashlyn were eating grapes and singing along, and Taylor and Andy were laughing about something. What a nice way to end their day.
They all had passed out in the Nether earlier, some of them multiple times. Can’t lie, he was kind of worried for his friends’ sakes, but they all seemed fine. Fortunately.
“Lady runnin’ down to the riptide, taken away to the dark side!” Gray’s voice cut through his brain.
He reached over Andy to the basket to get snacks as well. He made sure that he didn’t touch them at all because his brain couldn’t stand it. His brain already almost collapsed when he was this close to them, so he really tried his best to not be so oblivious.
In the basked, there seemed to be only grapes. He sighed and took a bunch. When he was trying to get back to his seat, something hit him on the head and caused him to fall on Andy’s lap. Of fucking course.
“Ouch, what the fuck! What the fuck was that?”, he yelled. It was awkward and he felt his cheeks burning.
“Oh, sorry Ethan! I didn’t realize I was this bad at football!” It was Eli. That motherfucker.
When he looked around, he indeed saw Desca trying to teach him football. He didn’t even realize that they had left the campfire. They looked like they were having fun though, so he just left it. He smiled at them and showed them a thumbs up.
Back to his current situation. He was still laying on top of Andy. Well, fuck. He got up, cheeks red as tomatoes, and avoided to even glancing at them. He saw Taylor looking at him, eyebrows raised. He just rolled his eyes at them. Fucking coward.
Rachel, who was sitting on the other side of him, pushed him with her elbow. Twice. Fucking prick.
Maybe they didn’t believe him. Fuck them then.
“So”, Rachel started. “Who wants to go and pick up some flowers with me? I saw a beautiful field behind that big mountain.”
Almost everyone else agreed than Ethan. “Sorry Rachel, but I’m really tired of today’s adventures. I think I’m going to go to sleep early”, he said.
“Oh, okay, that’s fine. Are you and Andy staying here then?”
Of fucking course it had to be Andy to not want to go pick the flowers.
“Uhm, sure. If you want to go though, I can stay alone in here. It’s not a problem”, he tried to convince them.
“No, I can stay if you’re going to sleep”, they said. “Then you won’t annoy me, if you’re knocked out.”
“Sure”, he said. “Bitch.”
“Okay, we’re going to leave now. Have fun!” Rachel said and he could hear her giggling for a while. he swore to God that this couldn’t be that funny.
“So”, he started.
“So?” they asked.
“I was just going to fucking say that I’m going to sleep. If you would be even a little more patient, for fuck’s sake.”
“Oh, okay Mr. Can’t Even Wait For His Friends When They Pass Out In Adventures That He Dragged Us To”, they said back.
Fuck. He was already feeling guilt for that. Before, Desca had passed out and he hadn’t noticed that. He didn’t even know about that, until Taylor had told him. He was so fucking mad at himself, but Desca had said earlier that it’s fine if he didn’t notice. He just wanted to find that fucking spell book.
“I didn’t notice, and you fucking know that”, he said. He wanted to cry.
Maybe they noticed that, because they didn’t say anything back. He was thankful of that.
“But I’m still trying to go to sleep, so if you don’t mind…” His words faded away.
“Actually, I do mind”, they said suddenly.
“What?” he said, confused. What did they have against that he was going to bed?
“I said that I do mind”, they repeated.
“Yeah, I heard that. Why the fuck?”
“I-“, they tried. “Actually, never mind. I changed my mind. Goodnight.”
“No, now I’m curious. Tell me. I can’t sleep anyway, because this’ll be bothering me the whole time.”
“Do I have to?”
“You started it in the first place, so yes you do”, he tried convincing them.
“Ugh, fine”, they sighed. They took a moment before they continued: “I mind, because I want to talk to you. About something. Alone. But I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to say it.”
“Well, it can’t be that bad”, he said.
“Yes, it can, you stupid cow.”
“Damn. You must really hate me, huh?” He said it half joking.
“Yes, I hate you so much. I hate that you make me feel something. I hate that you always say you don’t care about me but still you are always by my side. I hate that I-“, they stopped. It looked like they realized something. Or they almost said something they shouldn’t.
“You hate me that you what…?” he wanted to know so bad. It couldn’t be what he thought it was.
“I- I hate that I love you.” He saw their eyes start watering.
Wait, what?
“Oh, that makes sense”, he said, not knowing how to react.
“That makes sense? Fuck off.” They turned around and started walking towards their tent that they shared with Taylor.
“Andy, for fuck’s sake, wait!” He shouted after them. They didn’t stop. This was a nightmare.
He ran after them and grabbed their arm, turning them around.
“Don’t you realize that I’ve been head over heels for you for years? Haven’t you noticed that? How fucking blind you are?” He was frustrated. He wanted everything to be alright.
A small hope that they would do something with the information disappeared as fast as it appeared.
“Please leave me alone for now. I want to go to bed. We’ll talk about this some other day.”
“Weren’t you the one to not let me to go to sleep before?” he tried.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, they said sharply.
“Fucking bitch.”
He looked at their eyes and they were staring right back at him. He saw something like hurt mixed with something like love in their eyes. And he was sure he himself looked like a lovesick puppy.
“Fuck.” They looked away first.
He crabbed their chin and forced them to look back at him again. They were so close, if he just moved a little bit forward, he could…
No, stop it, Ethan. He couldn’t kiss them, not now.
“What?” they managed to say. “What do you want?”
“Can I kiss you?” he slipped. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.
“Excuse me?” They looked confused but he also saw a smile creeping to their face.
“You heard me.” There was no way that he was backing up from this now.
“Yes.”
“Well, well, well”, Eli said when the others came back later.
They found Andy and Ethan sitting next to the campfire. They were holding hands, and Ethan couldn’t do anything else than smile. He was so happy.
He took last glance at Andy and then fixed his gaze towards the voice. “Hi.”
“Hello. I see you’ve been enjoying yourself here while we were gone”, Gray said cheerfully. “And sleeping, they said.” He was shaking his head while smirking.
“Uh, so”, Andy tried.
“Actually, I don’t know if I want to hear”, Ashlyn said.
“Shut up, Ashe, I do want to hear, please tell”, Taylor interrupted.
“What do you even want to hear?” He raised his eyebrows. Fucking seagulls.
“How the fuck did you manage get Andy to kiss you?” Eli asked, curious.
“Wouldn’t you like to know, Weather Boy”, Ethan threw back. “Why do you even want to know that?”
“I thought they hated you, that’s all”, Eli shrugged.
“Oh, trust me, they’ve been in l-“ Rachel started, but Andy interrupted her.
“Shut up.”
“Anyways”, Ethan continued. “Now I’m going to sleep. I just wanted to make sure y’all got back safe. Goodnight.”
“Uh huh”, said Desca emphatically.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Rude. I see that you’ve been spending time with Andy”, Desca said, laughing.
“Rude! I see you’ve been spending time with Ethan!” said Andy back to her.
“I’m not joining this. Goodnight”, he said and finally started walking towards his tent. He hadn’t dared to share it with anyone.
“Killjoy”, he heard someone say behind him.
When he was walking towards the tent when he heard steps behind him. He turned around and saw it was Andy.
“You alright?” they asked, looking worried.
“Yeah, I’m fine. What’s up?” He looked at them and they looked back at him.
“I was just wondering…” They trailed off.
“Yeah?” He didn’t really want them to be there. Although he loved them, he wanted to be alone. His introverted ass needed time to relax by himself.
“You know what, nothing”, they changed their mind and turned around, ready to walk away. It was the second time today.
“Hey.” He put his palm on their shoulder, and they stopped.
They turned around again and looked at him up and down. They seemed to have an ongoing war inside their head. They both stood there for a while, just looking at each other, not sure what to do. After a few moments – he wasn’t sure if it were seconds or minutes – they seemed to end the war. Maybe he was good at convincing after all.
“I was just wondering”, they started, their voice surer about their thing. “Are you still gonna pretend that you hate me after tonight?”
Honestly, he should’ve expected that. It was so oblivious. The question was hanging in the air between them the whole time and he really did not notice that. Perhaps he was too tired and should really go to sleep.
“No”, he said sweetly. “If you can accept that you don’t hate me either.”
“I don’t hate you”, they said. “I just hate that you flick your fingers and pretend to call it magic.”
“Oh”, he said. “I’m not sure if this is gonna work then.”
“What is even this?” they asked. It seemed that something inside them broke. Mind you, he was still standing so close to them, he could literally see the spirals in their eyes.
“Well, I was kind of hoping that…” He was nervous now. He knew it was way too early for this.
“Just forget it. I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight, fisherman.” Their voice had turned cold.
And again, after all that hope he had felt tonight, it was all gone. Just like that. And he fucking hated it. He wanted to be with them so fucking bad that he didn’t know if he could handle it anymore. He wasn’t far away from just running up to them and kissing them like there was no tomorrow. But he couldn’t do it, not after what they’ve said. Of course, it was his fucking magic that had to ruin this too. It was already ruining him, but now his growing relationship with them. It wasn’t even his own magic in the first occasion, it was because of his fucking spell book that he lost. And that’s why Grimwyck’s dark magic had started to affect him as well. And God, he was scared. Not scared for himself, scared for the people, animals and nature around him. Especially them. He didn’t want the dark magic to get them. Not even over his dead body.
He sat down on a tree stamp that happened to be next to his tent. He wanted to hope that maybe Andy would come looking for him. But he was too tired to wait forever, even if it was about them. His body and mind needed a rest from – well - everything.
Little did he know that when he had just fallen asleep, a person with dark curls and muscles walked past his tent, hoping that he was still up.
Days passed until they properly talked about it. He felt more and more vulnerable day by day, hour by hour. He couldn’t stand two heartbreaks at the same time: the one that the magic did, quietly creeping inside him and then the one that love left. It was more sudden, and it hurt at least twice as much.
So, about the talking. It was such a random place to have a deep conversation, but they did, nevertheless. They were both visiting Taylor’s bookshop at the same time. Then suddenly Taylor decided to go somewhere, neither of them knew where exactly.
He screwed up his courage to start the conversation that they both knew they should have. And was there a better place for this type of conversation than Andy’s best friend’s bookshop? Probably yes. Still, he had no idea what the right way to start the conversation was, so he just said: “I’m sorry.”
Andy looked up at him, trying to read the expression on his face.
“You really mean that?” they asked eventually.
“Yes, I fucking do”, he replied.
“Alright.”
“Alright? What do you mean alright?” He wasn’t angry. he was just frustrated, tired and broken. Nothing unusual.
“Alright. So, you’re gonna pretend that everything is okay after all the fighting”, they said.
“We literally kissed four days ago, if you don’t remember.”
“It was five days ago dumbass”, they questioned.
Has it been five days already? He swore that it has only been four. Or maybe he was going mad…
“Anyways”, they started. “That kiss didn’t fix anything. Well, maybe something. But I still think that you’re delusional.”
“You can think what you want, I don’t really care. But you should know that I’m gonna die if I don’t find the spell book soon”, he said, his voice rising. He didn’t mean to say that but now it was too late to take back the words.
“Dramatic much? You can survive without your silly little book.” They rolled their eyes, not believing him. Or at least not wanting to believe him.
“I’m not kidding. But if you don’t care, then I don’t care either. Deal?” he suggested. It was stupid, he knew. He also knew that if they agreed, his heart would break more. Why did he keep doing this to himself?
They seemed to think about what he had said for a while. Then quietly, asked a question: “Are you really dying?”
“Uh huh, so apparently you do care now?”
“Yes, I do, and you fucking know that. Now answer me please, are you dying or not?”
He just nodded and that was all they needed. They stood up quickly and nearly ran to him but stopped just in from of him. “Can I hug you?”
“Sure. The dark magic can catch on to you as well if you hug me by the way”, he said. He knew about their trauma so he didn’t want to trigger much.
“The what?”
“Dark magic. You know the one that has spread all around Grimwyck”, he explained.
“So, are you one of them? The Red Witches?” They seemed scared. And he knew why. And they had all the reasons on the world to be.
“Trust me, I tried to get you out of there as well”, he whispered quietly. Like trying to hide the fact from the dark magic that he was against it. But he knew the magic knew. “But I wasn’t strong enough.”
“Oh…”
“Yeah. So, trust me, I hate dark magic with all my heart.”
He didn’t even get to say more before he felt warmth. Warmth from their presence. Warmth, that he hadn’t felt in four – or was it five – days. They hugged him, so tight. He didn’t remember when the last time was, he had felt so loved. Was this the kind of feeling that they all spoke about in books he read when no one was around?
They stepped back and looked at him intensively. “Can you tell me more about the magic? Maybe I can help you?”
“Thought you didn’t believe in it?” he asked.
“No, I don’t. But I know something’s up with you, and I want to help you with that. So, can I?” Their stubbornness was going to kill them one day.
“If you insist”, he sighed. And then he told them all they knew about the dark magic in Grimwyck. They didn’t stop his yapping once, just listened to him. And for real, that was all he needed. Just someone to listen to his life problems.
“By the way”, they said later that day. “The kiss meant something to you, am I right?”
He looked at them and found them looking back at him. “Yes, wasn’t it obvious?”
“Oh, I was just making sure, you know”, they said casually but he could see a smile creeping to their face just before they turned to look at the opposite direction.
“Did it mean something to you then?” he asked.
“Yes”, they said shortly.
He looked at them and they looked at him. He reached for their hand and they intwined their fingers together.
It was a small gesture, but it meant so much to him that they didn’t let go until Taylor came back. It was something so new, something that they didn’t let others to see yet.
“You guys alright?” they said, eyeing both suspiciously.
“Better than ever”, he said and glanced at Andy.
“Oh, fucking finally. Excuse me, I must go to find Ashlyn and tell her I won the bet. See ya you fucking gays!” they said cheerfully while almost running out the door. Maybe they saw it anyway. Maybe they both sucked at keeping secrets.
“Bithes”, he yelled after them, but they were already so far away that they probably didn’t even hear him.
He looked at Andy and smiled. He was happy now, but for how long?
Maybe it was all going to be alright after all.