Archive of Our Own

Ever since his first year in Karasuno, Tsukishima Kei has had an inbuilt programme in his chest counting the points of his losses to Hinata. There's a counter for wins as well, but Kei is very hard on himself and sometimes doesn't write ‘wins’ in the column, leaving it untouched. This can feel like childishness and Tsuki partly realises that it is. But lagging behind Hinata is not something he wants to do: he wants to show him that he won't get strong if he stays an hour longer, that if he jumps even higher, there will be someone who will calculate his moves.

Hinata is easygoing, and is driven by the foolish belief that nothing is more important than strength.

Tsukishima Kei is a pedant when it comes to tactics and Hinata is a blob of energy that he wants to keep up with by default. And so when he turns the ‘wins’ counter for the fifth time and Hinata's face contorts with indignation, he feels the day is irrevocably good.

- Oh, has Hinata given up? Has our endless engine gone haywire? - Tsukishima snickers, but instead of an annoyed look, he's met with the flickering light of brown eyes. And no, they are literally blinding him.

- And I see you're getting the hang of it,’ Hinata licks her lips and the gesture almost makes him attribute his own “defeat” to Tsukishima.

- Yeah, it's definitely fun to see you over the net and then cover you with a block - almost unforgettable,’ Tsukishima cheers as he finally sees Hinata frown.

Without Kei knowing Hinata, he would have thought that he was angry at him because of those words. However, Tsukishima suddenly realised clearly that Shouyo hadn't reacted in the slightest to the barb, but was thinking about something else. When he finally raised his voice, Kei heard a note of doubt in his tone:

- You said something funny in the context of volleyball. Tsuki, are you sick? - Hinata has an overly satisfied and triumphant smile on her face and Kei still counts his ‘defeat’.

And no, Tsuki didn't just misspoke - he screwed up. Literally saying that playing with Hinata is almost unforgettable and fun is, you know, not his style at all.

- ‘Shut up, Hinata,’ Kei asked, resting his palms against his sides and lifting his chin so that it was hard for Shoyo to catch his gaze. He didn't want to see Hinata looking at him as if he was like himself, he wasn't like him, he wasn't becoming like him. Yes, he was a little cocky at times and volleyball looked quite interesting to him now, but Hinata wasn't someone he looked up to in that. Hinata was the one who made him want to prove otherwise. Tsukishima longed to provide him with proof of his incompetence, his stupidity, his arrogance, but every damn time the jerk convinced him that Kei was the one who was wrong. The horror was that Hinata didn't even realise he was winning. At times, Tsukishima wanted to gouge out his eyes or stick the glass of his glasses in his hand so he wouldn't see Hinata for a while. To somehow get him out of his life, to forget that he was losing.

The sudden thud of trainers hitting the floor brings Tsukishima out of his train of thought. And, oh my god , he sees Hinata above him - not even at eye level. Hinata jumps up and looks at him with indescribable luscious delight. As if Tsukishima had said something nice to him. This moment - it doesn't last forever, Tsukishima realises that with his brain, but his heart starts counting backwards and Hinata hangs in the air longer than usual. Kei sees his squinting eyes and the laughing dimples on his cheeks - it's so ugly, he starts to think it's beautiful.

He's lost his mind, hasn't he? Has Hinata been hovering over him for too long, or has time frozen? It's weird, because even as he hears Hinata's shoes hitting the smooth surface of the court, he sees him above him. It's mesmerising when he stays where he is and Hinata takes off and becomes taller than him. It's like a dream or a glitch, his face looks different when he's taller .

- One more time? - Hinata asks playfully, grinning predatorily. He knows Tsukishima won't turn him down - for some reason, Kei feels like when Shouyo was above him, he finally got a glimpse of the real Tsukishima. The warlike Tsukishima, the willing Tsukishima, the arrogant Tsukishima - the Tsukishima Kei has turned into after two years of their interactions. It's a completely different person, as the image of the crazy Hinata and aloof Tsuki still lingers in their minds. And now first-years and second-years will be puzzled by this characterisation of third-years. Hinata is a tempest and constant conflict, but far from being a crazy force, this one flows and it's always going somewhere. Tsukishima Kei is suspended from the game? The same Tsukishima Kei fighting at summer camp against Nekoma like his life depends on it? Please, that's even stupid!

‘Stupid’ is seeing how they switched each other, not all of the above.

- You better try to be creative or I'll block you again,’ Tsukishima hisses, tucking his overgrown hair behind his ear. Hinata hums and scoots back to be given the pass again, and it almost makes Tsukishima smile. Kei spreads his palms apart and squares his shoulders - his counter is bound to pass the sixth ‘win’.

The evenings in April are hot and humid, and Hinata is particularly annoying at this time. Tsukishima feels like a complete fool for staying with him until late in the evening, along with Yachi, Kageyama, and Yamaguchi. Who would have thought this could even happen: the Tsukishima from the past never believed his current self that he was genuinely putting himself out for the volleyball team. The Tsuki of the past still wouldn't have believed a lot of things, take the fact that he now calmly calls Hinata, Kageyama and Yachi friends, that he now even relaxes around them sometimes and allows himself to be not so barbed.

Now Kageyama, Yachi and Hinata were arguing about a new tactic, which made Tsukishima chuckle occasionally, partly because when Hitoka explained the new tactic to her friends, they stared blankly through her for a while, unable to believe they hadn't thought of it themselves. Kei was walking slightly ahead, Yamaguchi grumbling at his side, but Tsukishima could see him hiding a smile every time Hinata and Kageyama made faces. Well, the captaincy certainly suited him - he was stern when he needed to be, and emotional the rest of the time. I wonder how far they can go this time? He wasn't going to lose to Dateko or Nekoma, and the thought of them being able to step onto the court of the Tokyo Gym again made Kei feel his whole body heat up. Playing volleyball was fun - crazy fun.

Although, he's probably just lost his mind and now he and the jerk Hinata are on the same developmental level. The thought gave Tsukishima's heart a strange twinge. He had become too greedy for victories, everyone saw it - who could deny it? Kei smiled more often and could admit his wrongness with just a few barbs rather than an entire arsenal of sarcasm. How many changes has Hinata caused? Will they develop further together?

A sudden unpleasant thought prickled Tsukishima ‘this is their last year together’ . The thought was clear and formed, the image of the third year surfaced in his mind: the smiles of Sugawara, Daichi, Asahi and Kyouko holding their diplomas. It would be the last time they would play this year, with Yachi and Yamaguchi going their separate ways from volleyball, along with Kageyama, Hinata and their fast attack.

Tsukishima was well aware that everything he listed was simply reality. It will happen whether he wants it to or not, he can't put up a block here and extend the time of the match.

Tsukishima Kei from the past wouldn't think of a little thing like graduation as something ridiculous. ‘Hinata will fly to Brazil after graduation,’ Kei's subconscious whispers and the thought seems absurd to him. This boy who genuinely couldn't memorise English words? Hinata Shouyo, who was always somewhere close by, will fly back twelve hours. When Hinata has the night, Tsukishima will go to study - when he's ready to get up, Kei will get ready for bed. It was strange, the very prospect of not seeing Hinata for so long was strange . Not seeing him, not hearing him, not smelling him, not being able to flick him on the forehead, meeting him on the weekend, laughing at him. Hinata would be out of his life for a few years - and that was normal.

It should be normal, he wouldn't see Yachi, Yamaguchi, and Tobio as often, but being separated from Hinata seemed different. Kei catches himself thinking that he never thought about the possibility of Hinata leaving Japan. Really leave - not in words, but could actually pack a suitcase and fly twelve hours away.

Maybe that twelve hour distance would allow me to finally pull ahead.

What a load of bollocks.

Kei knows that Hinata will overtake him in Brazil as well, even with those obnoxious hours giving the illusion of superiority and first place. Next to the sea, Shoyo will surely look impressive. His hair would soak up the smell of the sea, the sand would become part of his skin, he wanted to see this change, he wanted to be complicit in his transformation.

- I'm off,’ Tsukishima waves his palm, turning away. He knows that his thoughts will take him to the opposite place from home at some point, and sometimes he feels like he's thinking out loud - his own voice in his head sounds a drumbeat as he ponders something important. As he approaches the house, fatigue comes over him, and his eyes close on their own. He doesn't remember entering or undressing to take a bath. It's only when the hot water envelops his entire body that he finally feels alive . Kei lazily runs his fingers through his hair, sinking back into his thoughts.

Hinata prevails over all thoughts, once again at the forefront of his mind. Tsukishima stares thoughtfully at the ceiling and the steam that has formed. When Hinata leaves, what will it be like? It's hard to imagine, and what Tsukishima has in mind seems too sentimental for him. He won't cry when saying goodbye to him at the airport, he won't hug him tighter than usual, he doesn't plan on hugging him at all, and yet... Still, Kei is human, unwittingly imagining himself important in Hinata's eyes. ‘You're going to write to me, aren't you?’, if Hinata asked him that, Tsukishima would probably be embarrassed. He imagines Hinata as a first year for some reason - such a bright and vivid image, the sparkling gaze, the raging passion and all that along with his deafening laugh, big eyes, high jumps... A good image, but Tsukishima doesn't want to admit it to himself.

Could it be that Hinata has staggered even his preferences?

What a load of rubbish that is.

Tsukishima knows that hot water does wonders for more than just his body, his very mind relaxes and becomes clear and aware. He reels off the good moments from their training sessions, the matches, ponders the signals that tell him where the lineman is going to pass. It's no harder than remembering fragments from films, and in his case, when he's in front and the ‘front rows’ are reserved for him, he remembers it all much better.

The evening passes in peaceful silence, the music in his headphones not too loud so Tsukishima doesn't get too distracted by it. When he's already gone to bed, the clock reads around twelve in Brazil it's only noon now. The thought makes Tsukishima shudder God, what the hell . He rubs the bridge of his nose tiredly and picks up his phone. Quickly scrolling through the few dialogues, he finally finds a chat with Hinata. Their last dialogue was about English, the jerk hadn't done his homework and was tearfully begging Kei for a handout. In the correspondence, Tsukishima quite explicitly sent him, but as soon as he sent that message, Hinata just ran to his classroom, starting to beg him already in real life. Tsukishima still doesn't understand how he agreed to help him. No one can resist him. That thought is the ultimate truth and Tsukishima hates himself for agreeing with it.

He stares at a text message from three days ago from himself to Hinata, and there's a pinch in his chest. It's weird and he doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to think about anything at all, you know, right now.

Every practice is a gruelling and painful process that makes Tsukishima hate himself for liking it. He loves standing on the court and staring up at the ceiling while stretching, hearing the hitching of his breath and Coach Ukai's instructions. It all keeps him moving forward, tucking his hair behind his ear, fixing his glasses and getting up even when all his muscles are aching. On the run, the third years run together, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima favouring a measured pace while Hinata and Kageyama have that silly fight again - sometimes Kei feels like things like their duo will be forever. An unchangeable constant, something that the Karasuno High School Volleyball Club is built on - maybe even the whole planet revolves around them.

It's the end of May and already Tsuki thinks all his thoughts at the beginning of the year are rubbish. Kei is almost resigned because he wants to see Hinata strong. He wants to look at him from afar and developing apart is the best they can do. The Sun and Moon sometimes meet in the sky, but they shine differently because he and Shoyo are different. And that's okay. The sun burns your shoulders, your eyes hurt when you look at it. You look at the Moon to ponder, its light is calm and restrained. But the Moon is nothing without the Sun, and the Sun without the Moon is boring. Therefore they are neither worse nor better than each other. Because they complement each other.

And Tsukishima is happy about that.

He's glad he met Hinata, that retina-burning Sun. That laughter, that silliness and arrogance, that inexhaustible faith, that strength, absolutely everything Shoyo. Was it possible that Hinata could have noticed the change in his behaviour? Unlikely, because that boy is fascinated by volleyball and sees nothing but it. Doesn't want to see it. And Tsukishima is fine with that. After all, he hasn't changed much since he noticed he's attached to Shoyo.

He doesn't touch Hinata noticeably more often or start staring at him with desire. No, Tsukishima gets enough of one look a day, a slap on the back of the head if he asks to cheat on his homework again. He doesn't try to keep it to himself, and he's hardly jealous. No one would guess it, it's impossible to guess.

As it turns out, no.

- I'll miss him when he's gone,’ Yamaguchi grins during recess as they walk to Shoyo's classroom. Those words sound so strange that Kei forgets for a second exactly what Tadashi is talking about. He doesn't stop and his face expresses absolutely nothing, he's sure of it. Because... why should it actually change? He found out about Hinata's intentions back last year, it was obvious that the jerk wouldn't back down he never does.

He remains silent at Yamaguchi's words, even though he should say something. Until they get to class, he should say something, but for some reason his mind goes blank. The ligaments feel like they're being cut, and he stares at his palms, which for some reason feel like brushing. He knows Hinata's going to leave, why does it still hurt?

- Oh guys, hi, I was just about to go to lunch! - Hinata bounces happily in place when she sees Tsuki and Yamaguchi peeking into the classroom. He abruptly pulls out a bento and pokes Kageyama sitting in front of him. - Come on, Kageyama,’ he winks at him, and for some reason it makes Kei smile. He covers his mouth with the palm of his hand, as if he has an itchy nose. They walk across the courtyard to the gym and sit down on one of the steps. Yamaguchi says something, and Kei lets himself chew his food in silence. Suddenly his shoulder is touched, and he turns lazily to the troublemaker. Hinata Shoyo.

Damn, what were they just talking about? Tsukishima can't remember anything his classmates said and feels lost for a second. Hinata doesn't remove her hand, what's wrong?

- What do you want? - Tsukishima hisses, squinting at the guy in front of him. How odd, his voice shakes a little.

- I asked how you were - you look sad - oh no. No, Hinata, it's not for you to ask about Tsukishima Kei's well-being, trust me, that jerk won't answer you anything good. And anyway, the term ‘sad ’ is completely inappropriate for the situation. ‘Distracted’ or “thoughtful” would be fine, because Kei has nothing to be sad about. He doesn't feel anything because of a random reminder - Hinata leaving Japan right after graduation. He's not lost, he doesn't feel like crying or asking Shoyo to stay, he doesn't want any of those things that people who are strongly attached to someone feel. Of course, that's so not cool.

- I'm not sad,’ Tsukishima grins, feeling Hinata's palm still resting on his shoulder. It's like it's meant to be. Suddenly, she slides down his back and he feels himself involuntarily arch his back because of the movement.

- You're like a string, relax,’ Shoyo looks so concerned that Tsukishima himself doesn't really understand why he's starting to worry. He frowns his eyebrows and lifts his chin.

- I told you it's okay that you're bothering,’ Tsukishima guides his shoulder, shaking Hinata's hand off his back. It's getting especially chilly at the site of the small fingers. He wishes Hinata would stop looking at him like he's dying. But he doesn't know how to do that.

Tsukishima genuinely doesn't understand what was going on with Hinata at lunch, but after talking to Yamaguchi, he realises he screwed up.

- Did you really look a little um, depressed? More like yes, you were staring at one point and all curled up, no wonder Hinata jumped up,’ Yamaguchi explained to him as they walked to the gym. Tsukishima glanced at his friend incredulously, knowing he wasn't lying. Fortunately or unfortunately, they were very sensitive to each other's emotions, so lying between them was almost forbidden. It would still be realised that someone had lied. And yet, now Kei hoped that for once Tadashi had decided to break the taboo and embellish the picture a little. But he wasn't lying to him, and that made Tsukishima cluck in embarrassment. Yamaguchi watched him with interest: it wasn't often that Tsukishima was so confused - he always had something to say.

- I was just thinking about this being our last year in Karasuno,’ Kei finally exhaled, looking at Yamaguchi. Tsukishima really wanted Tadashi to say something sarcastic something in the style of Kei's Tsukishima , he didn't want sentimentality and talk about Kei having feelings after all - he wanted common sense, cold reason and...

- Yeah, this is our last year together,’ Yamaguchi continued walking, but Kei froze for a second, feeling a chill in his throat. Just like that? Just what he needed to hear? - But,’ Tadashi's voice echoed in his temples and Tsukishima looked at him, “it doesn't mean we'll stop communicating, after all, none of us are going to die, just... we'll see each other less often, but that's fine,” Yamaguchi splayed his hands and stared at Tsuki as if now was his cue. But they're not in a fucking theatre, it's real. Tsukishima doesn't understand why the words he wanted to hear make him feel so bad. What's going on with him?

- Yeah, I'm aware of that,’ he spits out, averting his gaze. Even if Tadashi asks him why he's acting like this, he can't answer. Is it because he doesn't want it to end? Because he's wallowing in this peacefulness, around their company? Because he's finally found friends he can open up to? It's so stupid that Tsukishima hates himself. He shouldn't be responding to Tadashi like this - he's his first and most loyal friend, so why? Why does he retreat forward and press his head into his very shoulders. Why, why, why...

Hinata thinks a lot about becoming a better person. He knows he still isn't enough, he wants to change and win, he wants to go to Brazil even though he knows it will be hard. Hinata is looking forward to leaving, but after a while he realised - something is wrong with him.

The feeling wasn't intense, as if he had broken his leg, rather it was a continuous nagging pain. Anxiety - the dose doesn't change, it becomes a part of your life, you become a lump of anxiety and you don't fully understand - when did I become so worried about nothing? Hinata didn't understand and didn't want to think about why it made his chest so sore at the sight of his friends.

Graduation was coming up, less than a year away, and he would begin his journey, set himself in motion, discover a new world and all of this - every detail of this plan worried him. He won't give up, he just can't, because life is movement, he will push further and soar higher than ever. Japan is choking him.

Japan will not teach him, his home country will not give him what he asks for. And he asks for a lot, asks very selfishly, almost begs, and Brazil is offered to him and he accepts.

He's not afraid of the time difference, he's not afraid of the hot sand, the unfamiliar language, the beach volleyball. Then why is he so anxious?

At one point he stumbles into a realisation - there is a very clear reason why his nerves are on edge. That moment was captured in Tsukishima's face beneath him - his high jump and Kei's face was unlike anything he had ever done or seen.

Tsuki's face was insanely beautiful.

Beautiful to the extreme, and Hinata didn't understand why he never saw it. He'd always been busy, always thinking only of volleyball and now that he had a clear goal in mind and plans for his life looming at breakneck speed, he finally realised that there was something else. Something his peers devote all their free time to. Something he'd unconsciously shunned. It wasn't like volleyball, it wasn't a court, there were only two ‘players’ and there were different ways to lose.

That night, Hinata couldn't understand for a long time - why hadn't he thought of anyone romantically before? Beautiful girls popped up in his mind, he remembered Kyoko-sempai. She was beautiful, insanely attractive, but he never wanted to be near her, hold her hand or kiss her - he liked to watch her and nothing more. He didn't look at his opponents or co-teammates any differently - he had fun playing with them, but again - nothing more. Maybe it was because he was leaving and his brain decided he needed to try something other than volleyball for once? How silly, he wasn't that cruel and careless with people's feelings.

Hinata doesn't want to jump on the last wagon and think it's okay - it's not okay. He's tactile, he needs the person already there in Brazil, the person they'll be together with, at arm's length, the person he'll kiss for the first time, the person they'll move on with. He needs to be there , because his time here is almost over.

He also doesn't want to hurt Tsukishima. Not that he'd even think about confessing to him - no, that would be very foolish. Hinata knew that eventually things would go back to normal, that volleyball would become the centre of the universe for him again. The blind admiration would quickly fade from him and he would remember it as a ridiculous misunderstanding, because it really was just a misunderstanding. He also didn't think Tsuki had said anything back to him about his snarky (he was sure it would have been horrible) confession. Maybe he would have laughed and walked away, said they didn't have time anyway . And he'd be right, because Hinata isn't sure it would last in him for long.

A month later, Hinata realises that nothing had changed - the anxiety was growing, and with each new day, another strange and uncharted feeling grew in him. It wasn't like the love of volleyball, it wasn't bright, it was gradual . Similar to anxiety, but slightly more pleasant.

Oddly enough, Hinata remembered the moment when his palm touched Tsukishima's shoulder and the latter looked at him reproachfully, as always. Shouyo pressed his lips together - Tsukishima Kei is so closed off, it even offends him. He doesn't understand him - he'd like to know at least his thoughts on everyday life. Something that doesn't concern the school or the club, but he's not entitled to that. So his palm drops to Tsukishima's back.

- ‘Oh, you're all like a string, relax,’ he knows what he looks like. Pathetic and confused - the way Tsukishima would never like him. He'd never love him at all, you know - even if he changed, even if he tried to get closer to him...

Tsukishima's voice is harsh and Hinata still removes his hand. He fears for himself, he shouldn't have touched Tsuki, and yet he did.

His palm stung, even in the evening, after training. How strange, he could feel the folds of Tsukishima's form, feel his shoulder and shoulder blade, and feel everything, and blindly longed to do it again. To touch Tsukishima's skin - casually, on purpose, quickly, lingering. Wanting to look into his eyes, wanting to burrow into his hair, wanting to and it hurt.

He couldn't afford to keep drowning in it .

Whatever it was, he had to forget. Otherwise he can't move on.

As Tsukishima stands beside him on the playground giving directions, Hinata knows that this time at nationals they will go further than Karasuno High School has ever gone before. The thought makes his lungs warm in his chest. How he's going to screw up, how January is merciless with him. He still remembers the January of his freshman year and he still shivers at the thought that it could happen again.

- Relax Shoyo, we'll get through this,’ Tsukishima's voice murmurs above him and Hinata looks up at him in surprise. Tsuki had called him by his first name. Tsukishima's own name was strange, it lengthened slightly towards the end, but it was still his name.

- ‘You're clearly no master at making speeches, Kei,’ and Hinata unabashedly stepped on thin ice. He should just say thanks for the support, but instead he wants to see Tsuki's sarcastic face one more time. Before the match. For good luck.

- Sure,’ Kei kisses him dryly, but when their gazes meet, his eyes squint in a grin. Not evil or cruel, casual and peaceful. How strange, Shoyo feels himself starting to worry. He himself is smiling, and that smile is one of thousands he has ever given and will give to this world. So bright, does he know it? That he's so bright?

- ‘But I want to win,’ he says suddenly, and Hinata belatedly realises that they both haven't looked away.

- Does one need a reason not to want to lose? - He says slyly, repeating an old phrase. How long ago was it - two eternities ago?

- You don't change,’ Tsuki hums, fixing his hair.

- Have I?

- In some places,’ Tsuki echoes his thoughts, and tilts his chin back.

And Hinata Shouyo jumps up on the spot without a second thought. He jumps without a backwards thought - but for some reason he wants to repeat all the emotions he felt in April.

It was worse. A million times worse, because Tsukishima was smiling. Hinata never thought he could even smile so casually and genuinely. And it broke him, shattered all his confidence that he would forget Tsuki.

As he sinks to his feet, he sees nothing but Tsukishima's eyes. How his pupils have dilated slightly, how a glint, maddening and incomprehensible, has filled his entire being. He wants to touch Tsukishima right now, and he wants to finally be answered.

Tsukishima didn't think that scene in early April would be replayed now. Ever at all, let alone a specific moment. He thought he'd lost his mind, but Hinata taking off, arms spread at his sides, casually watching him from top to bottom was another level. And he can't win. The counter rumbles, and attributes the loss to him. He doesn't want to snap here and now, he can't afford even a fleeting weakness. He won't recover.

Suddenly Hinata snaps out of her seat, Tsukishima reacting faster than he has time to realise. Shoyo's palms wrap around him, pressing their bodies against each other, he does exactly the same. The ragged breathing in his chest area makes his heart pound, Tsukishima knows it all means more than that. Hinata hugs him as if they're saying goodbye for a long time - it's unrealistic to explain such a dead grip otherwise.

- What are you doing? - Kei asks, not recognising his voice. How pathetic he is, he's almost won. His voice is hoarse and he continues to hug Hinata, giving in to the mood as if this is the last time they'll touch each other. How strange - he feels like they're breathing in unison. How strange - he never thought hugging Hinata felt so good before. How strange.

- I don't know - Hinata's lips rest against his chest area, he's talking directly into his t-shirt and it tickles. It also feels nice. His red hair doesn't reach Tsukishima's chin, but he leans on the top of the guy's head anyway and inhales the scent involuntarily. It's so pleasant. His scent is not at all like his own, and yet he likes it. Under his arms, Hinata feels smaller to him - not weaker, but still not the same as cuddling with people his height. He fumbles with the palms of his hands on his back and tries to figure out - does anyone see them? They're in some corridor, it's still half an hour before the match starts, but he wants nothing more than this hug, nothing more than Hinata's warm body and scent.

He wants to say something. To say how relieved he is, how he wants to hug Shoyo like that one more time. And one more time. Just a little more. But he feels the familiar feeling of clipped ligaments, and only lets out a ragged sigh.

This moment is eternal.

It seems to him - of course it can't be like this, they've only got half an hour before the match, if the moment is eternal - they're already late.

And somehow he almost doesn't care.

Kei buries his fingers in Hinata's hair and inhales that scent loudly. To remember, every moment, every touch - everything, forever and ever.

- I didn't mean for this to happen,’ Hinata sneezes and Tsukishima instantly realises what he means. Not about a specific moment, this boy is taking it above and beyond, for he is an arrogant and ambitious jerk. He's talking about this feeling, the fact that it's there at all, and at such a bad time. And also that it won't go away.

It's a lingering fever.

- I didn't think you'd say anything useful, Shoyo,’ Tsuki smiles, but there's no bile in his voice. How unlike him, how strange.

- I didn't want to, because I'll be gone and I won't even be able to hug you, it won't work, I know that,’ Hinata freezes, “and it doesn't make me feel any better,” he says on an exhale.

The Sun and the Moon are nothing alike.

It's ironic that on such important things, they're so insanely similar in opinions. Tsukishima can't stand it, when he's already learnt what it's like to hug Hinata, he won't be able to stop anymore. He would want to do it again. Years from now, he'd still want to do it again - he knows it, and Hinata, he guessed, does too.

So, precisely because they're alike and won't be able to refuse those touches, Tsuki has to do something at least as crazy as Shoyo's actions.

He hunches over, collides foreheads, stares into shining eyes, feels breath on his lips and a shiver run through his body and... he chickens out. For a moment he hesitates, afraid - and that moment is decisive.

The counter counts him down to a hundred ‘defeats’ because Hinata is the first to jump into him, wrapping her palms around his anxious face. He flatters with his whole body, and acts reflexively. He presses his lips together, breathing loudly, wanting everything at once, feeling saliva forming in his mouth. It's no longer scary when Kei mooing inaudibly and adjusting to the rhythm. Wraps her palm around the back of his head as if that will help slow the pace. No one can resist him,’ the thought hangs in front of his eyes as Shoyo somehow too masterfully pulls his lip away and grins. And then his tongue bumps against Tsukishima's teeth and he shakes. It feels so good he's even scared - because it can't feel this good, even if you're kissing Hinata Shoyo. He wants to resist somehow, to take control, to calm down, but Hinata's tongue collides with his, and Tsukishima Kei exhales loudly - at least a thousand more ‘defeats’.

Hinata's palms on his shoulders are the truest thing he's ever felt and known, his heated tongue and pungent lips the best thing he'll ever feel.

And then everything stops abruptly. Tsukishima sees Hinata's red lips in front of him, his mischievous gaze and bright smile. He's sure he looked lost in that moment because Hinata placed his palm on his cheek too affectionately:

- It's time to play, Kei - win this match and I'll kiss you again,’ he whispers, and in Tsuki's ears all the words are a drumbeat.

How strange that he never thought Hinata was such a good kisser.

- God,’ Tsuki adjusts his glasses that have slipped down his nose and his dishevelled hair, still not believing that everything that just happened was real. But his lips are itchy, his cheeks are hot, and he's smiling too wide for his imagination.

- I love you,’ Hinata whispers into his shoulder, standing at the airport near the check-in counter. The ticket is sticking out of the side pocket of his jeans. Tsukishima doesn't cry or say anything, his trembling hands are too eloquent and far more honest than he is. He inhales Hinata's scent before smearing her lips across his forehead. A chaste and affectionate kiss - and it's Tsukishima Kei! Hinata feels a burning in her eyes. And you can't cry, if he cries, he'll be like a child, and he's been an adult for a long time now. He's building a career, they both know it - he needs to get away and get out of the tangle of hugs for months to come. But that doesn't make it hurt any less, it makes it scary, and that's why he's still hugging Tsukishima.

- This isn't the last time we'll see each other,’ Tsuki says, and for some reason he doesn't believe himself. Hinata is so wonderful, even in Brazil he'll find people to love him. Falling in love with Shoyo is easier than breathing. He has so much love, so much charm, that Tsukishima is already jealous. This time he's consciously jealous.

- I love you,’ Hinata repeats, this time looking into his eyes. Oh my god. Somehow Tsuki feels like they're thinking the same thing.

- I'll wait,’ Tsukishima hisses, bumping his forehead against her forehead. He wants the bruise to stay, to remember Hinata by his side, to not make up any nonsense that Shoyo was just a dream. A very warm and soft one, impressive, crazy, passionate, loved.

He lets him go later than he should have and too soon for his own good. He watches Hinata attach her ticket, walk through the turnstile and turn left. This is so weird.

The counter counts him down to a thousand ‘defeats’ as tears roll down his chin.