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Something about intergalactic portals and compulsion and aliens, for fuck’s sake—Tony’s really got to sit down and figure this out. He needs time. He needs space. More than anything, he needs Captain fucking America out of his hair. And a drink. In that order, preferably. But that peace and quiet’s got to wait, because in front of them is the crumpled form of none other than Loki of Asgard. Or Jotunheim. Or wherever the fuck. His hair all Christmas-tree-like and greasy—but his eyes are green. They’re green and they weren’t green before. Tony’s sure of it.
The knowledge that Loki was under the Tesseract’s influence is an instant remedy to the grudge he’s been working up— because he went through a god damn portal to save the world and almost didn’t make it back. Tony was ready to blame Loki to hell and back, but he can’t do that now, can he? Not with Loki looking like that—like one of Clint's arrows would be enough to take him out.
In that last stretch of the battle, Loki fought on their side and it took some mental adjustment on Tony’s part not to aim his repulsor at him and shoot him down. It would have been so easy. But Loki took beatings enough and for some reason that felt personal. Like the space grape had a personal bone to pick with him.
So, Loki’s redeemed. Ish.
Now if star-spangled Rogers would have his way, Loki would be halfway to SHIELD by now. But Tony put his foot down and, to his surprise, so did Barton.
„That mental fuckery wasn’t a one-way street,“ he says. „I saw into him as much as he saw into me.“
Tony doesn’t even want to think about what that means, except that he will have to. If Loki’s not going to answer their questions, they willll have to turn to Barton. But that has to wait too. Because they’re dirty and tired and injured and hungry and there’s shawarma with their names on it waiting at the diner down the street.
„Let’s go,“ Tony sighs and between him and Thor Loki weighs about nothing. Thor put some fancy little bracelets on Loki’s wrists and promised he can’t do any magic with them on and Tony is far too tired to question it. Besides, Loki doesn’t look like he’s in the mood to fight anyone anymore. He keeps his head down, his mouth shut, and his weight off Tony as much as he can. When they sit around the big table, he doesn’t touch his food.
„Loki,“ Thor whispers. „Eat, will you.“
Loki shakes his head and looks away.
At least Thor stays for the heavy lifting. Between him, Thor and Rogers it takes about three days to clear the roads of space debris and make New York passable again. Three days, and Loki still hasn't said a word.
„Lost his voice, did he?“ Rogers asks, leaning in to get a better look of the surveillance feed.
„It is unusual for Loki,“ Thor comments, his voice sounding like it’s being weighed down by something.
„I don’t think it’s to spite us,“ Nat says. She spent some time down in the holding cell, but Loki won’t even look at her.
„What is it then?“
„Trauma.“
Thor recounts the events as they happened up until the incident on the Bifrost. Tony still has to wrap his mind around the fact that there is such a thing as the Bifrost. He wonders if Thor would let him study it. He gets hung up on another detail, though, and it makes him want to take away Thor’s pop tarts.
„So when you go to kill frost giants, it’s patriotism,“ he surmises. „But when Loki goes to do the same thing, it’s treason?“
Thor has the good grace to look ashamed. „I have not been a good brother to Loki.“
No shit.
So Loki’s got daddy issues. Go figure. He’s got brother issues too. And a whole slew of other issues that Tony isn’t sure can fit into one single person.
Tony makes rash decisions. It’s a thing with him. People usually don’t like it. They get all huffy and puffy. But that doesn’t stop him from going down to the holding facility without consulting SHIELD or any of the others—because this is his tower and he gets to do what he wants. He taps a few buttons, insists that „Yes, JARVIS, it’s fine,“ and lets Loki out.
Loki doesn’t move at first. He’s curled up against the wall in the same position he’s been in for days and looks up at Tony suspiciously. He looks tired. Eyes swollen in their sunken-in sockets. Hair wild, beginning to curl at the ends. Bruises fading slowly and fingers digging into the flesh of his palm. Tony’s never seen a more miserable heap of a person in his life. But it’s not pity Tony feels but sympathy. He’s been in Loki’s place once.
„Thor says you can’t do any mojo with these on,“ he says.
Loki looks at his wrists, jiggles the dainty golden chains as if to demonstrate. He shakes his head and looks back up at Tony.
„So there’s no reason to keep you in here, is there?“
The others aren’t too happy about it, but they can deal. Steve doesn’t let Loki out of his sight the first few days. Bruce mostly retreats to his lab and joins them only for dinner every night. Barton and Nat keep to themselves. They leave New York for days sometimes. Thor commutes between New York and Asgard daily, mutters something about diplomacy and court meetings Odin demanding an explanation as to why Loki is not locked up. He only talks about it when Tony asks. Thor is usually much more forthcoming with information.
Loki seems to understand more than he lets on. Every time Thor leaves with a kiss on the head and a promise of ‚I’ll be back‘, he’s got a faraway look on him for a while after.
„You know what’s going on up there, don’t you?“ Tony asks him after Thor hurled himself up the Bifrost. „Asgard?“
Loki just looks at him for a moment before returning his attention back to his book.
Tony can see that Loki is trying. He’s still not talking about what happened and leaves the room whenever the invasion comes up. He takes his punishment without complaint and keeps to his rooms most of the time. Tony’s found him asleep in the library once. (Tony didn't even remember they had a library in the tower until JARVIS informed him). So when one morning they find a book on the occult on the breakfast table conveniently opened to a page detailing exactly how to defeat the villain-of-the-day and with the most important tidbits highlighted by a magical tingle, he knows it’s Loki who put it there.
„So what, he’s an Avenger now?“ Bruce asks.
„Loki wants to redeem himself,“ Thor says.
„So we’re just gonna pretend New York never happened?“
„No one is pretending anything,“ Steve says. „But I can’t deny that Loki’s useful.“
He continues to contribute in small ways. Mostly in the form of information and Tony shouldn’t be so surprised to learn that Loki’s actually pretty damn smart. One night—that’s three months since the New York invasion, Tony finds a book on mental manipulation and psychic attacks on the steps of his workshop.
„JARVIS?“
„Mr Liesmith put it there last night, Sir.“
Tony reads the book through in one sitting and when he’s done there’s only one thought on his mind.
„Shit.“
Loki is not the kind of person to ask for help. He’s not the kind of person to ask for anything, really. He’d been a prisoner inside the tower for months without complaint, and a prisoner inside his mind even longer. So the book. It's all about mental leeching and psychic control, phrased in Earth terms and probably not a hundred percent what Loki was trying to say. But some parts have been highlighted by that signature magical tingle and they paint an unpretty picture.
He finds Loki in the library, curled up in one of the window seats, looking soft and faraway and so unlike the bag-of-cats maniac that threw him out of a window. Tony drops the book next to him on the couch.
„How can I help?“
Loki studies Tony for a long time, but then he holds up one of his hands and jiggles the chains.
„You can free yourself? With magic?“
Loki nods. Tony isn’t sure if that’s a promise or a warning.
„We’ll do it in the workshop. Come on.“
Tony’s had worse ideas. He’s had better ideas too. But as it is, he’s cross-legged on the floor in front of Loki, with Loki’s wrists in his hands, turning and turning over the golden chains, getting nowhere.
„How do you open these fucking—“
„You have to match the runes,“ Loki says, his voice so quiet and forlorn in the space of the workshop Tony thinks for a moment he imagined it.
Tony blinks, then turns Loki’s wrists over in his hands one more time, twists and turns the chains until the runes on them all line up. Then something clicks loose and they fall into the space between them with but a whisper of a clink.
Loki’s hands are still in Tony’s when he asks, „You couldn’t have done that without me?“
„That would defeat the purpose of the chains, no?“
Fucking magic. Tony’s about to ask what happens next, but before he can Loki’s eyes turn inwards, only the whites still visible, and he feels Loki’s hands go cold.
„Uh, Loki? Lokes? What’s going on?“
But Loki doesn’t answer. For an hour he doesn’t move and Tony’s so concerned he’s about to call Thor. But then Loki falls forward with a strangled gasp and Tony catches him just barely. Loki’s breaths are ragged and uneven. A watery rattle in his throat.
„Hey, hey, what happened?“ Tony asks and brushes some of Loki’s hair out of his face. „What did you do? Did it work?“
Loki peels himself out of Tony’s arms and Tony can see bruises on his face. Only— they’re not bruises. They’re like the veiny tendrils of someone else’s conscious forcefully ripped out of Loki’s brain. Tony reaches out to touch one of them, down Loki’s temple, but Loki flinches and moves away.
They spend the rest of the night working in silence. The chains disappear in some drawer.
Loki hides himself away until the markings disappear, even from Tony. It’s three days and they begin wondering if Loki’s even in the tower anymore.
„He can’t leave,“ Steve says. „Not with the chains on.“
„Yeah, about that…“ Tony mutters into his coffee.
„Tony, you didn’t.“
„The space grape still had his hooks in him. He needed his magic.“
„What?“ Thor asks.
„What?“ Bruce echoes.
Tony sighs. „You guys really need to pay attention. JARVIS, will you tell me when Loki leaves his room, please?“
„Yes, Sir.“
Loki leaves his rooms in the middle of the night the next day. Tony’s still awake in the workshop when JARVIS informs him that, „Mr Liesmith seems to be ravaging the fridge, Sir.“
So even a god falls victim to midnight snacking.
„Do you need help with that?“ Tony asks when he finds Loki struggling with the stove. He gently steps into Loki’s space and takes the pot from him. „You know you could just join us for dinner.“
Tony knows it was the wrong thing to say when Loki folds in on himself, shoulders sagging, arms crossed protectively over his chest. Tony dumps the contents of a container into the pot and turns up the heat, before turning around to face Loki.
„How are you feeling? Honestly? You look better.“
There’s a blush and Tony wonders if Loki’s going to have that reaction every time he compliments him. Though this wasn’t really a compliment, but an observation. It’s the first time since Tony met him that Loki doesn’t look like absolute shit.
„It worked,“ Loki says.
„Then why have you been hiding?“
„It made memories come loose,“ Loki states simply, his tone indicating that this is the end of the conversation.
Loki joins them for dinner the next day and every day after that. He still doesn’t speak and avoids any and all questions. At some point, they just stop asking.
The first time he comes out on a mission with them is six months since the invasion of New York. He speaks then, because he must, clear as day over the intercom like he hasn’t been silent for half a year.
Steve looks at Tony, but Tony just shrugs.
Back in the tower, Thor wordlessly walks over to Loki and hugs him. Tony can see Loki freeze, but then he melts into his brother's embrace and everyone looks away as he cries.
„Thanos tortured me,“ Loki says out of nowhere.
They’re in the workshop and they’ve been science-ing for hours when Loki’s voice cuts through the silence. Tony nearly drops his lever.
„What?“
„When I was on his ship. He did everything to break me.“
„That’s the memories?“ Tony asks. It made memories come loose. „Does Thor know?“
„No.“
Tony doesn’t know why it matters to him that Thor knows, but concludes it matters more that he knows. He steps into Loki’s space, as he’s done many times these last few months, and swivels Loki’s chair so that they’re face to face.
„This changes nothing. About you. About us.“
Loki swallows hard. Tony tracks the movement of his Adam’s apple with his eyes. „Us?“
„If you want.“
It truly changes nothing. It’d be a lie to say Tony hadn’t suspected. He knows the tell-tale signs of torture and shudders to think of what it takes to hurt a god. Loki had recovered from the Hulk-smash within minutes. What did it say about what he went through that he still walked with a limp days after coming to earth.
So when Loki comes to sleep with him that night, Tony makes sure that he’s comfortable and warm. Intimacy is the last thing on his mind as Loki curls around him, almost like he'd been waiting for this too.
They don’t tell the others right away. Only a few weeks in when they can no longer hide the affection they have for each other. Loki speaks more, even in the presence of the others, and won’t shut up in the presence of Tony.
When Loki cries, Tony listens. When he laughs, Tony laughs. And when they kiss, Tony feels on fire.
„Return to Asgard with me,“ Thor asks one evening. „Mother would like to see you.“
„No,“ Loki says.
„But—“
„No.“
„What if I come with you?“ Tony cuts in. He knows Loki hates Asgard. He also knows Loki loves his mother.
„You only want to see the Bifrost,“ Loki admonishes.
„Well, yeah. But you’re more important.“
So they go. And Loki’s mother cries for hours when Loki’s back in her arms and Tony shoves down the emotions he feels stir. He also takes one hard look at Odin and decides he doesn’t like him, then spends the rest of the day on the rainbow bridge with Thor.
In Loki’s rooms that night, untouched for years now, they turn to and into each other for the first time. Perhaps his rooms make Loki forget what’s happened, allow him to pretend that he hasn’t yet opened the door to darkness and every possibility still to stop it. To go down a different path. To look for love elsewhere.
Whatever it is, Loki surrenders to Tony. Shows heart and belly and scars and all. And Tony loves— gods, he loves.
When they lay next to each other, with the sun of morning coming in through the cracks in the curtains, Tony sighs contently and draws Loki closer.
„I hope you don’t mind,“ he mumbles into Loki’s hair, „But I’d really like to take you home now.“
„Seen enough of the Bifrost already?“
„I’m pretty sure I can get a prototype up and working by next week.“
Loki’s laugh is low and rumbling and the most beautiful thing Tony's ever heard.. He plants a kiss just above the arc reactor. „I don’t doubt it."