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“Must you follow me around everywhere?” Wes turned at the breathing behind him. It was even more frustrating knowing that it was something that she was choosing to do.
“My contract states that I will continue to work for Wolfram & Heart even in my death.” Lilah responded, “Aren’t I being such a useful assistant?”
“You are the opposite of useful. A distraction.” Wes responded, turning back to the book he was reading. A solution for one of their client’s bloodlust, if he could figure out how to get it to work.
“It’s not my fault I can’t turn the pages.” Lilah responded, perching on his desk and getting in between him and the book. He could just make out the words through her semi-transparent skin. See the constant phantom drip of blood from her neck that made him want to go and grab a bandage.
“You couldn’t have specified that in your contract?” Wes leaned back in his chair as he stared at her.
“See, I wasn’t thinking about the whole, me-dying part when I signed that.” Lilah sighed, “But I’m sure you weren’t either.”
Wesley straightened up, “Why? Is there something in there that Gunn didn’t tell me about?”
Lilah laughed in his face, “There’s always something they’ll make you do in the end. They’re just the best at that kind of thing, and there’s not a lot that you could do to stop it.”
“And what do you mean by that?” he stood up, pretending to be more interested in a different book in his shelves rather than anything Lilah would say about his immortal soul.
“You think you’re here to save the world, do your little Angel-Investigations-thing, but with more resources. Right?” Lilah said, and then, without letting Wesley even consider an answer, continued, “It’s evil. We’re all evil. You knew I was evil when you met me, when we were together. In fact, I specifically remember a certain night involving a ping-pong paddle that–”
Wesley looked around the corner, “I would prefer if my employees didn’t find out about my sex life, please, Lilah.”
Lilah shrugged, “Their loss. You know we have it good, baby.”
Wes controlled the urge to say something about the way they had been a little lacking recently, but reminding Lilah of the fact that she was a ghost wasn’t usually the way to be on her good side, and regardless of anything else, Wes did still want to be on her good side.
He was used to her. He wasn’t sure if it was love, for him or for her, but there was something there. A comfort that he was growing used to, even when Lilah’s sharp words stung him. There was also the fact that he could no longer do exactly as he pleased with her, which meant that some of the frustration was, admittedly, sexual.
"Have you considered being resurrected?" Wesley asked, looking away from her so he didn't have to see the hurt cross her face. She hated being dead, and he knew it. Usually, he tried to talk around it, but the way that she was constantly in his space--
Well, it was hard to smell the phantom fragrance of her hair, feel the cool brushes of her hand against him and not be able to press himself to her and squeeze. Not to kiss her and lose himself the same way that he did while they were alive.
He was certain that Lilah missed it, missed teasing him, missed the insults they would toss at each other even while they were snuggled up in bed, while he was inside her. She just had the sense not to go looking for even more ways to piss off her former/current bosses.
Wes had seen the bruises and cuts left by whatever she suffered when she went "home" to hell. Was it punishment, or simply that she was offering a service? The idea of Lilah in a situation where she was being used, couldn't escape just boiled Wesley's blood. And, he thought with just a little shame, sent a little more of it downwards.
"Ah yes, let me just ask the demons in hell if they'll leave me alone if I'm a good girl." Wesley could hear the pout in Lilah's voice even if he couldn't see it, his nose forced deep inside a book to prevent him from making eye contact with her.
"Well--it's--I've got the resources now." Wesley said, "That maybe I could help you."
Lilah sighed, and that was enough to finally make Wesley look at her. She was still sitting on his desk, but she'd tied a scarf around her neck. She almost looked alive. If he didn't know any better, he would've said that she was.
"That didn't work when I was alive, 'dear.'" The way she said the pet name was almost mocking. But he could hear the traces of love hiding inside of it as well. "I've never been the girl you could fix. Or the girl who didn't need it."
Her voice took on that quality, the one that mocked Fred's in a way that made Wesley want to tear his hair out. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad, because as he stepped closer to Lilah, all he could picture was her warmth, the hot, fiery way that they had always been together.
"We don't have to repeat...everything." Wes whispered as he got closer to her ear. He might have nibbled on it if he was allowed to, but unfortunately it seemed this was his punishment, too. He should have protected her better. Should have done something.
"Well," Lilah let out a breath, "Most of it was pretty good, wasn't it?"
Wesley really, really wished she was physical. He took a long, deep drink of cold water to cool himself down a little.
"Seeing as I have all these books now--" Wesley was more than aware of the consequences of regeneration, but something in him told him that this wouldn't matter, even if it did end the world. Maybe that was part of the Wolfram and Hart corruption that he was facing now. Was he really evil just because he wanted someone he loved back?
Impossible.
"The research could be a little more...interesting." Lilah said. She leaned for him, forgetting that she was non-corporeal until she stumbled and ended up on the other side of him. Wesley shuddered underneath the chills of being passed through by a ghost.
It killed the mood very effectively. Wesley brushed himself off. "I'll have one of my interns pull out your legal file so you can look for loopholes. He can turn the pages for you. In the meantime, I'll look for some more effective spells."
From what he had seen and read, resurrection spells could have a bit of an interesting aftereffect on their subjects. He didn't want just Lilah's body back, he wanted her mind, the things that made her, her. The physical aspects were just extra rewards, the icing on the cake.
Lilah sighed dramatically, "If you pick a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life." she said drily, "But you'll sure be paying for it in the afterlife."
”Somehow I find myself believing that is not how the saying goes.” Wesley said.
”Wait ‘til you die, darling.” Lilah said, sickly sweet.
Wesley didn’t like the sound of that. He turned back to his desk and pressed the intercom button. “Bring up the file on Lilah Morgan, please.”
And so they spent the afternoon into the late evening staring at various papers, a frightened intern in their midst ruining any potential romance except the mutual teasing they shared with each other.
”I’m certain there has to be something!” Wesley said, slamming his hands on the table, “We have all the knowledge there is, and we can’t find some way, some loophole?”
Lilah, who had reached almost the end of her contract, turned to him, “Are you the one complaining? I’m the one commanding this—this—“
The intern managed to squeak out the word, “Intern” and for his troubles was rewarded with a glare from Lilah.
”Your services are no longer needed.” Wesley said to the intern, saving him from a look that quite possibly could have killed him.
Wes ached to hold Lilah, to comfort her the way that he felt she needed to be comforted. Such was the tragedy of the two of them. Now that he had realized how much she truly meant to him, it was impossible to do anything about it.
Maybe that was the type of thing he was destined for. Love was distant to him, the type of thing meant for others who had not made the same mistakes.
Who had not found themselves on the side of the thing they’d been fighting for four years. His resume was certainly interesting, if he ever left the company. Unlikely, given what he had seen happened to Lilah and other members of the company.
Employment at Wolfram and Hart typically had a bloody ending. Or resulted in curses, hexes, and all manner of alternative ways to find out that the worst thing you thought could happen was nowhere close.
”Are you thinking?” Lilah asked, “I think I can hear the gears turning.”
”Haven’t I been thinking for a while?” Wes took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “I…I am not entirely certain this will be worth the effort.”
Lilah did not seem nearly as devastated as he expected she would be.
”And what?” Lilah said, “The house always wins.”
Wesley put his glasses back on and firmly stared down at his hands. Was it his own fault that he believed in the best? That he had avoided the end of the world for so long that he thought anyone could be saved if he just tried hard enough?
”I suppose I chose the wrong person for a speech on hope.”
”The wrong profession, perhaps.” he responded, “I suppose you found nothing?”
”Oh, two hours ago I found something that said true love’s kiss would fix me, but I thought it would be too hard to find that.”
He stared at her.
”I’m joking. Obviously. Have you lost your mind? What spell or curse do you know is actually broken by true love’s kiss?”
”I have met quite a few sentimental witches.” Wes said, “But I’ve never witnessed something like that, no.”
”Really?” Lilah said, “Kissing ghosts.”
”Lots of kisses.” Wes said.
”Must be a different type of ghost, don’t we remember?”
Wesley flushed with the memory. He did in fact, remember trying to kiss her before they’d discovered the way she could manifest. Which was to say, not at all.
”I’m sorry I cannot do more for you.” Wesley said, burying his head in his hands, “But this is the cards we’ve been dealt. Maybe we’ll find the type of witch who specializes in the dead.”
”And she will tell us that we’re going to break the world open if I return to a human form.”
”Or that you’ll have to steal someone else’s.”
Lilah considered this almost seriously. Wesley shook his head, “We’re not doing that.”
”You love me too much the way I am. The way I was, that is.” Lilah said.
He almost cringed at the word but held it in. “We could ask Fred. A scientific method? Angel might have some pull.”
”Ask them? They have their own plans. Their own things they think are important. Doesn’t the big man still stalk the streets looking for trouble? Evil to thwart?”
”I—”
”Doesn’t he know who he signed up to work for? He can play up the soul all he likes, but we all know he’s hardly stopping most of what’s going on around here.”
”Angel—”
”—can lie to himself, to you, to anyone he likes except for me. You think that I don’t know more than anyone what it’s like to be in thick of all this? It’s dirty, Wesley. You and I know that. I’m surprised some of your friends can’t figure it out.”
”They’re optimists.” Wesley said.
She frowned, “Maybe they’re the ones in the wrong profession.”
”And maybe we all should have been clowns. Wouldn’t there be a lot more laughter in the world, then?”
”Enough, Wesley. Isn’t it enough for today? Just words and words and words.” Lilah claimed, “I think it’s worse when it’s about me. All ‘the asset’ and multiple scenarios. I wrote papers like this for my employees. I made them sign it, and all this time, I was doomed for the same fate.
”Did you know that I’m quite unpopular in hell?” Lilah said, “I’m not often the type of person who cares about that thing, Wesley. I don’t want to be.”
”I imagine no one is popular in hell.”
”They’ve got their own heroes.” Lilah responded. She looked as though she were about to say something else, a secret perhaps, something she wasn’t supposed to share.
But the moment passed and she was silent, simply staring at him. There was nothing else to say.
”We’ll turn in for the night then.” Wesley collected the books that he had looked through and set them aside to choose from later, when his head stopped pounding.
”I suppose so.” Lilah cringed, but she hid it well. He wasn’t quite sure what she did while he slept, but knew she disappeared from the office, no longer haunting the place with the echoes of her heels clicking down the halls.
He couldn't explain how much it bothered him that he didn't have her to hold onto while he slept. But when he woke up with an inspired idea for just one more place to search in, well, he counted that as someone on the other side having his back.
And of course, Lilah was the first one to know.