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As soon as I wake up every night, every day, I know it’s you I need to take the blues away.
It must be love.
By the end of the promo tour in the UK Colton is thoroughly distracted. As much as he loves travelling and especially Europe he’s happy he is going home. He is also conflicted about what might happen when he gets there. He promised to get in touch with Charlie but he is going to have to climb a mountain of trepidation first.
He really does love Charlie, of that he is certain, he wouldn’t still be hurting so bad and be so nervously excited at the possibility of seeing Charlie again if he wasn’t. It is churning him up inside. For one of the few times ever Colton takes a sleeping pill to get him from London to LA, eleven hours is too long to be thinking about what is to come.
In the days following the exchange with Colton Charlie swings from happy to melancholy and back again. He smokes a shit load more, and keeps himself busy when off set in the gym, either at home or at the public one he uses. And as the hours tick down to when he knows Colton is back, Charlie gets more on edge. Wondering if Colton will call straight away, or if he’ll wait a few more days - or even not call at all...having decided that Charlie’s just not worth the angst.
Unfortunately it takes almost a day after Colton lands at home for him to be in any condition to speak to Charlie, it does neither of them any favours if he isn’t fully awake and aware. He hits the gym first thing then tries to have breakfast, succeeding in eating about half of it and pushing the other half around his plate.
Colt thanks the waiter at the cafe he mostly goes to for breakfast, leaving the guy a tip as usual, then pulls his phone from his pocket as he starts to walk home. It is time. He has decided that despite the connotations of the place they need neutral ground and some privacy so he’s going to meet Charlie at Citadel. At least there their business won’t be fodder for the rags if they are seen or heard, nowhere else is safe.
Hi, I’m back in LA. can you get to citadel some time today?
Charlie has started to convince himself that Colton really isn’t going to call. So when he gets the text he blows out a hard breath. He’s got the day off - fortuitous he’s sure - and he texts straight back.
Hey! Yeah, whenever you want. Name the time.
The sooner the better, Colton isn’t going to change his mind but the longer it takes the harder it will be to take that first step.
can you be there in an hour?
Yes. I’ll ask for you at reception. Cx
It is still early and while it is never too early at Citadel, there are few people in the bar so he leaves a message for Charlie to meet him there and goes to find a booth in the far corner. He is tempted to drink something but his upbringing stops him, it is far too early. Instead he orders a coffee for himself and a pot of English tea for Charlie to be served when he arrives.
Charlie takes his Harley in, it’s a lovely day, but he doesn’t really pay the sunshine or the beautiful blue sky all that much attention. For the first time in weeks he’ll get to see Colton - and he’s filled with a mixture of trepidation, and excitement.
He’s still finger combing his hair when he appears in the doorway of the bar - eyes scanning the room as he tries to smooth his hair back. He’s got his whiskers back too, that not quite beard of blond scruff of Jax’s. Dark blue jeans and a long sleeve light blue button down complete his look.
Colton hasn’t been able to take his eyes off the door so he sees Charlie and immediately stands so Charlie can see him. When they lock eyes he sits again and waits.
A deep breath, and a half nod of acknowledgment, then Charlie’s closing the distance between them, until he’s right there, Colton so close he can just reach out and touch him.
“Hey,”
“Hi,” Colton had almost forgotten the effect that Charlie has on him when he is so close, the scent of cigarettes and whatever cologne Charlie is wearing, it’s heady and distracting. “Have a seat.”
Charlie blinks, Colton’s reception is a little more formal, more stiff than he’d expected...but then, can Charlie really blame him? He tugs his phone and smokes out of his pocket and sets them on the table before sliding in to the seat opposite.
“It’s good to see you Colton,”
“You too,” Colton smiles, “you look great, growing your beard again for the show?” Just then the waiter arrives with their drinks, “I hope you don’t mind,” Colton offers, pointing to the tea pot.
“No that was thoughtful,” Charlie nods, amused at the offer of tea. “And yeah, kinda like not having to shave every day,” he smiles, rubbing the whiskers. “Got my Jax vibe back - bit like putting on favourite jeans.”
“It suits you,” Colton takes a deep breath, this is going to get personal eventually anyway, “I like it better than when you shaved.” His gut is in knots now, remembering how it feels against his skin, so Colt sips at his coffee.
“I know you do,” Charlie drops his gaze to his own tea cup for a moment. “Colton, I’m really sorry for some of the things I said, I’m sorry I hurt you,” he looks up now. “You’re special to me, and I fucked that up,”
Colton almost laughs, mostly because of nerves. Charlie can be obtuse at times, running circles around a subject and other times he cuts to the bone like a knife through butter. He nods, agreeing with Charlie.
“I’m sorry,” Colton replies, reaching across the table, “I hurt you too.”
He takes Colton’s hand in his and squeezes. “Seems that’s the one thing we’re both really good at huh?” Charlie shakes his head. “I’ve done a lot of thinking, soul searching, over what happened, not just that day, but before,” he pauses to dampen his lips. “I wasn’t making it easy for either of us,”
“We aren’t good at talking are we?” Colt rubs his thumb over the back of Charlie’s hand, mostly so he doesn’t have to meet Charlie’s eyes, “I can’t ask for what I want and you can’t tell me when we need to wait.”
Charlie considers that for a moment. “I thought you were asking me for what you wanted?” he says gently - the second part of Colton’s statement is undeniable.
“Only when I had to,” Colton shakes his head, that isn’t all he means, “when you made me …” he looks up at Charlie and sees the crease in his brow, “when I forced you to make me ask. But you need to know that I didn’t do it intentionally Charlie, I think I was just so overwhelmed with having you that I wanted it all. But I didn’t, I couldn’t wait for you to get there in your own time.”
Sucking on his own bottom lip Charlie nods. “I’ve been so confused, about myself, about you, about us...and I didn’t tell you how uncomfortable I was with the whole gay shit - I let that be the focus of what I thought was wrong. And yes, you’re right we don’t talk to each other very well. I’m not very good at looking at myself, and being honest.” He takes a breath. “So yes, just to put myself into an even more uncomfortable place,” he smiles wryly at Colton here. “We need to talk, now, and every day, we need to check in with each other, and we need to be honest.”
“I’ve been honest,” Colton sighs, “and you’ve gotten angry.” He remembers Charlie yelling after he told him about Garrett, and more recently when he suggested Charlie needed therapy too.
Pressing his lips together Charlie lets his head drop for a moment, he nods and takes a breath. “Yes,” he admits. “Some of it is because I have been so unsettled, unsure of myself. But yes, I have a temper, and sometimes it gets the better of me,”
Colton smiles at that, “And sometimes I might have provoked you. Like when you get that look, you know? When someone wants me and you get all possessive and growly? That does something to me … it makes me feel special, wanted, possessed,” he squeezes Charlie’s hand, “I like that. I like it a lot.”
“Jealousy is not an attractive trait Colton.” Charlie shakes his head and looks up. “It might make you feel special for a while, but it’s poisonous. I am a jealous man and it’s fucked up more relationships for me than even my temper,”
“It doesn’t have to be jealousy that makes you want me,” Colton is feeling more relaxed now, less self conscious and nervous than he was, “I see the way you look at me and it isn’t always because someone else does. Charlie, I get wanted all the time and you know what I mean. You’ve seen the shit that people write about us on the internet, you’ve had the weird fan letters. And the things they actually come out and say just astound me at times but when you look at me like that, it’s real, it’s not someone else's fantasy! It’s you and me, you wanting me.”
“That’s where I got twisted up. I wanted you, I had that fucking primal urge to possess you, I didn’t understand it, I couldn’t fight it. But you’re a guy...and I don’t get that way about guys,” Charlie sighs heavily. “Those two things...they warped everything else,” He lifts his gaze to Colton’s. “You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen. I can’t quite understand why you chose me. But what I do know now is it doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or a girl, you’re Colton. And I want you,”
Colton is busy blushing when the widest smile that has been on his face in weeks breaks out. He lets go of Charlie’s hand so he can stand up and move around the table, “That’s perfect, cos all I want is you,” he drops down, ass half on the seat next to Charlie and kisses him full on the lips.
Charlie closes his eyes, savouring that kiss, it sends sparks shooting along his nerve endings, lighting him up and turning him on in moments. “Hey Twink,” Charlie pulls back, murmuring the words. “Slowly...we messed up because we were using sex to distract us,” he nuzzles his whiskers against Colton’s face.
As much as it is tempting to stay there Colton returns to his side of the table and his cooling coffee. He smiles again, “That was affection, not sex … yet,” he waggles his eyebrows.
“Affection?” Charlie laughs, “That I like too,” he nods.
Colt feels as if the weight of the world has been lifted off him, sure they have more to discuss, but he isn’t as beguiled by Charlie as he was at first so his mind is clearer. “You know there’s other things besides straight and gay and bi right?” he asks.
“There is? What? ‘greedy’?” Charlie tops up his tea from the pot and sips it.
Colton rolls his eyes, amused, “Well there’s asexual, which neither of us are,” he winks, “but there’s lots of others; trans and poly and pansexual.”
Charlie shrugs. “Does it matter? Do I need a label? Isn’t that what I just said, trying to put a label on it messed up my head. I like girls, and I like you,” His body’s still not settled down from just that brief kiss.
“But wasn’t the gay label the thing that was bothering you? That you don’t think of yourself as gay so our relationship didn’t sit right with you?” Colton is confused, Charlie doesn’t want labels but he put one on himself.
“Yes, exactly, I don’t think of myself as gay. “ Charlie agrees, “I’ve always identified as straight - because I only ever had relationships with women, just because I’ve met one guy I want to be with like that...that doesn’t make me gay. And that’s where I was getting twisted up - I was getting freaked out about having to reframe my entire sexuality - and I don’t need to.”
“Maybe you’re like a lot of people and you sit somewhere in between,” Colton shrugs. He takes Charlie’s hand again, needing the connection, “but you’re right, it really doesn’t matter as long as we’re happy.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Charlie agrees. When he’d finally realised that, it had been like a weight had been lifted.
“I guess what I need to hear from you....is what you want. This thing between us started as a casual hook up, and we’ve been playing a crap game of catch up ever since. Fucking it up with kink and jealousy...” Charlie rolls his eyes. “Is it any wonder we hit a wall huh?”
Colton nods and holds Charlie’s hand a little tighter. He swallows before speaking, hoping he can properly phrase what he needs to say, “There’s a difference between what I want, and what I need, and what I want to try one day just to see what it’s like.” He smiles shyly, trying not to blush, “I need you and I need to be fucked,” it is such a crude way of putting it but there isn’t a better one, “I want you to be the one doing it too. I want to please you, I want to be what you want.” With that statement he remembers what is in his wallet and lifts up to pull it out of his pocket, tipping the chain out he hands it to Charlie, “I still mean this.”
Charlie picks up the tag. ‘Charlie’s pleasure’. He sighs and nods. “Okay.” he looks up to meet Colton’s oh so hopeful and expectant face. “I need you too,” he starts, “and I want you, very much so. The sex, well I’m getting there, it’s easier and that last time we were together, it was different, and it was good. I just need you to understand that at the moment it’s not something I’m ready for every time we’re together. I love sharing my bed with you, I love pleasuring you, and having you pleasure me, but sometimes, my hands, my mouth, toys...they have to be enough.”
“As long as it’s you, it’s enough.” Colton closes Charlie’s hand around the tag, “When we did this, I never meant it to be just about the kink, I mean it about everything.” And since they are on the subject, “As for that … it’s the same but different. It’s not something I need, I’m sure I can live without anything like that happening if I had to but it is something I’d like to explore when we’re at a point where we can. I love it when you’re above me, holding me down or when I’m kneeling and sucking you, when we walk in here and everyone knows that I’m yours it’s just incredible. Just like I love it when you use dildos and I want you to use bigger ones too but it isn’t something I can’t live without,” Colt pauses for breath, “you are something I don’t want to live without.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about this kink stuff, reading too.” Charlie admits, “I thought it was some kind of role I was supposed to play, some act to put on to meet your needs,” He opens his hand to look down at the tag again. “But it should be an inherent part of who I am, who we are, if I try and force it, or fake it, well then, it’s just a different form of dishonesty.” He pauses to think about his next words. “Thing is Colton, it is a part of me. I am the dominant partner here, I do like being rough with you, I love using you and directing you in bed, and like the sex...I need some time, to get used to it, to let it develop organically between us.”
Colton is nodding the whole time, completely agreeing with Charlie right up until Charlie says what he likes, then Colt’s gut twists and his cock springs to life. He adjusts himself as subtly as he can then lifts his now cold coffee to his lips to try and hide his blush. He consciously evens out his breathing before he replies, “Whatever you need, always, we just need to keep communicating.”
It’s not lost on Charlie, the way Colton responds to his words. His default is to want to respond to it, to want to meet and satisfy Colton’s urges - but that’s where he was fucking up - giving Colton what he wanted without making sure it was what he needed and wanted too.
“Do you want me to be the more dominant partner all the time? Not a ‘Sir’ but...just lead?” Charlie can’t quite find the word he wants - he hopes Colton gets his inference. “Or only in the bedroom, or here,”
“Well, I do prefer to bottom,” Colton grins, “but I can top if you want.” He winks at Charlie knowing full well that isn’t what he means. “I guess yes is the best answer, mostly as far as the sex goes. Of course I might want to suggest things sometimes and when we’re not in the bedroom then it should be more like a partnership.”
“You top?” Charlie wrinkles his nose in a play of utter disbelief. “Wow...there was me thinking it was all about what we could fit up that tight butt of yours,” he smiles to show he’s teasing. “But yeah, I don’t mean being the one who makes the decisions all the time, I don’t want that, and I don’t think it’s healthy, but to just be more....” he laughs, “well dominant, so yeah no getting away from that I guess,”
Colton lifts the hand that he is holding to his lips and kisses Charlie’s knuckles tenderly, “Your guess is correct.”
He watches, watches as Colton’s lips play over his hand, and it sends sparks over his skin - there is no denying it - there is a chemistry here, a very intense chemistry, and Charlie finds himself wondering how much more wonderful it will be now they seem to be connecting in a very different way.
“So,” Charlie clears his throat before he continues. “I’d very much like you to put your tag back on, and I’d like to reiterate, that when we’re here, I’d like you to wear the collar,” He licks his lower lip, “The rest, we’ll figure out as we go,”
“Okay,” again the ‘sir’ is on the tip of Colton’s tongue but he isn’t going to do that, he isn’t going to push Charlie beyond what they agree on and saying that now, when Charlie specifically doesn’t want it would ruin what they have just clawed back. He glances up and just seeing Charlie is all he needs to convince him it is worth the discipline. “I didn’t bring the collar today, I wasn’t sure I’d need it.” He points to the tag, “I’ve carried that around since I left for Europe, will you put it on me?”
“Of course,” He hadn’t expected Colton to have bought the collar with him, hell he wasn’t even sure they’d get to a point where they’d both want to continue seeing each other - let alone needing that. He picks up the tag on it’s long chain and holds it up. “Come back around here,” he nods toward the seat beside him.
All this talk about domination and collars and sex did nothing to wane the desire that Colton is feeling, perhaps tight jeans weren’t the best thing to wear today. Still he stands and moves over next to Charlie, they are close enough again that Colton can smell the warm heat coming off Charlie.
Lifting the chain over Colton’s head, Charlie lets it settle. “To a fresh start, an honest beginning,” he murmurs softly, lifting his gaze to meet Colton’s.
Colton breathes deeply, hoping his head will clear from this cottony feeling, and nods. “Yes.”
Leaning in, Charlie slides one hand around the back of Colton’s neck. “Kiss me,”
He hasn’t ever heard anything better than that, Colton leans in, tilts his head back and opens his lips to Charlie’s.
Moments later, Charlie finds himself pulling Colton, bodily, into his lap, his hands firm and insistent that that is where his twink should be. He kisses him hard, letting weeks of need and loneliness bleed into the passion he feels.
And Colton just melts. Everything he loves about Charlie, about them, is right here and now. Charlie is showing the (admittedly few) people in the bar who is the boss and he is doing it with pure physicality and even though Colton is fit and strong Charlie can still put him exactly where he wants. Colton moans lowly, hands grasping at Charlie’s back, his lust so very obvious.
“Twink,” Charlie pulls back, his own breath erratic, his skin flushing, the colour creeping up his throat. “Not here,” He shakes his head. “How ‘bout we get a room huh? Spend the day together?”
“Yes please,” Colton is dazed but grins anyway, “I haven’t come since the last time … haven’t wanted to.” He climbs to his feet unsteadily, smiling and feeling the comforting weight of the chain around his neck and the uncomfortable tightness in his pants.
END