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Another memory wipe… Another part of her life lost to the eternal darkness of Shar under the promise that if she did better, if she was better, she would get it back. Already most of her early life had been taken from her, all with the exception of that gods damned memory of the wolf attacking her as a child.
It seemed like Mother Superior wanted to continuously remind her that she had been the one to save her life. That she owed her life to her.
She didn’t remember who she was before this, her name before she adopted the one she went by now. Shadowheart, meant to be an eternal tribute to her Dark Lady, but in this exact moment, felt mocking. Shadowheart… her heart was shadowed because she didn’t know who she was anymore.
Shadowheart needed an escape, needed to go anywhere but here, with all the other recruits watching her.
A place, mostly faded, but hiding in the recesses of her memory, came to mind. A peaceful place in the middle of all of this darkness, full of Night Orchids…
Almost as if it was second nature to her, she stepped towards the armory. Not for the first time that she knew, she felt blessed to have at least some capabilities in seeing in the dark, because that allowed her to see a small passage hidden behind a shelf holding various weapons and helmets.
She squeezed herself behind it and up the ladder. Already she could see why she loved this place, the glow of the night orchids gave the water they were nearby an almost ethereal look. There was a blanket and a basket here like someone had planned for her to come up here after it all. It held a sense of peace that the rest of the cloister didn’t seem to have.
She settled down by the water’s edge and tucked her knees up to her chest.
Time for her to take stock of what she did remember.
Ignoring the… well the traumatizing memory of the wolves… there were flashes of moments of her life within the Cloister. Interrogation techniques being used by and on her, the physical and mental torture that brought tears to her eyes… She ran her hands along her arms, remembering how brutal some of the other initiates got with her for a reason she couldn’t even remember. If only she could remember why that was…?
“Agh!” She exclaimed as purple magic bloomed from the scar on her hand, sending her blood boiling and every nerve to feel like it was on fire. What did she do this time! Why did Lady Shar seem to desire to torture her every waking moment of her life! She knew that there must be a reason Lady Shar hurt her so, but everything just felt hopeless. Was this the goal?
Did Lady Shar want to break her spirit this much?
She tried to remember exactly what she was doing right before her memory was taken… but there was nothing. Perhaps that was the memory that was targeted. But why!
Was there anything positive that she could cling to? A memory that could be her saving grace as who she was before started to feel further and further away…?
There was a flash of someone…? Shadowheart tried to dive further into her memories, hoping to remember who they were. They seemed important to her. A tiefling… she was a tiefling, with purple hair and pink-ish skin… and her name… her name was…?
“Shadowheart!” A voice called out to her and she was jolted out of the thought, just as the name came to her mind. “Are you here, Shadowheart?”
“I’m here,” Shadowheart called back to her, and watched as Nocturne poked her head up above the ledge. Curious? Her heart skipped a beat in her chest as she watched the young tiefling climb the last rung and move to sit beside her at the water’s edge.
“Shadowheart… You… You remember me, right?” The tentative question broke Shadowheart’s heart and she turned to fully face her friend (Girlfriend? She wished she could recall fully. Perhaps that memory was buried a little further than the others.)
“Of course I can remember you, Nocturne. They haven’t stolen that memory from me yet.” She tried to offer her a smile, to reassure her despite everything, but even she could tell it fell flat.
“You seem upset, Shadowheart. I don’t think I can remember a time that you were this upset. At least, not since you witnessed some of the other recruits picking on me for the name I chose.” Shadowheart felt her blood run cold as she tried to recall the memory that Nocturne was speaking of. It should have been easy for her to remember, especially if it had been that special, important to Nocturne. It should have been important to her.
The silence lasted longer than it should have, and Shadowheart watched as Nocturne’s eyes drifted down and her shoulders sank.
“You don’t remember that, do you?” Her voice was no louder than a whisper, the hurt seeping into every word, just sparking more of Shadowheart’s anger.
“No! I don’t, and I’m so sick of not remembering!” Pain flared from the wound, but despite the agony, Shadowheart ignored it. “I know all will be returned and we will be rewarded in due time but it feels like the Mother Superior wants nothing more than to see me forget every part of who I am and what I’m like to be molded into whatever she wants me to be.”
“Shadowheart, you don’t mean that.” Nocturne sounded like she was trying to reason with her, but Shadowheart shook her head. How could she know what she meant? Nocturne almost never went into the Chamber of Loss. Perhaps she did, and Shadowheart couldn’t remember…
No, why would Nocturne face the Mirror to forget everything. She was good in the Mother Superior’s eyes, Shadowheart was a blight, a mess to be corrected.
“I’m tired of forgetting things, Nocturne. I’m tired of having massive pieces of my memories just lost to the void.” Tears burned Shadowheart’s eyes but she refused to cry. What good would crying do?
She wasn’t the kind of person to cry. Or was she? She couldn’t even remember that information about herself.
She saw Nocturne shift closer to her out of the corner of her eye and felt her arm wrap around her. When was the last time Shadowheart had felt a gentle touch like that?
She was going to assume she couldn’t remember, but then, one final memory worked its way into her mind. One of the two of them, here in her safe haven, cuddled together with lazy kisses.
How was she allowed to keep this memory of the two of them? She probably tried to hold onto it. She wouldn’t… couldn’t offer up one of the few things to make her genuinely smile in this dark place. No matter how rough she was treated by the Mother Superior, she wouldn’t give this memory to the mirror, to Lady Shar.
“Your memories will be returned to you someday, Shadowheart.” Nocturne tilted her chin up, and then waited. Shadowheart frowned, unsure what she was waiting on… but then she realized. She didn’t know how much Shadowheart remembered.
If she remembered them .
Shadowheart closed the distance, pressing her lips to Nocturne’s in a chaste kiss. She wasn’t sure if she wanted anything more than this, a kiss and to be held, but it brought warmth into her battered and bruised soul.
“I’ll always be around to remind you of who you are.” Nocturne gave Shadowheart a blinding smile, and for a brief time, she believed her.
They had all been knocked unconscious after surrendering a majority of their memories to the mirror. Shadowheart found herself waking up in a Sharran safe house somewhere in… Baldur’s Gate she recalled. She had been left with the bare minimum of who she was and memories of her abilities.
And the mission, to obtain a Githyanki artifact from a creche and return it back.
Other than that, she had no idea what was going on. There were others going on this mission with her, that much she was certain, but she couldn’t remember who. Perhaps when she saw their faces, she would remember who they were.
In the meantime, she would need to find the Quartermaster who was going to be arming her for the mission. There was a sinking feeling in her chest when she thought about it, but she couldn’t quite figure it out.
Perhaps it was just the anticipation of the mission ahead of her.
Yeah, that had to be it.
She was still in her casual garb, the black deep cut sleeveless with the metal insignia and skin-tight leather pants. Or at least… she assumed this to be her normal outfit. She didn’t feel quite right in it, but she supposed that might just have been the loss of memories.
Not like she wouldn’t get them back soon enough, once she succeeded in the mission.
There was a soft knock at the door, and Shadowheart couldn’t help it as she prepared to cast Firebolt before the door opened and a Tiefling stepped through wearing armor covered with Shar’s symbols.
“Shadowheart?” The Tiefling spoke with a familiarity that Shadowheart didn’t understand. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine, are you the Quartermaster?”
For a moment, Shadowheart felt a pang of guilt at the shocked and hurt expression on the tiefling’s face. Perhaps they were friends before her memory was stripped? But that wouldn’t entirely explain why that guilt seemed to linger.
“I am,” Suddenly, the Tiefling’s voice had grown tense, professional, when she realized that Shadowheart hadn’t recognized her. “Are you ready to get your armor and weapon for your mission?”
“Yes,” Shadowheart wished she could shake off that tug in her heart as she followed the Quartermaster out of the room and into the main room of the safe house. “Are the others I’m going on this mission with ready?”
“They have already gone to the portal that should take them close to where they need to go. They’re waiting for you.” She said as she pulled the armor that Shadowheart was to wear out as well as shield and a Mace. “Here is your armor, I should… let you get dressed.”
“Wait!” Shadowheart didn’t know what came over her as she reached for the Quartermaster. “I’m sorry I don’t remember your name, Quartermaster. What is it?”
The tiefling was silent for a few moments before she shook her head.
“It’s alright, Shadowheart. I suppose it wasn’t memorable enough anyway.”
“No I- agh!” Shadowheart cried out in agony as bright purple light erupted from her palm as the incurable wound flared up. What had she done to deserve it? Why did she have it? She couldn’t recall.
“It seems Our Dark Lady agrees that it isn’t important you remember for now,” Her voice cracked and Shadowheart felt it deep within her heart, as if every part of her felt guilt for something she had little control over.
Or well… that wasn’t entirely true but at least Lady Shar would return her memories to her once she completed the mission. That much she was certain, and then she would remember the tiefling woman and understand why her heart hurt every time she stared at her.
“But-,” Shadowheart wanted to comment but the tiefling was already back out the door she could pull on her armor in privacy.
The camp clothes were shed as she switched into the armor, or at least she tried to. Her chest plate was not sitting quite right and no amount of adjusting seemed to work. A scowl quickly formed on her face as she yelled through the door.
“Quartermaster, I could use some assistance.”
She took a few steps back from the door as the tiefling walked back into the room, and Shadowheart saw the brief smile on her face before it returned to neutrality.
“You still have issues with that chest plate I see.” She said, stepping behind Shadowheart to fix it from the back before letting Shadowheart pull it down so it sat properly over her breasts.
“This isn’t an uncommon issue for me?”
“No I… never mind.” The Quartermaster stopped as she was going to say something that perhaps Shadowheart shouldn’t know, and she couldn’t deny the longing that settled in her chest for the knowledge that the tiefling wanted to share. “That seems to be the last of your armor, your mace and shield are sitting and waiting for you. I must return to the cloister. See you when you return, Shadowheart.”
Before Shadowheart could stop her, she was gone, out the door and back to… wherever her cloister resided. She couldn’t shake off the weight in her heart, the guilt for not recognizing her even if she logically knew that it was to protect Lady Shar’s secrets.
No, she had to remain focused on the mission and on what she was tasked to do. Retrieve the Githyanki artifact and bring it back to Baldur’s Gate. Ignoring the fact that no one had survived an attempt on this mission thus far. Her team would be the first, and they would succeed where everyone else had failed. If she did, everything would work out.
If she did, her memories would be returned to her and she would remember why seeing that Tiefling so upset broke her heart.