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It has been 2 months since the defeat of Yun Wu and the destruction of the Heavenly Capital. The majority of the capital was still in shambles, most of the Civil Gods were still recovering from their injuries and the Medical Gods had their hands full treating everyone.
The repairs were in full swing but it would take months, if not years, to rebuild the Heavenly Capital to its previous state. That's why it was decided to move everyone in those few palaces that were spared the horrific events. The biggest one was made into an infirmary which was then occupied by the Medical Gods and their patients, while the others who didn't need medical attention were placed in the rest of the palaces, of which there were not many left, meaning that everyone had to share a place with at least 2 or 3 other gods. Which meant that Mu Qing was stuck sharing a palace with Feng Xin and few of their deputies - it was the only option since every other god refused to share a palace with them, which Mu Qing can´t exactly blame them for, given the dynamic of their relationship during those 800 years.
The palace they shared was nothing grand, but still it was enough to house all of them in the meantime. Mu Qing and Feng Xin had both their individual personal chambers, while their deputies shared a few rooms together.
Feng Xin spent very little time in their shared palace - he was tasked with helping slowly rebuild the Heavenly Capital as well as from time to time take care of some resentful spirits who took the chance of the chaos in the Heavens to cause trouble in the Mortal realm.
Mu Qing on the other hand spent most of his days in their shared study room as he has agreed to help the civil gods in Ling Wen´s absence - it's not like he had much of a choice given his injuries and the way they have been slowly healing. His internal energy still hasn't recovered to its previous degree as well thanks to the cursed shuckle Yun Wu had given him, which meant that he spent most of the nights meditating, trying to speed up the healing process. Focusing most of his energy on healing his injuries however meant that he only had little left to get him through the day, leaving Mu Qing feeling extremely tired, often leading to him falling asleep while working. And that's exactly how Feng Xin found him, when he came to their study unannounced.
Mu Qing had been sleeping soundly with his head pillowed on his arms on the desk when the door to the study suddenly opened, revealing Feng Xin with a few scrolls in his hands.
“Hey, one of the Civil Gods gave me these and told me to hand them over to you.” Feng Xin said, looking around the room for a place to put them. When no answer came, he brought his attention to Mu Qing´s hunched figure by the desk.
Sighing, Feng Xin put the scrolls on the last empty spot on the desk and made his way to kneel beside Mu Qing. He looked at his face, soft expression replacing his usual scowl - he looked relaxed for once, if not for the slightly knitted eyebrows. Feng Xin softly smoothed them out, before gently shaking Mu Qing´s shoulder to wake him up - he knew that Mu Qing was probably exhausted, the dark circles under his eyes being an obvious indicator, but there´s no way he would rest comfortably looking like a fucking shrimp.
“Hey Mu Qing, wake up.”
A soft grumble came from Mu Qing as he slowly opened his eyes, blinking heavily before he rubbed at them helping his vision focus.
“Feng Xin? What are you doing here?” Mu Qing´s voice was raspy, still heavy with sleep, his gaze hazy as he tried to focus on Feng Xin next to him.
“I brought you some new scrolls from the Civil Gods, some accounting I think. I´ve put them there on the desk.”
“Uh, thanks. I will get to them after I finish writing this report.” Mu Qing looked at the new pile on his desk and sighed, dragging a hand across his face to try to wake up. He sat up properly, hissing at the stretch, his back hurting from the way he was sleeping.
Feng Xin was still sitting next to him, finally getting a good look at him - his usually perfect hair was a mess, his robes weren't tied properly, some of the layers falling down his shoulders, his skin paler than usual, making him look like a ghost, and the circles under his eyes were getting darker each day. He looked the exact opposite to the Mu Qing he was used to seeing - prim and always making sure his appearance was held to his insanely high standards.
“You look like shit.” came out of Feng Xin and he winced internally, knowing exactly what reaction that would elicit out of Mu Qing.
“Ugh, rub it in my face that I look ugly, will you?” Mu QIng rolled his eyes at him, just as expected, and faced away from Feng Xin.
“I didn't mean it like that, you just look like you haven't slept in days is all. Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, I´m fine.” said Mu Qing, rubbing his forehead trying to soothe the incoming headache, “I´m just low on energy, my meditation hasn´t been exactly successful the last few nights. I will just try again tonight, it's no big deal.”
“I can give you some.” Feng Xin moved closer, intending on transferring some of his spiritual energy to Mu Qing.
“Don't. Keep it to yourself. You need it more than me now anyway.” Mu Qing just waved him off with the sleeve of his robes.
It was quiet for a moment before Feng Xin spoke again.
“Is there something else I can do for you then?”
There was only one thing Mu Qing would love right now, even more than sleep. But he couldn't ask Feng Xin to do something like this. How shameless would that be of him? So he just shook his head no in the end without saying anything.
But Feng Xin caught the small pause before Mu Qing answered. He has known him for over 800 years after all.
“What is it?” he asked, now determined to get the answer out of him.
“I just said that nothing. Go mind your own business and let me work.”
“Come on Mu Qing, I know there's something. Why won't you tell me?”
“And why would I tell you?” Mu Qing scoffed and rolled his eyes again.
“I don´t know, maybe because I fucking care about you and want to fucking help?!” Feng Xin felt that he was losing patience. He took a deep breath to calm himself down.
“Look at me Mu Qing.”
Mu Qing reluctantly looked into Feng Xin´s eyes, wishing to look anywhere else but there. Feng Xin took his face in his hands, preventing him from turning away.
“What can I do for you? Please, I want to help.” he whispered as they finally locked eyes with each other. And maybe that was all it took Mu Qing to make his decision, or maybe it was the way Feng Xin was softly holding his face, as if afraid of breaking him - Mu Qing himself didn't know. He let his eyes close and took a deep breath.
“Could you help me wash my hair?” he said quietly, still not meeting Feng Xin´s eyes.
“...what?” said Feng Xin, dumbfounded.
“I…my hair, it..it's hard for me to wash them myself with my hands still l-like this…” There was a moment of silence as both of them looked at Mu Qing´s hands, still burnt and scared all over. The healing process has been very slow, considering how long it has been since the events on Mount Tonglu - his feet on the other hand have healed almost completely, mainly thanks to his deputies making sure he didn't have to walk much, being more than happy to bring him everything right under his nose. But it would take much more time for his hands to heal now that he was also helping the Civil Gods write and organise the reports.
“What did you say?” asked Mu Qing, his attention brought back by Feng Xin´s voice.
“Okay” repeated Feng Xin “I will help you wash your hair.”
“Wait I- you don't have to. I don't want to force you to do it. Forget it, I can do it myself.”
“Mu Qing, you are not forcing me. I offered to help you and that's what I will do.” He slightly lifted Mu Qing´s head and looking into his eyes with a soft smile on his lips he said “After all, that´s what friends are for.”
Oh yeah, they were friends now - or at least that's what they liked to call their current situation. They didn't see each other most of the day since they both had different duties and when they did they exchanged only a few words and that was it. It would be more fitting to call it coexisting rather than friendship - still it was a welcomed change to not be arguing over every little thing and actually treat each other without the hostility they both got used to during all those centuries. Maybe in a few decades they could be called friends.
Mu Qing let out a soft sight and softly smiled at Feng Xin, a smile so small it could be easily missed.
“Okay.”
“Alright, I will just get everything ready and call you once I'm done.” After saying this, Feng Xin stood up and made his way to the washroom.
Once Feng Xin was out of sight, Mu Qing brought his hands to his face and let out a frustrated groan. Really? Asking Feng Xin to wash my hair? How embarrassing, what was I thinking?. He wanted the ground to swallow him so that he could escape the awkward situation he had gotten himself into. Mu Qing felt his face heat up at the thought of sharing such an intimate moment with Feng Xin - at least for Mu Qing it would be the most intimate he has ever been with anyone in his life. One could argue that they have already shared such moments with each other - when they took care of each other's wounds during the war they fought together alongside their Prince, or when Feng Xin insisted on helping him put an ointment on his burnt hands and legs after he caught him struggling one time.
Now that Mu Qing thought about it, Feng Xin was the only one he had ever allowed to help him. Truth be told, Mu Qing was but a selfish man. He tried to distance himself from Feng Xin after coming to terms with his feelings for the prince's bodyguard. Still he was yearning for the warm touch of Feng Xin´s strong hands on his skin, he wanted to feel those hands around him, holding him close, to hear his hearty laughter after some stupid joke, to see his blinding smile directed at him. Hence why he allowed Feng Xin to get close to him from time to time, trying to protect his fragile heart at the same time. It was a blessing and a curse - the proximity making Mu Qing feel warm and alive, always dreading the end of it, leaving him cold and empty.
His thoughts were interrupted by Feng Xin calling him.
“I have prepared everything, so you can go in now.”
Sighing Mu Qing got up, his legs slightly numb from how long he was sitting on them, slowly making his way to the washroom. He stopped next to Feng Xin, quickly glancing at his face before deciding that playing with the hem of his robes was more interesting in the moment - it was an old habit of his, doing it when he felt nervous.
They stood in silence for a while, neither of them knowing what to say.
“So uh just tell me when you're ready, I will wait outside.” Feng Xin said at last, avoiding his eyes and quickly walking past Mu Qing outside the washroom.
Mu Qing stood there, in the middle of the room, contemplating his life choices for a moment, before shaking his head slightly and going over to the mirror.
He took out the silver guan and ribbon that were holding his hair in his signature high ponytail. His long black hair was cascading down his back, his bangs framing his face perfectly, giving him an air of elegance and softness. Mu Qing took his favourite comb - Shi Qingxuan was the one who gifted it to him a few decades ago and he always kept it in his robes in case of an emergency - and started carefully combing out all the knots that had appeared in his hair during the day.
After he was done, Mu Qing started removing his robes. Each layer taken off, carefully folded and put on the stool by the mirror.
He kept on only his inner layer and quickly got inside the bath filled with warm water, feeling his tense muscles relax.
“Mu Qing? Can I come in?” came Feng Xin´s voice from outside.
Mu Qing took one last deep breath to prepare himself for what was about to come next.
“Y-yes” he hoped that his voice didn't give away the nervousness he felt.
Mu Qing was sitting with his back to the door, so that he didn't have to look at Feng Xin as he softly closed the door and made his way to sit behind Mu Qing.
Nobody said anything for a moment, the only sounds filling the otherwise silent room were the clinking of the small bottles Feng Xin brought with him and their soft breaths.
It was Mu Qing who finally broke the unbearable silence.
“Y-you don't have to do this if you don't want to, I can just do it myself.” his voice was barely but a whisper, still it sounded loud in the silence that enveloped them.
It was a few moments before he heard Feng Xin sight. “Mu Qing, I already told you I would do it. I wouldn't have offered to help you if I didn't want to.” He felt as Feng Xin´s hands gently gathered the hair spilling over his shoulders. “Enough of this nonsense now, just relax and let me do this for you.” the last part was spoken so softly that Mu Qing wondered if he heard it correctly.
It was very unlikely for Feng Xin to want to help him willingly without expecting something in return, because that's not how their relationship worked. But it seemed that today was full of surprises for Mu Qing.
His head was gently tilted back and a cloth was placed at his forehead to prevent water from getting into his eyes.
Feng Xin filled a bowl with water and slowly started rinsing Mu Qing´s hair. He has repeated the process again and again, making sure every inch of his hair was wet, while gently combing through them, untangling all the knots that Mu Qing failed to do himself before. After brushing his hair for a little longer, Feng Xin took some hair oils that he found laying around and began massaging them into his scalp.
Mu Qing sighed at the feeling, finally fully relaxing into the warm water. He allowed himself to close his eyes at Feng Xin´s gentle but firm touch, feeling the tension leave his body. He couldn't even remember when was the last time someone has done this for him. Instead of letting his thoughts spiral to a place where he didn't want them to, he tried to focus on the fingers massaging his scalp, the soft stream of spiritual energy and on the comforting silence around them.
Moments like this were still new to both of them. For 800 years they treated each other with cold stares, harsh words and even harder blows, occasionally helping the other on a mission which did not prevent them from bickering and arguing the whole time. It felt normal to them after all that time, simply because it was all they knew.
But things were changing between them, much faster than Mu Qing thought they would. After bringing him back to the Heavenly Capital, or at least to what remained of it, Feng Xin made sure that Mu Qing was tended to by the Medical Gods before he let them take care of his own wounds. They then met up with Xie Lian a few days after to talk openly and honestly and finally properly apologise to each other - that day ended with Mu Qing´s cheeks hurting from smiling and laughing more than he ever did, as well as having 2 new friends, who he learned considered him their friend even back during their Xianle days.
Since then the relationship between him and Feng Xin has changed for the better. They were able to spend time together in comfortable silence without feeling the need to argue about everything - they still bickered and teased each other, but it would often end with both of them trying to hide their smiles.
Mu Qing´s thoughts were interrupted by Feng Xin´s low chuckle.
“What are you laughing at?” asked Mu Qing curiously.
“Oh nothing. I just remembered how you did this for me back in Xianle when I broke my arm. You were such a bitch about it too that you just ended up splashing water in my face.” a small laugh escaped Feng Xin.
“Well that's what you deserve for being a careless dumbass. You really did it with no hesitation, without a care for any consequences. What if the damage had been worse and your hand wouldn't be able to heal? Seriously, can you imagine the shock we all felt at that?” Mu Qing was now facing Feng Xin, his brows furrowed and eyes piercing daggers through Feng Xin´s soul.
“Careful now, that almost sounded like you care about me.” The grin on Feng Xin´s face grew more, a teasing glint appearing in his eyes.
Mu Qing quickly turned away from Feng Xin´s piercing gaze as he felt a blush spreading on his cheeks.
“Who said anything about me caring about you? I was just pointing out how dumb you were, that's all, nothing else.” Mu Qing rolled his eyes, trying to divert Feng Xin´s attention from the blush that was now spreading all over his face.
“Uh huh, sure, keep lying to yourself, but I know that deep down you do care about me.” Mu Qing didn´t even need to be facing him to know that there was a shit-eating grin on Feng Xin´s face as he continued teasing Mu Qing.
“Do you want me to splash water all over you again? Did you learn nothing the last time?” crossing his arms in front of his chest, Mu Qing tried to fix him with a glare, hoping for it to be more effective than the soft tone in which he spoke those words.
“Okay I will stop, no need to get violent.” Feng Xin backed away a little, raising his hands up in defeat, but the teasing grin was still there, showing Mu Qing that he couldn´t fool him anymore by such words.
For a minute they just stared at each other in silence, before Feng Xin moved back to Mu Qing with a sigh, carefully taking his scarred hands into his own calloused ones. Mu Qing knew that Feng Xin´s hands were bigger than his, he had seen them during their sparring sessions and fights, or when they helped treat each other's wounds after not so successful missions. Still he couldn´t stop the blush spreading to his ears, the difference in size striking now that he saw them together.
“Mu Qing,” said Feng Xin, bringing him back to the present moment, silver eyes looking into golden ones. “I know that I have already said this, but I need to make sure you understand and don't twist my words again. I care about you. And I know that it still may not sound like I´m telling the truth but I never hated you. Yes, I was angry at you for leaving us and blinded by my anger towards you for many centuries, I refused to see your reasons or hear your side of the story. I apologise for not taking your feelings into consideration. But now I know, and I understand why you did what you did, why you had to do it. What I'm trying to say is that it was never hatred that I felt towards you, that I'm sure of, so please believe me when I say that I care about you, that I want to be your friend.” that I hold affection for you - a soft whisper for only Feng Xin´s heart to hear, the discovery still new and raw, hidden away in the safety of his ribcage.
Suddenly Feng Xin´s gaze felt like too much, like it was gonna set him aflame anytime soon, so he opted to rather stare at their hands, still clasped together. Mu Qing took a deep breath, preparing himself for the words he was about to speak, but he knew that he had to do it. Because that's what friends do - they talk and listen to each other.
“I used to hate you with my whole gut. I was mad at you for not hearing me out, for not trying to listen to me and for kicking me out, telling me to leave. Back then I thought that if no one else understood me, that you would. But I was wrong, because I have always been alone against the world. I was jealous of you back then and your friendship with His Highness - I desperately wanted to be a part of that, to feel what it's like to have someone who you can count on, who you can share your troubles, happiness and sadness with. But that privilege never belonged to me. I´ve despised you after we both ascended. I couldn't bear to see your face, your presence brought me pain, reminding me of the days I wanted to forget.We were never on good terms, but still it was the closest to having a friend - the arguing, bickering and fighting were the most familiar things we knew.”
There was a soft touch on his cheek, startling Mu Qing, making him look at Feng Xin with wide eyes. Feng Xin´s usually warm eyes were filled with sadness, his gaze apologetic - Mu Qing wondered why. He brought his own hand to his cheek, his eyes widening even more at the discovery that they were wet with tears he didn't remember shedding.
Feng Xin cradled Mu Qing´s face in his hands, gently wiping his tears while bringing their faces closer together. Mu Qing´s breath hitched at the proximity but he didn't pull away.
“I am so sorry Mu Qing. I apologise for making you feel like that. I just hope that you will forgive me one day for the way I treated you, for the words I shouted at you that I didn´t mean. I hope that you will allow me to be your friend and treat you the way you deserve.” Feng Xin´s eyes were earnest as they looked into Mu Qing´s own.
“This was all in the past and I think that it's finally time to move on. It will probably take some time for me to forgive you for everything, but I will try - we are friends after all.”
“Don´t you mean f-f-friends?” said Feng Xin in his typical teasing tone.
“Ugh gods, you´re so annoying. Will you ever let that go?” Mu Qing groaned as Feng Xin´s laughter sounded loudly, making Mu Qing´s own lips curve into a small smile, the tension that filled the air around them finally melting away.
Mu Qing looked into Feng Xin´s eyes, sharply inhaling as he realised just how close their faces actually were. Their foreheads were almost touching - Mu Qing could feel Feng Xin´s hot breath on his skin, mingling with his own and dancing together in the air between them. He could see every freckle adorning his face, old scars that never fully healed. His eyes slowly slid to Feng Xin´s lips. They looked very soft and inviting, if only Mu Qing leaned in closer to taste them. He quickly pulled his eyes up, catching Feng Xin doing the same. Their eyes met as both gulped audibly, blushes spreading across their cheeks.
Mu Qing didn´t know who leaned in first, but suddenly he felt plush lips on his own soft ones. The kiss was nothing but a small peck on the lips, over as quickly as it started. But it didn't take them long to reach for the other again.
Their lips met again, in a kiss much longer than the first one. The kiss was slow and gentle, it was everything they were not. One of Feng Xin´s hands cradled his cheek, the other held Mu Qing close by the back of his neck, helping him relax into the kiss. Mu Qing let out a small gasp, letting Feng Xin pry his lips open, their lips slotting together perfectly as if they were always meant to be like that. Mu Qing´s hands found their way around Feng Xin´s neck, to ground himself or bring Feng Xin closer, he didn't know.
They kissed slowly, taking their sweet time to explore yet unknown territories. Their lips danced a dance to which only they knew the steps. It was everything and at the same time not enough. They clung to each other desperately, as if afraid the other would disappear if they let go.
It was a long time before they parted, leaning their foreheads together, gasping, trying to catch their breaths - the only sounds filling the otherwise silent room.
“Feng Xin.” whispered softly Mu Qing, breaking the silence around them.
“Mn?”
“What was that?”
“... a kiss?” asked Feng Xin with a raised eyebrow.
Mu Qing rolled his eyes. “I know that it was a kiss you dumbass. What I meant was, what does that mean? For u-us.” his voice was only but a whisper by the end, words spoken so softly they could have been missed. But Feng Xin still heard them, loud and clear.
He signed, bringing their foreheads together.
“I, I don't know to be honest. I am still confused about a lot of things, about these feelings I have for you, the ones I had for you maybe for centuries already without realising or maybe I knew about them but didn't want to acknowledge them for the fear of what that would mean for me, for us. But I am sure when I say that we can figure this out together. I cannot promise that it will be anytime soon, but we will take it slow and this time we will do it right, that I can promise you Qing-er. If you will have me of course.” said Feng Xin as he slowly looked into Mu Qing´s eyes.
Mu Qing met Feng Xin´s soft gaze, frantically searching for any sight of uncertainty in Feng Xin´s golden eyes, but he didn't find any.
Truth be told, Mu Qing has already known about his feelings for Feng Xin. Has known about them since their time in Xianle, when he still carried a small flame of hope that maybe his feeling could be reciprocated. But after everything that has happened, after they all went their separate ways, Mu Qing locked away those feelings in the deepest corner of his heart, vowing to never let them see the light of the day again.
But here he was now, centuries later with Feng Xin confessing his feelings for him and he felt the walls he built around his heart slowly breaking, one by one. And he was afraid of what would happen between them now. What if this doesn't work out? What if then it just makes their relationship worse than it was before?
But at the same time he found himself craving the affection with which Feng Xin treated him now. The last person who treated him as such was his mother.
He wanted to chase those soft touches, the warm calloused hands that held him oh so gently. He wanted to hear that warm deep voice whisper sweet nothings in his ears as strong arms held him close to the body that kept him warm. The feeling of soft lips leaving kisses on his skin, spreading warmth through his body.
He knew that he had denied himself this for way too long - and he was tired of pretending that it wasn´t slowly killing him on the inside.
With his mind made up and determination in his eyes, he put his hand on Feng Xin´s and cradled it closer to his cheek.
“I would like that, that would be nice.” Mu Qing said softly, with a small genuine smile on his lips.
Mu Qing watched as Feng Xin´s whole face lit up, his smile widening and blush covering his cheeks and ears. It was cute and Mu Qing was happy that he was the reason behind it.
They looked into each other's eyes, basking in the moment, before Feng Xin brought his free hand in front of Mu Qing, his pinky finger outstretched.
“Promise that we will do this together and the right way this time.” he said in a serious tone, but the smile still stayed on his lips.
Mu Qing couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him, making Feng Xin smile even wider.
“Really Feng Xin? A pinky promise? How old are you, five?” he tried to say in a mocking tone, but the smile and the gentleness of his voice betrayed him.
Still he wrapped his pinky finger around Feng Xin´s outstretched waiting one while looking into his hopeful and warm eyes.
“I promise, A-Xin.”