Chapter Text
Based on artwork by sugarlesspaints
“Uh oh…”
“Which card did you draw, Shiny~?”
“Let’s just say it’s… good for you, but b-bad for me…” [Gulp!] [Schwip, schwip, schwip, schwip, schwip-schwip-schwip-schwip-schwip…!]
You didn’t know why you even bothered showing up to game nights anymore… The least they could do was give you some warning!
“Oh my~! Was it…?”
“U-Uh huh…”
“And you’re sure you wanna—?”
“Mmhmm!”
“Anon, would you be a dear~? Rules are rules, after all~❤!”
Sigh… The shit you put up with… [Ziiiiiiiiiip…]
. . .
[Plap, plap, plap, plap, plap, plap!]
“Aaaaaahn~❤! Yes, yes, YES~❤! Oooh~! I love that human cock of yours so fucking much, Anonymous~❤!”
[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap…] “M-Me too…!”
“D-Don’t forget you have to cum inside me~! We both want you to~!”
“F-Fuck~! Y-Yes PLEASE~!” [Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap…]
[Plap, plap, plap, plap, plap, plap!] Jesus wept… A friend in need is a friend indeed…
. . .
Cadence Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor were just like your average married couple if your average married couple were walking, talking, magical ponies. Oh, and royalty, too. Cadence was the princess of love, apparently, and Shining Armour was… Well, he was the brother of another princess and also a major cuckold…
They’d been your closest friends ever since you took the Truck-kun Express to the magical world of Equestria — real original — and you owed them your life in the most literal sense of the word. Without them, you’d have been killed, or kidnapped, or experimented on, or worse, made to babysit the CMC…
Truly, a fate worse than death.
So when your best bro and his wifey confided in you that they wanted you to fuck the everloving SHIT out of her while HE watched, you were obviously apprehensive, checked the room for hidden cameras and microphones, and then sat them down and hashed out the details of why their marriage was failing.
“But it isn’t…?”
"We’re just as in love as the day we first got married~!”
Yeaaaaah… They told you about that. Changeling invasion or something like that, not that you could understand all the details or intricacies of pony politics, but it sounded an awful lot like Shiny had PTSD or some shit after finding out his wife wasn’t his wife and then having to save the day by marrying her. Oh, and then again by knocking her up or something... You weren’t up to speed on Flurry Heart and whatever happened there, but one way or another, that was an awful lot of pressure to put on a guy.
Be happy and stay married or the world’ll come to an end…
You’d have thought that the princess of love would be able to spice up their bedroom just fine on her own, but whatever, you couldn’t stand to see either of them miserable or listen to their begging anymore… He was your bro, and Cadence was your sis — and not just by proxy, either, since she’d helped you out plenty of times all on her own — so you dug deep, did them a solid, and laid all the pipe they wanted you to whenever and wherever they wanted you to.
Funny thing, despite being literal horses, Cadence somehow managed to get her tight-as-a-vice candy-coloured pussy resized and Shiny hit the fucking ceiling with what sounded like a bucketful when you finally started blowing rope into his by-then-unconscious wife…
He even cleaned your cock off and did a better job with his tongue than Cadence had! Now that was a real eye-opener for you to say the least…
You didn’t think you liked the idea of getting head from a ponyboi until he was the one slobbering your knob and tickling your nuts as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. Didn’t hurt that he drank every last drop of spunk you shot down his throat while shooting off like a geyser all by himself and right between your legs without so much as a finger being laid on his own junk by anyone…
Hell of a power trip, that... Turning your best bro and crowned prince into just another pretty pony princess cocksock™ (batteries not included) while fucking his wife like she owed you money and you actually wanted to get her addicted to BHC and write off ponibois for good…
Jesus, they were starting to rub off on you! Driving a wedge between two of the nicest people, ponies, whatever! was the absolute last thing you ever wanted to do! So you had to have a serious talk with them and tell them how uncomfortable it was making you that their sex-life seemed to hinge on you…
Which brought you to game night, and everyone knew how that turned out…
. . .
“Cum in me, Anon~! Drop a hot wad of your human swimmers in me~! I want another baby, and I want it to be YOURS~!”
[Plap, plap, plap, plap, plap, plap!]
“Oh fuck, oh fuuuuuck~!” [Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap!] “D-Do you really!? Do you really want him to knock you up!?”
“I do, Shiny, I DO~! My body’s SCREAMING for it, and I know how happy it would make YOU to watch my belly swell up when his cock isn’t stretching it out, so I can’t deny it anymore~!”
[Plap, plap, plap—] Whoa now, no one said anything about any of that!
“Please, Anon~! PLEASE! I’m so fucking close, dude, and it would mean the world to me to raise your kid— y-your kids~? Fffffffffffff—! J-Just do me this solid and stop holding back! Pr-Pretend she’s some f-f-fancy Canterlot whore you paid good bits to get to cum inside raw~! J-Just close your eyes, b-bare those teeth, and rape my wife for meeeeeeeeeee~!”
[Splurt, splurt, spluuuuuuuuuuurt!]
“N-Nothing’s going to change between us, Anon~❤! Fl-Flurry already thinks of you like an uncle, so wh-what’s wrong with giving her a half-sibling!? A half-human half-alicorn brother or ssssssssssssisssssssssterrrrrrrrrrr!?”
[Splaaaash, splaaaaaaash, splaaaaaaash!]
”Oh fuck, I can never make her squirt like that~!” [F-Fap… Fap, fap… Fap, fap, fap, fap!]
GODDAMN was princess pussy a hell of a drug! You were almost thinking of doing it!
“I-I’ll, uh, put in a good word with my sister and have her introduce you to her friends~? O-Or, uh, a-all the princesses~?”
[Spluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurt, spluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurt, spluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurt!]
Say no more. If there was even a chance of getting to know some of the mares you knew he and his sister knew, then—
“YES~! I missed the feeling of fertile cum inside me!!!”
As you hosed the princess’s womb down with everything you had and prayed you wouldn’t have to babysit too often, you saw the love shining through the kinky freaks’ eyes as they held hands and came together for a second time…
Yeah, they were pretty messed up, but they were happy, and they deserved each other, so who were you to judge? At least this way you had a shot at clapping some of the thiccest flanks in Equestria… Right?