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Johnny had had a horrible day. He was anxious and jumpy, his arms and legs hurt, his jaw ached, and he couldn't go home on account of almost getting plate shards in him earlier that morning. He had been hanging out in the lot for the majority of the day, trying to sleep off the intense emotions drowning him before he so much as tried to go see the rest of the gang. He'd been sitting there, staring at the indents on the door of the car he was hiding away in and his own arms, since about 10am.
No clue what hour it was now.
He also had no clue how to get himself to stop bleeding. He knows he shouldn't have done it - especially with no way to cover or clean it. In the middle of a lot full of shit he could easily cut himself on, could easily get some sort of infection from. But he just couldn't help it.
Everything today had been like it was out to get him. He hadn't had his mom throw dishes at him in years, so he hadn't been expecting it at all when a plate was suddenly rushing to his head when he woke up a minute late. If his mom had any better of an aim, he's sure he would've been picking shards out of the side of his head at the Curtis' house or a hospital.
He was so shaken up afterwards he barely noticed his dad was behind him, yelling at him over something. He hadn't noticed until he was being roughly shoved out of the front door and getting hit across the face. He hadn't noticed the car pulling up beside him as he walked to the lot, dazed more then usual. Hadn't heard the socs screaming until there were rocks being thrown at his head. He hadn't noticed anything throughout the day.
It pissed him off, he was supposed to be better then that. How was he supposed to protect himself if he couldn't even pay attention to his surroundings. He wanted to remember, to make sure he didn't forget again. So he used the blade in his pocket — but he'd cut deeper then he realized and the blood was having a harder time stopping then it usually did.
He wanted to go to the Curtis' already, he didn't want to be alone the entirety of the day, but he couldn't go over there bleeding because of himself. He continued to lick his thumbs and wipe away the blood, trying not to get much of any on his clothes. Eventually he leaned back against the seats again. Huffing out a sigh and closing his eyes.
His wrists were sore and as bad as he tried to get himself back to sleep to kill more time, there was an annoying pulsing sharp pain every other second. He was starting to get angrier at himself. Why can't he just be a person for fucks sake.
What person is so out of it they don't realize what's going on around them, what person is so stupid they have to hurt themselves to try and make themself remember to be a person. Johnny wrapped his own fingers around his wrist carefully but then pressed down against the fresh scars.
It made him jolt, but he kept the pressure. Sucking on his teeth and keeping his eyes closed. Taking in deep breaths when the pain fell enough to actually breathe. He just wanted today to be fucking over, doesn't even matter if he could see the others anymore. He just needed everything to end.
"Johnny? Johnny!" The boy startled awake, reaching for his blade quickly, eyes trying to focus on the darkness of the night. He held the knife out in the direction of the voice, hand shaking. "Woah, calm down there, Johnnycakes. Just me." Johnny blinked again, he knew the voice, he always knew Dally's voice. He’d know it anywhere at anytime. But his hands felt stuck up and he was still shaking.
Slowly, as his eyes focused on the other boy, his hand dropped to his lap and he could feel himself let out a large sigh. "You scared me, Dal." He says, quiet. Sliding up to be sitting instead of laying, giving Dally the room he needs to crawl into the backseat of the car with him. "I could tell." Dally says with a small smile, he didn't quite crawl in as much as he rested a knee against the seat, leaning in.
"You ain't the only one to be talking about being scared right now, though." Dally's breath held a small laugh. Johnny blinked, stuffing his knife back into his back pocket. "What d'you mean by that?" Johnny asks back, rubbing under his eyes tiredly. He'd had the sleepiness startled out of him but knowing it was just Dally and that he was safe was making the tiredness flood through him again quickly.
"You've been missing all day, kid. Pony said he'd seen you walking eariler looking all beat up and tried to call out but you didn't even blink his way. We all figured you'd show eventually but," His head raised to look around through the dimly lit lot they were settled in. "Obviously that didn't happen." Dally finished and finally rested himself farther against the car seat. Johnny could feel the dip.
Johnny hummed back and nodded. "I didn't think I looked that roughed up." Johnny mumbled to him quietly and he could hear much more then see Dally giving a slight shrug as response. "Something bad happen today? You're jumpy." "I'm just jumpy cause you woke me up in the lot." Johnny argued quickly, voice getting smaller as he did.
There was a little bit of quiet and Johnny could feel the way Dally refused to believe him. Though he didn't speak on the disbelief, only extended a hand close to Johnny. The younger looked to it and raised an eyebrow.
"Come on, Johnnycakes. You're gonna stay the night with me." It wasn't a question and Johnny knew that, but still his voice came up. Small but steady. "You don't need to do that, Dally. I'm more then fine."
Dally scoffed and it made some sort of annoyance ping in Johnny's chest, some sort of feeling built from not being able to protect himself enough. From needing someone else, even if it was Dally, having to pick him up after a day like this.
He shook his head.
"Oh, come on Johnnycake. I don't want you sleeping out here tonight if you were that out if it." Dally told him carefully. He seemed to be getting a little annoyed himself, he was probably tired. Usually Johnny wouldn't hesitate in the slightest to agree to spending time with Dally, but he couldn't help the annoyance and insecurity at everything surrounding the situation.
"I'm really fine, Dal. I won't get hurt or nothing." He felt stubborn, like a little kid. Finally Dally groaned and reached forward, grabbing Johnny's shoulder lightly. "Baby. Please."
Johnny frowned at the pet name, looking up at Dally. He could actually see the color of his eyes now that he was closer, and he shrunk into himself a little bit. Johnny could never refuse Dally when he talked sweet and Dally always used it when he needed. Johnny nods and starts sliding himself closer to Dally to get out of the car. Dally steps back and allows him the room, Johnny stumbling for a second as he stands.
Dally's hand is still against him, and it slides to be wrapped around Johnny's shoulders when he's up. Easily stabilizing him from his wavering.
The door of the car is hit closed and they begin walking. Dally doesn't start up a conversation so neither does Johnny. His head leaning back against his arm. He's exhausted despite sleeping for the majority of the day. He's sure Dally is too, there's a small bit of guilt that pinches him that the boy stayed up in some part because of him.
Johnny blinked a few times and suddenly he was walking up the stairs of Buck's place. Being lead into Dally's token room. He stumbled in, rubbing his eyes when Dally let go to shut and lock the door behind them. Turning back around, Dally stripped himself from his jacket and shirt, rolling his shoulders and popping his neck. Johnny sat himself gingerly on the edge of the bed.
A wave of awakeness rushing through him again at one of those sharp pain spikes from his wrist. He was going to have to take his jacket off to sleep. He was seriously wishing he could say no to Dally in the lot. Or just that he was awake enough to be smarter.
Johnny bites the inside of his lip, wondering what possible excuse he could use to why he should definitely stay fully dressed - jean jacket and all - while in bed with the man who had seen him naked before. He could try to use the excuse of it being cold. If only it wasn't near mid summer and the only reason Johnny had his jacket on in the car was cause he didn't want to risk getting infected more then he was already at risk of.
Plus if he tried that excuse, Dally would probably instantly know what had happened. And he had been clean for months, he didn't want whatever response Dally was going to give him. Maybe he could run for it, or something. Maybe he could ask Dally to turn off the lights before getting undressed. But that also leads the morning, what if Dally wakes up before him or—
"Johnny!"
The boy jumped and his head snapped up to Dally, who was standing nearly right infront of him. "God, you really are out of it. What's going on?" Dally asks, raising his hand to hold his wrist against Johnny's head. Johnny could feel his cheeks growing red. "Nothing, Dal." Johnny mumbled, accidentally leaning into the olders touch a little when he took his wrist from his head. Johnny was quick to straighten his posture.
"Can we just head to sleep?" Johnny asks, quickly. Dally blinks, confused, but nods nonetheless. "You want some clothes to change into?" Johnny was shaking his head before Dally even finished talking. Dally hummed and began settling himself on the other side of the bed after he peeled his jeans off. He stretched out and watched Johnny curiously as the younger tried to simply turn inward to face him and shuffle into a laying position.
"What're you doing?" Dally question, watching how Johnny flinched and stiffened. "Laying..?" Dally raised his eyebrows and looked Johnny up and down. "In all of that? You're gonna burn to death in your sleep, Johnnycake." He had a small frown on his lips, Johnny wanted to hit himself upside the head for the clear fact he had been doing nothing but worrying Dally more since he woke him up.
"No, I'm- cold. I'll be fine." He hadn't meant to say that out loud, the need to hit himself growing as Dally sat back up. His eyes trailing Johnny, lingering on his arms.
"Johnny." "Yes-?" The pain in his wrists was pounding. He mildly wanted to cry.
Dally didn't say anything, eyes glancing to Johnny's face then back to his arm. Johnny pulled his arms to himself, sitting up straight. Dally shifted closer to him, reaching out his own hand. Johnny flinched, frowning when Dally grasped his hand.
"Look, I know it was stupid and-" "Let me see, Johnny." Dally's voice was soft, more so then usual. More so even then it tended to be when it was just them, away from everyone else like they were right now. Softer then most nights they were wrapped in each others arms. Johnny looked at him again, relaxing himself enough for Dally to pull his hand close to him.
"They're nasty." Johnny warned as Dally's hand reached to roll up his sleeve, voice shaking. "They look gross. You wont like how they look-" there was an insecure anxiety so clear in Johnny's voice it made Dally pause. "-Can't I just sleep with my jacket on?" His voice raised at the end, bits of the fear of Dally being disappointed [or even worse, disgusted] over it shaking out in his tone.
"You won't have to look at them, that way." Dally didn't answer, just finally rolled the sleeve up. His lips pressed together at the sight, the angry redness of them. Johnny stiffened under him. Dally rolled the sleeve back down, watching Johnny’s eyes widen and his breath pick up. His mouth forming around sounds that couldn’t escape his lips. “Johnny, sweet boy, calm down.” Dally told him, voice careful but firm as he reached to pull the boys jacket fully off of him.
Johnny was taking in sharp breaths and Dally fully paused when he heard the boy sniffle. His jacket almost fully off, the collar of it pooled to the base of Johnny’s palms. Dally could see the full extent of just what he’d done earlier.
Johnny sniffled again and when Dally looked up, his eyes were glazed over, his lip trembling. “Please don’t look at them.” Johnny’s voice squeaked out, a sharp breath flooding his lungs. “Please, they’re so gross. I don’t want you to think of me as gross.” Another sniff shook his shoulders, tears he couldn’t wipe away because he was frozen under Dally’s hands were heavy in his lower lash line.
“Oh. Johnny-“ Dally let out a small shushing noise quickly, lifting his hands from the jacket and wrapping them around Johnny’s body. Pulling him into his chest. Johnny leaned in and shook, arms falling limp in between them, allowing his jacket to slide all the way down. The only thing stopping it from being off was the fact his hands were against the bed right now.
“Baby,” Dally soothed, one hand against Johnny’s back and the other cradling his head. Rubbing through locks of hair with yesterdays grease almost fully rubbed out of them. “Baby I could never think you’re gross.” Dally told him, feeling tears fall against his chest. “You should..” Johnny mutters so softly that Dally almost couldn’t hear it around the deep breaths.
Dally shook his head, placing a soft kiss against the crown of Johnny’s head. He leaned back, keeping his hand against Johnny’s head while the other reaches for one of his hands. Johnny flinched and pulled his hand away, but let himself get swayed as Dally steadily, softly reached for it again. Johnny watched his arm with a cringe, watched Dally bring it up to him.
He jolted when Dally kissed the tip of his index finger. Then his middle, his ring, and his pinkie. Then his thumb.
He kissed where his thumb met his palm then in the middle of the lighter shaded skin.
“Dal-?” Johnny’s voice was soft, still shaking with the fact tears were creating lines down his flushed cheeks.
Dally kissed the base of his palm, then pulled Johnny’s arm back a little, to look at the fresh scars. Johnny’s hand tensed, ready to pull away, when Dally leaned back in. He kissed the very top of his wrist, then very carefully, kissed down it. Pressing his lips as delicately to the cuts as he could — but making sure to kiss every single one.
Which Johnny knew was difficult with the way he never was careful with placing them, just slashing wildly in every way until there was enough blood that he decided to stop.
Dally tilted the arm and his head, he left feathery kisses in the middle of each slash. Kissing the length of a few longer ones. Johnny’s face felt like it was on fire, especially by the time that Dally got half way up his arm and gave one last kiss, gazing up to meet Johnny’s eyes.
The younger couldnt get so much as a squeak out as Dally moved back up and kissed the middle of his palm again before carefully letting it go and gingerly picking up the other hand. Johnny could feel his heart in his throat, breathing hard as he watched the other.
“You’re perfect, Johnny.” Dally told him, voice as quiet as the kisses and just as steady. He was telling him, voice leaving no room for arguments. Dally copied the process of the other hand onto this one, making sure to mutter praise every other cut. When he got to the last cut this time, Johnny felt like he was about to pass out.
His eyes were blown wide as he watched Dally, emotions swimming around in his stomach and chest. Squeezing at his heart and throat. He was finally able to breathe out a gasped “Dal,” as the other pressed a second kiss to the last scar then another one, farther up. Dally kissed up Johnny’s arm, hitting each freckle that was trying to hide in his skin tone, kissing up his arm to his shoulder. Kissing from his shoulder inward - Johnny’s head tilting back as he kissed up his neck then jaw line. He tilted Johnny’s head back down to kiss the corner of his mouth, his nose, then to give him an actual kiss.
Johnny’s face was bright red, his nose twitching from the tears that were just a minute ago rushing from him as Dally kissed him. Heavy but slow, it was a reminding weight, one that enveloped Johnny with a sense of comfort only Dally could bring him.
The taller pulled away, slowly, resting his forehead against Johnny’s own. They were quiet for a long moment until Johnny let out a small sigh. Wiping his eyes. “God Dal.. you sure know how to make someone feel better.” He laughed lowly. Eyes locked into Dally’s. Dally gave a crooked smile and kissed the corner of his lips again.
“Can’t have my Johnnycakes thinking so poor about himself. Cant be worried about things like that, baby. You’ll always be perfect to me.” Dally’s voice grew softer as he spoke and all Johnny could do in response was nod, skin rubbing against each other.
Johnny hesitated as he spoke up next, his hands going to lock with Dally’s. “You don’t think they’re gross?” He couldn’t keep the eye contact as he asked, instead letting his view line fall to Dally’s collarbones. “I think they look like they hurt pretty damn bad and that we should get them wrapped so they don’t hurt you more then they need to. I don’t think you’re gross cause you have them.” Dally responded almost instantly, his thumb rubbing against Johnny’s knuckles. The younger could feel his nose twitch again, the back of his eyes burning lowly.
“Not disappointed in me for relapsing?” Johnny made his voice quieter, a dying sounding whisper. If Johnny tried to be any quieter, his voice wouldn’t come from him at all. Dally hummed and Johnny could feel himself wanting to shrink. Really, Dally should be. He’d been doing so good, not only had he thrown it all down the drain but he’d done it so aggressively. His arms stung.
“Not disappointed. I couldn’t be disappointed at you over this sort of thing. Upset, sure. Not at you though. I just hate to see you hurting so bad.” Dally shrugged and Johnny has the urge to start crying again. But he took a breath and nodded, smiling softly.
“Yea..” Johnny mumbled, grinning at Dally the best he could. “Thank you, pretty boy.” Johnny smiles harder at the blink Dally gives in response, face reddening from being caught off guard by the pet name. He rolled his eyes at Johnny, smile clear on his lips.
Johnny may be weak to pet names, but he knows Dally is just as bad as him. He’s just better at now outwardly showing it off to Johnny. “Whatever you say, Johnnycakes.” Dally grumbled back, despite the grin.
Slowly Johnny pulled their hands from being intertwined and wraps them around Dally, pulling him down with him as he lounges into a laying position. Dallys quick lay down with him, one arm wrapping around his waist, the other cradling a hand.
Johnny pressed himself against Dally as much as he could, and Dally did just the same in response. Lifting Johnny’s wrist up to his mouth to start leaving more lazy kisses against the buzzing pain. Johnny hummed and smiled, his other hand clinging to Dally’s back. His eyes half lidded, shaky, they were both slowly getting swallowed by sleep thanks to their shared exhaustion.
“My sweet boy.” Johnny whispered again, feeling Dally’s lips shift into a slight upside down smile against his skin. “Shut it, Johnnyboy.” Dally’s voice was light, loving. It was the last thing Johnny heard before falling asleep. The last feeling, Dally’s lips tucked against his healing veins. He’ll wake up, hours from now when the sun stated burning itself into the room, feeling Dally’s steady breath making his wrists skin warm and damp, and he’ll realize Dally nodded off with the exact feeling he did and his stomach will flip for some odd reason.
But right now, all he could focus on was the warmth radiating for Dally’s body to his own. The softness he was being held to. The love he could feel being held for him.