Chapter Text
'I want to die.'
That's all Euijoo can think of as he stares blankly at the screen flashing in front of him. It's been flashing for hours, days even. He can't tell for sure, the last time he opened the curtains or checked a clock was... quite some time ago.
Well, it didn't matter. One hour, one day, one year. It felt the same to him so what difference would it make for him to know for sure?
Maybe it would give him a sense of importance or urgency, maybe some kind of awakening or even some conscience to tell him to take a bath. Who knows, maybe he'll realize that a year ago, he'd have to be at school at this hour. But nonetheless, nothing would really change, would it? Not to him, no.
Because the feeling of his mother's arm reaching into the backseat and pressing faintly against his brother's and his chests as they weakly lunged forward, the short glance he took, seeing his father's body tense up like a statue for the first time in his life, his brother grabbing his wrist tightly, holding onto his seat belt like it was a life line. Well, it wasn't. The impact was hard enough to tell him that and sound of something cracking like a broken pencil next to him made that quite clear. Just like now, it felt like hours, smelling oil, iron, disgusting smoke. Even opening his eyes felt impossible. The dried blood probably glued it shut and the weight of his eyelashes made it damn hard to keep open. He only managed to keep them open long enough to see his father hunched forward and his mom's blank face as she draped over the side of her seat, spilling into the backseat with her now limp arm leading. Turning to the side hurt like fishing hooks being plunged into his flesh and pulling at his muscles. His brother, head hung low, lower than he'd ever seen, with his vertebrae pushing against his skin, looking like it was about to burst through. He tried to reach out to his brother, maybe to fix his posture or shake him awake but his shoulder felt like it was pinned down with a dagger. He has to hiss and looking at it made his head feel even lighter. The large metal shard lodged into his body, he didn't know what to do except stare at it.
He didn't have long to stare though, at least once he heard the sirens getting closer. Feeling a sense of panic from the loud sound, he used his other arm, which also ached and tried to reach for his brother's hard that was still latched onto his wrist, he was so close to reaching but the tip of his finger barely grazed it. Even more sounds, they got even closer, his head like it was going to explode, everything hurt so much he didn't even notice he was a part of the loud sound, hiccups and high pitched whines escaped him like a kicked dog as reached and reached, the bloody tears falling from his eyes seeped through the dried blood on his eyelashes and dripped down onto the hand he reached for, slowly covering it with diluted blood. He didn't even know if he was crying because of the frustration or his brain had already registered his loss, was it because of the pain? Maybe even because of the shock. He couldn't tell, he couldn't bother to think.
He tugged and he could feel the rip in his shoulder, it hurts enough to make him scream in pain but not enough to keep him occupied as he finally managed to brush his fingers against the now wet and bloody hand of his brother. A smile was forming, be it lopsided but he was close. Just before he was about to tug again, the sound he'd drown out blasted him to reality as the door behind him was yanked open and light blinded him. Two people fussed over him and he could feel the pain of the shard being budged but it wasn't pulled out as he got picked up and taken away. He could only scream, he hadn't done it yet. He didn't hold his brother's hand yet, they couldn't take him away now, he was so close.
If he had to think of that every night before sleeping and everyday he woke up, even in his dreams, just as he did at the hospital. Why on earth would he even bother? Time wasn't important, he could just rot away for all he cared. It's not like anyone is going expect anything from him, all the people who were there to expect things from him are all gone now so, he doesn't have to report to anyone. His relatives too, be it little, they have their own lives and their own kids to raise. He's an adult so he should be able to survive on his own, isn't it? Not to mention the inheritance he got. Not only his share, but his brother's share too. Money, a house, some land. Of course he'd be fine, his parents were pretty well off too, weren't they?
Maybe it was his fault he was in this state right now. Alone, in a dingy apartment he chose to move into. He didn't even bother to put in lights, the screen lit up the whole room anyways, why waste time? His bed sat on the floor, just some things that barely qualified as bedding material, dumped onto the ground, a blanket and his own pillow. They sat pretty just like the first day he set them up. Because he didn't even bother using it, he just stayed up until he passed out then got up again.
In the corner of his room, ramen cups. At least he stacked the empty ones and stacked the new crates. That's probably the only organized spot in the whole room.
There was a dusty TV behind him, it wasn't his, he doesn't even remember if it was here when he moved in but it didn't matter.
Him? Well, he looks barely human. Not to mention dehydrated and barely breathing. If he keeps up what he's doing for a few more months, his body was definitely gonna morphe into a hunch backed, 6 foot tall, eye bagged kid with rotting teeth. With the amount of mistreatment, his teeth were on their way to rotting, within 2 months, that plaque is going to start eating away.
The long hair covering his eyes didn't even bother him at this point, he's grown accustomed to it.
It really is amazing how resilient his body is. He should be dead by now. His muscle should be wasting away but they haven't gotten there yet. His cheeks still existed. Maybe it's because of the sausages he'd put in his noodles, maybe that's the only thing keeping him from withering away.
It's been 3 months, he started off slightly alright but well, it just got worse. He moved into this place a month ago after making a mess of his house and selling everything away. The land, the house. He even sold the house to a relative who asked him little to no questions. Handing the key over didn't even feel that difficult. A chunk of that money went to charity, maybe in a way, he wanted to pay for his sins, whatever they may be. The rest of it, games, food.
His phone only had one alarm on it, set for one date. It was the only date that really mattered. His death date.
If the way he was right now wouldn't kill him fast enough, he'd do it himself. Wasting time was fun but having to actually do it and be alive when he didn't want to, sucked.
In his state now, the girls at school who'd confessed to him would definitely regret it. No that they really liked him anyways, being tall brought in a crowd.
He looked down at his keyboard, he could hear the sound of plastic tapping but he wasn't typing. It was nothing, well, nothing he could tell from the darkness of his room. He looked back at the screen and absentmindedly picked up his ramen, taking another mouthful only to taste iron. He spat it out in no time and looked down, he could see something now, blood from his nose, dripping into the clear soup of his that was rapidly turning red.
Chills ran down his spine and Euijoo slammed the cup onto the table, quickly rushing as he stumbled, over to the bathroom sink to take a look.
He was right, blood was flowing down like a fountain. Euijoo had to ignore the unrecognisable face in the mirror and focus on the bleeding nose. He slowly reached up to touch it, it was slippery but also rough. Seeping into his mouth, it tasted bad.
Well. He's probably dying.
Euijoo simply washed away the blood until it stopped and walked over to cup noodle. He couldn't eat that anything.
He glanced back at the pile, it was out of control he had to throw it.
Reluctantly pulling out a large trash bag, he shoved all the trash into it and tied it. He put his shoes on but upon looking at the door handle, he didn't know if he wanted to open it. But well, he had to, so he did.
The light hurt. Like it was burning against his skin. His eyes were already fucked but it still hurt. Only upon going out of the small cramped room did he realise, his feet might as well have forgotten how to walk seeing as he's limping and stumbling over air on a concrete floor.
"I need to get back in as soon as I can.." Euijoo thinks to himself as he shuts the door and walks to the elevator.
He was hoping no one would be out now but he could hear the sound of someone approaching the elevator too. Glancing at the window beside him, it seemed to be early in the day, most likely around 7 or 8 pm.
"Good morning," a voice spoke, it was one of his neighbours, if he remembers correctly, his name is Fuma, they met on his first day moving in. Euijoo turned slightly to look at the guy, he gave a polite nod but didn't say much else. A few more moments pass as the elevator takes it's time reaching up. "That's alot of trash, do you need some help carrying it?" He asked, eyeing one of the two bags Euijoo was holding. Euijoo, slightly taken-aback by the offer, stuttered a little bit and shook his head, "No.. thank you... It's okay." He politely declined.
The elevator finally arrived and the two of them got in, the ride down was relatively silent. Once the doors opened, Fuma politely bid farewell and exited first. Euijoo followed suit and on his way to the trash disposal area, he caught a glimpse of Fuma greeting the security guard.
The hallway to the garbage area was dimly lit, even during the day, no windows made it impossible for natural light to reach. Well, it isn't too much to worry about since the trash area was outside of the building and the hallway only led to it's exit door.
He made quick work of getting to the door, opening it, he turned his head to the left just to see a man, shorter than him, hoist a large bag up and toss it into the garbage bin. Euijoo frozen as the man let out a sigh and dusted off his hands, his arms were exposed and Euijoo could see a large scar spanning across his forearm. The man looked up at Euijoo from under his eyelashes, their eyes meeting. He had an arrogant but nonchalant look on his face, his eyes lingering on the completely shock stricken and hesitant face staring back at him. The guy simply raised an eyebrow before straightening his neck and cracking it towards his shoulder. He simply spared on last glance at Euijoo before walking past him, colliding shoulders which sent Euijoo stumbling back slightly as the man slipped through, unfazed.
Euijoo hesitantly turned back to the garbage bin and gulped, anxious about the scene he had just witnessed. That bag the man threw in was long and large enough to hold a human, not to mention, it looked like it's feet and torso were bound. Euijoo didn't know if he'd just seen something bad or was simply mistaken but he knew those sharp cat-like eyes that glared at him held no fear when Euijoo caught him
-
Getting back upstairs was difficult, he couldn't handle being in the lobby where people could see him, constantly worried people would walk up to him. The thought of someone smelling him was even worse. He hadn't showered in days, he stunk.
Finally, the elevator reached the ground floor, Euijoo stood back but was impatient to enter. When the doors opened, he was met with an unexpected person inside, the man from the garbage bin earlier, now with a large black bag hooked to his shoulder. They met eyes again, this time the man didn't have his chin pointed towards his chest, his eyes looking forward, they looked uninterested, judgemental, calculative and most of all, like a really vicious wild cat. A indescribable sharp and piercing gaze.
The man looked Euijoo over twice, probably scanning him as Euijoo kept staring in hesitance.
"Straighten your back, you look dead," the man muttered just loud enough as he walked past Euijoo, heading out the elevator, passing by as he headed for the exit. Euijoo was slightly shaken by the man. He didn't look entirely scary, he was quite handsome and Euijoo was positive people would fall for him but the man exuded dangerous energy with the way he carried himself, not to mention the gaze he had. That man could be a murderer for all he knew.
Euijoo let out a sigh as the elevator rode up, he leaned against his back against the wall of the little box and laid his head against it, the light blaring right onto his closed eyelids. It was refreshing to go outside, scary but slightly refreshing.
The doors slid open and Euijoo dragged himself back down the empty hallway to his room door. Unlocking it, he stumbled his way back into the depressingly dark room, the glaring light from the computer still bright and jarring. He dragged himself over to the computer but he couldn't sit himself down, feeling dizzy, he simply collapsed helplessly onto the wooden floor in front of it, his eyes shutting as he started drifting off to sleep, his ears ringing loudly and his head starting to ache.