Archive of Our Own

Till’s never dated anyone.

From the moment he was born, to his twenty-first birthday- all he’s ever had were… well, simple crushes. Simple, innocent, fleeting loves that never went anywhere- fuck, they never even led him to his first kiss.

And to make things even worse, he'd never even hooked up with anybody like that before. Not one human being, which only confirmed the obvious... 

Till was a living and breathing disaster.

Sure, he was known as many things, to many different people. A rebel. A fighter. An underdog rockstar. A menace to alien society. Black sorrow, or whatever Ivan called him so long ago.

But maidenless? A virgin?! Holy fucking shit.

To make matters even worse, he was convinced that he was probably the only virgin in their group. And god, it was embarrassing.

He always knew it would fuck him over one day. That one day, his own inexperience would come and bite him in the ass, so...

He couldn't let anyone know. Under no circumstances could anyone ever find out- it was a secret he planned to take with him to the grave. Something he didn’t want anyone to know.

Yet somehow, he let part of his secret slip. It'd been during a tipsy night and to Ivan, of all people, his boyfriend staring at him like he’d said something particularly groundbreaking. Revolutionary.

“Wait, Till, you…” Ivan looks like he’s deep in thought, like he’s trying to choose his next words very carefully. “You haven’t… uh… ever?”

Till clicks his tongue, turning his head off to the side.

“Are you some kind of sadist? Stop making me repeat myself.” he mutters under his breath, clenching his jaw tightly. “For the last time, no- I haven’t dated anyone before you. Happy?”

Something unreadable flashes in Ivan’s dark eyes, something heavy-lidded and molten. Till remains still as Ivan moves in a little closer, feeling their bed shift under his weight.

"Ah. I'm just a bit surprised, is all." Ivan sighs deeply, reaching out and wrapping his arms tightly around Till. "Does this mean I'm your first relationship?"

Till’s eyes narrow, but it’s hard to ignore the way his heart skips a beat at his loving touch. He tilts his head back when he feels Ivan lean his weight forward, pressing a little kiss to his nape, gentle but lingering.

"Yeah. No shit." Till huffs, arms crossing tight around his chest. "You're the only one."

Ivan makes a low sound, an appreciative hum, before nuzzling close.

Till's heart skips a beat as Ivan peppers even more kisses in that particular spot, his lips curling into a tiny smirk.

“So I was your first kiss.” Ivan gushes as he nuzzles against his side, his warm breath sending goosebumps across Till's heated skin. “And now, your first boyfriend.”

Fuck, why did he sound so proud about that?! Till chews down on his lower lip, glancing over at Ivan once more.

"It's really not that big of a deal," Till splutters, reaching up to lightly shove at Ivan's face, playfully squishing his cheek.

“Hm? I think it is.” Ivan sounds thoughtful. “To be the first anything is an important milestone.” 

Till wasn't so sure about that. But then again, why the fuck was he acting so experienced?

“Yeah, sure. Don't act like you know what you're talking about." Till huffs under his breath, rolling his eyes. 

Ivan blinked at him, momentarily taken aback before his expression softened. 

“Why wouldn’t I know?” Ivan answers back innocently.

What.

Till splutters, his eyes widening. 

“What- you mean to tell me that you’ve dated other people before?”

There's no way. There's no fucking way-

“Sure,” Ivan's eyes close as he smiles brightly, cocking his head to the side, “You can call it that.”

Till scoffs in disbelief. What in the world.

“Tch. So what, you mean to tell me that you’re some kind of player?” Till mutters, side-eyeing him skeptically. Before he can say anything else, he flinches at the soft touch to his cheek, his heart skipping a beat when he feels Ivan’s soft lips press there. Once, twice- still testing the waters.

“Hm? Are you jealous?” Ivan teases, leaning in close to plant kisses along Till's neck. He gently presses his lips against the jagged scars there, affectionately nuzzling his nose against the sensitive skin just below Till's jawline.

“No.” he lies, his voice weak.

Ivan makes another soft sound under his breath. A low chuckle, breathless and quiet. 

“I don’t know. I’d be pretty jealous if somebody else had you.” 

Till scoffs, rolling his eyes. 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” he mutters. “I don't get jealous over stupid things like that.”

Ivan’s eyes soften. He lightly rubs his thumb over Till’s cheek, brushing his fingers along the line there- taking him by surprise.

Just his touch was enough to make Till’s heart race, leaving him staring- pupils blown wide when their eyes met.

“You say that, but you’re pouting again.”

"Huh." Till’s eyes narrow. “This is how I always look.”

Ivan laughs softly. 

“Is it now?” 

“Yeah. This is just how my face looks.”

Till shivers as Ivan's thumb traces lower, delicately brushing over his lips. Looking up at Ivan, Till's bright teal eyes meet the deepest black- and he finds himself lost in their beautiful abyss.

"I've seen you my whole life to know that's not true." Ivan singsongs, his smile painfully genuine.

Till huffs again. 

"Careful. You're acting delusional again." Till mutters, the tips of his pierced ears burning hot. He's still trying to keep his composure, at least, what remains of it, but...

Given the look on Ivan's face, something tells him he's already failed horribly. 

"Am I? I'm only voicing my concerns," Ivan meets his gaze with a delicate smile, "And personally, I think you’re too beautiful to be sulking," Ivan murmurs, his voice a soft caress. The corners of his lips quirk up into a little smirk the moment Till’s cheeks redden, another hot rush of fluster quickly rising to his face.

But even now, he’s quick to brush it off. He's even quicker to regain what's left of his stupid virgin pride.

“What, did you use that line on other people too?” He raises an eyebrow when Ivan’s expression quickly changes.

In an instant, Ivan’s playful demeanor shifts, replaced by a moment of sincerity. Seriousness. His darkened gaze intensifies, a fervent look Till has seen only a few times in his life.

"Never. My feelings, my desires, they've always been for you. Nobody else," Ivan’s hand gently tilts up Till’s chin, bringing him forward. “I've only looked at you-”

Helplessly, Till's heart skips a beat.

Ah, fuck.

Without thinking, Till quickly surged forward. He crashes forward clumsily, swallowing up Ivan’s next words in an instant, his eyes squeezing shut when he feels Ivan eagerly respond, their lips meeting together desperately.

Kissing Ivan always felt like a challenge, a little desperate and clumsy- but more than enough to be satisfying. Till felt himself getting lost in the sensation, the frenzied heat of the moment, his bony fingers clenching in Ivan’s dark hair as his back eventually met the mattress.

They stay here for a while. Even now, Till feels hyper-aware of his surroundings, the subtle way Ivan presses against him. The way he holds him to his chest- with an edge of desperation. Love. Till doesn't know how he never saw it before.

With a shaky breath, Till hooks his leg around the other’s waist, his eyes widening when he feels Ivan’s hands dip beneath his shirt, pressing against bare skin. The sudden touch makes him jolt up, taking him by surprise.

In an instant, whatever composure he has left goes out the window. 

With a sudden gasp, Till broke the kiss- his breathing heavy. He stares up at Ivan with huge eyes, hands still clutching the front of his white shirt, still feeling uncharacteristically exposed. Vulnerable. It takes a few seconds for Ivan to recompose himself, his voice soft.

“Is this okay?” Ivan murmurs, careful expression still searching Till's face when he nods. "Are you sure?"

“Yeah. Fuck.” Till shudders. “Keep going.”

And so, Ivan does. Till swallows as Ivan lifts his shirt a little higher, his back arching up the moment Ivan’s delicate hand trails over his body.

Every touch- it's gentle. Tender. Oddly enough, it feels like ice against his burning skin. He doesn't know why Ivan's so fucking cold to the touch, but he doesn't question it. 

Maybe he's being too jumpy. Maybe his inexperience is finally showing through in the simplest of ways, and-

“You’ve never done this with another man before, hm?” Ivan glances up at him, lightly running a fingertip over a jagged scar on Till’s stomach. “Nobody’s seen you like this.”

Till doesn’t want to say anything. He doesn’t want to ruin the moment- and yet, something tells him that Ivan could already fucking tell. He already knew the answer without having to say anything.

As perceptive as ever, he could hear the subtle way Till’s breath caught, his dark eyes looking over him closely, with an intensity that made him shudder.

Awkwardly, Till casts his gaze to the side again, secretly hoping Ivan wouldn’t say a damned thing, but again- he’s proven wrong.

He’d already started to put the pieces together, his eyes widening in realization.

“Oh,” Ivan’s eyes flash- concern quickly turning to amusement. “Perhaps you’ve never done this with anyone before-”

Immediately, Till’s face flares up with pure embarrassment. He surges forward, both hands reaching out to clamp over Ivan's mouth.

He glares at him, gritting his teeth tightly.

“If you value your life, you won't say another word.” Till mutters, an unspoken threat seeping into his tone. “I’m serious.” 

Despite it all, Ivan’s eyes light up with amusement. Till’s cheeks heats up when he feels a gentle kiss press to the warmth of his palm, and within seconds, he’s quickly pulling back from Ivan's lips.

“Do you have to act like a freak?” Till hisses, his cheeks growing even hotter under his gaze.

Ivan let out a soft, amused huff.

“Naturally.” Ivan grins. “I just love you.”

Oh.

Till falls quiet. His heart races in his chest, so fast, it feels like it's going to burst out. Fucking hell.

He never knew how easy it was for Ivan to say those words. How they came so easily, as easily as breathing, and…

“I love you.” Ivan whispers once more, with more conviction. “You know that, right?”

Till nods. It’s all he can do, really. He holds his breath as Ivan presses another kiss to his jaw. A soft peck to his lips, the tenderness behind it sending him reeling.

He exhales softly, the heat in his face spreading throughout his body. Burning bright, setting him ablaze.

“I…” Till licks over his chapped lips quickly, his throat closing up. “I feel the same way.”

Ivan’s lips curl up into a tender smile. His gaze was gentle when Till finally looked up at him. 

“I know.” he murmurs, as patient as ever. At this point, it felt like Till’s heart had leapt into his throat.

Shit. Not good enough.

Till shakes his head. Again, he's starting over.

"Ivan, I-I..." Till's voice dies down. His hands ball into tight fists in his lap.

It was now or never.

He either stayed a blushing virgin for the rest of his miserable life, or he took the initiative. Finally saying what was on his mind, and...

"Till?" Ivan's voice is gentle, twinged with a hint of concern. "Are you-"

"Shut up for a second." Till quickly cuts him off.

Ivan's lips immediately purse shut. He stares at Till with big eyes, genuine surprise etched onto his beautiful face.

Fuck, Till really was lucky. Finding someone like him, someone who loved him unconditionally and through all of his faults. Someone who loved him so much that they'd die without hesitation for him, and...

"I love you." Till's voice wavers over each syllable, his heartbeat roaring in his ears. "And I trust you with my life, so..."

Till fidgets restlessly, his gaze skittering off to the side.

Fuck. Come on, damn it-

“That's why I wanna…” Till drew in a long exhale, his next words tumbling out in a nervous jumble. “Do it. With you.”

Ivan takes in a sharp breath, his lidded gaze darkening with something that steals Till’s breath away. He can’t look away, not even if he really wanted to, his heart pounding wildly in his chest.

At this point, the silence between them felt like it was lasting an eternity. It feels like neither of them are breathing. 

Was that too soon? Too forward? For a moment, Till fears he’s said the wrong thing. Maybe he wasn't supposed to say something like that- fuck, he really doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore.

He should take it back before things get more awkward between them. Before Ivan regrets ever confessing to him and-

“Do you now?” A soft, affectionate chuckle snaps Till back to his senses, his eyes widening as he stares into Ivan’s lowered gaze. “Is that really what you want, Till?”

Till manages a little nod. There was no denying the truth anymore.

If they were… “dating” or whatever, then shouldn't they be honest with each other? With what they want, and...

“...Yeah.” Till’s voice comes out a little strained, his skin prickling under the heat of his intense gaze. “It is.”

Ivan looks at him silently. Till can see a thousand thoughts behind those eyes, but he doesn’t know what he could possibly be thinking.

He’s always wondered what kind of thoughts went through his head. Maybe the aliens had invented some kind of mind-reading device by now. Maybe he could steal one and use it on Ivan and finally understand what the fuck he's thinking about or-

Till jolts up when he feels Ivan’s lips peck his. The sudden gesture catches him off-guard and leaves his head spinning, his heart instinctively skipping a beat.

“Lucky me.” Ivan gently cups his face, running his thumb over his lips, still swollen from their earlier kiss. “I get to be your first everything.”

Fuck, it was just as he thought. Till's never going to live this down. 

For the rest of his life, he’s going to be haunted by Ivan teasing him about this, Ivan being so fucking smug about taking his stupid virginity, and…

“Stop making this weird.” Till’s voice comes out a bit too weak for his liking. He inhales sharply the moment Ivan’s hand glides down his body, eventually resting on his hip.

“Hm? There’s nothing weird about this.” Ivan muses, lightly tugging at his shirt. “Come. Let me see you.”

So he was eager to do this, after all.

With flushed cheeks, Till exhales softly before reaching for the hem of his own shirt to lift it over his head. He catches Ivan staring, red pupils blown wide and filled with arousal.

He leans forward like a man possessed- only stopping when he feels Till’s hand fist at his shirt.

He’ll be damned if he’s the only one stripping.

“Off.” he demands. “Now.”

And naturally, Ivan obeys.

He sits back on his legs, slender fingers reaching out and quickly undoing each button. With bated breath, all Till could do was watch- his heart hammering away as Ivan calmly shrugged off his shirt, tugging it off. 

And for the first time, Till gets a proper look at him- every dip and curve of his body, the way his pale skin glowed under the moonlight shining through their room. 

Has he always been this beautiful? Why the fuck was he just noticing?

Just the sight of him made Till’s fingers twitch, curling them at his sides. He feels his breath catch when he sees Ivan throw him a little glance, half-lidded and filled with intrigue.

“Like what you see?” Ivan drawls softly, a lazy grin curling across his soft lips.

Till’s eyes narrow. He aims a light kick to Ivan’s side in retaliation- one that he quickly catches. 

“I'll take that as a yes.” He purrs, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his ankle. 

Till shudders. He feels Ivan’s gaze on him lingering, studying his every reaction. He purses his lips together as Ivan comes close, meeting his gaze with smoldering eyes.

“How do you want this?"

Till's eyes cloud with confusion. What.

"Huh?" Till blurts out, tilting his head quizzically. "What do you mean?"

Ivan holds his gaze. Still watching him intently.

"Do you have a preference?”

Preference? Till’s already drawing a blank- he has no idea what Ivan’s even talking about.

“Uh…” he blinks. “I don't know?”

Ivan’s brow furrows, before deciding to rephrase the question entirely.

“Would you be more comfortable being on top? On bottom?” Ivan searches his expression carefully. “Does it not matter?”

Till has no idea. Fucking hell, it’s never even crossed his mind. 

“I don't fucking know.” Till let out what sounded like an aggrieved sigh. “I told you- I don’t know anything, okay? How the hell am I supposed to know what I want?!” he blurts out. “Aren’t you the experienced one? Do something about it!”

Ivan looks deep in thought again. Almost like he's actually considering what Till had said, before shifting forward. 

Till's eyes widen when he feels Ivan gently lie him back, his larger body pressing between his legs. 

“Alright, then we can try it like this. I’ll take care of you.” Ivan suggests, his voice low. Sultry. “You know how this works, right?”

Till curtly nods, his lower lip tucking in between his teeth. 

“Yeah. I guess.” he mumbles. “But if it hurts…”

“It won’t. I’d never hurt you.” Ivan quickly cuts him off, his gaze lowering, all playfulness gone. “I would rather die before hurting you.”

A few seconds pass. With a shaky breath, Till looks off to the side, a pang in his chest throbbing. A memory, he’d rather leave forgotten.

“I thought I told you to not say that kind of shit anymore, Ivan.” he mutters. “You know I don’t like it.”

Ivan’s eyes lower. He leans forward, pressing his lips against Till’s- a silent apology.

“I won’t hurt you.” Ivan repeats himself calmly, his gaze filled with so much honesty that it makes Till want to kiss him. “And if you don’t like it, I’ll stop. We can act like nothing ever happened and try again whenever you're ready.”

Well, that was simple enough, right? Even now, Ivan’s nice and straightforward when it comes to these kinds of things- just as he’s always been.

Till nods hastily in agreement. 

“Alright, fine.” he murmurs, mingled excitement and nerves churning in his gut. “I trust you.”

Ivan’s lips quirked up into the tiniest hint of a smile, lowering again to kiss the side of Till’s mouth before pulling back. 

With a racing heart, Till stares at Ivan- unable to take his eyes off him. He watches Ivan as he pulls off his pants before turning to face Till, his deft fingers quick to tug everything off for him before tossing them somewhere in the room.

It's embarrassing. He's never seen another naked person before, and fuck, he's never had another human look at him like this. Till finds it hard to look away. 

Even now, Ivan still looks at him like he's perfect. Till has no idea why.

Unlike Ivan’s beauty, he’s covered in marks and scars. There's nothing relatively attractive about him, and yet…

“My god,” Ivan whispers. “You’re beautiful.”

Till can't talk. He finds it hard to say anything, his heart hammering restlessly in his chest as Ivan rakes his gaze up and down Till’s bare body, his eyes immediately jumping to the erection there- straining and painfully hard.

His smirk grows wider. If anything, he looks more smug than Till’s ever seen.

“Ah.” Ivan sighs deeply, utterly enamored. “How cute.” 

What?!

At that, Till shot him a disgruntled look, his head still spinning with dazed pleasure to be properly annoyed.

“The fuck you mean, cute?!” he blurts out, his eyes widening when he feels Ivan suddenly shift forward, his lips pressing to the corner of his lips. 

Till’s entire body seizes the moment Ivan wraps his hand around his cock, his eyes widening in surprise. Till jerks up as his body shudders from the new sensation, a loud gasp tearing from his lips.

He kicks his legs out the moment Ivan gently rubs over the head, already drooling precum and leaking moisture everywhere. He gasps when he feels Ivan’s other hand rest on his bare thigh, his touch sending another quake of sensations through him.

“Oh, you’re sensitive here,” Ivan purrs, his eyebrows raising when Till’s hips buck into his hand. Desperately asking for more- a silent request Ivan acts on.

He feels Ivan's lips press to his cheek, his eyes pinned on his expression as he strokes him from base to tip. Till lets out a strangled cry, his back arching ever so slightly off the bed.

“You like that, don't you?” Ivan smirks, thumb lightly pressing to the weeping head, coaxing more arousal. “You're so wet.”

God. Till’s breathing picks up in an instant. He’s making noise- too much noise. Little choked gasps and grunts, his hands gripping the sheets beneath him with enough force to tear. 

“Fuck,” Till swears through grit teeth the moment Ivan’s strokes quicken, the slick sounds too loud in the silence of the room. 

Ivan twists his hand over his cockhead- and it’s more than enough to make Till keen. His palm is already slick from how much Till is dripping, his gaze lowering when Till’s hips begin to weakly thrust up in a shallow rhythm.

“There we go. Good boy.” Ivan croons, his eyes lowering. “Use me.” 

Shit. Till clenches his jaw, another surge of arousal pulsating through his body as his thrusts quicken, turning more erratic. He was already fucking close- and they hadn’t even done anything. 

And yet, he knows why. 

It was all because of him. 

Just hearing Ivan talk to him like this, seeing his stupidly handsome face, feeling his touch- it was too much for him. It was driving him fucking crazy. Helplessly, his cock gave another twitch of interest, a tiny bit of warm moisture leaking from the reddened tip.

“Till,” Ivan breathes out his name with so much adoration, staring directly into Till's dazed eyes. “That's it, baby.”

At that particular word, Till lets out a soft moan. Ivan’s eyes flash with amusement.

“Hm?” He grins. “You like that, baby?”

Shit, he’s seriously going to…

“Stop talking.” Till’s voice wavers weakly, his body trembling with wound-up pleasure. He can’t take anymore, if he hears Ivan talk to him like that one more time, he’s seriously going to…

“My Till.” Ivan breathes out his name like it's something marvelous. Beautiful. He even touches Till like he's something precious.

“My god, look at you.” Ivan whispers, his hand twisting faster. Harder. 

It feels too good. Fuck.

Till gasps, tilting his head back. He's moaning some jumbled variation of Ivan's name, unshed tears glistening in the corners of his eyes.

He feels blissfully ruined. Completely undone by Ivan's skilled hands- god, he doesn't know how much more he can take-

"You're close, aren't you?" Ivan muses, eyes lowering when Till frantically nods. "Good. Let go for me, Till."

That's all it takes for Till to completely break.

He tenses up as his orgasm suddenly pulsates through him, throbbing mercilessly throughout his entire body. With a sharp cry, he kicks out his legs, probably kicking Ivan in the process, and…

Fuck, he feels like he’s a mess. He struggles to catch his breath as Ivan gently strokes over his leg with his free hand, calming his tremors.

“Breathe.” Ivan reminds him calmly. Till shoots him a look, his heart giving a little squeeze at the sight of him. 

“I thought I told you to stop talking.” Till pants, his eyes widening when he sees Ivan bring his soiled fingers to his own lips. Tasting his arousal and making a show of it- his eyes darkening with titillation. 

“Did you?” Ivan smiles brightly, “My apologies. I'm not sure I heard you.”

“Fuck you.” Till huffs softly, but there's no heat to it. He still feels like he's floating, like his body is ten times lighter.

Ivan's smug smile grows wider.

“Mm.” Ivan fixes him a long look, his lips spreading into another teasing smirk. “Another time, maybe,” he murmurs, reaching over and raising Till’s hips higher. Carefully, he props him up with a pillow, pushing his knees against his chest and spreading his legs.

“Hold your legs up for me.” Ivan’s lips curl into the faintest of smiles when Till reluctantly obeys, “Just like that. Good boy.”

Shit. He could feel another rush of arousal ignite his entire body, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

“Now close your eyes.” Ivan murmurs, his voice soft.

Without hesitation, Till lets his eyes flutter shut. He’s not sure if it's the rush of adrenaline or nerves- but fuck, he actually wants to listen. 

He wants to trust Ivan. Body and mind. 

And so, he does.

He waits for a few seconds before he feels Ivan shift around on the bed. Till doesn't know what to expect- he's bracing himself just in case. 

He jumps when he feels a gentle hand caress against his leg. Once more, over his ass.

“God, you’re perfect.” Ivan whispers, his lips pressing to his inner thigh. “So beautiful.”

Another violent tremble rips through Till’s body. He doesn't know why.

“Shut up-” Till gasps when he feels Ivan press another kiss lower. He squeezes his eyes shut, his hands tightening their grip around his legs.

“You’re gorgeous everywhere,” Ivan ignores him and presses another kiss to his thigh, his breath warm against heated skin. “You know that, right?”

As if. Till never knew what Ivan even saw in him. Maybe he needed glasses or something.

With a little huff, he turns his head into the pillow, trying to hide his flushed cheeks.

"...Just get on with it, dumbass." Till's voice wavers when he feels Ivan's lips press lower. "Stop fucking lying."

"Hm? I'd never lie to you." Ivan drawls. Till can almost hear the little smirk in his low voice. "There's nobody more beautiful than you, Till."

Ah, fuck.

A few seconds pass before Till clenches his jaw tightly, another strangled gasp slipping from his lips. “I swear to god, I-Ivan—”

Nothing could ever prepare him for the sensation of Ivan’s tongue, hot and sudden, laving over the tight ring of muscle between his legs.

“Hah-?!” Till’s breath catches in his throat abruptly, his eyes flying open in an instant. Before he can stop it, he’s letting out a sound he's never made before, one so needy and desperate that it makes him feel embarrassed. 

Restlessly, he squirms as a rush of heat floods his face, the unfamiliar sensation making him throb with arousal.

Fucking hell, he could already begin to feel his cock stir back to life- twitching against his abdomen. He immediately lets go of his legs, reaching out to try and grab at Ivan’s hair instead.

“H-hey! What are you doing?!” Till’s face burns hot, his words tumbling out in a frantic rush. “F-fuck, Ivan, wait…”

His protests die down the moment Ivan’s tongue drags another long stripe over his rim, hot and languid. He jerks up, both hands flying out and gripping Ivan’s hair tight. 

He doesn't know how hard he's pulling- probably too hard- but Ivan doesn't complain. He never seems to. Rather, he presses his tongue to his puckered rim again- sucking at the twitching skin and making him cry out.

Fuck- it feels like he was going crazy. Losing his goddamned mind. He feels Ivan’s gaze on him, watching his every movement and unraveling him- like he was burning everything to memory.

Maybe that's what he was doing. Maybe that's what Till needed to be doing.

He locks eyes with Ivan once more.

“Does it feel good?” Ivan’s tongue lightly prods lower. “Hm, Till?”

“I-I… I don’t know…” Till honest-to-god whimpers, his hands flying up to try and muffle his sounds. He’s painfully hard, his cock throbbing against his abdomen, twitching wildly.

“You don’t?” Ivan presses a lingering kiss to his rim, again and again. 

“I…” Till’s next words are choked into silence the moment Ivan licks a long stripe across his rim, the wet heat of his tongue taking him by surprise. He jerks up as Ivan reaches out to spread his cheeks wider to do it again, the tip of his tongue prodding past the muscle, the unfamiliar sensation making Till reflexively clench.

“Fuck, slow down,” Till gasps. He tries to squirm away before Ivan reaches out to hold him still, hands holding him tight as he enthusiastically licks and sucks at his twitching rim.

Till’s eyes roll back. Fuck, he really can’t take it anymore.

“Ivan,” Till drags out his name loudly. His toes curl as he bucks up into his touch, desperate for more. For anything Ivan can give him, fuck, he’ll take it all-

“Mm?” Ivan pulls back and stares up at him, his gaze sharp as ever. So fucking breathtaking, that Till feels like he’s falling apart just by looking at him. 

He doesn’t know why. Maybe it was something in his eyes, something in Ivan’s gaze that felt … intoxicating. He never could pinpoint what it was exactly, what that emotion even was, or what it could be.

Nobody had ever looked at him like that. Nobody but him. So what in the world…

“Till?” Ivan’s heavy gaze hasn’t left him, not even once. “Are you-”

Fuck, Till can’t take it anymore.

“I need you.” Till blurts out, his chest rising and falling erratically. They hadn’t even fucked and he’s already lost himself a million times- but…

God, he’s hard too, isn’t he? Till casts his gaze down, noticing Ivan’s cock literally straining, neglected and proudly jutting up between his legs. If he’s being honest, Till doesn’t know how he’s even keeping it together.

“Just do it. I'm ready.” he continues, his request trailing off into a demand. “Fuck me.”

Ivan opens his mouth to say something- but no words come out. He simply stays there, staring at him intently, face flushed and lips parted. 

“You sure?” he looks nervous, his eyes darting back and forth. “I don’t want to hurt you, so-”

Oh, for fucks’ sake.

Till meets Ivan’s gaze murderously. Even now, he stares at Till with big, adorable eyes, and if Till wasn’t so fucking frustrated right now, he’d probably be kissing the life out of him.

“Stop fucking around, Ivan.” Till grits his teeth tightly, his eyes shining with frustration. So much arousal that it feels like it’s going to suffocate him. “I swear to god, I will kill you if you don’t fuck me.”

With a shaky breath, Ivan moans softly, the little sound making Till’s eyebrow raise. 

Did he like that? What the fuck? Till’s gaze follows Ivan as he suddenly straightens up, his face noticeably flushed bright red and his dark eyes glazed over.

“Let me stretch you first.” Ivan’s voice sounds quieter than usual. Till notices him reaching for something, he’s not sure what, but he doesn’t question it.

When Ivan comes back, he settles between Till’s spread legs, something wet and cold trickling between his thighs. Lubricant or oil or something- he doesn’t even know.

He jerks up at the strange feeling, the moment Ivan presses the tip of his index finger past the tight ring of muscle there, straight into the heat of his body. 

With another twitch, Till gasps, his hips jerking and his hand instinctively reaching out. He claws forward, reaching for something to grab before settling for Ivan’s thighs, his nails digging into the pale skin there.

If it hurts, Ivan doesn’t make a sound. He simply keeps his eyes on Till, working his finger in. The sudden stretch made Till’s stomach clench, his body tensing up in instinctive response.

He can’t lie- it hurts. It’s not too painful, fuck, he’s dealt with worse- but it feels…

Good. Really good.

“Oh fuck,” Till swears loudly, his body writhing around restlessly. He feels himself instinctively clench down around the sudden intrusion, tightening around Ivan’s slender finger. 

As gentle as ever, Ivan pushes in a little deeper, carefully working against the clench of Till’s entrance. 

“Relax,” Ivan mumbles. He keeps his finger still, buried up to the second knuckle. “That’s it, let me in.”

Till makes another noise, a bit too loud and embarrassing. It takes everything he has to force himself to relax.

“That's a good boy,” Ivan continues, adding another finger alongside the first. At that particular phrase, Till feels himself go dizzy- his eyes going half-lidded with arousal.

Fuck, this was too good. He couldn’t get enough. The stretch felt good- he didn’t even know how Ivan was doing it in the first place.

When he looked up, Ivan was leaning forward, his eyes glazed over and perfect lips parted, as if he just barely had control of himself. Just the sight of him made Till’s heart jump almost erratically, his body rocking against those fingers inside him.

He could get used to this. Ivan clearly knew what he was doing, and he was good at it. Till cracks open an eye to watch him, his handsome face pinched up in adorably rapt concentration, little fang on full display.

He gasps when Ivan crooks his fingers up once, twice, the sudden stretch aching through Till's ruined body. Searching for something, he realizes. 

"Did you lose something in my ass?" Till grumbles under his breath.

"Hm? Of course not." Ivan smiles, his fingers prodding in deeper. "Just give me a second."

Till gives him three. His brows furrow, and he opens his mouth to say something-

But without warning, Ivan presses against something deep inside him, his eyes rolling back. A blinding rush of pleasure surges through him as he nearly comes all over himself.

A loud sound is ripped from his throat, his cock drooling wet arousal against his abdomen. His eyes fly open when the feeling returns, his entire body stirring with pleasure.

What the fuck?! What happened?!

"Ivan, w-what the..." The swear dies down in his throat the moment Ivan's fingers gently massage that same, tortuous spot- sending another powerful jolt through his body.

“There we go. Found it,” he smiles, his eyes lowering into one of those smoldering gazes Till adores. “Feels good, hm?"

Before he can answer, Ivan curls his fingers again- leaving him violently trembling and arching up.

God, he really can't take it anymore. 

"H-Hah, too much," Till gasps, his eyes rolling back. He loves this feeling too much, fuck, he's already drunk on it. "Feels too fucking good, fuck me-"

If he wasn’t so drained, he swears he’d be coming again. Instead, he stares up at Ivan, lips parting in a loud moan, his gaze hazy and clouded with arousal.

Ivan watches him closely, thick brows furrowed in concentration. Carefully, he thrusts his fingers up, lightly grazing against the sensitive spot again and again before pulling back.

When he withdraws his fingers, Till feels achingly empty. He squirms restlessly, locking eyes with Ivan once more.

Was it finally time, or...? Nervously, Till licks over his lips, his thoughts racing.

This was it. They were finally going to do this, and-

“Till,” Ivan's voice is small, his hand lightly resting on his leg. When Till looks at him, he clears his throat. “Are you sure you want to do this? With me?

Who else would he ever do this with?! Till's going to strangle him.

“You’re asking that now? Are you kidding me? Of course I want this!” Till narrows his sharp eyes, impatience brewing alongside the urgent arousal within him. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take the wait. “Fucking hell, Ivan, if you haven’t noticed- I’ve been asking for this!”

He can’t wait any longer. If he has to wait even a second longer, he might go fucking crazy.

Till lowers his gaze, narrowing his eyes at his lover. To further prove his point, he reaches lower, holding his thighs open.

“Come on, just put it in.” Till spreads his legs a little further apart, noticing the way Ivan’s gaze darkens. “Fuck, I want you, so just-!”

Without hesitation, Ivan lines up against his puckered rim, the press suddenly cutting him off. Immediately, the sudden intrusion makes Till’s eyes widen, his breath catching in his throat as realization begins to settle in.

Shit. Wait.

He’s big. Way bigger than Till thought he’d be- fuck, it feels like he’s going to split open. His stomach twists up with nerves, his gaze flickering up to meet Ivan’s, once more.

And without a single word, he pressed forward. A strangled sound slips past Till’s lips as he forces himself to breathe, his body clenching tight around his cock. He lets out a colorful string of swears under his breath as Ivan holds him close, his lips pressing kiss after kiss to his lips.

The first push has Till gasping and grabbing onto Ivan with all the strength left in him- because how the fuck do other people do this?!

He hadn’t even put it all the way in yet- holy fuck. Till swears loudly against Ivan’s pale skin, his nails digging into his arms painfully.

“Ivan,” he gasps when he feels even more of the stretch, unmaking him. He feels Ivan’s gaze on him, taking in his expression with an intensity that makes him want to melt away. 

He never understood what went on in his head. Why Ivan looked at him, why he seemed so fascinated by him.

Surely he didn’t find him beautiful now. Till can’t imagine how ruined he looks- he feels like a fucking mess- his chest rising and falling with shallow breaths.

“Wait,” Till’s voice shakes. “Wait, wait, wait-”

And obedient as ever, Ivan listens.

Somehow, Ivan stops. Till isn't sure how he has enough self-control in him to even listen, but he's grateful, nonetheless. 

“Does it hurt?” Ivan sounds strained. Concerned. It makes his stomach feel like it's twisting into a million knots. “If it’s too much, we don’t have to-”

“Just wait.” Till purses his lips together, forcing himself to breathe out through his teeth. He exhales, feeling his body adjust to the sudden intrusion- instinctively clenching around his cock.

Ivan shudders, but he listens. He licks over his lips, tilting his head back as he stays perfectly still, clearly basking in some pleasure. 

Till can’t take his eyes off him- god, he can already feel another rush of arousal coursing through him as he stared up at him, taking in Ivan’s expression for the first time. 

And how… vulnerable he looked. 

Till's eyes widen as he gazes at Ivan- his eyes firmly shut, his hair tousled from Till's earlier grip, his cheeks flushed, and his lips pressed together with obvious effort to keep perfectly still. 

Just looking at him sent another helpless surge of affection through his heart, fuck.

“...Does it feel good for you?” Till’s voice is small. He hates how insecure he sounds asking such a dumb question- but he has to know.

Ivan meets his gaze once again. 

“Mhm. You’re so tight. Hot.” Ivan exhales shakily, his hands squeezing at his thighs. “Feels like you don't want to let me go. Like you’re burning me up.”

Shit. Till tilts his head back, his lips parting once more. Experimentally, he tries to grind back against Ivan’s cock, the sudden sensation making them both gasp.

“Till-” he starts, his voice tense. 

“I’m fine. Keep going,” Till mutters. “Slowly.” 

Ivan exhales softly before easing his cock inside his tight, clenching body. Inch by inch, he pushes in, before burying himself to the hilt. It takes Till a few seconds to adjust to it- the numbing sensation of being stretched, of being filled.

It feels… good. His shallow breaths turn to little pants as his hole clenches in rhythmic spasms around Ivan’s cock, his thighs quivering helplessly as Ivan's larger body presses between them.

“Fuck,” Till hisses, reaching out to grab onto him. Ivan holds him tightly, draping over his body protectively, his eyes pinned on Till’s expression.

And then, without warning, he moves. 

Till’s breath catches at the first initial thrust, his eyes widening. He looks into Ivan’s darkened eyes, a ragged whine spilling from his lips.

It’s too much. Holy shit, it’s too fucking much-

“My god. You feel so good,” Ivan sighs deeply, an edge of desperation in his low voice. “So good, Till. So perfect."

Till can’t take it anymore. As he grinds his hips, Till's already falling apart.

“Pl–please,” he throws his head back. “Shit, right there, Ivan-”

The moment Ivan thrusts in deeper, Till sees stars. He can’t even talk, much less form a coherent sentence. All he can do is cry out, sit there and take it- his eyes rolling back with pleasure.

“Fuck," A gasp, loud and wanton. "Don't stop, d-don't…” Till babbles mindlessly, his filter long gone.

He’s rewarded with another hard thrust. Another that makes him almost scream as it grazes his prostate, his toes curling as pleasure wracks through his entire body. Ruining him.

Helplessly, Till feels his entire body tighten up- and he knows Ivan must feel it. He gasps, trembling with visible effort to keep what little remains of his composure.

Composure that Till wants gone. He lifts up his gaze once more, reaching out and roughly fisting at Ivan's hair as his thrusts begin to slow.

"Going easy on me now?" he pants. "Huh?"

Ivan's eyes raise. Even now, he looks perfectly ruined, his pink lips parting in surprise.

"Till-" Ivan moans when Till's grip tightens.

"C'mon, give it to me. You can fuck me harder, can't you?" Till grins when he hears Ivan’s little whimpers, soft and breathless against his pierced ear- his breathing quickly turning short and shallow. “Then fuck me like you mean it, hyung.”

Ivan violently shudders.

“You’re killing me, Till,” he breathes out his name against his neck, sounding almost desperate. Till feels his little fang lightly press against the sensitive skin there, a little accidental prick drawing blood as he slams in hard. Fast.

Again, it’s the sudden burst of pain and pleasure that makes Till moan. He has to bite his lip to hold back a desperate little whine- he already knows he’s not going to hold on much longer.

He needs this. He needs Ivan.

Till violently shivers, his mouth hanging open, his eyes pinned on him. Ivan pressed on top of him, molding Till's small body to his cock, long dark hair falling into his eyes, framed by thick lashes. It's a sight that Till wants nobody else to see- nobody but him.

“Fucking hell, Ivan-” Till throws his head back, "You’re so fucking hot,” he blurts out without thinking, before realization finally sinks in. His face burns, too caught up in fierce humiliation at having actually said those words out loud.

Even Ivan stops mid-thrust, clearly taken by surprise.

“Uh,” Till stammers, his breath catching in his throat. “I-I mean…”

Ivan laughs softly before pulling back to meet his gaze. The look on his face is priceless- his eyes sparkling with arousal and amusement.

“Oh? Don’t stop there, baby.” Ivan winks at him. “Keep going. I like it.”

Till swallows, feeling inexplicably nervous.

Should he just… blurt out the first nonsensical thing on his mind again? Would Ivan like that?

Till exhales softly.

“You… you feel fucking good. You’re so deep.” With a little shudder, Till moans, his hand resting on his lower stomach. “Feels like you’re going to knock me up.”

Ivan's breath catches- a broken gasp that works itself into a moan.

“Till,” he shudders. “T-Till…”

Till’s eyes squeeze shut as Ivan slams back inside, hard and merciless. At this point, he’s started to make sounds he’s never made before, little whimpers and gasps as Ivan’s hips snap against his body hard.

It was too much- fuck, too good. Till could already feel the telltale urgency building fast in his body as another cry is ripped from his lips, lanky hands clawing and grabbing Ivan with all the strength he has left.

He feels Ivan’s forehead gently press against his, thrusts turning deep and slow. He rolls his hips, pressing against that same spot again and again, his eyes blown wide with arousal.

“Look at me, Till.” Ivan calls for him once more.

Till’s eyes squeeze shut. “I can’t–” 

“You can.” Ivan urges him. His hand gently brushes through Till’s messy hair, pushing the strands off his face before reaching over to cup his face.

“Let me see you.” Ivan murmurs, his voice soft. Vulnerable. “Please.”

Fucking hell-

It takes everything Till has left for him to force his eyes back open. He stares forward into Ivan's dark eyes, clouded over with arousal. Adoration. Love. The black abyss of his eyes burn into Till’s with an intensity that he’s never seen before, so much that it almost hurts to look at him. 

“Good boy,” Ivan praises, his voice a deep rumble. He lightly traces his thumb over Till’s smooth cheek, his touch so fucking gentle that it sent his heart racing.

He never wants to look away. Not again.

"Fuck, Ivan," Till's voice cracks painfully. "I-I..."

"I love you." Ivan steals the words from him. "I love you, Till, I love you..."

With a soft moan, Ivan thrusts one more time- finally sending him over the edge- his hand gripping his face with a bit more force.

A reminder, Till realizes.

That Ivan was the one unmaking him. Making him feel pleasure he never knew was even possible, all while fucking him within an inch of his life.

Right now, he was Ivan's. Ivan was his.

Fuck.

All he could do was ride out the shuddering pleasure that wracked his body, relentless and intense. He didn’t even bother to hide in the cry that escaped him, his body instinctively tightening around Ivan’s thick cock, his back arching violently as he finally reached his breaking point. 

The whole time, Ivan’s eyes stayed on him. Watching him unravel, come undone, and…

Finally unmaking him. 

Through the rush of pleasure and relief, he felt the vibration of Ivan’s moan just before sharp teeth bit hard on the column of his scarred neck, drawing out the moment with a mix of pleasure and pain.

Shit... shit... Till could barely think. He couldn’t even hold his head up anymore- and he swears he blacks out for a good minute or so. 

Everything feels good. 

For the first time in a while, he feels relaxed. Perfectly sated and content. Till blankly stares up at the ceiling, his head still spinning and his body sinking against the mattress. He feels sticky, sweaty- fuck, Ivan's spend was clearly trickling down his legs, but he could care less.

Till sighs deeply. It feels like he’s actually going to pass out. Like he’s going to have the best, most restful sleep of his entire life, and…

“You're quiet.” Ivan mumbles, his hazy, clouded gaze not leaving him once. A simple observation, if anything. 

“Tired.” Till turns over to look at him. Even now, Ivan’s cheeks were still flushed, the look in his eyes adorably dazed.

He liked it too. Till's heart skips a beat, pride swelling within his chest.

“Hm.” Ivan carefully drapes an arm around his waist, nuzzling close. “Was it that good, baby?”

Till sighs. At this point, he can't even deny it. He doesn't have the energy to bicker, even if he wanted to.

He never thought it'd feel good- and certainly not this good. Fuck, those kinds of thoughts never crossed his head before.

“Yeah. You did good.” Till mutters. He reaches forward, lightly ruffling Ivan’s soft hair. “Love you.”

Ivan falls quiet. With a little exhale, he simply brings himself closer, pressing his ear directly over Till’s bare chest, the tips of his ears burning red. Till's gaze lowers as he watches him.

Ivan stays there for a while, listening. Till’s never understood why he does it- but he knows better than to question half the weird shit Ivan does anyways.

Instead, he lets his hands thread through Ivan’s dark hair, letting the soft strands fall through the spaces between his fingers. 

“You're alive.” Ivan’s voice is small- but Till can hear the relief in his voice. “Your heart is happy.”

Till lets a small smile fall on his lips. 

“Always.”