Archive of Our Own

10 Years Ago

“What did you just say?”

Jiang Wanyin winced.

It started when A-jie came back from Gusu Lan. She left to convince Wei Wuxian to come to her wedding and dispel the hatred that had been surrounding the Jins following their disastrous lack of participation in the Sunshot campaign. As much as Jiang Wanyin would hate to admit it, they would need the approval of the War Heroes and the Legendary Cultivators Yangguang-jun and Yueguang-jun to clean their slate.

When Jin Guangshan suggested for Jiang Yanli to ask the two of them for help, Jiang Wanyin was fast to agree. He also suggested to her to go straight to Yueguang-jun instead of Yangguang-jun.

Because if there was one person who easily falls for A-jie’s charms, it’s Wei Wuxian. He may not remember their past lives, but that can work to their advantage. He won’t think anything suspicious about Jiang Yanli asking for help. She has always been kind, it would surely work wonders.

Except it didn’t.

Jiang Yanli returned, escorted by a large group of Gusu Lan cultivators, who looked a bit worse for wear. She looked equal parts guilty and furious. She, Jin Zixuan, Jin Guangshan and Yu Ziyuan were locked into a shouting match.

“You tried to kill me!” Jiang Yanli accused. “You sent assassins after me!”

“Stupid girl, you don’t know anything!” Jin Guangshan shot back when the eyes turned towards him. “I was trying to save you from those Gusu scum!”

“My escorts?! They’re the only reasons why I’m even alive!” Jiang Yanli’s lip wobbled. “They had to work so hard to get me back here, it was –”

“What do you know? You’re not even a cultivator – useless little girl!”

“Father!”

“A-jie –”

“Mother, you can’t believe a single word this man is saying. He tried to kill me!”

Yu Ziyuan was uncharacteristically quiet, eyes darting back and forth between them. The Zidian sparked and ebbed, unstable, but when she spoke, it was quieter.

“You should quiet down. We have to be grateful to Jin-Zonghi for even granting us a space to live in. Just listen to him.”

“Mother!”

Jiang Wanyin would never imagine that that interaction would be the last he would see of his A-jie.

She and Jin Zixuan eloped a few days later. The scandal was so massive, as Jin Zixuan was the only heir to Lanling Jin, coupled by the fact that they took some riches with them.

(It would be later discovered that Madam Jin was the one who supported them leaving, having not known about the assassination attempts on Jiang Yanli’s life. She had been quiet during the confrontation, but told the two to leave Jinlintai behind and find a new life elsewhere. A few years later, when Yu Ziyuan’s madness would cause her frustration to overtake their friendship, she would abandon Jinlintai, taking all of Jin Guanshang’s illegitimate children with her to endear herself to the budding Gusu Lan Empire.)

And now…a year after the Sunshot Campaign, Jiang Wanyin approached his mother with his hands shaking.

“You didn’t just tell me that you lost your golden core.” She glared.

His mother didn’t even shout. She stared at him with wide, stressed, and disapproving eyes. The Zidian sparked and ebbed, the only indication that she’s feeling much more than what she’s letting out.

He tried to explain it. That it happened in the middle of the night, that he has no idea how and why it happened, that it must’ve been a curse from the war heroes, or some remnant of the Wens, excuses upon excuses to deflect that it wasn’t his fault.

It was not the first time Jiang Wanyin had seen his mother angry and screaming.

It was not the first time Jiang Wanyin had seen his mother lose control of herself.

It was the first time he experienced the Zidian.

“Nobody knows, understand?!” She shouted at him, her eyes almost glazed over with madness as electricity ran through Jiang Cheng’s bones. “The only reason why we haven’t been kicked out was because you insisted we can help them get back on their feet. Do you understand? You put us in this position, you better get us out of it, core or no!”

Lan Zhan furrowed his brow.

Something felt strange in Wei Ying’s meridians.

Lan Zhan had a habit of coursing his energy through his husband’s meridians after they make love. He loves sensing the way their energies meld together so smoothly with one another, twisting so fluidly with one another.

Early into their relationship, it was reassurance that his husband was alive and well in this timeline, that Lan Zhan had not failed him. That the horrors of the cultivation world, the hypocrisies and greed of other people did not touch him. It was reassurance that Lan Zhan was successful, that years of planning, manipulation, and moving events have worked.

As the years passed, it became less desperate and more of a comfort. Feeling them so intricately entwined in each other’s veins – it was the best feeling in the world.

Except now, there was something strange.

A new energy was weaving in between theirs, weak and thin, and although it was completely different from Lan Zhan’s and Wei Ying’s, it was also familiar for some reason, even though Lan Zhan couldn’t identify who it was. Wei Ying didn’t seem to notice the strange new energy, dozing contentedly off to sleep.

Frowning, Lan Zhan followed the trail of energy down Wei Ying’s veins, leading him all the way down to his lower dantian, where his powerful core resided. Lan Zhan placed a hand over Wei Ying’s core, his anxiety spiking. What was wrong with Wei Ying’s core? When they both tripped over the threshold of immortality, Lan Zhan thought they wouldn’t have to deal with such things. Their cores burned so bright that aging itself can no longer touch them.

So how could something foreign live in Wei Ying’s –

What?

Lan Zhan blinked in surprise when he sensed a…second core. It was small, so small that it was only because Lan Zhan’s energy was in Wei Ying’s body that he was more sensitive to such things. The second core was slightly attached to Wei Ying’s bright and vibrant one, like it was becoming an offshoot of his original core.

That didn’t make sense. With a core like Wei Ying’s, any disease would immediately be sizzled away into nothing…

Unless…

It was a conversation Wei Ying and Lan Zhan had before, early into their marriage. One of those one-off conversations where Wei Ying bounces ideas off of Lan Zhan. Sometimes, these conversations lead to new inventions and new methods of cultivation, but more often than not, they were thought experiments. There were experiments that were deliberately outrageous, but might push into the realm of possibility in some way.

One of them was the possibility of Wei Ying becoming pregnant.

There have been multiple writings from the cultivators of old, the early Lan hermits that practiced celibacy, who wanted to continue their bloodline in some way. They experimented to try to grow a second golden core, and hopefully create new life from there.

However, the amount of energy needed to not only have a strong enough core for themselves, but to have enough energy to safely make a second core and split it from the original one was too much, and the experiment was deemed a failure.

So of course, Wei Ying picked it up.

“The logic was sound, but I think it was bound to fail because you can’t build two different cores in one person,” he mused, “it would just be absorbed into the original core because it’s of the same cloth. That would be like trying to make a lake inside of an ocean.”

“And it would result in a copy of the original cultivator.” Lan Zhan inputted. “Not an individual child.”

Wei Ying hummed and looked at the empty dishes. “...but what if they are different?”

“Hm?”

“Like what you said. They would be making a copy of themselves, not a whole different individual. Using the analogy, you can’t create a lake of water inside of an ocean…” he tapped his chin, “but you could if the lake was made of something different. Like oil.”

Lan Zhan lost him there, but a childhood together with these similar interactions led Wei Ying to know immediately that Lan Zhan wasn’t following anymore.

With a grin, Wei Ying took the dirty bowl. There was still some oil from the stir fried vegetables in the bowl. He took some of their hot tea and poured a small amount over the bowl. The oil floated to the top, separate from the water, and the small globs merged together.

“A lake inside of an ocean.” Wei Ying grinned, gesturing. “They must be different.”

“Counter argument.” Lan Zhan nodded, and looked up. Wei Ying loved bouncing ideas off of Lan Zhan because Lan Zhan was always able to poke holes into the theory, which lets Wei Ying flesh out his ideas more. It’s why they work so well together. “If we say this is true, and we can grow a second core that can be turned into a new life, how would the original core know that it is not a threat? That the ocean will not crush and destroy the oil?”

To make a point, Lan Zhan took the teapot and poured more and more water, until the oil glob dispersed into tiny bubbles of oil, until it spilled over and the oil was gone from the bowl.

Wei Ying hummed. “Counter argument taken. I’ll get back to you on that.”

He never did, and Lan Zhan figured that Wei Ying gave up on that theory.

But…it appears he didn’t.

The small core in Wei Ying was completely different but familiar.

It was familiar because it felt like a merge of Lan Zhan and Wei Ying, their individual energies forming a third. One completely different from Wei Ying’s, and yet, because it is an offshoot of it, Wei Ying’s core did not consider it a threat. In fact, from the way it’s attached, it’s almost like Wei Ying’s core is protecting it.

A lake successfully made inside of an ocean.

If that’s the case then…

Lan Zhan swallowed.

“A-Zhan?” Wei Ying’s voice was sleepy. “I can hear you thinking. What’s wrong?”

“A-Ying…” Lan Zhan turned Wei Ying around to face him. “I think you’re pregnant.”

Jiang Wanyin desperately tried to hide it from the rest of the Jins.

He thought it would be easy to do so. After all, Wei Wuxian managed to do so all the way from the Sunshot Campaign to his eventual death. The only person that apparently knew was Lan Wangji. 

He hid it behind an outrageous attitude and through easy words. If it was easy for Wei Wuxian to do, then it should be easy for Jiang Wanyin.

And so he found himself using the same excuses as Wei Wuxian in another time, in another life.

Except, without having the same context as Wei Wuxian, his excuses fell flatter, garnered more negative response, especially as hostility was building in Jinlintai.

“Ah, I forgot it.” 

Except, without establishing that he had other cultivation methods, outside of the sword, it fell flat.

“I’m drunk, so my spiritual power is weak.”

Except he was known for berating others for drinking excessively, oftentimes praising his own self control, so it rubbed everyone the wrong way.

All of his deflections and redirections, copying the way Wei Wuxian did so, resulted in the whispers behind his back, resentment brewing between him and the rest of Jinlintai.

And Jiang Wanyin swallowed and hoped that things could turn around before it all collapses.

But Jiang Wanyin realized, as he looked through all the books and tried to consolidate resources, that Jinlintai was completely different from Lotus Pier.

People flocked to Lotus Pier for a chance to learn under Wei Wuxian after the Sunshot Campaign. They brought along merchants and foot traffic, tourism in a way, and Lotus Pier easily jumped from the ashes into a full sect.

Except Jinlintai had no natural resources to take advantage of. It was located off to the west, a place that was easily skippable on routes. There were no noteworthy cultivators amongst the Jin, especially after Jin Zixuan – arguably the only one amongst the Jins with any real skill, even if that bar was low – eloped with A-jie. 

 Not to mention, nobody wanted to give them work because why would they get help from an enemy of the Sunshot Campaign, that went against the ‘legendary war heroes’ Yanguang-jun and Yueguang-jun.

And with each day that passes without a lucky break, with all his excuses piling one after the other, he could feel the walls closing in.

It felt like a countdown.

Lan Yuan had always been a strange child.

He had always been painfully aware of it.

He was so sensitive to the presence of spirits, to the point that, even as a much younger child, he was used as a sort of dousing method, with cultivators bringing him into rooms to see how he reacts or where his eyes focus on (with his Baba and A-die’s explicit permission, of course. The last time someone tried to use Lan Yuan’s abilities without the approval of his parents, they disappeared from the Lan Clan shortly after).

He could see energy . Dark tendrils of energy mixed in with light in the world around him, things that other children and other cultivators could not see. Only his parents knew about this, and though the two of them couldn’t see what he saw, they could sense it just as well. The energy wasn’t scary. In fact, Lan Yuan always found himself feeling safer when he’s surrounded by it.

He felt time strangely, like he was much older in a smaller body, like he had a whole other life than his own. When he told his parents about this, they looked at him sadly, and said that they felt the same.

He wondered why.

To add to that, Lan Yuan was also in the very unique position of becoming the next heir of the Gusu Lang Empire. With the merger between Gusu Lan and Qinghe Nie, Lan Yuan was effectively the next in line to inherit all of Jianghu. 

As young as he is, he knows that this was a Big Deal. He knows that, despite the way his family doesn’t talk about it, it’s a Huge Responsibility that is hanging over his shoulders.

Lan Yuan and Lan Yijun were preparing for their naming ceremony. When they managed to develop their golden cores, Baba and A-die gave them their courtesy names to start practicing for the naming ceremony.

As is custom, all of the clan will gather together, and all the new cultivators who developed a golden core will each write their name in front of the Sect Leaders. Afterwards, the ones who named them will present the hope for their name, the wish that they had when they blessed them with that courtesy name.

For Lan Yuan and Lan Yijun, they will have to present it themselves because their names will come from the Sect Leaders themselves. Baba and A-die promised to give them the hope for their name the night before.

He had heard the stories that it was A-die who gave Baba his courtesy name. Lan Yuan thought it was cute and funny.

That being said, Lan Yuan and Lan Yijun now spent their extra time practicing their calligraphy for their names. They wanted their names to look absolutely perfect, because this will be preserved and framed. They will be writing this in front of the entire Lan Clan, plus guests. With Gusu Lan being the Center of Cultivation, it would be one of the largest events in Jianghu. Welcoming the cultivators of the new generation.

Lan Yuan looked over Lan Yijun’s shoulder to watch him finish off the character of his name:

Jingyi, gentle joy.

Lan Yijun was the son of a distant cousin of Lan Wangji, who married a rogue cultivator. His father was a stoic man, like many of the Lan family members, but his rogue mother was a bright soul, one who was encouraged to stay in Gusu Lan after meeting Yueguang-jun and realizing that the Lan weren’t as stuck up as she initially thought.

They had the rules, but these rules have relaxed somewhat in the midst of Yueguang-jun’s exuberance, and really, who was going to argue with a Legend?

When Lan Yuan started going to lessons, Lan Yijun was the first, and only person to talk to him without fear. Lan Yijun saw the wide breath of space the students left around Lan Yuan, and took offense.

“Hello!” He sat beside Lan Yuan with a grin. “I’m Lan Yijun!”

When asked why everyone avoids Lan Yuan, he explained that it was a mixture of his birthright, that he was the son of Yangguang-jun and Yueguang-jun, and having such prestige scares the others. More than that, however, was the fact that Lan Yuan was strange, able to see spirits and energies, and was sometimes seen talking to the air.

“That’s cool, though!” Lan Yijun’s eyes sparkled. “I’ve decided, we’re going to be best friends!”

And so it came to pass. They were practically inseparable.

So much so that, when Lan Yijun lost his parents in a night hunt gone wrong, he was taken in as a ward of Yangguang-jun and Yueguang-jun. Lan Yuan remembered sitting with Lan Yijun on his parent’s graveyard, and because Lan Yuan was able to see spirits, he got to talk to Lan Yijun on behalf of his parents until they moved on. They sat together on that graveyard for a long time, and when Baba and A-die found them, the two adults sat with them and hugged the two boys.

Thankfully, as the grief settled, Lan Yijun regained his chipper personality, bolstered by Baba’s fondness for him, and A-die’s protection.

So when he also developed a golden core, Baba and A-die would also give Lan Yijun with his courtesy name. They claimed that it was the name his parents would have given him, should they still be alive.

Jingyi.

Lan Yuan thought it suited him very, very well.

As for him?

Lan Yuan finished the final stroke of his name and narrowed his eyes as he assessed it.

Sizhui.

The square boxes were wonky and not the same size. The spacing of the strokes were a bit off. It wasn’t perfect. But that was fine, he’ll just have to practice more.

He stared at his new name. His to-be courtesy name.

To yearn for.

He wondered what it meant.

“A-Yuan!” Uncle Qionglin was almost breathless, his smile so large that it quickly dispelled any panic that Lan Yuan would have felt in another situation. “A-Yuan, come quick! We have to go to your parents!”

“Uncle?” Lan Yuan asked, but he stood nonetheless, and his Uncle grabbed his arm as they ran through The Cloud Recesses, towards the Jingshi. “Uncle, what is going on?”

His Uncle Qionglin didn’t say anything, but as Lan Yuan entered the Jingshi, he noticed the doctors surrounding Baba, everyone looking in shock and awe. A-die had his head tilted on Baba’s shoulder, face hidden. “Baba?” Lan Yuan ran to sit with him. “Baba what happened?”

“A-Yuan…” Baba smiled, and as A-die looked up, Lan Yuan realized he was smiling, too. “I’m pregnant.”

Time ran out, and the world collapsed.

“Useless piece of trash!” Jin Guangshan pushed Jiang Wanyin, making the younger man fall. Jin Guanghan was not known for any strong spiritual energy, and if Jiang Wanyin had his golden core, there would have been no way he could have fallen over so easily. “What are you even doing?! Do you not owe us everything for taking you in? For taking care of your mother after she lost her mind? You would be nothing without us! You’re not even doing anything! When was the last time you used your sword?!”

Jiang Wanyin tried not to think about how familiar those words were.

His mother was not faring well. After losing her daughter to elopement, her best friend distancing herself, and her son losing his golden core, she was getting antsy. And yet, she couldn’t go on nighthunts, because her explosive behavior was making things worse for Jinlintai, and Jin Guangshan had her isolated in her room, claiming madness.

Which made things worse.

It didn’t help that people started spreading word that perhaps it was Yu Ziyuan who orchestrated the fall of Lotus Pier, that she did so to become a concubine of Jin Guangshan and is mad that it’s not panning out. It even got as far as them saying that Jiang Wanyin must’ve been one of Jin Guangshan’s illegitimate children.

All ridiculous. All lies. But there was nothing Jiang Wanyin could do against gossip.

But they couldn’t do anything now. Jinlintai was the last safe bastion, the border agreement with The Sunshot Alliance ensured that nobody would outright attack anyone inside Jinlintai since they weren’t “directly involved with the Wens”.

The second the Jiangs are abandoned? The second they realize that they have been kicked out of Jinlintai? They’re fair game. Anyone could come and wipe them out.

Without a core, and with his mother’s madness, Jiang Wanyin was dead as soon as he left sectless.

He needed Jinlintai, as much as he hated it.

So Jin Guangshan gave an ultimatum, and Jiang Wanyin had no choice but to agree.

Jiang Wanyin would leave and get a big enough hunt to earn his keep, or he and his insane mother would be kicked to the streets.

But what could he do? How could he hunt? He couldn’t hold his sword for more than a few minutes, he had no other cultivation method to fall back on, the Zidian was still firmly with his mother and she was not trusting him with it.

He grit his teeth as he packed.

“This is Lan Wangji’s world now.” Nie Huaissang once said.

Lan Wangji’s world, huh?

Was this Lan Wangji’s form of revenge? To swap Jiang Wanyin’s fate with that of Wei Wuxian? To leave him coreless and powerless?

Jiang Wanyin left Jinlintai and set his sights to Yiling.

If it was Lan Wangji’s desire to reverse Jiang Wanyin and Wei Wuxian’s fates, then he was going to follow through with it.

It was his turn.

Lan Yuan should be happy.

It’s a miracle! His Baba and A-die are truly legendary cultivators if they managed to unlock the secrets of new life, even when none of them were biologically women. It’s something that takes an incomprehensible amount of power and dedication to achieve.

The impossible was made possible, and Lan Yuan should be happy.

The family learned about Baba’s pregnancy first, and watching the shock and awe in all their faces was hilarious as it was sweet. Lan Yuan was so proud of his parents, not only as immortals, but for being such geniuses that they were able to figure out the intricacies of growing a second core in a being .

Of course, he had always known that his Baba was a genius, and Lan Yuan was so fascinated to hear the concept when Baba gave an impromptu lecture to all the doctors and scholars of Gusu Lan. Lan Yuan sat in the lecture, and was completely enthralled.

That being said, they were treading in unexplored territory. Nobody else has been able to achieve this in history, and everyone was now documenting this momentous occasion. Of course, the family had been worried. Qingheng-jun and Granduncle Qiren, upon knowing that this was a result of a thought experiment, smacked Baba on the head for experimenting on himself.

Baba argued that one, who else would be able to achieve this? And two, he was now an immortal. If the second core was actually hurting him, his own core will burn it out.

Now, Baba was constantly under guard, either from Uncle Qionglin or A-die, just in case something happens. Aunty Qing also temporarily moved back to Gusu Lan with her wife in order to be on the ready just in case something happens, and was also going to be the one in charge of delivering the baby, as the best doctor in all of Jianghu.

Baba suspects that, much like a normal pregnancy, he would start feeling weaker as the second core grows. It feeds off of Baba’s energy, and from the core, a spiritual body will materialize, and will form a true body close to the actual birth.

Lan Yuan was so excited to meet his new sibling. It was a joyous occasion for all of Jianghu. 

But the whispers started.

Lan Yuan wasn’t even sure if they were deliberately allowing him to hear it, but he heard it. Some of the elders, some of the senior disciples started whispering among themselves.

“Thank goodness we have a rightful heir now!”

“We don’t need to worry about the Wen dogs taking over Gusu.”

“Truly Yangguang-jun and Yueguang-jun are great, foreseeing this outcome.”

“He truly should have been taken as a ward instead of a son.”

“Maybe now that Yangguang-jun and Yueguang-jun are going to have legitimate heirs, they can finally stop this facade.”

Lan Yuan’s sword flew from his hand.

However, instead of jumping in victory, Xuan-ge’s eyes narrowed at the younger cultivator. Lan Yuan sat on the grass, defeated.

“You seem distracted.” Xuan-ge sat with Lan Yuan. “Usually, you give me a much harder time.”

Xuan-ge has grown a lot, from his quiet, unsure earlier days when Madam Jin left him with Baba and A-die. Despite the initial observation on his weak golden core, Baba capitalized on Xuan-ge’s natural genius in regards to spiritual energy and musical cultivation with a dizi, and he has since been able to stand toe-to-toe with his contemporaries, despite his weaker pedigree and small golden core. Until now, he’s unable to hold a sword for long, but his spiritual prowess more than makes up for it.

Lan Yuan often sparred with him to hone his awareness of spiritual energies, easily able to deflect Xuan-ge’s attacks. Despite their age difference, they could usually fight well against each other, until Xuan-ge’s experience and age would overtake Lan Yuan’s ability. Still, he was getting better day by day.

What got him this time were the group of cultivators that gathered to watch the match, whispering among themselves. Lan Yuan and Xuan-ge weren’t strangers to spectators. Lan Yijun once mentioned that it was fascinating to watch because they have never seen such a heavy use of spiritual energy on Xuan-ge’s part, nor have they seen a budding cultivator able to counter and deflect it, on Lan Yuan’s.

But today’s spectators seem to be the malicious kind.

Lan Yuan couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he could see the aura of darkness around them. Whatever they were saying, it wasn’t good. 

Perhaps it’s about how Lan Yuan wasn’t the true son of Baba and A-die.

Perhaps it’s about how, once Baba gives birth, Lan Yuan will be cast aside.

Perhaps, it’s about how, once Lan Yuan is cast aside, the rest of his family, the Dafan Wen, would be as well.

Their voices carried over.

“-- it will be a relief when Yueguang-jun gives birth to a real heir.”

“Yes, and actual firstborn child, instead of that .”

Xuan-ge glared at the spectators, who shuddered upon seeing the two, and quickly walked off.

“Disgusting. Don’t listen to them, A-Yuan.” Xuan-ge patted his shoulder. “You’re Yangguang-jun’s firstborn.”

Was he really?

His face must’ve given something away because Xuan-ge’s grip tightened.

“Tch,” Xuan-ge stood and glared, “look at them, so bold-faced! Yangguang-jun and Yueguang-jun will put them in their place once I tell them –”

“No!”

Lan Yuan grabbed onto Xuan-ge’s arm. “No, I’ll do it.”

Lan Yuan was lying, he wasn’t going to do it. He wasn’t going to say anything.

He’s afraid that those people will be right.

“Are you sure?” Xuan-ge’s voice became soft and gentle, a way of speaking he inherited from Baba.

Lan Yuan wasn’t sure.

He wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

With Baba having a legitimate heir, with his parents having an actual firstborn son, suddenly Lan Yuan was left without a tether. All of the things he thought he was going to be, all of things he thought he was going to do, everything suddenly felt unsure.

What is his standing in the world?

Would he be demoted from son to a ward?

Would he have to start calling Baba and A-die by their titles?

That last one almost choked a sob out of him.

He’s not okay.

He’s not sure.

But he smiled as his Xuan-ge.

“I’m sure.”

That night, he stayed up, repeatedly writing his future courtesy name over and over, perfecting each stroke until he wrote it as beautifully as his a-die.

He thought of Lan Yijun, soon to be Lan Jingyi. Gentle joy.

He thought of his best friend, who always brought a smile to his face. Of his best friend, who never failed to dispel the heavy air that sometimes surrounded Lan Yuan. Whose presence lit up the world.

No matter what the hope of his name would be in the future, Lan Yijun deserved the name Jingyi for sure.

What about Lan Yuan?

Sizhui. To yearn for.

What did it mean? What was the hope for his name? For his future?

What future does he have?

And whatever future it was…

Did he deserve it?

The trail was muddy, but Jiang Wanyin fought through the mud to make his way up the mountain. 

He didn’t care about the storm on the horizon, the brutal rain falling on him. He didn’t care that the mud was entering his boots and soaking his feet, that he was drenched from head to toe. 

It doesn’t matter as long as he makes it up that mountain. Until he achieves his goal.

“Where are you headed?”

Jiang Wanyin’s head snapped up at the two figures heading down the mountain. Unlike him, they were immaculately clean, with one of them wearing pure white, simple cultivator robes and a straw hat hanging behind his head. The other wore an elaborate and expensive red and black robe, with jewels decorated with silver butterflies. Both were sharing a red umbrella.

(If he had his golden core, he would’ve been able to sense that the one in white was a powerful soul, an immortal long ascended. If he had his golden core, he would’ve been able to sense that the one in red was not quite alive, a ghost that had unfathomable power.

But he doesn’t.)

He glared at the two figures. “I could ask you that. What are you doing in the Burial Mounds?”

The two looked at each other.

“What Burial Mounds?” The one in white asked. “The top of the mountain is empty.”

Jiang Wanyin felt something like a stone sink into his stomach.

“What the fuck do you mean it’s empty?!” Jiang Wanyin growled. The one in red stepped forward, a frown set on his one visible brow, but the one in white stopped him.

“You can see for yourself.” The one in white nodded. “But, there’s nothing for you there. Just take our advice and turn away.”

“Shut up!” Jiang Wanyin shouted. “What do you know?!”

How dare these strangers tell him what he could and couldn’t do?

The one in white opened his mouth to speak, but this time, the one in red held him back. “Let him be, Gege.” His eye eerily stared at Jiang Wanyin, almost knowing. “He’s desperate, and he won’t listen until he does it himself.”

Jiang Wanyin scoffed and trudged forward, and though they moved out of the way so he couldn’t shove past them, but they allowed him up, and didn’t follow him. When Jiang Wanyin turned to check if they were watching, the two figures were completely gone, with silver butterflies fading in the air.

“Stupid cutsleeves.”

It was the day before the naming ceremony when Baba pulled Lan Yuan away from his class, bringing him back towards the Jingshi hand-in-hand.

“We’ll be passing over the hope of your name early.” Baba explained, subconsciously rubbing his growing belly. He looked tired. Lan Yuan moved Baba’s hand to hold onto his arm, to better support his Baba, who smiled in appreciation. “I’m afraid your a-die and I will be busy tonight, preparing for tomorrow. We’ll talk to A-Jun after you.”

The nerves came back.

Baba led Lan Yuan to the Jingshi, where A-die was setting up the table. His parents gestured at him to sit down at the table.

Lan Yuan nervously sat in front of his parents, back ramrod straight.

A-die prepared the scroll in front of him, as well as a brush and a pot of ink, while Baba rummaged for something in the back. A-die stood to help Baba, especially when he had to stand back up.

He was holding Chenqing.

Lan Yuan’s eyes latched onto the black dizi. It was the dizi he had always felt a special connection to, a dizi whose energies called out to him, a dizi that felt like a part of him.

Baba and A-die sat in front of him.

“Your granduncle told us you chose to specialize in the dizi for your musical cultivation.” Baba grinned. Lan Yuan couldn’t help but smile and nod back.

He had the option of playing the dizi like his Baba or the guqin like his A-die. Usually, Granduncle Qiren chooses the instruments for the students based on their more natural inclination or affinity towards the instruments. When it was Lan Yuan’s turn to be assessed, he showed equal proficiency and comfort with both the guqin and the dizi, and so he was given the choice for what he would like to specialize in, with an open invitation to learn two instruments if he wished.

Given that choice, Lan Yuan would recall nights his Baba would play lullabies to help him sleep, and as much as he felt strangely like he was out of his own time, it would always go away when Baba would play the dizi.

He thought of Chenqing, which Baba would sometimes take out to play, which would immediately put Lan Yuan to sleep the second he starts playing his and A-die’s song (which they said was called WangXian. Lan Yuan didn’t know whether to find it adorable or embarrassing.)

“I’m sure you’re familiar with Chenqing. This flute was a big part of me, but was lost through time.” Baba smoothed his hand over the black wood. “I’m sure we’ve told you of the story when we lost and found it with the help of your Uncle Xingchen and Uncle Zichen.”

Lan Yuan nodded. He had heard the tale many times, and as Uncle Zichen would say, “we still think your parents were insane for bringing you along.”

“What I’ve never told you was that…this flute represents both the most difficult and the most important time of my life.” Baba smoothed his hands over the instrument, his voice dipping down. “I once created this flute as a means of protection. To protect myself, and to protect the people I loved the most in this world.”

Lan Yuan watched his Baba thumb the teething marks on the dizi.

“I now have no need for such a weapon. However, I worry for you. In this new world, in this new age, you stand in the front and center of your generation.” Baba held out the flute. “I pray that you never have to experience the atrocities of war, that you would never have to fight for your life and the lives of those around you, but it is a fool’s wish.

“Thus, I pray that this flute will always protect you, and give you the strength to protect those around you.”

Lan Yuan’s hands shook as he took the black flute from his Baba. It felt like a piece of him finally slotted in place, like he was missing something and he had finally found it. He thumbed the little marks of his teeth, back when he was small.

“We are so proud of you,” Baba smiled, “our dearest firstborn.”

Lan Yuan clenched the flute in his hand.

All the emotion he’d been feeling welled up to the surface.

“But I’m not your firstborn.”

He saw from the top of his peripheral vision the way his parents stiffened.

His ‘parents’.

“I know…I lost my birth parents in the war. I know you took me in when you protected our family. I know that our branch only has a place here because of you, that your sworn siblingship with Uncle Qionglin and Auntie Qing kept them here. I –”

“A-Yuan,” Baba sounded so sad. Like he hated hearing what Lan Yuan was saying. “A-Yuan, what are you saying?”

“I’m not your son.” Lan Yuan felt the tears flood his eyes and trickle down his cheeks. He heard all of those voices that told him that he was  “Not by blood. You’ll have your own children now. Real children. I don’t…I don’t deserve this –”

He held out Chenqing, as much as it broke his heart to do so, because this was not his. It belonged to Baba’s true firstborn. Fat tears streamed down his face as he hung his head low. He’s not their firstborn. He’s not their blood child. He doesn’t deserve this blessing, this protection. He’s not –

Baba pushed Chenqing back in his hands.

“Who told you that?” 

Lan Yuan had heard his parents stern and authoritative. He has heard them bark orders and demands when it’s for the good of Gusu Lan.

He had never heard his parents – especially his A-die raise his voice like that. It made the energies around the Jingshi shudder and subdue. With their immortal power, that moment of anger charged the air around him. He was sure that if there were any spirits in his vicinity, they would've disintegrated from the passive energy alone.

“Who. Told. You. That.”

“I –” Lan Yuan looked down and swallowed. “I just…heard it. Front the elders. And a few senior disciples. When I was with Xuan-ge –”

“Don’t think about them.” Baba’s voice was devoid of the usual lightheartedness that was characteristic of him. “We’ll talk to Xuanyu if he knew but – oh, my darling boy, you must have suffered so much, why didn’t you tell us?”

Lan Yuan closed his eyes, the tears seeping through onto the floor. “I thought – I was scared – that they would be right –”

Lan Yuan was pulled into two pairs of arms, hugging him from both sides. His Baba and his A-die squeezed him from either side of him.

“My baby boy,” Baba kissed his forehead, against his head band. “Oh, my baby, how could you doubt it? Have we done anything that made you doubt us?”

“How dare they.” A-die squeezed Lan Yuan. “They don’t know anything. They don’t know anything .”

“You reached out for us.” Baba squeezed and hugged him as close as he could with his belly in the way. “You reached out for us, and you called us Baba and A-die. Those were your first words .”

Lan Yuan had heard the stories. He always thought they were an exaggeration.

“You have always been our son.” A-die squeezed his hand. “Blood or not, you have always been our firstborn, and nobody can ever dispute that.”

“And me giving birth will not change anything.” Baba stroked his hair. “You are our eldest, our firstborn son. You are the heir to our legacy. You are the product of our love and the world we built. Nobody else has that claim, my dearest A-Yuan.”

And Lan Yuan exhaled, wondering why he was even frightened in the first place.

In his relief, he latched onto his Baba and sobbed into his chest. “Baba – A-die – I’m so sorry –”

“Shhh,” Lan Yuan felt his A-die settle behind him, rubbing his back. “You have nothing to apologize for. We love you, A-Yuan.”

“I –” Lan Yuan hiccupped. “I love you too, Baba, A-die!”

When they have relatively calmed down, when Lan Yuan sobs died down, and the anger in his parents have subsided, they took their places back on the table.

“Are you still up for it?” Baba asked, concerned lining his brow. “We can take some time off, if you’re not ready yet.”

Lan Yuan shook his head. “I’m ready.”

Despite the tears in his eyes, Lan Yuan wrote his courtesy name – Lan Sizhui – perfectly.

It was time he learned what it meant.

“A-Yuan,” Baba started, “you know the story of me and your a-die, how we got together. But I’m afraid that’s not the whole story.”

“We once told you that we understood your feelings, that you felt older in a younger body. Like you were out of time.” A-die continued. “We understood because this was not our first life.”

A past life. Sizhui suspected as much.

“That life…wasn’t a happy one.” Baba reached out to hold A-die’s hand, the other resting on his belly. “I suppose you could say it was a tragedy. But, what directed us both in that life was our yearning. To do what was right. To protect the people we want to protect. To reunite.”

“Sizhui,” A-die smiled, “to yearn for. Our hope is that you would find your calling, find the things your heart beats for, find the things that you yearn for, and that you would have the strength to let it lead you to your happiness. That you may yearn so strongly that it will give your life direction and meaning, something you can strive for without regrets.”

“Whether that path be inheriting the Lan Clan as the heir,” Baba continued, “or whatever you choose in the future. Know that your a-die and baba will always support you, and we, as well as your little sibling, will be with you every step of the way.”

Lan Yuan finally understood.

It was like he was finally able to breathe again.

A-Yuan smiled and quickly wiped his tears. “ Siblings .”

“Hm?” Baba blinked.

“There’s two of them.” A-Yuan laughed. “Two spiritual bodies sharing the second core. I just noticed it a while ago. Siblings.”

“Oh –” Baba turned to A-die with a pout. “A- Zhan! Twins! We’re going to have our work cut out for us!”

“Zhui-ge will help us, won’t he?” A-die looked over to A-Yuan with a raised brow.

Zhui-ge .

“Of course I will!”

Lan Yijun was first in the naming ceremony.

“Lan Jingyi, for gentle joy!” He proclaimed, loudly, and though some of the more stringent elders narrowed their eyes, the leaders of the Gusu Empire smiled. “That happiness and joy follows me, that I can make others smile in the face of hardship.”

Lan Yuan took a deep breath, his hands remembered the pattern of his new name, the pressure of the calligraphy ink. He knew the stroke order perfectly and could write his courtesy name in his sleep.

Around him, he could see the glances of the other disciples and the elders. They know he’s the last one in line, the final one, as was tradition with the heirs. His Uncle Xichen went through it, his a-die went through it, and now it was his turn.

He could see the dark and light tendrils of energy weave between cultivators, only calming around himself and his parents.

He is their firstborn.

Even though he no longer doubted it, his hands still shook. He instinctively thumbed the teeth marks on Chenqing, which hung on his hip, a habit he had been slowly developing since inheriting the dizi.

Lan Yijun – Jingyi, took back his place beside Lan Yuan and discretely held his hand.

“Are you ready?” Jingyi whispered, “don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Lan Yuan glanced at his friend, who grinned at him. “Smile, A-Yuan. I’ll be right behind you.”

He smiled. His hands stopped shaking.

Lan Jingyi – gentle joy. 

Lan Jingyi deserved his name.

This time, Lan Yuan believed he deserved his own name as well.

“Lan Yuan.”

With a deep breath, and a final squeeze of Jingyi’s hand, Lan Yuan walked to the center of the room, and took the short path to kneel before The Gusu Empire Leaders.

His parents.

In his peripheral vision, Lan Yuan could see the elders and the senior disciples fidget. He has no doubt his parents had a talk with them before the ceremony.

Despite that, from the corner of his eye, he could see Xuan-ge give him a thumbs up with a wide grin on his face.

He could see his blood family – the Dafan Wens, tearing up and smiling proudly at him. 

Uncle Huaisang and Uncle Qionglin were holding hands and waving excitedly at him. Uncle Xichen and Uncle Mingjue were visiting, and were in the front, discreetly waving at him as well.

He could see Qingheng-jun, who came out of seclusion to see him, and Granduncle Qiren, nodding at him proudly.

Behind him, he could feel Jingyi bouncing on his heels in excitement.

In front of him, Baba grinned wider than anyone had ever seen during the ceremony. A-die’s lips quirked up to a smile.

All the people that mattered were here.

They all acknowledge him as the firstborn son of the Sect Leaders. They all love him as family.

What do these outsiders know?

Lan Yuan knelt before Yangguang-jun and Yueguang-jun.

“Lan Sizhui, to yearn for.” His voice echoed through the silent hall, but all the people condensed down to his family and dearest friend – the only people who mattered now. “That I may find my calling, my path to happiness. That I may yearn so strongly, that I have the strength to strive for a life with no regrets.”

He allowed himself a cheeky grin.

“Just like my parents.”

Baba hid his laugh behind his hand, but his eyes crinkled with delight. A-die’s smile widened.

With that, he took his brush and, after checking that it’s inked properly, he wrote down his name. Every stroke, neat and perfect. Each line and curve, perfectly sized and spaced. With every movement of his brush, he repeated the hope for his name in his head.

Lan Yuan knelt before his parents.

When he stood, he stood as Lan Sizhui, born of the Dafan Wen branch, the firstborn son of the war heroes and immortals Yangguang-jun and Yueguang-jun, heir to the Gusu Lan Empire, the living embodiment of his parent’s love, eldest brother to his twin siblings.

Months later, Baba successfully gave birth.

It was nerve-wrecking for Lan Sizhui when he heard of the procedure. That Aunty Qing would have to surgically operate on Baba’s lower dantian, where his core was cultivating the two lives inside of him. Because the core is what was keeping them alive in a system where they shouldn’t be alive in the first place, Aunty Qing would not be able to use anesthetics or any sort of pain relieving herb, as those would dim even an immortal’s core, and endanger the twins.

“I can handle it.” Baba had said, confidently. He turned to A-die, who was distressed to hear about this. “I’ve done worse.”

Lan Yuan didn’t want to think about what he meant by “worse”.

Aunty Qing had a strange look on her face (she would later confide in her wife, Aunty Mianmian, that she felt like she had done a similar procedure before but in worse circumstances), but she felt confident in her abilities and it was a comfort.

It was Uncle Qionglin who reacted the most violently to the operation, but calmed down since then, though he insisted on watching with A-die. Sizhui didn’t think he could watch, and so he stayed outside with the rest of the family, who came from all over Jianghu to be here for this historical moment.

Well, for the cultivation world it was historical.

For Sizhui, he just wanted to be with his family.

He found his hands were shaking as every second passed. They put up silencing talismans in the Jingshi, but he was sure that it was to hide the fact that Baba would be in extreme pain. The thought of his Baba going through something like that scared him so much –

“Sizhui.”

Jingyi moved, from sitting beside Sizhui to kneeling in front of him. “Sizhui, your Baba will be okay.”

“He’s screaming.” Sizhui teared up. “I know he’s in there, screaming. I should be there – I should –”

He was about to stand, but Jingyi firmed up his grip and pulled Sizhui back down to sit. “We can’t go in – Sizhui, he’ll be okay. Your Baba will be okay. Believe in me?”

So unfair. Sizhui always believes in Jingyi.

Shortly after, Sizhui found himself squished between Qingheng-jun and Uncle Xichen. Jingyi must’ve called them over while Sizhui was trying to calm down.

Traitor.

He’s the best friend ever.

“Oh, Sizhui,” he felt Qingheng-jun’s heavy hand on his head. “Have faith.”

“He’ll be okay.” Uncle Xichen hugged him. “If anything, your a-die would never let anything happen to him. I think he would fight death itself if it meant keeping your baba safe, don’t you think so, A-Sang?”

Sizhui choked out a laugh. Uncle Huaisang held out a hand in front of Sizhui. There was a slight tremor to them, but he was doing his best to be calm and Sizhui appreciated it. “Come, come, how about we paint some fans? You can keep it as a memento, yeah? You too, Jingyi.”

“Come on, Sizhui.” Jingyi moved to pull Sizhui up. “Let’s go paint some fans.”

Sizhui loved his family.

The operation took hours before Aunty Qing and Uncle Qionglin came out. Both looked exhausted, but they looked happy. Uncle Huaisang ran up to his fiance holding his face in his hands and thumbing the red skin under his eyes.

“It was a success.” Wen Qionglin confirmed. “They’re just calming down. It was difficult, but they’re all healthy.”

“Was it really difficult?” Nie Huaisang asked.

Wen Qionglin looked down and did not respond. It spoke volumes. Nie Huaisang made a sad noise and hugged him.

“Sizhui,” Wen Qing sounded tired. Luo Qingyang was also hugging her wife, “give them about ten minutes to settle down, then you should join them.”

Sizhui was bouncing on his heels. Only Jingyi’s firm grip on his hand kept him in place.

When Sizhui finally got to enter the Jingshi, it was clean and everything was back in place. As if nothing happened. As if the impossible did not just become possible.

On the bed were his parents, heads dipped towards each other and speaking quietly to one another. The energies in the room seemed to be extra subdued, as if giving them a moment. Baba was the one to lift his head when Sizhui came closer. “Sizhui.”

“Baba – “ Sizhui stopped himself from asking if he was okay as he registered the tired, but happy lines on his Baba’s face, and the exhausted but happy look on his A-die’s. They were each carrying a small bundle in their arms, gently rocking them.

Sizhui’s baby siblings.

He found himself collapsing onto the bed, climbing on it in shock and relief.

It was such a foreign concept while they were still in Baba’s belly, but now it was real.

“These are your baby siblings, Sizhui.” A-die passed both bundles over to Sizhui. The young cultivator carefully took the two bundles in his arms, staring down at his twin siblings. Their sleepy eyes blinked at him. Both children have two colored eyes. His little sister had silver on the left, and gold on the right, and his little brother had it in reverse.

Sizhui suspects that it will be the way they’ll be distinguishing the twins in the future.

A-die placed a heavy hand on Sizhui’s head. “From now on, you’ll be protecting them with us.”

“Yes, A-die.” Sizhui bobbed his head, just as the baby girl yawned. It made Sizhui tear up.

“Would you like to name them, Sizhui?” Baba asked, sleepily.

Sizhui swallowed the urge to sob.

“Lan Sying for her,” Sizhui started.

“Mn.” A-die smiled. “Our wonderful star.”

“And Lan Hao for him.”

“For the vastness of the sky.” Baba grinned. “I like them. Our star and sky. And of course,” he affectionately brushed a thumb against Sizhui’s forehead band. “Our hope. What more could we ask for?”

A-die started fussing over Baba, who was still quite tired after the procedure. Sizhui focused on the two bundles in his arms.

“Hello A-Sying, A-Hao,” he greeted. The twins blinked up sleepily at him. Sizhui already knew that he loved them. “I’m your Zhui-ge.”

Lan Sizhui.

To yearn for.

One day, he’ll find his true path to happiness. What he yearns for.

For now, that happiness is condensed to the two tiny bundles in his arms.

Nothing.

There was nothing.

When Jiang Wanyin visited the Burial Mounds back in the other timeline, even with Wei Wuxian taming the lands, it still reeked of resentment. Thick globs of Yin energy, so potent that it was visible when it usually wasn’t. It made Jiang Wanyin so disgusted, coupled with all the dirt and grime of the area, that he refused to go back up.

Except now, there was nothing. Besides old bones, there was no ambient resentment, nothing particularly evil, no spirits or corpses loitering about.

The Burial Mounds no longer existed.

Jiang Wanyin fell to his knees and screamed.

“It’s not fair!” Jiang Wanyin punched the ground. “What am I supposed to do?!”

How could he have changed anything in the past? They started off as children, how was he supposed to speak over adults? How did Lan Wangji change anything, get any authority to change things?

How could he have developed his core to be more powerful? How did Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian grow to such impossible levels of power so quickly? Was his core really that naturally weak compared to them?

What was he supposed to do during the Sunshot Campaign? How was he to defend Lotus Pier when his mother was calling the shots? How was he supposed to leave his family to fight the war?

How was he supposed to know that Jinlintai would fail in rebuilding after the war? How was he supposed to fight against the entire cultivation world calling out the massive amounts of corruption the Jins have accumulated? How was he to combat the proof that Nie Huaisang managed to get?

Why did everything work out for Wei Wuxian, but not Jiang Wanyin? Why did the world change so much? Was there always such a large difference between the two of them?

The odds were stacked against him.

He was backed into a corner.

There were no options left.

“What a poor, unfortunate soul.”

Jiang Wanyin’s snapped up, and he saw a figure dressed in bright white inside the cave, avoiding the rain. They seemed to almost glow, a bright spot amidst the raging storm.

Their face was covered by a mask. Half smiling, half crying.