Archive of Our Own

"Why can't you be more like your friend Duncan?" Aaron told his son after his 12th birthday. It had been a pool party. Duncan had outswum Logan. Logan waited until behind the safety of his own bedroom door to start crying. Lynn waited until Aaron was distracted by a call from his agent to creep upstairs and lay Logan's head in her lap.

The first time that Logan had dinner at the Kane household, Jake offered to take both boys golfing the next weekend and praised how well the two of them worked together on the basketball court. Jake's face glowed as he remembered a particularly good play his son had made. Lilly dropped cranberry juice all over the white carpet and couldn't have cared less about the mess it made despite her parent's reprimands. Logan could have sworn she did it on purpose; she winked at him across the table while Celeste's face soured. The Kanes were kinder to Logan than they were to Lilly, but she didn't seem to mind.

Lilly laughed at Duncan and called "Donut" but she adored him all the same. She'd prance around the house in a halter top and barely there shorts and spread herself across Duncan's lap, while he and Logan were attempting to play whatever the latest hot new game was. She'd pout that she was bored and Duncan would complain that she was throwing off his game, and in the end she'd win of course. Lilly winning menat some crazy venture of drinking in cemetaries and jumping naked off of cliffs into the ocean. Lilly loved Duncan best. It was clear when she'd pull him into the pool, or force him to carry her. It was evident in the way that she used to fall asleep nestled against him.

Trina always called Logan her darling baby brother. She made a big deal of hugging and kissing and condescending. Trina loved attention best. Trina didn't have the figure for the shirts that Lilly wore around the house, but she tried them anyway. Trina laughed at Logan when he showed her the burns and cuts. Then she put on her lipstick, and walked out of the door to meet whatever one hit wonder, or upcoming hopeful, she was laying her hopes on that night.

Veronica Mars was golden and good like Duncan. Sometimes Logan wondered if someone out there had crafted the whole world as Duncan's playground, and Veronica was just the crowning gem of his fortunes, made for no other purpose than to reflect him. After Logan's 14th birthday, Aaron said, "Why don't you date a nice girl like that Veronica." This time Lynn never came to check on Logan. He had his door locked anyway.

When Duncan and Veronica started going out, Logan couldn't help watching them. Lilly put a stop to it, found him all alone and whispered feverish words about how they could never ever be Duncan, whispered words about the shadow side. Her breath was hot against his skin and Logan thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be in shadow with Lilly. She seemed happy didn't she? She didn't mind Duncan, didn't mind Veronica. Her look promised rewards, promised to love him more than Duncan. Could he be more loved than Duncan? Logan didn't know how to be loved; he only knew how to love.

Veronica giggled as Duncan whispered sweet nothings, and Logan let Lilly pull him down the hall to her bedroom. Everything Logan got from Lilly, seemed like a piece of Duncan's empire, one more of the shiny baubles in the royal tresury. Time really was an hourglass.

When Aaron saw Duncan's sister kissing his son, he gave him a pat on the back.