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“How do you get married?”
It’s a lazy summer evening, just around the time the sun’s rays are churned into the descending night sky and color the bright blue with hues of purple and orange and red. Though most of the sunlight has dimmed the heat still lingers, sticking to Kaneki like another layer of skin. More annoying than that is the fact that it’s making his popsicle drip- he’s been attempting to catch the strawberry-flavored droplets with his tongue while keeping his hands clear of the sticky sweetness dripping down the sides. So far, he hasn’t missed a single drop.
Well, until Hide’s completely out-of-left-field question that has him reeling and sends a few beads of red falling to their demise.
Maybe, if Kaneki was a little bit quicker or braver, he’d be able to send a teasing retort in Hide’s way, ask if there was someone he had his eye on. But he’s not, so his reply ends up being a well thought-out, intelligent, “...huh?”
Laughter spills from Hide’s lips. “Your face-” he chortles, pointing a finger at Kaneki’s owlish eyes, widened with befuddlement that’s growing by the second. After a few heartbeats of nothing but the sound of Hide’s cackling, Kaneki snaps out of his trance, cheeks coloring.
“It’s just, w-why are you suddenly- marriage..?”
His stuttering makes Hide double over even further. By the time his laughter settles into gulps of air, there’s a grin on his face and tears squeezing themselves out of the corners of his eyes, ones that he’s quick to wipe away. “I wasn’t being serious, real marriage is for adults,” Hide explains with a serious nod. “You have to have a person sign the papers and stuff, and a giant party, that’s complicated marriage. But marriage itself doesn't sound… y'know, that bad.”
Hide pauses, staring at the churning waves of the river ahead. Kaneki stares, too, wonders if he can find whatever Hide’s about to say before he even says it. He doesn’t, and that’s evident by the fact that he finds himself wide-eyed and gaping at Hide’s next words, loud and clear for all to hear--
“Can I marry you?”
Kaneki’s automatic response is, obviously, no (or maybe a more polite form of the word), because who in the world gets married at nine to a boy they’ve only known for a few months? Not just any boy, but one that drags him along for crazy schemes and adventures, one who chats for hours on end and doesn’t mind when Kaneki is too engaged in a book to listen, a boy who always has a smile on his face and an arm outstretched in his direction, who always looks for him and waits for him and somehow manages to find him every time?
The popsicle is stuck in Kaneki’s mouth, buying him an excuse he doesn’t end up needing as Hide’s turns his gaze elsewhere. He’s no doubt waiting for an answer, but he’s not impatient for one. It’s things like this that help Kaneki’s mouth turn up at the corners during their times together and allow him to feel companionship- no, the glow of genuine friendship that tears away the loneliness that bites at his heels. He has a long life to live, but will he ever get another friend like Hide?
The brutal honesty his own self provides scares him. Suddenly, there is a looming realization seems to yank his heart all the way up his throat-- the realization that Hide might be gone someday. He sees that this is what Hide felt when suggesting the idea in the first place, the fear of abandonment that came along with any friend but amplified with this particular one because this smiling, laughing, carefree boy is his… best friend.
“...We can get married,” Kaneki mutters, ducking his head. He’s sucking the life out of the popsicle in his mouth, hoping that the cold rush will settle the fire that’s suddenly alight in his cheeks. Don’t take this so seriously, his inner self chides him, and Hide says the same thing with his laid-back but delighted smile, stretching from ear to ear and almost splitting his face in two.
Contrary to what Kaneki thought would happen next, Hide flops down on the grass with his hands behind his head and watches the lazy drift of the orange tinted clouds. “Cool." Kaneki can't make sense of the word with all its intricacies beneath its surface. Hide's the one who's always saying he should be true to himself- Kaneki wishes he'd take his own advice.
A moment later, he settles next to Hide on the grass, letting his gaze drift to the darkening sky. Companionship drifts between them like the evening heat, languid and inviting.
“We’ll have to get rings.”
Kaneki can’t resist a smile when Hide’s head turns, eyes wide, and face alight with a lopsided grin. It looks like relief, the thing lingering on his smile-- as if Kaneki would ever push him away.
“We do, don’t we?” Abruptly, Hide springs back to his feet and is dragging Kaneki up with him a heartbeat later, his grip firm on his wrist with a sense of purpose. It surprises him, the way Hide’s taking this so seriously, perhaps even more than the proposal itself.
Which is maybe why Kaneki feels so uncertain about this. “You know we’re not actually getting married, right?”
His stomach drops the instant the words are out into the open air. Hide’s smile is in the process of acting out its very own drama- sinking, faltering, getting right back up again. “I know. Like I said before- real marriage is for adults.” His steady words aren't enough to convince Kaneki, even less so when Hide drops Kaneki’s wrist and begins to move ahead and away. “C’mon, Neki,” Hide calls after noticing Kaneki is still pinned to the place he left him at. “The corner store won’t stay open forever.”
Despite the grin still present on Hide’s face there’s a palpable rift between them, and it produces a chill that Kaneki can feel growing from his stomach. Hide walks a little ahead, expression hidden by the glare of the sinking sun. Kaneki knows he’s probably just overthinking it; Hide’s not petty, not the type of guy to get upset over something as little as this.
But is it really little? If there’s anyone acting like this is nothing to fuss about, it’s Kaneki. In fact, he’d even go as far as to say he’s been passively pushing the idea away like a parent hesitantly playing along with their child; his last comment had bordered on scolding, and the realization hits Kaneki like a punch to the gut. His eyes dart back to Hide, whose gaze is fixed on the path ahead.
He jumps when Hide’s head suddenly swivels toward him, and in turn, directly meeting his stare. Kaneki’s feet freeze to the ground, even though at the moment he’s sure his face is warm enough to melt the entire north pole. Hide stops walking too, grin replaced by a confused frown. But before he can even open his mouth, Kaneki squeezes his eyes and blurts out--
“Sorry.”
Though his eyes are closed, he can still see Hide’s mouth snapping shut before opening again, something like ‘you don’t have to worry so much’ on the tip of his tongue- Kaneki’s quick to keep going before the words are out. “Even if it’s not real, we still… I want to. Um.” Kaneki breathes and feels the trembling of the words being expelled by the swell of oxygen that enters his lungs. These are the words Hide deserves- Kaneki wants every single syllable to ring true because, surprisingly, that’s what they are. He wants Hide to be by his side forever, that’s a fact, and that’s what marriage is, isn’t it? “Being married wouldn’t be that bad.”
Finally, he opens his eyes to see that Hide’s grin has bloomed- the sight fills his chest with a rush of determination and he dares to add, “As long as you don’t turn the place we move into a dump.”
His face turns a deeper shade of red at the idea of him and Hide moving in together (since that’s what married people do), but if Hide notices he doesn’t say, too busy with his snorts of laughter. After a moment Kaneki starts laughing too, and that’s what they are; two boys absorbed in a universe all their own, laughing with all the joy in the world.
“I’m not that messy,” Hide protests after wiping wet droplets from the corners of his eyes. “In fact, I bet I’m the one who’d do all the cleaning.” They almost launch into another fit at that, but their faces ache and the laughter has been spent, so Kaneki makes do by making a face at Hide. The blond grins wickedly. “Wanna race?”
It’s not much of a race- Kaneki knows Hide’s slowing his pace as to not leave him behind- so the sun is almost gone by the time they reach the store. They stand in front of the plastic ring dispenser with their mouths set in a straight line, though Kaneki’s wavers when he realizes that Hide is fighting down a grin. Hide draws out some change from his pockets and places them in the coin slots with the utmost care. Kaneki even finds himself holding his breath as the dial is turned agonizingly slowly, and the time it takes for the cases to pop out seems like an eternity. But there they are in their plastic glory; the rings themselves are unable to be seen through the opaque casing.
“Let’s do this at the park,” suggests Hide. At Kaneki’s nod, he doesn’t hesitate to reach out and take Kaneki’s wrist and pull him along, all the way to the park. The pace is just slow enough to not leave the two of them sweaty and breathless, but fast enough for them to make it before the street lamps flicker on.
The lights appear a second later, bathing the abandoned paths in a white glow, attracting moths that flutter in the air like pieces of confetti. “Ready?” Kaneki nods in response, heart racing, and the two of them slowly make their way to the whale at the center of the park. The atmosphere is oddly fitting despite the absence of all the things that make a wedding a wedding- the fancy decor, the cheering and crying crowd, the sharp suits, and the giant cake. All they have are their blinding street lamps, plastic rings, and a lone cicada kind enough to provide them with its song.
But Kaneki finds that it’s more than enough, especially with the heat pulsing from where Hide’s hand makes contact with his skin. It might just be a trick of the light, but there’s a trace of pink coloring the blond’s cheeks as they come to a stop beside the whale and take out their respective rings. They both take a moment to turn the rings over in their hands, feeling the smooth texture and admiring the artificial shine of the so-called gem.
“Now.” Hide takes a breath. “We exchange them.” For a moment, neither of them move, the sudden reality of the whole situation weighing down their limbs like stone- until Hide draws out his hand and gestures for Kaneki to do the same.
Kaneki gulps as Hide places his hand underneath his and hovers the ring over Kaneki’s finger. The ring is slid down at a painstakingly slow speed and seems to burn when it settles at the base of his finger. He tries wiggling his fingers- the ring bumps against the others beside it and Kaneki stops immediately because it feels wrong, treating the ring with less than the utmost care.
Somehow, it looks beautiful, the cheap shine looking as bright as a diamond’s glimmer. In an instant he feels affection for his friend flood the pores of his body, and it comes out as a cherry-red hue on his face. Not of embarrassment, but happiness. Even if there is something ridiculous about having a faux wedding in an empty park, he pushes down the thoughts effortlessly and squeezes Hide’s hand, just as he would if they were standing at a real altar.
Kaneki doesn’t even take half the time Hide did, his face continuing to burn red the whole time he fumbles the ring onto the other’s finger. Hide stares, too, tries wiggling his fingers just as Kaneki had. Then, their eyes meet and their gazes hold- but unlike what Kaneki’s expecting, there’s no fireworks, no fanfare, not even the sound of the generous cicada. Hide seems to be just as underwhelmed but, in the usual Hide fashion, his face splits into a grin and his stance falls back into its normal, carefree slouch.
“Wanna go up on the whale for a bit?”
When they climb onto the whale’s back, they’re greeted with twinkling stars, appearing from behind the veil to spectate whatever these kids are getting up to. Which is not much at the moment; Kaneki and Hide sit next to each other in silence, gazing at their new, glittering audience.
“There’s more than usual,” Kaneki comments, getting, not a grin, but a soft smile in return.
“Wanna point out those constellations again?”
And Kaneki does, gesturing to the night sky, sometimes accompanied by a thoughtful ‘hmm’ or an appreciative nod. Somewhere in the middle, Hide scoots closer to him so that their sides brush, their combined warmth making a cocoon over the two of them. There are no sparks, just peace and content.
Kaneki doesn’t think he’d mind spending an eternity like this.