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After I made my final eye contact with the woman whom I promised I'd wait for an eternity with, but who in return couldn't do the same for me, which I kinda agree made sense. why spend time with me when she could be with her family that loves spending time with her?
When my eyes met Serena I caught a fleeting glance of regret, I forced a smile and had one in return by her lifting her glass with a salute of sorts to accompany mine. I turned away and left the warmth of the room and the cold air hit me like an additional blow in the stomach after the warmth of the room I had just left. The cold felt as oppressive as the conversation I just had taken part in.
As I walked over to my rental car, which already had my small suitcase and army-issue haversack was already in the boot. I stopped as someone was calling my name, as I turned in their direction it was Donna and Jason's best man Xav. They both greeted me with a smile and an equally puzzled look on their faces.
"Bernie, where you going the night is still young," Donna spoke as she walked up to me,
"Um, I have some unfinished business in Kenya," I mumbled. She looked at me knowing I was lying through my teeth, I never could fool her, she embraced me in a bone-crushing embrace. She whispered in my ear, "You deserve better, so much better go and find her. I kept in touch with Alex and she's in Somalia working for Medics without borders."
How did she know, that I still cared for Al, and the feeling was still mutual, how was it that obvious that even thou I had promised Serena I'd wait for an eternity but I was still missing my best friend even though she knew that she would never be the love of my life, but we still loved each other in our way.
I looked over her shoulder and saw Xav write something down on a piece of paper, and he spoke quietly. "It's where she's based and her new work contact number." I held out my hand and he placed it in mine. We held hands for a while both reluctant to let go, we didn’t always see eye to eye, but did have a lot of mutual respect and not just for our mutual care and love we had for Jason. When he gently let go of my hand I placed the scribbled note in the back pocket of my famous black skinny jeans.
Donna and I untangled ourselves from our embrace, again we were both reluctant to let go. "I can't promise," I said to both of them, Xav had stood by Donna and again we embraced each other, they both nodded, knowing that I would be contacting her again. “think about it, even if you don't end up being together, it will or can be a new start for both of you," Xav said.
Looking back I've often wondered if it was fate that made us meet up again that night.
I unlocked the car door, and I sat down in the driver's seat, letting go a deep breath I hadn't realised I was holding. I took one final look at them, mouthed Thank you for everything, and got a nod back. As they moved away from the car as I turned the ignition waving me goodbye was I, still hoping that Serena would come and find me and stop me, I knew that she'd never do that. She had too much pride to beg and if I’m honest so am I.
It didn't take long for me to get onto the motorway to Bristol Airport, as I drove to the car rental depot within the airport, my phone pinged it was Lottie. A couple of days before we had a very long friendly conversation where I said I'd be going back to Kenya, hopefully with Serena. She gave me her blessing and we promised we'd keep in touch either through texting or email. She assured me she wouldn't panic if didn't reply as soon as she'd like unless it was an emergency. I sent her a text saying I was heading out now while waiting for the paperwork to be completed and she didn't need to see me off. In return wished me well and reminded me to be in touch, I replied with a doh emoji. I did take some precarious photos of the car, thankfully they had a quick look and said all was in order and I got my deposit back, plus a bit more as I’d topped up the car with some extra petrol.
As I entered the building my phone pinged again, I had a quick look and saw that the money had been deposited into my account. I made my way to the departures information board stating that my flight to Kenya was delayed by several hours. so rather than check in I went to get some coffee, I placed my bags next to a seat, keeping one eye on my bags and the queue I'm not sure if it was because I had an army issue haversack no one went near them. while I was queuing up when I took my wallet was in one of my back pockets, and Xav's note came with it.
I paid for my coffee and a cinnamon whirl, my favourite sarnie egg, and mayo. I sat down with a gentle thump, I pulled out my mobile looking at his note with Alex's new contact details in it. I saw that I had some new text messages, several from Lottie saying how much she'd enjoyed meeting up and when can we do it again she also added that Serena was a bloody fool to let me go again, and even went as far as to say find Alex. There was one from my boss or should I say my old boss, saying how much he regretted my decision not to come back and wished me well, I had meant to contact him to ask if I could have my old job back but had completely forgotten to. Again was it fate I hadn't tried to contact him to ask for my old job back, again was it fate that made me run into Donna and Xav, equally was it fate that Donna had somehow kept in touch with Alex?
On a mad impulse, I called Alex's phone number, I looked at my treasured Rolex watch I got from my favourite Uncle Alistair when I graduated with distinction from Sandhurst, I worked out it was early her time but not too early she'd be still in bed or worse coming off a night shift. Half hoping she’d pick up the other half hoping she wouldn’t. She picked it up after a couple of rings, "Dawson, I'm sorry I don't know who you are?" why should she, my mobile number had been changed half a dozen times since we first exchanged personal numbers she said hello a couple of times before I could reply, "Hi Al I got your contact details from Donna, and I'm looking for a job."
There seemed like a year of silence, when I guess it was just seconds, she couldn't keep the mirth out of her voice."Oh, well we could always need a surgeon of your expertise, Major Wolfe. It will come with completing some paperwork but I'm sure we could find you an assistant that could do your paperwork for you."
I smiled as I replied, "Um I had a Captain that did that once, wonder if she would be willing to do that for me."
I grinned when I heard that wonderful laugh I hadn't missed until I heard it again, "Um not a captain any more I'm afraid but would a Lieutenant do?"
"More than do solider, god I've missed you."
"Me too Bernie, I've missed my best friend, will Serena be coming with you, what happened to Kenya?"
"No she's not she's staying here in the UK to be with her family and now extended family, I think she got her itchy feet out of her system when Eleanor died, as to Kenya I resigned thinking it could work out between us, here in Holby but it didn't." I think she knew there would be more to it than that, but didn’t pry. She sounded genuinely sad when she replied.
"Oh shit Bernie, I'm so sorry but selfishly I'm not, what about Cameron and Charlotte?" before I could answer she added, "Well they hated me before, so I guess they can't hate me more than they already do." On that, I let out a combination of a sigh and a suppressed laugh.
"Well, I think I've got Charlotte's consent about us being together again, as to Cameron he still hates me, I can't see that changing any time soon. How about you? You must have a very lucky lady in your life.” I admit I was dreading her reply.
"Mm let me think, nope, there was a certain major but she was a hard act to follow. But keep that for when you're ready to tell me what happened and why you want to come here.”
I explained to her that I was already at Bristol Airport and could try to exchange my open return tickets and I'd text her the details of when I potentially would be arriving. so I told her to get some sleep and that I'd be in contact again by text, she in return sent me her details of the apartment block she was staying at, we still had to be careful because it is a Muslim country.
It didn't take too long to swap the tickets, with a bonus at no extra cost to me my luck was in again as the next flight was on time and an hour away, they had some spare seats, not sure if it was because I still use my army issued passport or not. Luckily my photo was of me in civilian clothes and my hair was the new blonde. As I placed my suitcase and army-issued haversack on the checking-in luggage carousel. My Uncle Alistair often gave me advice some I took like joining the army after graduating as a doctor, to telling me you never really forget your first love, and I guess he was right concerning my first true love. I did think it was Serena who fitted that description as I always wrongly thought that my and Alex's love was built on us being in continuing danger and not knowing if we'd very make it out alive, but I now know that the one that loved me unconditionally was Alex. I sent Al a text giving her my flight details as well as keeping the kids up to speed as to what was happening.
I sent the details of my change of plans to both of my children, I guess I should have sent them to Jason, but I selfishly thought No. Serena for once you are the one that couldn't see me putting out the bins for collection, wearing slippers, or even going to the park with Gwenerve, you can explain it to them. I got a thumbs up from Charlotte and nothing from Cameron who to be honest I didn't expect a reply from, I did think of sending Serena a text but I dismissed it as quickly as I thought of it.
Lottie replied again, she never really got on with Serena after the debacle and subsequent fallout regarding Eleanor, but she did want to try for me. Yes, she was sympathetic when Eleanor died but not about the manner of her death or the cause of it. She had always hated drugs and its effects after the death of a close friend of hers when she was at university.
Before I knew it the flight was being called, and the attendant who greeted us on the plane said I'd been upgraded to Business class, once again it must have been my army issue haversack and passport, that came to my rescue. As I made my way to the other part of the airplane. I looked around and saw there weren't too many other passengers and I had a row of seats all to myself. we left on time and an attendant asked if I would like a drink, I asked for double whisky and a milky coffee. He nodded but before he left he gave me a menu, when he came back with my drinks I ordered a medium rare steak, with creamed potatoes and green beans. I didn't bother with a dessert other than another coffee.
While I was waiting for the food to arrive I started flipping through the photos on my phone of Serena and me, I noticed for the first time, yes we were happy but my or even her smile never really reached our eyes, was she still grieving Elanor or wanting something I couldn't completely give her like some kind of stability or wanting to stay in one place, even though I did explain to her I could do all of those things. When I looked at my stored photos of Alex and me there was a serenity I couldn't place, at the time I don't think it was because we shared a secret that we couldn't share at the time or it was something else.
I quickly sent Alex a text saying I was on my way, she replied with a photo and a written message, "See you soon soldier."
I enjoyed my meal and drink, and had a cat nap I hadn't realised how tired I was, I was gently woken up by the same attendant, telling me that we were 15 minutes away from landing. He also mentioned that along with the other business class, we would be getting off first. I quickly sent Alex a text saying I'd be arriving soon. She didn't reply, which is understandable as it was still early on her end, thankfully she had texted me her address, as well as the number I needed to get into the building, all I needed to do was get a taxi. I was able to get some local money while waiting for the flight.
As promised I was fast-tracked through leaving the plane as well as through checkout my luggage was already waiting for me, when I walked through departures. The heat soon hit me coming through the door, as I was looking for a local taxi I heard someone shout my name, and as I looked around I spotted Alex. She was holding a makeshift sign with Major BG Wolfe on it. I dropped my bags and we just looked at each other with dopy grins on our faces, she slowly walked up to me.
She stopped and was in a sort of uniform, I could see her Lieutenant stripe she stood still, then saluted me, which in turn made me stand up tall and saluted back. She picked up my bags, "I've got a car it is in the car park not far from here, we sort out the business side of who you need to report to in a couple of days, it will give you a chance to acclimatize not just to the heat but to the different time zone. If it's okay I've already sorted out the majority of it including your sleeping arrangement."
"More than happy Lieutenant, let's go home." Looking back neither of us questioned why I called it home, maybe Alex was my home all along. We walked towards her parked-up jeep both lost in our thoughts, that was one thing I was blessed with her, she never judged me or forced me to talk when I wasn’t ready. It didn't take long for us to arrive at the accommodation block, while I was taking out my luggage she punched in the code to let us in. We kept secretly looking at each other and occasionally got caught and we exchanged shy smiles. We didn't still say anything to each other until we got to the lift. “it is on the third floor and after your' flight I think we'd take the lift for today.”
I agreed, even with the nap on the flight I was still dog tired. Her room was more or less next to the lift, after she opened it she gestured for me to enter first as one of her neighbours called out and she need to tell them I was a surgeon who'd be joining her team, which she quickly corrected to our team.
The room I entered was the living room, it was an open plan to my left I could see the kitchen, and a couple closed doors which I presumed were the main and guest bedrooms and the bathroom. I put the luggage to the side and walked over the large window that opened out to a small balcony. A gentle breeze rippled through the curtains. I couldn't explain it then or now but it felt as though for the first time I was home, Serena's leafy detached just felt like I was a guest with benefits. This just felt right, yes I knew we’d have to be careful, but we had worked out a kind of sign language with a look over our surgical masks whilst in the army.
I turned around when I heard Alex close the door, we met each other in the middle and shared a cuddle, and she quietly whispered I can't believe your here.” I briefly let go of her and took her face in my hands, “Me neither.” I asked her if I could kiss her, and I got a nod in reply. Again it felt like I was home and safe.
I would never forget Serena or even my love for her, luckily for me Alex accepted this and would even with good grace let me discuss our time together. It didn’t take long for the paperwork to be sorted out as well as the authorities within the hospital to let me stay at Alex’s as staff accommodation was at a premium along with being very scarce. Again luckily they never questioned it, I guess because we were in the army together.
We stayed there for a couple of years before we mutually got itchy feet and moved on and we are currently living and working in Edinburgh Scotland, I’m combing still working as a local trauma surgeon and lecturer. As to Alex, she is a part-time doctor and part-time mum to our beautiful daughter Katherine whose coming up to 2. Cameron did eventually come around to us being a couple and married one at that, he along with Lottie spoil their kid sister. As to Serena, we do see her from time to time, she got engaged to Guy Henry and they are still planning on when to get married. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we had stayed together, but if I’m brutally honest I wouldn’t change how my life is now.
We regularly see Donna and Xav too and asked them to be godparents to Katie, they didn’t hesitate in agreeing, they too spoil her rotten, but to be fair so do her very proud parents.