Chapter Text
A sigh.
Followed by a slap so powerful it was barely registered by Diluc who was on the floor, tasting blood on his lips. His own hand came up to his now swollen cheeks, the pain numbing as he tried to stifle the tears that were threatening to spill as he looked up to his father's glaring eyes.
Pure rage and disappointment was what stared back at him, shame filled up his gut as he looked down once again as his body shook in fear.
"Is it fun for you to keep on disappointing your father? A simple test and yet you can't even excel at the most menial task." His father's voice wasn't shouting but the contempt in his tone was like another slap to Diluc who all but shook his head.
"N-No father, I was just...caught up in my duties as a knight. I'm almost promoted to being captain." He tries his best to keep his voice firm despite the tremors in his hands. The news of him close to being promoted-- a sign that all his efforts had not been for nothing, was supposed to be shared in a joyous occasion and not as a last resort to calm his father.
"What good will it be for you to be promoted to a measly rank like that? At times I truly doubt if you are even capable of thinking. Is what I want truly so hard for you to follow Diluc?" Crepus said while throwing the paper as it scatters all over the floor and he turns his back on his son while shaking his head.
"Really, even Kaeya performs better than you do, now remind me who is my true son again? The one who carries my name wherever he goes about? The one who resembles my feature yet continues to be a hopeless case of disappointment? A laughing stock to everyone else." Each word from his father's lips were like a stab to his heart as the tears were becoming harder to stop. He can feel his palms bleeding from how hard he was closing his fists in another attempt to stop himself from crying. It would only serve to anger his father even more.
"You do not deserve your name. After all, what else is your purpose if not to live up to the Ragvindr name? And does it not even bother you that Kaeya is better at doing that than you are? Despite not bearing the same name." He continued before turning to look at his son who was still on the floor. His blood boils even more seeing him in such a pathetic state which makes him grab his son by collar and slam him to the nearest wall. Diluc all but manages to stop a yelp from escaping his lips as he gasped when his back hit the hard wall harshly. He coughs as he gasps for air, he was sure that would bruise his back later on. As he was gathering his bearings from processing his father's words right before he was thrown unto the wall and the action itself his father had called a servant.
"Don't let him out of his room for 5 days and only offer water. Maybe by then, he'd finally be smart enough to actually do something that I can be proud of." Crepus orders the servant who had only nodded, hearing this Diluc was taken aback as he hurriedly stood up to face his father.
"But father, the competition for the knights' promotion begins in 3 days! Please be merciful, at least this once!" He all but pleaded, he can't have his efforts go down the drain just because of a test he had not perfected. This was his chance to raise his ranks and maybe then his progress would continue and he would be able to rise to the top and finally have his father be proud of him.
"I am being merciful! This is a disgrace to the family name, if I wasn't even a little bit merciful you would not be eating anything for two weeks!" His father's voice raised which caused him to flinch. His words seemed to anger his father even more as he stepped toward Diluc ready to strike but it was cut off by a knock which stopped him in his tracks.
"Master Crepus, can I have a moment with you please?" Kaeya's muffled voice came from behind the door and Diluc barely managed to suppress the sigh of relief at his timing.
In just a brief moment Crepus' demeanor changed. He stood tall as a smile made its way to his lips.
"Come in, I'm only just wrapping up my talk with Diluc." He said as he sat down by his desk, and Diluc took that as a dismissal. He was tired, he lost all motivation to argue for his cause so he bowed before opening the door to Kaeya who had been surprised but most of all alarmed when his gaze dropped down to where he knew there was a bruise in his cheeks. Before he could say anything Diluc walked past him, but he stayed long enough to hear his father's warm voice as he addressed Kaeya. Not even a hint of contempt, not like when he speaks to Diluc.
A bitter feeling rises within him, as his tears finally flow when he shuts the door to his room. His sobs filled the room as he barely managed to keep himself quiet pressing his hands to his mouth in an attempt to do so.
He was a failure.
He never learns.
He wasn't deserving of the love his father had given to Kaeya because he wasn't enough.
He can never be loved.
No matter what he does, he can never compare to Kaeya, he can never have anyone's love or warmth. Even the servants had been cold to him for as long as he can remember, their murmurs of him being a waste of space because he can't even live up to the honor of being a Ragvindr.
Yet, when Kaeya came they all seemed to warm up to him as if they were never capable of the cold and neglect they had shown Diluc.
Kaeya was truly the sun.
Everyone loves Kaeya.
While everyone also hated Diluc.
He shouldn't have lived.
His mother had passed giving birth to him, even when he was born he had only brought misfortune to the people around him.
His thoughts were cut off when he felt the pain from his cheeks, his hands had pressed too hard to muffle his cries. He makes his way over to his bathroom and in front of a mirror. He sees his reflection and an ugly feeling rises within him again, unlike Kaeya his features were soft and anything soft seems to disappoint his father.
Even his own appearance was a disappointment, his dull red eyes, unruly red hair, cheeks swollen red. Despite red being the staple color to the Ragvindr's it looked ugly on him. His body was riddled with scars, from punishments for being himself. Everything about him was unpleasant, maybe he'd finally stop feeling this way once his father starts acknowledging him.
To finally be able to compliment him for his efforts.
To finally be loved.
His grip on the sink tightens and he hisses as the blood marks the white porcelain staining it red. It was still ugly, he was ugly.
He deserved everything that was given to him, he was the one incapable of making anyone happy. He can't even make his own father smile. The treatment he gets from everyone in his own household is well deserved for someone like him.
A disgrace.
Except for when one person actually shows him warmth. Kaeya. The only person who bothers with him. The only person who believes in him. He was simply too kind for this world as he was the only one who hadn't hated Diluc.
Even when everyone had ignored him, called him names, hit him to the point where he couldn't stand (just because he had broken a vase but really he was only a child, and many other circumstances they could get.)
Kaeya was different. He smiled at him, encouraged him, and even helped him.
He knew deep down, he didn't deserve Kaeya nor his genuine kindness. A part of him thinks that if Kaeya wasn't found maybe everyone else wouldn't be so indifferent with him. But a larger part of him knew it was all his fault for being a failure that didn't deserve anything. His body went into a sense of routine of dressing his wounds and even trying his best to tend to the large bruise at his back. Everything was all too familiar, even treating the bruises that hadn't healed yet. He forgot who had given it to him as everyone had always seemed eager to hurt him.
He couldn't blame them, not when he knew that he deserved it.
In no time, he was dressed once again as he went out of the bathroom, a knock interrupting his thoughts. He had fixed himself a while ago in the bathroom, no one would think he was a sobbing mess save for his puffy eyes but that can easily be reasoned as not enough sleep. He quickly opens the door and he comes face to face with a worried looking Kaeya. His brows furrowed and his chest heaving as if he had been running to get to him. His chest tightens because at least someone was looking out for him.
"What happened?" Was the first thing Kaeya says when he steps into the room as Diluc closes the door behind him. Diluc knew what he meant but he only shrugged. Ignoring the way his heart hammers at the thought of Kaeya caring enough for him to actually come here to his room to check.
"Training was intense." He lied easily, Kaeya didn't need to know how everyone treated him, especially his father. He was scared because then Kaeya would finally come to his senses and see how truly pathetic Diluc was and start to treat him like everybody else does.
"Really? I hope that doesn't hinder you for that competition. Though, I know you're gonna end up winning even when your eyes are closed." He said with a grin and Diluc feels sick because now he had remembered the competition he worked so hard getting into and he can't even participate. Not to mention, Kaeya had also helped him get into the competition and it hurts to think that his efforts were all for nothing.
"T-The thing is, I can't go." He curses at himself for stuttering, all his careful lies and facades for Kaeya to not see how he really is (a fool who can't live up to his family name) would come down to nothing as maybe now Kaeya would hate him for wasting all their effort.
"What?! Why not?!" Kaeya turned to Diluc who was still by the door. His eyes were wide in surprise as Diluc could barely bring himself to look at him.
"I have to study for so many important things you know, I can't leave the room for 5 days." He tries to reason and Kaeya only stares at him as if studying his face.
"You don't need to study that hard, you're already smart enough without that." Kaeya said while sitting on Diluc's bed looking at him his head slightly tilted in confusion. He feels his cheeks warm at that, Kaeya always knew what to say. Everything Diluc needed to hear or even the things that Diluc hadn’t thought he needed to hear.
"You jest, Archons know I need all the studying I can get." He makes his way to the bed sitting beside Kaeya sinking in the soft pillows hissing slightly as his back hits the pillow behind him. Kaeya noticed all too quickly even as he tried to cover it with a cough.
"What happened?" It was that question again.
"Just a small bruise from sparring." The excuse comes easily to Diluc and he looks at the stars that were Kaeya's eyes who was staring at him intently.
"You really won't attend?" Kaeya shifted the topic.
"No, I'm sorry." Diluc bit his lips, worrying about Kaeya's reaction who then sighs and that causes Diluc to stiffen bracing himself for an impact his hands clutch the sheets for any resemblance of support. Yet, it never came.
"It's okay, but truly is a regret though you would've easily won." Kaeya says laying down beside Diluc who was still in shock. What was he thinking? This was Kaeya, he would never hurt him unless he deserves it.
"Is that so? Truly a shame then." Was what he only said as he eases back into the pillow careful not to press on any bruise on his back too hard.
They both fall into an easy conversation and Diluc feels better in just a matter of moments. He was now facing Kaeya who was busy talking about his day when he felt his eyes getting heavy. He does his best to keep himself awake but with the events from before, and with Kaeya's soothing voice he knew he was safe when exhaustion creeps up on him and before he knew it he had fallen asleep hands under his face for support.
Kaeya notices how the person beside him grew silent and at a glance he knew the reason why Diluc had fallen asleep to his voice. He stares at the sleeping figure beside him for a moment and he notices the bandages around his hands, he frowns at that as he covers Diluc's body with his blanket and he turns off the lamp by his table. He would have to ask him about that later on.
He never got the chance to.