Work Text:
Schmi Skywalker Memorial Community Center, City of Coruscant
Holiday Activities Subcommittee of the Activities Committee
Minutes of the Emergency Meeting - December 10, 20–
Opening: Armitage Hux, Head of the Activities Committee, called the meeting to order at 6:39 PM.
Present:
- Armitage Hux, Head of Activities Committee
- Rose Tico, SSMCC Office Manager
- Ben Solo, SSMCC Director
- Rey Johnson, SSMCC Activities Committee Volunteer
- Poe Dameron, SSMCC Activities Committee Volunteer
- Leia Organa, SSMCC Director Emeritus (tardy)
- Finn Storm, SSMCC Activities Committee Volunteer
Given the very brief notice of this spontaneous meeting, the subcommittee was unable to gather in any of the conference rooms owing to their occupation by various vendors and activities for tonight’s Hot Chocolate Taste-Off fundraiser. All members of the subcommittee convened in Director Ben Solo’s private office.
Approval of Agenda for Current Meeting
None, as no agenda was set. This was a spontaneous emergency meeting.
Approval of Minutes of Previous Meeting
None. Mr. Hux exhibited zero interest in “wasting any time on that bullshit.”
Old Business
See above.
New Business
Mr. Hux opened the meeting demanding an explanation to “all this deviant behavior occurring in a safe space for the community.” Mr. Dameron countered Mr. Hux’s inquiry, asking was Mr. Hux aware that only volunteers and authorized vendors were in the building at the time of said incidents. Mr. Dameron also pointed out that said witnessing volunteers and vendors were all over the age of eighteen, the event was not yet open to the public, and that Mr. Hux should, “pull the six-foot candy cane out of his ass and lighten up.”
Mr. Storm then warned Mr. Dameron that perhaps he should tone down his words, to which Mr. Dameron refused. Mr. Dameron suggested Mr. Hux’s ire was directed at him owing to Mr. Hux's alleged low-key homophobia. Mr. Hux, after affirming he carries no such prejudices, pointed out he was not necessarily singling out Mr. Dameron with regards to the series of incidents leading to this emergency meeting.
At this point, Ms. Organa arrived, having come late from work to help oversee setup, only to find members of the subcommittee “howling like wolves” while a crowd gathered outside to eavesdrop. Ms. Organa motioned for somebody to bring her up to speed, and rather than wait for a second and a vote Ms. Organa pointed at her son and said, “You have this guilty look on your face. Start talking.”
(Note: for the purposes of clarity, and the office manager’s sanity, the events preceding the Hot Chocolate Taste-Off are presented here in chronological order. All content below is composed of eyewitness accounts of various subcommittee members, with each member credited.
- The Hot Chocolate Taste-Off event was relegated to four rooms within the community center:
- The main reception hall, holding the tasting event, supervised by Mr. Hux and Ms. Tico
- The child care room, manned by our two college interns
- The White Elephant sale room, supervised by Mr. Dameron and Mr. Storm
- The Christmas gift basket raffle room, supervised by Ms. Johnson and Mr. Solo
- Eight contestants were given space in the reception hall to set up their respective hot chocolate stations, plus one long table and two chairs. Contestants were responsible for supplying their hot chocolate, add-ons, cups for distribution, and a receptacle for collecting vote tickets. One contestant, Maz Kanata, realized she had forgotten the cookie jar she wanted to use for her votes. It was suggested she check the White Elephant sale booth for a suitable substitute. (Ms. Tico)
-
A second contestant, Mrs. Holdo, announced one of her bins was missing. She’d packed her add-ons in a transparent bin with a white lid. The bin contained canisters of different whipped creams, marshmallows, chocolate bars for shaving, a chef’s mini blowtorch for browning the marshmallows, and various sizes of peppermint sticks and candy canes.
Mr. Hux, noticing Mrs. Holdo’s agitation, intervened as she argued with another contestant about the bin’s whereabouts. It was suggested she check the gift basket room, as bins of a similar look had been dropped off in there. (Mr. Hux)
- Five minutes after Mrs. Holdo’s departure, Mr. Hux was assisting with lifting a heavy dispenser when he claimed to hear a “blood-curdling scream” from the vicinity of the conference rooms. Maz Kanata’s granddaughter recognized her grandmother’s voice. (Mr. Hux)
-
Several people, among them medical professionals, from the reception area dashed out to the conference rooms to offer aid. Upon inspection of the White Elephant room, Mr. Hux and two volunteers discovered Maz unconscious on the floor. Mr. Dameron and Mr. Storm, assigned to the room, were discovered in a state of partial undress and hastily covering up. Mr. Storm was reported to have a large peppermint stick–one-inch in diameter, approximately eight inches long, protruding at an upwards forty-five degree angle from his open fly.
It was suggested, judging by the slight erosion of peppermint at the elevated end of the stick, that Mr. Dameron was simulating fellatio with Mr. Storm when Maz walked in on them and subsequently shrieking before passing out. (Mr. Hux)
- As volunteers tended to Maz, a second shriek erupted from the next room. Mrs. Holdo was discovered loudly berating Ms. Johnson and Mr. Solo for “befouling” her hot cocoa accessories. (Ms. Tico)
- Ms. Johnson hastily and unsuccessfully attempted to cover her partial nudity by holding one of the cellophane wrapped gift baskets to her chest. Mr. Solo's partial nudity was already concealed by massive swirls of Reddi Whip melting over his pecs, plus one poorly drawn whipped cream arrow pointing toward the unzipped crotch of his pants. (Ms. Tico)
- Once satisfied with Maz Kanata's safety, Mr. Hux angrily demanded Mrs. Holdo's belongings be returned to her, and that all members of the subcommittee join for an emergency meeting “right fecking now.”
Following the recap of the incidents, Ms. Organa demanded a commitment from her son to make an honest woman of Ms. Johnson. Mr. Solo, owning up to his willful participation in the debauchery, explained to his mother that he and Ms. Johnson are merely friends with benefits and not yet at the stage of a long term understanding.
Ms. Organa argued that any woman who would willingly lick the contents of a can of Reddi Whip off a man's chest with no concern for being caught is not interested in a casual fling, but is staking a claim. Ms. Organa then turned to Ms. Johnson and asked plainly for her intentions toward Ms. Solo. Ms. Johnson, blushing profusely, admitted her desire for more than “benefits.”
Mr. Dameron asked if anybody wanted to hear his explanation and requested the floor. Mr. Hux denied the motion, asserting that while he was not one to get in a couple’s way of a good time, he definitely wasn’t interested in hearing or seeing details. Mr. Hux then advised all in attendance to save the reindeer games for the respective privacy of their own homes.
Somewhere in the midst of multiple conversations, Ms. Johnson and Mr. Solo got engaged.
Additions to the Agenda
See Old Business.
Adjournment
Mr. Hux dismissed the meeting at 7:02 PM without calling for a motion to vote, instead telling the subcommittee to “get the hell out of my office” and to take their positions at their assigned stations for the fundraiser event, seeing as the doors had officially opened. Mr. Solo reminded Mr. Hux that we were in his office, to which Mr. Hux humbly apologized and left.
Minutes Submitted By: Rose Tico, SSMCC Office Manager
~*~
“Rose?”
“Yes.”
“It wasn’t necessary to take notes for this particular meeting,” Mr. Hux said.
Rose took back the printed minutes and glossed over the contents. “Are you certain?” she asked. “I recall your adamance for holding to procedure when you took on this position.”
“These notes are incredibly detailed. We can't print the word fellatio in the community center newsletter, anyway.”
“Mrs. Holdo really wanted to win this year,” Rose said. “She even sugared some of the marshmallows before torching them. She did not come to play.”
“Did I really measure the angle of somebody’s candy cane erection?” Hux asked.
Rose smiled. “I’m glad Maz is okay.”
“I’m not that much of a stickler for rules,” Hux said, and grumbled. “I’m only human and am entitled to let things slide once in a while.”
Rose flicked her gaze to Armitage’s bookshelf where Robert’s Rules of Order enjoyed prominent display. “This from the man who dresses as Brigadier General Robert himself every Halloween,” she said.
“I would prefer to forget this evening ever happened. Not just because of my complete disregard for the rules of order.” Hux snatched back the minutes. “This is a black mark against the center, and it’s not like people want to read this. I’m sure everybody out there with a Tik Tok account recorded every salacious moment.”
Rose shook her head. “Not all of them.”
“What do you mean?” Hux said.
Rose reached for her purse and pulled out a canister of whipped cream and one of the leftover peppermint poles. “Nobody here to record the moment about to happen.” She winked.