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"You're never gonna believe this, girls." Said Erin, her fist full of coloured slips of paper.
"Ay, I'm sure we won't, Erin. What in God's name are those?" Michelle shot back.
"Charlene Kavanagh is throwing some massive party this Saturday. How great is that?"
"I thought you said you couldn't stand Charlene Kavanagh."
"I never said I couldn't stand her."
"Ay," Clare started "But I think you called her a shallow, self absorbed-"
"That's all in the past now, right? Do you lot want to go or not?"
"Will there be drink?"
"No."
"Hash?"
"Why would there be hash, Michelle? Look, it's just a party. A normal, fun party."
Erin handed her one of the colourful pages from her hand. Michelle's eyes glanced over it, before she crumpled the page and let it fall to the ground.
"Why the fuck would I waste my time going then?"
"Michelle! Look, there's gonna be a bunch of lads going. Christian Brothers Boys School or something. Total rides they are, at least if my David Donnelly is any example."
"Stop the fuckin' lights. You're only going 'cause you want to try and ride David Donnelly, aren't you?"
"David Donnelly?" James asked, easing the tension. "The same David Donnelly who did the music for Jenny Joyce's party?"
"How many other David Donnellys do you know? Well, dicko?"
James's face started getting more and more pink. The thought of Erin trying to flirt with a boy in the first place gave everyone an unhealthy dose of second-hand embarrassment.
This coupled with the fact that David Donnelly was James's boyfriend, made for a madly uncomfortable time.
"Are you ok, James? You're looking a bit red."
James panicked and quickly began stuttering. The word 'Party' was the only thing any of the girls were able to pick up.
"Oh my God. I think I've copped on to what's happening." Michelle said, playfully punching James's arm. "You want to get with Charlene Kavanagh! You're scared shitless that David is gonna end up riding her. Isn't that right?"
James's fear turned into downright confusion, before he realized he could just agree, and it would be over.
"Uh, yeah. You caught me."
'Perfect,' James thought. 'If I just say yes, they'll leave it be, right?'
Wrong.
"James," Michelle started "As the person in the group with the best relationship advice, you two are perfect for each other. Written in the stars. 'Ashtray logic' or whatever."
"A- Ashtray logic?" Clare asked.
"Yeah. The zodiac and shit, right? There's this one girl, you know her. Yeah, you know her. The one with the nose and those essential oils. Doesn't shut up about it."
"Do you mean astrology?"
"Okay, Clare. Didn't realize you were riding the hippie."
"Anyway," she said through gritted teeth. "I actually agree with Michelle. You and Charlene Kavanagh would be cute."
"See! Fuckin' matchmaker. We have to go to that party. Set you two up. You can return the favour some other time."
"So we're going? Because I have an absolutely incredible plan to get David Donnelly to fall in love with me at the party, and you girls are all going to help me." Erin said, barely able to contain her excitement.
Everyone fell deadly quiet for a moment. Erin just stood in front of the girls expectantly, waiting for them to ask her about her 'incredible plan'.
"Well girls? Do you want to hear it or not?"
"I was waiting for you to tell us, Erin. I thought it would be rude to interrupt." Orla piped up.
"Okay, so. All throughout the night, you girls will all be talking to David Donnelly about me. Tell him that I'm cool and gorgeous and whatnot. I'm going to be waiting in a different room for him. Then, one of you will 'accidentally' find me while your with him. Then, you'll leave him with me, and we'll talk all night, and we'll fall in love, and-"
"I hate to say this," James started "But I don't think that this plan is going to work. I mean, so much could go wrong. What if he doesn't want to talk to us? Or what if we can't get him to find you? Do you even know if he's actually single?"
"Shut up, ballbag! Who the fuck died and made you cupid? If I'm not wrong, the last time you dated anyone, she was a fuckin' Chernobyl child. I think you're just scared that you won't be able to end up ridin' Charlene bloody Kavanagh at this party." Michelle fired back.
"Anyway girls, are you in or not?"
"Why the fuck not!" Michelle said
"I-I think that this plan might fail, but I'll give it a try anyway, I suppose." Clare added.
"Ay, I'd like to see how this pans out. I'm in." Orla agreed.
"Yes! This is going to be great!" Erin cheered, before turning to James and pouting. "Please, James? We promise we'll help you with Charlene Kavanagh?"
"This is not going to be a train wreck to watch. But, Erin, you're my friend, and I can't say no to a friend. Let's do this."
*****
Upbeat music blasted from the massive house and coloured lights flashed through the long windows as the girls (and James) strolled up Charlene's long gravel driveway. Erin had a new spring in her step at the thought of making David Donnelly fall for her. James, on the other hand, was terrified. He knew he would not only have to watch Erin desperately try to flirt with his boyfriend, he apparently would also have to flirt with Charlene fucking Kavanagh.
This was going to be a long night for everybody.
An excited Charlene Kavanagh greeted the gang at the door, arms outstretched for hugs before she had even reached them.
"Hi girls! And, uh... James. So glad you all could make it here tonight!" She moved a few steps closer, enveloping Erin in a big hug. Everyone else stood still, waiting to see if they'd receive one, but after a strangely long hug with Erin, she simply returned to talking.
"So, there's a dance floor over to the left, as you can all probably see. There's the kitchen at the back and to the right. There's all sorts of food and drinks there that you can-"
"Sorry to cut across you, but is there any booze here? Like, at all?
"Michelle! Don't be rude, let her speak!"
"No, it's grand Erin. I was just about finished anyway." She turned to face Michelle.
"There's a bucket of cans on the tables, and there should be a few bottles of vodka near the sweets. Knock yourself out, Michelle."
Michelle froze up for a second, as if she thought she'd hallucinated.
"Erin, I've changed my mind. Charlene is a fucking legend. I'll see you fuckers around. I'm getting pissed."
And with that, Michelle was gone.
"So, Charlene. Do you know if-"
"What sweets do you have, Charlene?" Orla interrupted, causing Erin to dig her elbow into her cousins side.
"Oh God, I can't really remember. Just the normal things, y'know? I know we got fizzy cola jellies, and some of those ring pops, and I think we have some sherbet straws and some..."
Charlene looked back in front of her, only to see that Orla had long vanished to the kitchen.
"Oh, she's gone." she said with a laugh. "Quite the runaway, isn't she? We'll have to put a bell on her!"
Clare, James and Charlene all cracked up at the joke, but Erin stayed worried and quiet. Clare noticed her panic, and quickly remembered the plan. She gestured subtly and quietly at the room, mouthing the word 'David' to her. Erin, having never mastered the art of being subtle, nodded vigorously at Clare, quickly attracting the attention of Charlene.
"Are you okay, Erin? Is something wrong?"
"Uh, no, she's fine. I think she just needs a drink of something. I'm just going to go mingle, okay?"
"Oh, okay."
It quickly became a lot more awkward with just the three of them there. Charlene tried to lighten the mood.
"Let me grab you a drink, Erin." she said, grabbing a hold of Erin's hand. But Erin quickly pulled her hand away.
"Thanks for the offer, but I'm sure I can find them myself. You should stay here and talk to James. I think you two will really hit it off. See you in a bit!"
She shot James a sickeningly sweet smile before vanishing into a crowd of people.
"Well fuck" Charlene said under her breath, before an awkward silence loomed over the two
"I-I'm James."
"I know."
"Oh yeah. Sorry."
"It's grand."
"It's a fun party."
"For who?"
James stopped talking, shocked.
"I threw this party so that I could make a move on the person I like. Well, I've gone and cocked that up, haven't I? Classic Charlene."
"Who is it? I'm sure we can fix it."
"I am in my arse telling you. No offense James, but I barely know you, and I don't want you to think I'm a creep."
James stayed quiet, thinking up what to say to her.
"I get it. You don't have to tell me."
Charlene stayed quiet, but smiled a small smile at him.
"Your top is nice. The blue in it brings out your eyes."
Charlene burst out laughing. James couldn't help but smile, even though he didn't know what he was smiling at.
"It's not you, if that's what you were thinking."
"Oh, no. I wasn't trying to get with you"
"I mean, you seem nice and all, but you're just not-"
"Actually, I have a boyfriend."
James thought about what he had said for a second, before realizing his mistake.
He had just outed himself to Charlene fucking Kavanagh.
"Girlfriend. I meant girlfriend. I'm not gay." He responded quickly. "Not that I'm against gay people or anything. Clare's a lesbian, and she's one of my closest friends."
"James?"
"Yes?"
"Can you PLEASE shut up for one minute? I don't care if you're gay. It's grand." A scared, shaky breath left her mouth. "Christ, this is the last thing I thought I'd be doing at this party. Talking to a wee English fella while the girl I'm trying to get with can't get away from me fast enough."
James shot her a sympathetic look. He knew all about having the people you like not like you back. He stared at her for a bit, before it finally clicked in his brain.
"Wait, did you say... the girl you like?"
"Well it took you long enough to register in that thick English head of yours, didn't it?"
"Sorry about that. So are you, y'know, um..."
He didn't quite know how to ask her the question without sounding too rude or condescending to her. He also didn't want to risk anyone else overhearing them, and potentially outing them both. He glanced around the room. It was packed full of people, many of whom knew the both of them. He knew he couldn't say anything. So James did the next best thing... sort of.
He awkwardly made two peace signs, rotated them until they faced each other the way he wanted them to, and proceeded to interlock them and move them back and forth.
This promptly resulted in a smack across the shoulder from Charlene, before the two of them started laughing.
"Jesus Christ, James. There were other ways to ask me that! And to be honest, I think I'm more, y'know." She bent down to grab the ends of her jeans, before cuffing them upward.
"Got it. So, do you still not want to tell me who you like? It's okay if you don't, I was just-"
"It's your friend. Erin."
"Erin? Really?"
"Yeah. Really."
"Oh, wow. This... This might throw a wrench in her plan."
"Her plan?"
"Yeah, she had a plan to try and get with a boy at this party. She's apparently liked him for the longest time. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone."
He paused for a moment, realizing how much information he was telling her.
"I guess I messed that up too."
"It's David, right?"
"What? Who told you?"
"No one told me, it's just so obvious. Every time she sees him, her face just lights up. Christ, how am I supposed to compete with him? If only he knew that I liked her. That might make him back off."
"Somehow, I don't think that Erin's his type. Not right now, anyway."
"What are you on about? Does he have a secret girlfriend or something?"
"Not exactly. He's actually my-"
"Jesus Christ, you're with him? Like, THE David Donnelly is your boyfriend?"
"No need to sound so shocked, Charlene. This one's a hopeless romantic." said David, seeming to appear from nowhere. James' face lit up at the sound of his boyfriends voice. His cheeks glowed red behind a wide smile and bright eyes.
"David! I was wondering when you were coming!" David wrapped his strong arms around James' waist and pressed his lips his cheek.
"Holy balls, you weren't joking! So you two are a real couple? God, you're actually really cute together too."
"Ah, thanks Charlene. Bet we're not as cute as you and Erin though." he said, digging his elbow into Charlene's ribs.
"Oh God David, I regret telling you anything. I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?"
"Maybe when you get the balls to actually ask her out, I'll stop making fun of you. Sound good?"
"You're such a dick!" she said, laughing and smacking him playfully on the shoulder.
As if on cue, Erin ran over to them, flipping her hair and giggling.
"Oh David! I didn't see you there! Do you, like, want to go get a drink?"
"Good idea, Erin. Thanks. James, you want a drink?"
"I meant with me. Do you want to get a drink with me?"
"Oh. What would you like? We can get it for you and bring it back. Char, do you want anything?"
"I don't think you get my point. I want to go with-"
"I'll get a can if there's any left. Erin, you like coke, right? Get her a coke, would you?"
"I love coke. How did you know?"
"Lucky guess. A beer and a coke, David."
"Be back in a minute. James, help me carry them?"
"Sure."
"Thanks a bunch."
The two left, leaving Erin and Charlene secluded.
"This is a cracker party. You did a great job."
"Aww, that's so nice of you! You look gorgeous tonight, by the way."
"You don't look too bad yourself."
"Are you flirting with me?"
"No. Well, maybe a little bit."
"I didn't know you... swung that way."
"I didn't really know either. Tonight has just been a bit wild. I was so sure that I would make David fall in love with me, but he can't stand being within 3 feet of me. And then, I saw you, and you just look so nice. I've never wanted to kiss a girl this much... Christ, I've never wanted to kiss a girl at all! Sorry, I'm a bit pissed. Forget I said anything."
"What if I don't want to forget you said anything?"
"What?"
"Do you really want to kiss me?"
"Yes. So much. Oh Christ, you probably think I'm crazy. I swear, Orla's the crazy one, not me-"
Erin was cut off by a pair of soft lips hitting hers. Charlene's lips. Warm and tasting like sugar. Though she was shocked at first, Erin leaned into the kiss, gently pushing her lips back against Charlene's. Erin had been right. This wasn't the same as practicing on her pillow. When Charlene pulled away for air, she got another look at how beautiful the blonde looked under the flashing lights. A slight tint of Charlene's red lipstick had been pressed to her lips, but the colour suited her perfectly. Her dress, her face, her everything looked perfect. She looked perfect.
James and David looked at them.
Well, David looked at them, a smirk creeping across his face. James was red faced and was looking around the room aimlessly. They knew that the boys had seen the kiss: the deep blush on James' face had given that away. Erin looked shocked. The kiss was great, but she came here for David, not Charlene.
"David-"
"Finally! Charlene's had a thing for you for the longest time!"
"You have? Christ, I feel so stupid now. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Well, I didn't know you were into girls, Erin! I thought you liked David, but I knew he had a boyfriend. I didn't know his boyfriend was James though!"
"What? James is dating David?"
"Oh... so you don't know. I'm so sorry, I thought you had told her already."
"Well, it would have came out at some point. Now's as good a time as any. So yeah, I'm with James. Something about the English, y'know?"
"...Hi."
"So wait. I liked your boyfriend, and I tried to set you up with my... Charlene. Jesus, this is confusing."
"It's kind of funny when you think about it. Everyone was oblivious in some way." Charlene paused for a moment, before saying. "Let's forget this for a bit. My head's already having an episode just trying to figure it out. Do you want to try and just enjoy the party while we all get our heads on at least a little bit straight?"
"I don't see why not. We better make sure that Michelle hasn't passed out in a bush... again"
"Again?" She trailed off slightly as she shook her head. "We probably should. Shall we?" she said, holding out a hand for Erin. As Charlene took her hand, she gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before they ran out. The smiles on their faces were infectious.
"Should we go after them?"
"Nah, let's leave them be. Besides, I've got everything I need right here." He leaned down to press several kisses across his boyfriends face. James blushed and laughed, kissing David on the lips when he got the chance to stabilise his still moving head. He went to grab David's hand, but was met by a metallic noise and a damp, cold feeling. As he pulled away and looked at his hand, he remembered why they had left the girls in the first place.
"Oh shit, their cans! Completely forgot about them! We should go look for them right?"
"Probably. Shall we?" He reached out his empty hand, recreating what Charlene had done for Erin. David burst out laughing, almost dropping his can in the process.
"You're such an eejit!"
"But I'm your eejit, right?"
"Right. Let's give the lesbians their drinks."
David grabbed his boyfriends hand and chased after the girls. The two were laughing the whole time, knowing how stupid the situation was. James knew that this party would be eventful, but this was nothing like he expected.
However, this was so much better.