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Dear Bakugou Katsuki,
Too formal? Sorry, I’m not good with this kind of thing. I’ll start again.
Bakugou,
Being honest, I don’t know why I decided to write this letter. Maybe it’s just an escape route. A way to organize my thoughts. Or I just want to get something off my chest. Maybe because I can’t really speak right now, my throat was burned, you know?
I don’t know why, but…I need this.
“Why me, dumbass?”, is what you would have said.
Sorry for throwing my thoughts to you. I know that is not the first time, but I know you listen to me. And you don't judge me or try to console me or look at me with pity. You just…stay there for me. Thank you.
The war is over. Many have died.
Midnight-sensei died.
Aizawa-sensei is almost gone, too.
Our friends are injured. We almost didn’t get out alive.
Midoriya is not awake yet.
You don’t either.
My brother, who shouldn’t be alive, is the villain who kidnapped you.
My brother tried to kill me.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. It’s so hard, Bakugou, so hard!
I…
I should start by apologizing.
I’m sorry, Bakugou.
Do you remember when we first met?
You were so loud, so arrogant! My first impression of you wasn't very good. You reminded me of… him .
But I was arrogant, too. And stupid.
It was unfair to compare you to the abusive father who raised me. I’m sorry about that, really. You have absolutely nothing in common with him, I recognize this now. Actually, I realized it a long time ago.
We were both just kids at the time. We both made many mistakes.
Would I have become like Dabi if I hadn’t met you guys?
You’re a good person, you know? Even if you doubt it sometimes. And a good hero, too. I’m proud of who we become now. We’re still children, though.
We have been through a lot, haven't we?
That day, at the sports festival, I was also unfair to you.
You would probably punch me in the face for what I’m about to say, but...I’m sorry for that fight. You were right, how could I become a hero if I didn’t fight with everything I had?
But even my everything wasn’t enough this time.
Ah…now comes the complicated part…
That day, in the camp. It was my fault.
And now everything makes more sense.
I’m sorry. I…failed…that day. You were only captured because I failed to help you. I failed to save you.
I should’ve been faster! I needed to be faster! Why was I training to be a hero? What was it all worth if I couldn’t do the basics, which was to save you? And now, I find out that the one who kidnapped you was my brother! Why didn’t I recognize him? Why did things turn out this way?
Why can’t I save anyone? Why?
I am so sorry! Sorry for not saving you, sorry for being my brother, sorry for not having been able to reach you in time in the camp, for not having reached you in time in the war!
I saw you almost die! And I couldn’t do anything but stop you from falling! I…what kind of hero am I? So weak! I couldn’t fight
Touya
Dabi! I can’t protect anyone! I never could!
Why did it have to be this way?
What should I do now?
Now that everything has been revealed and people know what should I do?
How should I face everyone? How should I face my father? I know he’s trying to change. I know he regrets it, I mean, he even built another house for me and my brothers and decided to distance himself.
Should I forgive him? Is what he did forgivable? Now that everyone knows…do you think he’ll get any punishment?
I wish he had
Natsuo says that I forgive everything too easily. Do you think so, too? I don’t know if I will ever forgive him. Am I wrong for that?
Why do I feel like I still owe him something?
Do you remember when we met in the kitchen of the dorm? In the middle of the night?
I had just had a nightmare. It was impossible to stay in my room when everything reminded me of him .
I could hear his screams, my mother’s screams, I could feel the burn even though it had been healed long ago. It was as if I had returned to hell. Why do I still have to suffer for his mistakes? How can such a person be acclaimed as a hero?
Whenever I have nightmares, I usually walk outside the dorm for a while. Often no one is awake, so no one has ever found out.
Well, I didn’t expect you to do the same.
At the time, you didn’t question me, and I didn’t question you either. It didn’t matter why we were awake, but we both knew.
Nightmares aren’t so uncommon for people like us, right?
That’s how we got closer. Night hiking friends. Or night tea buddies? Fellow traumas? Sorry, I’m not good at this…
When we failed the provisional license exam, I…got scared. Scared of being like him, of not being able to be a hero capable of doing the right thing.
Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I’m good at…being a hero. If it was the right choice.
If things were different in the past, would I still have chosen to become a hero? Do I just want to be a hero because, deep down, I feel that I owe it somehow to my father? Did I ever really have the right to decide?
The way things are now, do I still have this right? Could I abandon everything? My father,
my brother
Dabi, U.A.?
At the same time that I think of it as an option, at the same time that I think of myself as weak, incapable…I still enjoy it, you know? Being a hero.
Maybe in the future I can be a hero that children, like those in the supplementary classes, can be inspired by. I don’t know, it seems like a stupid dream. What do you think?
Even without wanting to, I think we ended up helping each other in a certain way. Like at the time, we would walk around the dorm until sunrise. At other times, we would go to the roof to look at the stars until one of us fell asleep.
You showed me how to make soba and I told you my conspiracy theories, even though you call me weird you always listen to all of them and still theorize along with me. You taught me how to play Mario Kart and I managed to beat you after the 20th game, it was fun.
You let me sleep on your shoulder. We shared a blanket on a cold night. We made hot chocolate and watched “My Neighbor Totoro” with Eri.
You saw me cry.
I saw you cry.
You let me sleep in your room when my own was suffocating me. You held me when everything seemed so lonely. You allowed me to know about your defects, about your will to improve, and asked me for help.
You helped me.
With my insecurities, my weaknesses. You listened to me and comforted me when I didn’t know what to do. You showed me how cooking is not that simple, and only you can do it masterfully. And how it’s possible to have fun with the little things, like a thumb war for ice cream.
Thank you. For everything.
You’re important to me. A lot.
I’ve already lost so much. I can’t lose you too. You have to wake up. Please. Please!
I don’t know what I’ll do without you here. Please, don’t leave me alone. I still want to do so many things with you!
We need to go to that cat coffee we saw the other day, remember? We also agreed to do a yoga session with Mina, to go to the movies with our friends, you also said you’d teach me how to dance!
Maybe you already know, because you know more about it than I do, but…
I like you. Like like you.
Do you hate me now? For this whole thing with Dabi? I feel like it’s my fault, you know? For not being able to do anything. I would understand if you hated me for it. But that’s okay.
I don’t care if you don’t feel the same, I don’t care if you never want to look at my face again for what my brother did to you, I don’t care if you don’t want to read this letter or if you decide to ignore everything I’ve written here. I just want you to be okay.
Wake up, Katsuki, please.
Love,
Shouto.