Work Text:
Gongyi Xiao wasn't sure how to deal with this.
"Were you the one who sent the letter?"
Before him stood the Qing Jing Peak Lord of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, Shen Qingqiu. Gongyi Xiao had only seen him once, during the previous Immortal Alliance Conference. However, that one glimpse was enough to etch the image of the lofty immortal into his mind. Shen Qingqiu was a cold but enchanting beauty, that was an undeniable fact. Being a mere greenhorn young disciple at the time, he could do nothing more than stealing glances at the immortal.
This time he just happened to have a mission in Yin City, which was far from Huan Hua Palace's jurisdiction and a lot closer to Cang Qiong Mountain. However, the phantom he was chasing originally came from Bailu Mountain and Gongyi Xiao refused to come back without reporting success. He was just done eliminating the phantom after two weeks going after it, and decided to stop by the clear spring to clean his face and refill his water container.
He did not expect to see Shen Qingqiu there, with a letter written anonymously, requesting for a secret rendezvous. Gongyi Xiao may be young, but he wasn't a naïve teenager. At 22 years, he was well aware that the letter likely contained romantic intentions - especially with the way it was written.
Shen Qingqiu hummed. "Well, who else can it be other than you. You're the only person around here," he stated.
Gongyi Xiao wondered if he should correct Shen Qingqiu's assumptions. However, he had been at the spring for quite a while and saw no sign of anyone else coming. Either the person sending the letter had encountered an accident, or there was someone cruel and foolish enough to play a prank on the immortal master.
It could be possible. Just last month Young Palace Mistress decided to fake a love letter to Qin Wanyue to make fun of her. She was quite unhappy that someone from a normal background unlike her was getting more attention and praise by their juniors. If even the kind and friendly Qin Wanyue had someone hating her, Gongyi Xiao imagined someone like Shen Qingqiu who did not have the best reputation likely had accumulated enough enemies.
He didn't have the best relationship with his martial siblings and was said to frequent the brothels. Anyone who found him not amiable enough and actually resented him might pull something like this. It could be either a prank or worse, a trap. If it was a prank, what a terrible and heartless joke it was, to play with someone's heart.
"Well, did you?" Shen Qingqiu questioned.
Gongyi Xiao pondered. What would be the best answer? Clear up the misunderstanding?
Or....
"I have always admired you, Peak Lord Shen."
Before he could think of the consequences of his actions, the words came out from his mouth.
Shen Qingqiu's eyes widened a little and for a moment, Gongyi Xiao panicked, wondering if he made the wrong choice. It wasn't a lie, though. He may not be the one writing the letter, but his feelings of respect and admiration for Shen Qingqiu was in fact the truth.
After a momentary silence that felt like forever, Shen Qingqiu asked, "...Who are you?"
He bowed, feeling a little embarrassed for forgetting to introduce himself. "Pardon me for my lack of manners. This one is Gongyi Xiao, from Huan Hua Palace. Peak Lord Shen may have never noticed me before this but I was there at the previous Immortal Alliance Conference."
Shen Qingqiu hummed. He did recall the young man's face, he had an appearance that was aesthetically pleasing and hard to forget, after all. However, he was still a young budding talent and wasn't of Cang Qiong Mountain, so Shen Qingqiu did not pay much attention to him. Why and how this young man suddenly found the courage to confess his attraction to him, he had no idea. Shen Qingqiu never had the best reputation. Most people tended to avoid him and those who did not rarely had good intentions.
If fame and wealth was what this young man wanted, he could obtain them more easily from Huan Hua Palace. The Palace Master had a young daughter who was likely this youth's peer, why should he chase after someone like Shen Qingqiu? Unless he had an ulterior motive, of course. "What do you want from me?"
Seeing that Shen Qingqiu had yet to voice his rejection, Gongyi Xiao decided to continue playing along. "This humble junior would like to invite Peak Lord Shen for tea."
They found a small teahouse at the skirts of Yin Mountain, the origin of Yin City's name. The air was fresh, the teahouse was surrounded by small streams and koi ponds, and the scent of wildflowers mixed with tea leaves brought a comforting ambiance to the place. It was an unexpected discovery for Gongyi Xiao but he found himself quite enjoying the place.
"Peak Lord Shen, do you have a snack that you prefer?" Gongyi Xiao asked.
Shen Qingqiu hid the lower half of his face behind his fan. "Anything is fine."
Gongyi Xiao ordered several plates of savoury and sweet snacks, as well as a pot of jasmine tea. He carefully poured a cup for the immortal master and waited nervously for the Qing Jing Peak Lord's reaction.
Shen Qingqiu's manner was impeccable. His long slim fingers held the cup with elegance and his expression showed nothing but calmness, like a cool spring untouched by mortals. It was Gongyi Xiao's first time being able to observe Shen Qingqiu this closely. He could see the tinge of emerald, hidden slightly by thick long lashes. The curve of his face gave him a slightly softer look. In contrast to his pale skin, his long silky hair was midnight black and his lips a very light shade of carmine.
Shen Qingqiu suddenly raised an eyebrow and Gongyi Xiao coughed as he realized that he had been staring for too long. "Is the tea and snack to your liking?"
Shen Qingqiu hummed and took another sip. "Acceptable."
Gongyi Xiao noticed out of all the snacks on the plate, Shen Qingqiu had only touched the sweet ones. Did he not like savory dishes or did he prefer the sweet ones? "Peak Lord Shen, what is your favourite food?"
Shen Qingqiu frowned. "Why are you asking me?"
Gongyi Xiao smiled. "Isn't it natural for me to be interested in someone I adore?"
"You have quite a way with words, don't you," Shen Qingqiu commented, once again concealing his expression with his fan. "This master doesn't particularly favour any food over the other. It is merely sustenance."
Was he embarrassed perhaps, to admit that he had a sweet tooth? Gongyi Xiao chuckled. "I was hoping I could get something to suit your taste next time. I happen to know of a shop that sells the best lotus jam pastry in the land."
He saw the slightest glint in Shen Qingqiu's eyes. Shen Qingqiu however refused to show his emotions and maintained a look and tone of indifference. "There is no need to cater to my taste so much. I'm still curious about what you saw in me."
Gongyi Xiao stopped to think for a moment. How should he answer this? If he were to be honest, there could not be a word to describe the feeling he had when he first saw Shen Qingqiu. Intrigue? More than that. Fascination? Not that much. "This junior lacks eloquence. Words cannot convey my feelings as truth be told, I'm not so certain either. All I know is that so far, just sitting here with you has been pleasant. I wish to know more about you."
Shen Qingqiu crossed his arms. Pleasant? That was the first time someone had ever described spending time with him as being a pleasant experience. Even Shen Qingqiu would hate spending time with himself. "What do you want to know about me?"
"Your favourite food. Your favourite colour. Hobbies that you enjoy. Flowers that you like. The type of tea that delights you," said Gongyi Xiao.
"What benefit would you gain from knowing those things?" Shen Qingqiu questioned.
Gongyi Xiao paused. "Should I think of benefits? I just wish to know. Is it strange to have interest in the person you like?"
"...."
Realising the confusion based on Shen Qingqiu's lack of response, Gongyi Xiao suddenly wondered if the peak lord perhaps was unfamiliar with the initial steps of friendship or courting. Which was odd, considering the man was supposedly lecherous and a frequent visitor of the brothels. Then again, if he was very familiar with such establishments, should he not look so perplexed? Unless…
"Peak Lord Shen, are you not comfortable with my intention because I am a man?" Gongyi Xiao asked. If he was only interested in women, then perhaps he wasn't looking forward to a man's company.
Shen Qingqiu twitched a little. He gripped his fan more tightly. "What are you saying?"
"I thought you might prefer women… if so, I understand," said Gongyi Xiao. "You do not have to be polite. Peak Lord Shen is an immortal master who is beyond my reach, it is in fact unexpected to me that you would even sit down with me here. If you are not comfortable, this junior will leave.”
Shen Qingqiu scoffed. “So you’re backtracking now?”
Gongyi Xiao blinked. Did he want Gongyi Xiao to stay here or did he want him to leave? Was he welcoming the invite or was he actually just trying to be polite? “I believe courting should be a delightful process, or at the very least not bring discomfort to both parties.”
“... Do you find me comfortable or delightful?” Shen Qingqiu asked, disbelief in his tone.
Gongyi Xiao chuckled. “If I were to be honest, I am quite intimidated by the difference in our status, but I do find your presence delightful. I just wish Peak Lord Shen too, find my company pleasant."
Shen Qingqiu fanned himself. "Your manners are satisfactory and you should know your appearance isn't bad. What complaints would others have with you?"
Gongyi Xiao shook his head. "If Peak Lord Shen finds my approach unacceptable, then that matters more. I would hate to force someone to accept me."
Shen Qingqiu remained silent and sipped his tea calmly. Gongyi Xiao wondered what went behind the cold and aloof facade. From this very brief interaction, he could see that Shen Qingqiu was surprisingly perhaps not as unfriendly as people may think. It appeared as if he was trying to keep up with the image of a lofty immortal but now Gongyi Xiao had the urge to unveil the mask and discover the person underneath it.
He would wait, though. Rather than forcing it open, he wanted Shen Qingqiu to let him in willingly.
If it was Shen Qingqiu, he would be someone worth waiting for.
What a strange young man , Shen Qingqiu thought.
When Shen Qingqiu first discovered the love letter, he found it suspicious. He had thought it might be a trap or a prank. Nevertheless he went to the location written in the letter anyway with the intent of catching whoever it was who dared to make such a foolish plan to trick him.
He never expected there would be someone actually waiting and planning to confess to him there. Moreover, it was a disciple from a different sect, who at most had only seen him from afar. The boy likely had not heard about Shen Qingqiu's terrible reputation. Perhaps he was swooned only by his appearance.
Yet, once they began talking, he discovered that Gongyi Xiao was different.
Shen Qingqiu despised being around men. His past trauma with men wouldn't allow him to even sleep under the same roof with his male peers back in his disciple days - without him feeling constantly suffocated. He wasn't able to get along with his martial brothers, his only martial sister believed in rumours and chose to ban him from her peak, cutting off any possibility for friendship. Not that he cared. He was fine being alone.
He was always alone. Even Yue Qingyuan, the only person he trusted and was comfortable with, had abandoned him.
But Gongyi Xiao did not give him that icky feeling. His words were soft and polite. He was gentle and kind with good temperament. He was patient and respectful.
And somehow… somehow, for whatever reason, Shen Qingqiu had agreed to meet the youth once more. He must have gone mad. Nothing good could ever come out from this. He was already rumoured to have been acting inappropriately with his female disciples, soon people would start talking about how he was now acting indecently with young men from other sects.
Gongyi Xiao might even change his mind. He could have been just lying through his teeth to not offend Shen Qingqiu. It just did not make sense to Shen Qingqiu that anyone, let alone someone like Gongyi Xiao would find his company pleasant.
Yet two weeks passed and Gongyi Xiao was there at the meeting place, poetry books in hands. Shen Qingqiu was certain he had only mentioned them in passing during their first meeting. He did not expect Gongyi Xiao to turn up looking absolutely delighted, let alone to remember the things they talked about. He even brought the lotus jam pastry that he was so convinced Shen Qingqiu would like.
They found a nice spot under a plum tree by the river. Gongyi Xiao laid down a piece of cloth despite Shen Qingqiu insisting that the grass was clean enough for the two of them to sit. The tea and pastries were kept warm using a heating stone in the basket. Shen Qingqiu found that the pastries were indeed delicately sweet while the chrysanthemum tea was pleasantly fragrant, with a refreshing sweetness as well.
Everything was just nice and sweet. Or, perhaps Shen Qingqiu was just in a good mood. He had some doubts about how things would go but so far, Gongyi Xiao had been a very acceptable company.
It appeared that they shared a similar taste in poetry. Gongyi Xiao had even found collections of foreign poems that was very hard to obtain and spent his free time translating them - which came out not quite well, but Shen Qingqiu could appreciate the effort. The young man wasn't very good at reciting them, but he memorized the poems he loved very well. He had a voice that was nice to hear. Shen Qingqiu would have loved to have him in Qing Jing Peak, he would thrive there as well…
He paused, thinking back of all the disciples he previously detested - out of envy for their talents. Huh. Why did he not despise Gongyi Xiao, he wondered. He was talented, he was amicable, he was handsome, he was just everything Shen Qingqiu desired to be.
He was nice. He was just nice.
“Does your master or peers not question you?” Shen Qingqiu asked.
Gongyi Xiao blinked. “About what?”
“Me.”
“I haven’t told anyone that I’m meeting you,” said Gongyi Xiao as he poured another cup of tea for Shen Qingqiu.
Of course. He would be foolish to do that.
“The few times I’ve talked about you to my master and my peers, the things they were talking about you weren’t quite... pleasant to hear,” Gongyi Xiao admitted.
Shen Qingqiu smiled coldly. He was well aware of that already, he never had the best reputation even outside his sect. “Yet here you are.”
Gongyi Xiao nodded, this time pouring a cup for himself. “Seeing once is preferable to hearing a hundred times. People who talk bad about Peak Lord Shen without ever knowing you personally - I think they’re the ones at loss.”
Shen Qingqiu turned still for a moment. He placed his teacup down. “Seeing is believing, but what is seen isn’t always the truth. If none of your sect members have anything kind to say about me, what makes you think there is even anything to be seen? I could just be a really bad person.”
“One person can spread a lie and ten thousand people will spread it as the truth. It is very possible for the truth to be buried underneath layers of deception. Either way, when the water is purified the stones are revealed. If I turn out to be wrong, it is what it is, I suppose,” Gongyi Xiao smiled. “Peak Lord Shen has not tried to deceive me and even warned me about himself. I believe that is not something a bad person would do.”
Such a warm and pure soul. Someone like Shen Qingqiu would only taint him.
Pale pink petals fell as the wind breezed under the plum tree. Plum blossoms floated in their teacups, joining the yellow chrysanthemum petals. Gongyi Xiao suddenly reached his hand towards Shen Qingqiu and the Qing Jing Peak Lord froze. The young man paused, perhaps sensing his discomfort.
“There is a flower petal on your hair. May I?” He asked.
Shen Qingqiu’s lips slowly parted. Gongyi Xiao’s eyes were large and bright, his expression gentle and sunny. He reminded Shen Qingqiu of a meadow with wildflowers on a warm, spring day. Perhaps even a summer night filled with stars and fireflies. Or a crisp autumn day where leaves of varying hues paved the ground. Shen Qingqiu wasn’t quite sure why, but Gongyi Xiao felt like a comforting cup of hot tea on a cold winter day - so small and so simple, yet blanketing him with warmth.
He could think of several poems, just looking at the dazzling youth.
The corner of his mouth curved up ever so slightly and he tilted his head down a bit, allowing the young man to pick the pink petal from his hair.
Days went by uneventfully since their second meeting and they began exchanging letters.
Gongyi Xiao was the first to send one, and he wrote a lot. The handwritings were not quite the same as the first love letter Shen Qingqiu received, which made him slightly suspicious. However, no other person had ever come out and claimed to be the sender of the first letter. The papers used however were both of high quality and the lines were slightly shaky in the first letter. It was possible that he was feeling nervous when he wrote the first letter.
The contents were mostly just mundane, normal things. Gongyi Xiao wrote about his martial sisters fighting, his cultivation progress, a new shop he discovered, as well as the collection of short stories from foreign countries that he thought was interesting. There was hardly anything too romantic, but it felt genuine and sincere. It felt like Gongyi Xiao himself.
There was a small card attached to the letter, with pressed dried plum flowers. Shen Qingqiu could see bits of dried rose petals as well, perhaps Gongyi Xiao had used them to give the letter a nice scent.
He's really taking this too seriously , Shen Qingqiu thought, feeling amused.
Deep inside, there was a spark of joy in his heart.
He wrote letters responding to Gongyi Xiao, mentioning how he had recently taken a young disciple whose face quite resembled Gongyi Xiao. The boy was still young, just at the right age to cultivate. He had a loving mother. Shen Qingqiu stopped writing and his hand trembled a little.
Thinking about the new disciple and his potential, he could not help feeling envious, yet again.
Mentions of the new disciple stopped there and Shen Qingqiu switched to writing about Ning Yingying instead.
When he met Gongyi Xiao again, the young man asked him about the new disciple. He was excited to hear more about the boy who supposedly resembled him, unaware that it put Shen Qingqiu in a poor mood.
Shen Qingqiu scowled. "He's no good."
Gongyi Xiao blinked.
"He's a fool without manners. A boy who doesn't know his place. Someone so naïve and…" Shen Qingqiu paused. Someone who was raised lovingly by his mother, who wasn’t abandoned. Someone unlike him, would be able to reach his full potential. Someone Shen Qingqiu couldn't even dream to be.
He hated this. He hated the fact that he couldn't chase away these terrible feelings. Another Liu Qingge, another Luo Binghe, would always come. It was useless for Shen Qingqiu to try and suppress any talented disciple, for new ones would always emerge. There was nothing he could gain than a very brief satisfaction from seeing others' misfortune.
Hearing Ning Yingying calling Luo Binghe 'A Luo' however just brought back terrible memories.
A warm hand suddenly covered Shen Qingqiu's own cold one. The immortal's barrage of negative thoughts instantly stopped.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Gongyi Xiao asked.
Shen Qingqiu took a deep breath. "There is nothing nice to say."
Gongyi Xiao nodded. "True, but I always find venting out very relieving. Peak Lord Shen has an image to protect, but he has already warned me that he is a terrible person."
"But you don't believe that."
"I've seen plenty of terrible people. Now is the right time if you want to encourage me to leave," he said, his tone half-teasing.
Shen Qingqiu snorted. "You expect too much. I…" he paused. "I'm someone who despises others just because they're more talented than me. It's ridiculous - I know very well my own limits. People with higher potential will always appear and I can never beat them."
Gongyi Xiao blinked. "Why would you have to beat your own disciples and sect members?"
Why? Obviously because nobody was on his side. He never knew when he might have to fight for his life again. Shen Qingqiu had always been fighting. With everyone, with himself.
Gongyi Xiao paused for a moment. He seemed a little hesitant. “Peak Lord Shen… I think being envious of other people’s accomplishments is just natural. I think about that sometimes too.”
“Jealousy is a worthless, terrible emotion - a poison to the heart. Have you not read even the most basic texts?” Shen Qingqiu arched his eyebrows.
Gongyi Xiao nodded. “I know. That’s why I try to think of my own accomplishments, instead of comparing myself with others. After all, no matter how hard I strive, there will always be someone more superior than me. Even if I am the best in one thing, I cannot be the best in everything. Peak Lord Shen, surely you have things you’re proud and happy of.”
What did he have? Nothing. His cultivation had been ruined. His accomplishments were undermined. His words were not heard.
Gongyi Xiao smiled. “Peak Lord Shen, I’ve heard that you hold others to impossible standards, but… doesn’t it mean others cannot catch up to your capabilities? You are a lot more impressive than you think.”
Shen Qingqiu pondered for a moment. Impressive? People had often criticized his impossible standards. Nobody had given him compliments for his hard work. People chose to focus on the fact that he started his cultivation late and assumed that he was a young master who lazed around. None of them were impressed by the fact that he still managed to become a peak lord despite his late start and ruined foundation. They had no inkling of the extra hours he spent studying to catch up to his peers and make up for his other lacking points.
“Qin Wanyue, one my junior sisters - her cultivation isn’t too strong and her martial arts are still not up to par. However, she is sensible and level-headed, and she cares about her friends. I think what she does - constantly looking after our juniors - is very admirable,” Gongyi Xiao added. “Peak Lord Shen, I believe somewhere out there, someone probably envies you as well.”
Shen Qingqiu snorted. “Because of my position?”
Gongyi Xiao laughed. “That too, I suppose. But Peak Lord Shen, you talked about how others are more talented than you, yet here you are. That only means you work harder than everyone. Isn’t that more endearing?”
“....”
Shen Qingqiu fell silent, almost stumped by something he had never thought of before. Something he had always thought in his mind in his attempts to comfort himself, but was never affirmed. Being hardworking was also a talent.
He had worked hard, indeed. All his life he had always struggled.
He never realized it could be this cathartic to have someone acknowledge his struggles and hard work.
The assurance came from someone this young, who barely knew him. Shen Qingqiu almost wanted to laugh.
For some reason, he suddenly felt the urge to hold Gongyi Xiao’s hand back. And he did just that.
Gongyi Xiao’s normally calm face turned a light shade of pink and Shen Qingqiu failed to restrain his laughter from the amusement this time.
When Liu Qingge came back for the monthly meeting (as well as the monthly beating up training), he began to hear yet another rumor about Shen Qingqiu. Frankly, when it came to Shen Qingqiu, Liu Qingge was already expecting that it could not possibly be anything good. The man was already known for being a regular visitor at the brothels (though it seemed like he had stopped going there in the recent years). Shen Qingqiu gallivanting with even men? A little surprising, but he supposed for someone like that scum, it wasn’t unbelievable.
He was just done beating up training the disciples and was on his way to see Yue Qingyuan to ask the sect leader to warn Shen Qingqiu about his poor behaviour, when he accidentally overheard his disciples talking among themselves. The walls of the woodshed weren’t too thin but Liu Qingge’s hearing was good enough to capture their voices.
“It’s weird. How could someone actually show up and start courting him? Moreover, it's Gongyi Xiao, of all people! The head disciple of Huan Hua Palace!”
“I know. Only the three of us know about the prank, so how can this be? Do you think Shen Shibo was lying?”
“But it wasn’t Shen Shibo revealing it, he hasn’t spoken about this at all. It was Liu Shijie who saw it happening with her own eyes and why would she lie? Liu Shijie is Shizun’s younger sister and has no reason to side with Shen Shibo.”
“Well, the news is already blown out of proportion and people are now talking about how Shen Shibo is seducing multiple unknown men instead, even though according to Liu Shijie she has only ever seen Shen Shibo with Gongyi Xiao. Maybe she has always intended to smear his name…”
“Don’t be silly, Liu Shijie is not that kind of person! Either way, his reputation is tarnished even more now, so in the end we’ve got our revenge. Don’t ever speak of the fake love letter anymore, or else…”
Before they could speak any further, Liu Qingge kicked the door open, causing the three Bai Zhan Peak disciples to shriek from the shock. Their faces instantly went pallid with fear as they realized the Bai Zhan War God may have listened to their conversation. “Shi… Shizun….”
“Explain.”
The disciples began to shakily confess. The rumours indeed weren’t true.
Five months ago, after Liu Qingge’s last argument with Shen Qingqiu, the Bai Zhan disciples decided to play a prank on the Qing Jing Peak Lord by faking an anonymous love letter, with the intent to humiliate him. However, by some chance he had encountered Gongyi Xiao there and presumably had mistaken Gongyi Xiao as the sender of the love letter. Gongyi Xiao too, appeared to be playing along for some reason and since then had been meeting Shen Qingqiu regularly.
“And you didn’t think to tell Shen Qingqiu about that?” Liu Qingge questioned the three furiously. “Gongyi Xiao is not just some courtesan or any random man. He is a cultivator. He could be using the chance to get any sect’s secret from Shen Qingqiu.”
“But… that means admitting we did the prank…” the disciples trembled.
“You should have thought that before you decide to play the stupid prank,” Liu Qingge uttered, absolutely vexed by their behaviour.
This time, the blame was on his peak. He could not just pretend that this was all Shen Qingqiu’s doing. His disciples planned and carried out the prank. His own sister was the one to have witnessed the meetings and relayed the information to the sect members - who likely had exaggerated the story and caused it to spread. The bad rumour wasn't Shen Qingqiu’s fault. In fact, Shen Qingqiu was the wronged one here.
Gritting his teeth, he dragged the three boys to Qing Jing Peak.
Shen Qingqiu remained calm, even as the three tearfully knelt down and confessed everything.
“I’ll explain this to Zhangmen Shixiong and have them punished,” Liu Qingge said.
Shen Qingqiu sipped his tea slowly. “What use is it, in the first place? You cannot stop people from talking. Do you plan to beat up the entire city, everyone who talks about me?”
Liu Qingge went stiff and his face turned red. True, the damage had been done. “Still…”
“You don’t have to worry about the sect’s secret. I’m not foolish enough to spill any, and Gongyi Xiao has not once asked me to speak of it,” said Shen Qingqiu.
“Why would he play along then?” Liu Qingge questioned.
Shen Qingqiu scoffed. He let out a bitter laugh and guilt filled Liu Qingge. He had never seen Shen Qingqiu looking so… dejected.
Why? Shen Qingqiu was still wondering why, even now.
He had had his suspicions - from the handwritings to the fact that the Gongyi Xiao’s following letters were all just distinctively different, both in contents and the way they were written. He brushed it off, however, just because Gongyi Xiao made no attempt to fix the misunderstanding. Or maybe that was just an excuse Shen Qingqiu made himself, when in truth he just enjoyed being around the young man.
Perhaps despite all the terrible things and horrible people in this world, there was still some goodness left. Like Gongyi Xiao. Seeing a wretched thing like Shen Qingqiu must have invoked his sympathy that instead of clearing things up, the young man decided to lie, just to spare him from the humiliation. Shen Qingqiu had always known that Gongyi Xiao was too good for him.
He had never doubted that Gongyi Xiao bore no ill intention. That was saying something, because Shen Qingqiu had near zero trust in humans, and less for men. Gongyi Xiao may have deceived him, but Shen Qingqiu could not find it in his heart to hate him.
Not when the young man once again showed up at the promised place, at the promised time. The sun was about to set. Shen Qingqiu could see that Gongyi Xiao had brought two small lanterns in one hand.
They had planned to paint and float the lanterns. Now Shen Qingqiu did not even know if he had any wish to be granted. If his prayers could even be heard. If he was even worth to be heard by the deities. How pathetic was he, that a random young man took pity on him and decided to string himself into a lie?
“Peak Lord Shen,” Gongyi Xiao smiled and lifted his hand to show the lanterns. “I’ve got the lanterns.”
Shen Qingqiu fanned himself calmly and inspected the lanterns. “Did you make these yourself?”
The other smiled sheepishly. “I… only one of them, unfortunately. The other one was bought from a craftsman. I couldn’t quite make them well, and out of ten tries, only one worked out well…”
No wonder one of them looked well done, while the other was quite misshapen. He could have just bought both lanterns. Then again, that part of Gongyi Xiao was one of the things that drew Shen Qingqiu to him, like fireflies drawn to light. He had always kept his promise. He never lied. He had been nothing but truthful and respectful to Shen Qingqiu.
With the exception of their first interaction. In the end, their relationship was initiated by a lie. He had been in denial all these time, but Shen Qingqiu realized that prolonging this foolery would just hurt him more.
“How long do you intend to keep up with this?” Shen Qingqiu asked.
Gongyi Xiao blinked.
“Do you ever plan to tell me that you never sent the letter?”
The young man froze.
Shen Qingqiu clenched on his fan tightly. He turned his gaze away, unwilling to look at the young man. A part of him was regretting it. He could have just continued with this charade as well. Soon Gongyi Xiao might actually get bored of him and would just leave him. Forget him. Abandon him. Then Shen Qingqiu too, could just pretend like he had forgotten everything and that nothing had ever happened between them.
He could maybe convince himself that all those spring-like days were just dreams.
“Peak Lord Shen,” he heard Gongyi Xiao finally speak after a momentary, deafening silence.
Shen Qingqiu shut his eyes. He was probably going to apologize. Make excuses. Explain himself. Whatever it was, he was soon going to leave and this will end.
“When you first talked to me, I had thought… it was a chance, a gift sent by the heavens.”
Shen Qingqiu went still. He lowered the fan covering his face.
“Someone like me, who could never do anything more than sneaking a glimpse of you… how lucky I was, that you would notice me. Every time we meet, I feel like a wretched, repulsive being, for deceiving you. I tried telling myself that I was doing something nice, for the letter may have been a prank. Then my conscience would bite back at me because I may have well taken credit for something I didn’t do, if the letter was real. In the end, it doesn’t matter. What I did was still despicable,” Gongyi Xiao confessed.
Shen Qingqiu turned to face him back. He was stunned beyond words.
Despicable? Why would he say that?
“Peak Lord Shen,” Gongyi Xiao looked at him intently. “I will not apologize. I did not regret what I have done.”
Shen Qingqiu swallowed hard.
“I did not tell you the truth, indeed. However, I have also not lied.”
Shen Qingqiu frowned. “How can you say this after you-”
He paused, and tried to recall their first meeting.
“Were you the one who sent the letter?”
“I have always admired you, Peak Lord Shen.”
He then realized that Gongyi Xiao in fact had not once claimed to have sent the letter.
“I truly do admire you, Peak Lord Shen. And these feelings…” Gongyi Xiao paused. “They have only grown stronger since then.”
The frown faded from Shen Qingqiu’s face and was replaced with a look of disbelief. “You’re an idiot. You know who I am,” he uttered.
Gongyi Xiao nodded. “I’m not worthy of you, but I still wish to know more.”
“Worthy? I’m a… do you know my past history? Do you know that I started my cultivation late? Do you know that I’m not actually some distinguished young master? That I was… was…” Shen Qingqiu’s voice began to crack slightly. “... I was a nobody.”
Gongyi Xiao shook his head. “I don’t. I don’t know your past.”
“Then?!” Shen Qingqiu questioned, nearly shouting. He could not comprehend this. He could not understand any of this. Why was this young man still here? Why was this young man stubbornly doing this?
Gongyi Xiao clenched his fists. “Peak Lord Shen… I wish to be your future.”
Shen Qingqiu went still.
“I will work hard and keep chasing you. I want to be someone worthy of standing by your side. I want to stay where you are and be someone you’re proud of,” Gongyi Xiao confessed.
Ridiculous. What a ridiculous notion.
How could he be worthy of someone like Gongyi Xiao?
“I’m not someone worth your effort, Gongyi Xiao,” Shen Qingqiu exhaled.
A small, sad smile formed on Gongyi Xiao’s face. “That you’re rejecting me now, is that not proof that I haven’t reached my aim?”
“... When did I reject you?” Shen Qingqiu said.
“Just now?”
“You’ll be wasting your time on me, that’s what I said,” Shen Qingqiu corrected.
“That is up for me to decide,” Gongyi Xiao argued. “Unless I’m wasting your time?”
“.... No.”
“Do you hate me?”
“... No.”
Gongyi Xiao chuckled. “Then, would you like to continue spending time with me?”
He was a dazzling young man, whose energy was as bright as the midsummer’s sunshine. His temperament was as calm as a crisp autumn day. He brought in joy, like spring that came after a harsh winter.
Shen Qingqiu hid the heat creeping up his cheeks behind his fan. “I suppose we shouldn’t waste the lanterns.”
Gongyi Xiao smiled.
It felt like a tall wall, made of ice, that had long been built in his heart had been melted by the warmth of his smile. The wall, that had always served as a protective mechanism to him, had been deemed unnecessary, for he was able to feel safety and comfort with this young man.
Shen Qingqiu was not certain what the future would hold. However, he prayed, as he lit up the lanterns, that his coming days would continue to have Gongyi Xiao’s dazzling smiles in them. To have the other in his future.
“Gongyi Xiao.”
“Yes?”
“Do you remember when you asked me if I have anything that makes me happy?”
Gongyi Xiao nodded. Shen Qingqiu smirked.
“Well… I can always boast to people that I have you.”
As expected, a flustered and blushing Gongyi Xiao was really cute. Shen Qingqiu looked forward to finding more ways to tease this young man.