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So give me your worst excuses, any reason to stay
Give me your lips, the taste of her, I'll kiss them again
I'd rather you walk all over me than walk away
Give me the worst of you
'Cause I want you anyway
So take me to every party and just talk to your friends
Why don't you let me down, I'll let you do it again
Go on and walk all over me, just don't walk away
Give me the worst of you
'Cause I want you anyway
It hurts.
It’s been over a month since Lena confessed her love to Kara. And after the pain of being ignored for over two weeks, slowly Kara started talking to her again.
It’s small moments at school that hurt like hell, but she still finds herself craving it. Even just a little bit of Kara’s attention is enough to keep building up this hope that Kara feels the same way about her.
This all consuming love she feels, if Kara even feels a fraction of what she feels then maybe they could work. Maybe after all the pain it’ll be worth it. Except she still can’t get over the feeling of absolute devastation when Kara walked away from her after she confessed her feelings. A day hasn’t gone by without her thinking about the look in Kara’s eye. Like it hurt Kara as much as it was hurting Lena.
She tried to move forward and continue living, because life goes on and heartbreak isn’t an excuse for the world to stop running. If only it were that simple.
It’s like ever since Kara walked out that door the world has seemed dull and useless. Suddenly she’s living a life where Kara isn’t talking to her and is barely looking at her. When she decided to confess, she never thought it would be like this. If she knew Kara was gonna be this cold she would’ve never said anything. Because not knowing that Kara would reject her, is better than Kara rejecting her.
But slowly Kara started talking to her in small stolen moments when no one was looking. And eventually there was the touching, and slowly...color started bleeding into her life again. But Kara still pulls away, hiding behind strained smiles and small lies to her friends.
No matter how much Kara hurts her, Lena will continue to be there for her. Because Kara could give her the worst excuses to stay, and she will. It’s Kara, how could she ever say no to her?
She will always want Kara, and however much Kara wants her is up to Kara. Whether she has to wait a few months, or a few years, she will, because there is no one else that could amount to Kara. Being in love isn’t a fickle thing that will die out eventually, not when it’s with Kara.
As long as she has Kara in her life, then she can live with that.
Kara invited her to this party, but she’s not even interacting with her.She stands there across the room, laughing with her friends like she isn’t constantly breaking Lena’s heart every day.
Just being able to see Kara for the night is reason enough to come, so of course when Kara asks it of her, she will come running. She always will.
And so here she is nursing a drink while she watches Kara talk to her friends like she doesn’t exist.
Yeah, it hurts.
But she’ll keep coming back.
And maybe Kara knows that too, but they’ve been getting somewhere, and eventually, she has hope it won’t always be like this.
It’s still hard to act like she’s okay, especially when Kara is deliberately not looking at her. Lena takes a long drag from her drink.
After another song, when her friends get preoccupied greeting someone else, Kara finally looks at her. Just that one look and the longing she can see in it, is enough to keep her coming. Lena takes a deep breath and another drag of her drink as she continues to make eye contact with Kara.
Kara gives her a small hesitant smile and turns back to her friends. Lena swallows down her disappointment and makes her way over to the kitchen to try and get away from the sweaty bodies and the suffocating pressure in her chest.
With a heavy heart she grabs another drink and leans against the counter. There isn’t anyone she knows in the kitchen, and she was just debating heading to a different room when Kara walks into the kitchen. Her eyes scan the room until she sees Lena and brightens up. Kara quickly scuffles over to Lena and pretends like she’s gonna grab a drink.
“Hey.” Kara sounds breathless as she stands next to Lena. Kara turns and looks at the kitchen counter while fiddling with her hands. “How are you?”
Lena scuffs and gives Kara a hard look. “How do you think I am?” Kara winces and looks away ashamed. “I miss you.” Lena whispers, breath catching as she tries to hold back tears.
“I miss you too.” Kara’s voice cracks, and she reaches out and puts her hand over Lena’s. “I’m sorry, I wish I-”
“Hey Kara, there you are!” Kara quickly moves her hand away as Alex barrels into the room looking way too enthusiastic. “Oh hey Lena! It’s nice to see you at a party for once.”
“Yeah I wanted to take a breather for a night.” Lena swallows thickly, quickly glancing at Kara before looking back at Alex. “How are you though? Did you do well on the chemistry test?”
“All thanks to you!” Alex smiles. “Thank you for your help.”
“Anytime.”
Kara looks between Alex and Lena a little confused, then turns around and leans towards Alex. It shouldn’t sting, but seeing Kara ignore her when she’s right here hurts a lot more than from afar.
“I should go. It was nice seeing you Alex. Kara.” She gives Alex a strained smile and with a small nod towards Kara - she quickly walks away, almost running towards the restroom. She doesn’t know how much heartache she can take in one day, but she is definitely reaching her limit.
Blindly walking through the crowd she bounds into the restroom. Taking deep breaths she looks at herself in the mirror and just starts breaking down. No matter how much Kara gives her the cold shoulder, it doesn’t seem to hurt any less. Why is she so scared to even be friends with her? She knows it must be hard on Kara too, whether she has feelings or not.
She wipes away her tears with her hand when someone opens the restroom door and closes it behind them. Her protests die in her throat as soon as she notices who it is.
Kara stands there with her back to the door, and she slowly locks the door behind her.
“Lena…”
“Save it Kara, really I don’t...I can’t do this right now.”
“Lena please, let me explain.” Kara steps close to her as desperation fills her voice.
“Kara, you’ve had plenty of times to explain.”
“I know, but please I just needed some time to...figure some things out.”
Lena gives her a shrewd look. “Right.”
Kara steps closer to her and picks up Lena’s hand. Kara carries her hand to her chest and takes a deep breath. “I do have feelings for you Lena.”
Lena’s breath hitches and her eyes widen. Her hearts pounding, almost ringing in her ears but she can still feel the soft melody of Kara’s heart.
“I just...it’s not that simple.” Lena looks up, and the hope she was starting to feel diminished slightly at the hesitant look on Kara’s face.
“I don’t understand.” Lena stops facing the mirror and turns towards Kara, taking a small step so there is no distance left between them.
Kara looks deeply into Lena’s eyes and she looks so scared.
“Kara whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“I know, I know. I just wish it wasn’t this hard to say, but the only way for us to be anything to each other is if I’m fully honest with you.”
Lena’s heart beats in anticipation.
“All my life I’ve hid who I really was from everyone I’ve ever met. The only people who truly know who I am is my family, and they are very adamant about keeping it that way, but I can’t keep... hiding anymore. Not with you. You deserve to know who I really am, even if it changes the way you think about me.” Kara’s voice cracks as she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “I’m not from Earth. I’m an alien refugee on this planet.”
Lena’s eyes widen as she takes in the new information. There’s a silent moment between them as Kara waits for Lena’s reaction. Lena moves her other hand up and cups Kara’s cheek. “Kara that’s okay. You’re an amazing, beautiful, and lovely person. Where you come from doesn’t change that.”
“It might.” Kara shudders as she chokes back a sob. “Lena... I come from Krypton. Superman is my cousin.”
Lena takes in a sharp breath and looks worriedly at Kara. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know-”
“No no, I don’t blame you for you brother’s actions. You are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul. I needed you to know that being with me isn’t gonna be easy. I have these powers, and it’s so hard just trying to fit in. I was so scared when you told me how you felt, because I thought my feelings would never be reciprocated, and that made things easy. But now that I know I can actually be with you? It’s scary. I’m not supposed to stand out in the crowd, especially in school. I had to...come to terms with what a future would be like. Being into women isn’t fitting in, but I don’t want to live my life in fear. I wanna be with you so badly, I don’t care what my family thinks. I don’t care if they don’t think I shouldn’t be with you because they’re wrong. If you’re okay with me being...an alien. Then if you’ll still have me...I’d like to be with you. I can introduce you to my friends, and…and we don’t have to hide at school or anything because it’s okay. This doesn’t have to change anything.” Kara looks so hopefully as she leans into Lena’s hand still on her cheek.
“Oh Kara, of course I still wanna be with you. This doesn’t change how I feel about you. Whether you wanna have a secret relationship, or be completely open to the world...I don’t mind. As long as I’m with you and you’re safe, that’s what matters to me.”
Kara chokes back a sob while Lena tries to keep it together too. Lena gives her a reassuring smile. She’s never felt so happy in her life. Kara wants to be with her. It’s everything she’s ever wanted. Alien or not, she will love her with all her heart. Kara starts to brighten up as she smiles back at Lena.
Lena leans in close and rests her forehead against Kara’s, asking for silent permission to kiss her. Kara breathes out a sigh of relief and nods, closing the distance between them as she softly kisses Lena for the first time.
And whether their families - the world - accepts it or not.
They’ll be there for one another. Stronger together.