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-i-
“No, no,” he said. “This is perfect.”
“What do you mean?” Tim glanced over the message to be sure he hadn’t missed something.
Nope. It was just a notice that Batman had decided to approve them for Watchtower access (on more than an emergency basis). Which meant they would be meeting the Bat’s coworkers, face to face, for the first time.
It was cool, sure. But it also didn’t warrant the impish cackle Tim had just been on the receiving end of.
He shushed noisily. “They don’t know any of us, Tim.” Dick grinned that one grin that sent Gotham creeps running, if they knew what was good for them. “They don’t even know what we look like.”
“So?”
“Or how many of us there are!”
“Oh. Oh, I get it.”
“Yeah,” he nodded. He was almost over the line into manic territory, but – to be fair to him – he'd been going a little stir crazy thanks to a sprained ankle benching him for the past week. “Yeah! See? It’s perfect. We could fuck with the Justice League. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity!”
“Yeah, okay. I see where you’re going, but they’re gonna realize—”
“That’s the beautiful part, Timmy. Without a frame of reference, they won’t realize anything, because they won’t know that there’s something to realize! All we have to do is get the others on board and maybe get Babs on our side.”
Tim rubbed his hands over his face. He didn’t like to expect so little from people that Batman actively worked with, but he had a feeling that Dick might be right. “Whatever. For the record—”
“Noted.”
”For the record , I think this is a stupid idea. I’m only playing along because I want to see how long it takes them to realize they’ve been had.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course.”
“And I’m not helping get the others on board. That’s all on you.”
Dick practically vibrated in place. “This is going to be hilarious.”
“Don’t forget to tell Wally your dastardly plans, otherwise he’ll be the one to blow it for you.”
“What?”
“He knows us? He would immediately realize if someone’s talking about you or, like, me? If you leave him out of the loop, your practical joke’s dead in the water.”
Dick flushed. “Right. Smart. Good idea, Timmy.”
-ii-
“I’m not playing, Dickface.”
“Chill! You can have Wonder Woman! I called Superman, anyway.”
-iii-
“So, is this boys only, or...?”
Dick gave the air a victory punch. “Hell no, it’s not.”
A smile spread across Steph’s face, vaguely reminiscent of the gremlin smile Dick was usually on the bestowing end of. “Hell yeah. Who do I get to mess with?”
-iv-
Damian scoffed. “This is beneath me, Grayson. Why should I go along with these asinine games?”
“Oh, come on, like you don’t want to put the fear of god in someone,” Dick wrapped Damian up in a smothering hug. “Green Arrow?”
“That imbecile could hardly...” Damian trailed off. “Have it your way, Grayson.”
“No bodily harm, Dames.”
“I will not draw blood, nor will I break bones. Is that all?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
-v-
“Don’t you think you’re a little old to be playing pranks like this?” Barbara was trying to sound firm, but all that came across was how intrigued she was by the idea. “ How would you even get me up there?”
“You could do it from home, if you wanted, but I figured—”
“ Oh no, Boy Wonder. If I’m doing this, I’m doing it right. Do you have a plan or are you just winging it?” She gave him a long beat. Then sighed. “ Of course you’re just winging it. Who am I kidding? All that strategic genius out the window for the freedom of spur-of-the-moment improvisation.”
“ Aw, you called me a genius.”
“ Did you tell Wally about your plan?”
“ Why are you and Tim so insistent on me telling Wally?”
“ Dick.”
“ Yeah, yeah! I'll tell him!”
“ Barry’s gonna shit a brick if he starts to think Wally’s dating ‘Batman’s kid’ and this is going on.”
“ We’re not dating!”
On the screen, Babs just rolled her eyes emphatically.
-vi-
“Hey, Cass!”
“Yes.”
“I just wanted to ask if you wanted to be in on—”
“Yes,” she repeated, with a slightly sharper emphasis. She smiled, though. That was always good.
“Right,” Dick shot her a pair of finger guns.
-vii-
“Duke—”
“Oh god.”
“That’s not a very nice way to greet your favourite oldest brother.”
“Just tell me it’s not going to get me benched, in trouble with B, or double chores for a month, Dick,” Duke put his hands on his hips and tried to look intimidating. (In Dick’s opinion, all the – yellow – yeah, no. His costume was just too bright and friendly to be intimidating. Dick wasn’t intimidated.)
“Nope,” Dick said.
“Will I regret it?”
“You will if you don’t play along.”
Both of them were silent for a long moment.
Then: “Oh, shit, no. That sounded like a threat. I meant you’d be missing out!” Dick said, quickly.
“Fine, but if I get in trouble I’m blaming you.”
“Fair enough.”
-viii-
“Luke! Hey, wait up. Luke!”
“Please don’t include me in your practical joke campaign against the Justice League.”
“Wh. How do you already know about that?”
“Just. Please don’t, Dick.”
Dick caught up to him and immediately clamped onto his elbow, hanging off his arm like some old-timey damsel. He batted his eyelashes. “But it would be so much more fun if you were involved, Luke!”
“Last time there was a prank war, my armor got painted hot pink. I’m not sure I want in on anything remotely similar,” Luke frowned at him.
“Everyone else is doing it!”
“That’s called peer pressure.”
“Is it working?”
Luke narrowed his eyes.
Dick continued grinning.
Luke sighed and dropped his chin against his chest. “Fine.”
“Yes!”
-ix-
“Harper! Cullen!”
“Shit,” Cullen went for the couch, clearly trying to hide behind it.
“No, it’s me Cull,” Dick said. “Don’t worry, no one’s told on you about the whole pink-Batwing-suit thing, yet. Wanna mess with the Justice League?”
“Uh.”
“Yes!” Harper called from the next room. She skidded through the doorway. “Yes, totally. When do we start?”
-x-
“Okay, let me get this straight.”
Dick snorted.
“Fuck, you can’t laugh every time I say ‘straight’!” Wally leaned over to whack him.
“I’m sorry!”
“ No, you’re not!”
“No, I’m not,” Dick agreed.
“Okay. So let me get this—I see your face. Stop that. You’re going to pull a massive prank on the Justice League?”
“Yep.” He popped the ‘p.’
“And you’re telling me because...?”
“Babs and Timbo both insisted that not telling you would mess up the prank. They’re probably right. I can just see it now: you walking up to me and asking about Damian. Or, you walking up to any of them and asking where I am.”
Wally nodded. “Sounds about right.”
Dick nodded.
Wally nodded again.
“Yep, okay. So, that.” Dick hopped up.
“I’ll be sure to play along if anything comes up. Maybe tell Roy, too?”
“Roy?”
“Well, I mean. He’s dating Jason—”
Dick interrupted him with a dramatic gasp. “That fucker!”
Wally facepalmed. “Yeah, okay.”
“Roy and my baby brother? The fuck!”
“Jason’s literally an adult—”
“I’m gonna kill him.”
“Oh my god, Dick. You’re just mad that Jason asked Roy out before you asked me out,” Wally laughed.
“You’re supposed to be pretending you don’t know that!”
“Oh my god. Whatever, you nerd. Have fun killing Roy.”
-xi-
“Roy!”
“What are you doing in Star Ci—oh shit!”
“Yeah, you better run!”