Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

On the night before Yeonjun was to move into his freshman dorm he showered, set the next day’s clothes on his dresser, and even broke out a TONYMOLY face mask to make sure his skin was clear and moisturized. He laid in bed at ten P.M. and hoped to get many hours of sleep so he would be awake and ready for the early drive to campus the next morning. That night, his heart was beating in his chest so loud that he couldn’t sleep. Instead, he stared up at the ceiling until two A.M. with hundreds of scenarios running through his mind. He was excited for university, yes. But more than anything else, he was scared. 

Yeonjun had been elated to leave highschool behind that past May. It was a horrible experience for him, something he didn’t want to think about ever again. He hoped and prayed for university to bring a change. Maybe a new chapter in his life would bring him new friends, or at least acquaintances, so he wouldn’t be lonely anymore. But at the same time, he was worried that university would be no different. The summer had brought a moment of stability to his life, a moment where he could relax and not be afraid to enter his school building every single morning. What if university would only bring him back into the lion’s den? Yeonjun could only try his best to not let it happen again.

When he woke up the next morning with bags under his eyes, he made sure to press bb cream into them until his skin was all the same color. He then parted his hair down the middle from where it had become knotted during the night and brushed about a thousand times until it was acceptable. As much as he didn’t want to care about first impressions, he cared. Yeah, he cared a lot. But he had to remind himself not to show it. Because normal people didn’t care what others thought about them, right? It was better to bury those feelings. 

The drive to university that morning was slow and quiet. His father was not his usual talkative self and wouldn’t even turn the radio on, so Yeonjun was already anticipating tears. He almost felt bad for leaving his dad alone at home while he went to university because Yeonjun knew that he was the only person his father had, just as it was the other way around. But maybe Yeonjun was selfish for wanting this for himself. With one single box full of his anticipations packed into the trunk of the car, he found himself once again hoping for more . A seedling of stress that had been planted in his ribcage during birth began to sprout in Yeonjun’s chest at the visceral desire for normalcy. It caused him to bite his lip and pick at the fingers entangled in his lap. 

The drive felt like hours and the feeling only grew as they approached campus. Yeonjun found himself wishing that the radio had been turned on, but he didn’t reach for the knob himself. When they finally pulled up to the parking lot in front of Yeonjun’s dorm building, there were so many people packed into the winding road and walking along the sidewalks that he didn’t even want to get out of the car. He looked out the window next to him with nerves wracking through his body and teeth indenting into his bottom lip. The vehicles around them were unloading with trunks full of boxes and plastic containers as though these other students were moving into their dorms for much longer than three months. 

And everyone was grinning and laughing, even the parents who were hugging their children goodbye. Even their clothing was different, all shorts and t-shirts to battle the blinding Atlanta sun that beat down on their skin. Yeonjun looked down at his jeans and pursed his lips, feeling even more out of place than he had before. He didn’t understand it, why were these people so happy?

When Yeonjun’s father opened the door and stepped out of the car, Yeonjun realized he had been zoned out for a bit too long. He followed and met his dad at the trunk of their car where the top had already been popped open and his measly cardboard box was waiting to be taken into his arms. Yeonjun hesitated and stood in front of his father awkwardly instead of grabbing it. It was silent for a moment before the man spoke: “Yeon...let me know how your first classes go, ok?” He pulled Yeonjun into a tight hug. 

Yeonjun, who had grown taller than his dad in the past year, still wrapped his arms around the man’s waist like he did when he was a child. He forced himself to smile through the anxiety that made his arms tremble and a small, airy laugh was pulled from his throat when his father’s arms tightened around him, squeezing his chest. It reminded Yeonjun of how his parents hugged him on the first day of kindergarten and the nostalgia made his smile dip. “I’ll call you.” Yeonjun said, forcing the corners of his lips back up. 

His dad pulled away reluctantly and Yeonjun immediately noticed the sparkle building in the brim of his waterline. “Ah, I knew you would cry.” He said, pressing the broken skin of his thumb into his soft palm until it was uncomfortable. 

His father rubbed at the tears in his eyes and laughed to wipe the emotion away. “You have to visit, okay?” He placed his hands on Yeonjun’s shoulders and smiled. “I’m sure you’ll love it here, I’m sure . But don’t forget about me, alright?” And Yeonjun nodded in return.

“Don’t worry, dad. Home isn’t that far, I’ll probably visit a lot.” Yeonjun spoke those words not only to his father, but to himself as well. They made his chest clench in a bittersweet combination of pessimism and realism. Because though Yeonjun wanted to have a great time in university, he refused to allow himself to rely on it. He knew the most likely outcome would be a solitary campus life in which he was still attached at the hip with his father and returned home every weekend to just have some human contact. 

But today was a new start. He shouldn’t self-prophesize or else it may become fulfilled and he really didn’t want that. Besides, maybe his roommates would be really fun and kind. Yeonjun tried to keep that in mind as he grabbed his box of necessities out of the car trunk and looked back at his father, who still had tears shining in his eyes and reflecting off of the bright sun. “I can’t believe you’re finally going.” The man said. “I really hope you have fun, Yeonjun.”

They smiled at each other again and Yeonjun tried to hold the same positivity his father had. When the man left and Yeonjun stood alone in the parking lot, he finally allowed his smile to fall. He glanced around the people surrounding him, still unloading, laughing, and hugging their own family members. He wondered if he would come to know any of these people and a vision crossed his mind of an alternate universe where Yeonjun became friends with all of them. He exhaled when the image left him and slowly turned to the huge dorm building looming behind him. The momentary calm that his father had brought began to fade as Yeonjun’s heart picked up its pace again.

He really wished he had a friend from highschool that he could have roomed with instead of three new strangers. But there was no use in hoping for something that was impossible, so Yeonjun passed through the parking lot and up to the building by himself. He ignored the tingling rays of the sun on his skin as though he could feel no heat at all. In fact, the stress did wonders to feel like an ice pack wrapped around his body. The trek up to his third-floor dorm made Yeonjun’s arms feel like jelly after a few minutes and he distracted himself with the idea that he could make use of the campus gym this semester. Maybe he could become a beefhead and get a girlfriend so his dad would know he was doing well. 

Yeonjun adjusted the boxes in his arms when he arrived at the front door to his new housing. He could hear people talking inside and for a moment, he hesitated. He wondered if he would love or hate his new roommates and if a new life laid behind that door. There were so many different scenarios all dependent on their personalities and his personality and whether they were compatible or if he did something wrong and-

Yeonjun exhaled slowly and forced himself to push through the heavy wooden door with his shoulder. Immediately, he winced from the brightness of the room that shined through a huge window directly across from the door. Those same voices he heard inside the room suddenly quieted and once Yeonjun’s eyes adjusted to the light he noticed the empty living room directly in front of him and the kitchen to his left. There were two people sitting at the bar stools in front of the counter and one boy sitting on the counter itself. 

“Wow! I didn’t think you were gonna show up!” One of the boys at a bar stool said. He was small with bleached hair that Yeonjun couldn’t stop looking at. “We thought maybe you dropped out or something!”

Another small boy with big eyes and natural black hair furrowed his brow and scoffed. “No, we just got here super early.”

The blond boy smiled at Yeonjun, “Taehyun got here like a week ago, but me and Soobin came, like, two days ago.” 

The second boy, Taehyun, groaned. “When I was here by myself, I kept waking up every night hearing noises. I thought I was gonna get murdered.” 

“You’re so lucky we’re here. You can’t survive on your own, can you?” The blond boy asked smugly, gaining only an eye roll in response. 

Yeonjun placed his box on the counter for a minute as he watched them go back and forth. His arms still felt like jelly and he knew he would be sore the next day. But Yeonjun tried to push those thoughts out of his mind and pay attention to the conversation between his new roommates. He hung on to every word of their naturally flowing conversation, hoping that he could be a part of it sometime. It was almost fascinating to him how easily they joked with each other in front of a stranger because he couldn’t imagine doing so. 

“Wait.” Yeonjun looked over at the third boy who just decided to speak. He was sitting on the counter with his long legs crossed. His hair and eyes were equally as dark as each other and it made Yeonjun look away from them. “What’s your name? I’m Soobin, this is Taehyun, and that’s Beomgyu.” He said, motioning to each of them as he spoke. Yeonjun couldn’t help but notice how his lips formed into a natural pout with each syllable that escaped. He much preferred looking at his lips rather than his eyes. 

“Oh,” he responded quickly in order to not be caught zoning out, “my name is Yeonjun.”

“Oh my god,” Beomgyu stared at Yeonjun as if he had only just seen him, “on the housing application I asked for our fourth roommate to be another Asian but I didn’t think they’d actually do it!”

Yeonjun let out a short, awkward laugh. “Um, I don’t know if they would be allowed to pick roommates based on race…” 

“They definitely can’t.” Taehyun pointedly said to Beomgyu, then he looked over at Yeonjun.  “I know because I work with housing. That’s why I was here so early. They don’t even ask for ethnicity on the housing application so they have no idea.”

Beomgyu scoffed. “Can’t get much more yellow than a name like Yeonjun . They don’t need confirmation of his ethnicity to know he’s Asian.”

Yeonjun tried to hold back a grimace at the harsh words. It hit a deep spot and made him uncomfortable but he reminded himself that these boys were all in the same boat as him. It was just banter so he shouldn’t be that sensitive, right? But even so, he couldn’t help the flash of awkwardness that clawed at his stomach so he avoided looking at them by scanning around the room. Except he accidentally made eye contact with Soobin, who groaned and hopped off the counter. Even though Yeonjun knew the boy had long legs, he was still a lot taller than Yeonjun anticipated. He kind of looked like Taehyun and Beomgyu stacked on top of each other. 

“Let’s not talk about that. Anyways, I’m hungry. Let’s have a family dinner.” Soobin stretched his arms above his head, intertwining his fingers together, until his back cracked and made Yeonjun flinch. 

“We’ll have to go to the grocery store then, I don’t have anything here.” Taehyun said. “There’s a Target just a few minutes down the road, though.”

Beomgyu perked up, “family field trip?”

Taehyun nodded and stood up with Beomgyu. Yeonjun watched the three of them head towards the door before Beomgyu turned his head and smiled at Yeonjun. “Do you want to come? We can figure out what we’ll get for dinner on the ride!” 

Yeonjun was surprised at the offer. Honestly, they were being really nice to him even though he felt so awkward and out of place. But the idea of hanging out with people sounded nice so Yeonjun nodded and followed them out the door. He tried to keep his hopes quelled but he already felt more comfortable with these boys. Just a simple invite to the grocery store made his chest soft. He just didn’t want to ruin it. So he went to the grocery store with them in Taehyun’s car. They decided to make spaghetti (though Taehyun was the only one to cook it), and ended up eating it on the living room couch while the TV played some show that Beomgyu picked out. 

“This couch is so shitty,” Soobin complained. “What’s it made out of, plastic?” Yeonjun looked down at the ugly dark green couch and grimaced, just as Soobin did. It was quite uncomfortable underneath him, but he hadn’t thought much of it until Soobin spoke.

In order to place his input, Yeonjun said: “We should get a cover for it or something.” 

Beomgyu gasped. “Yes! We should go back to Target tomorrow and find couch covers, oh my God.” The excitement in his voice made Yeonjun soft again. “I wonder how much they cost, though...because I’m broke.”

Yeonjun smiled, “it’s probably not that bad? it’s just, like, a piece of cloth.”

“Speaking of tomorrow,” Soobin interjected, “what are we going to do?” He looked pointedly at Beomgyu. Yeonjun was a bit sad to see their previous conversation get sidetracked, because he would have really liked to go out with them again, but he decided to see where this new one went.

“Huh?” The blond boy cocked his head over at Soobin, who scoffed in return. 

“You know where all the parties are at. There’s got to be one tomorrow. It’s the weekend before classes start, there’s probably ten different parties going on.” 

Beomgyu feigned a thoughtful expression for a few seconds and then relented. “OK, OK, I know Dalton is throwing a party at his house tomorrow but it’s gonna be all people from highschool so it’ll probably be weird.” 

Yeonjun felt a pang of jealousy. He had originally thought just the three of them knew each other from highschool but apparently there was an entire crew of friends here at the University together? On second thought, wasn’t that a good thing? If Yeonjun could integrate into their friend group then he would have even more people to like him. Maybe this was the best case scenario.

“Is that the only one you know of?” Soobin asked, his lips forming into a pout. Yeonjun hoped that the boy didn’t notice him staring at it. 

Beomgyu nodded, “they’ll have alcohol, though.”

“Well I can’t go, I have work.” Taehyun said shortly, turning back to the TV. For some reason he sounded annoyed, but Yeonjun couldn’t figure out why. He decided to ignore it, but still made a mental note that Taehyun wasn’t the warmest out of the three. Definitely not as warm as Beomgyu, who turned away from Taehyun with a shrug and then met eyes with Yeonjun. For a moment Yeonjun felt his heartbeat quicken at the idea that Beomgyu had seen his negative expression towards Taehyun, but the boy just smiled. 

“Do you want to come?” He asked brightly.

Yeonjun tried to act cool. “Um. I guess so.” 

Beomgyu smiled. “OK! We’re gonna need to take an Uber though. I don’t think any of us want to be DD.”

Yeonjun didn’t want to say that he had never drank before or went to a party...or even knew what DD meant. So he just nodded along with them. 

“Yeah you guys have fun with that.” Taehyun stated with that same monotonous voice. “Last time we went there, Dalton asked us to pick up the alcohol, promised to pay us back, and then never did. So fuck him.”

Soobin huffed in agreement and crossed his arms. “I fucking hate liars.”

Yeonjun felt like the air ran cold with the way Soobin hissed those words out. It was a lot different than the cheerful and laid-back person he had been the entire day, to the point that Yeonjun almost felt like he had gotten whiplash. He hoped he wouldn’t ever be the target of that ire.

~~

Taehyun wasn’t lying when he said he had to go to work the next night. He left at 6pm and his shift wouldn’t end until midnight. Yeonjun thought Beomgyu, Soobin, and himself would be back by then, but that was just his naivete showing. He wasn’t used to staying up late, and never past midnight, because he had no reason to do so. Besides, Yeonjun didn’t even think partying would be that fun. He had never drank before and neither did his father, so his experience was based entirely on movies or television shows. He had believed that alcohol made someone feel tired or groggy. He definitely didn’t think it could change your entire personality or take someone riddled with social anxiety and make them into a connoisseur of charisma. 

And yet, when they got to the party Yeonjun had a lot more fun than he ever thought he would. Even though he didn’t know anyone there, Soobin and Beomgyu kept him close to them like parents with a child. They introduced him to their friends who seemed just as nice as his roommates. They would even occasionally point someone out from the crowd that they didn’t like or that they knew some drama about. Yeonjun was learning more here than he did in his four years of highschool.

Eventually he found himself alone by the food and drinks while most of the other people were jumping and dancing in front of the music speakers. He had scurried away while his two friends began talking to some girls. Yeonjun wasn’t quite ready to flirt yet, that would have to come another day. Preferably another day when he was also loosened up from alcohol because he just knew that girls were a step he wouldn’t be able to take while being his awkward self. So for now, he stayed by the food and drinks, getting buzzed on two jello shots. Yeah, he really liked how his anxiety just melted away. 

“You gotta try the Jungle Juice, man!” Dalton swooped in and egged him on in the direction of a big pitcher of green, sloppy, swamp-looking water. For once, Yeonjun didn’t feel a pang of stress at the sight of a stranger speaking to him. Instead, he laughed at the goofy name this boy had created for some nasty looking drink. 

“The fuck is even in that?” Yeonjun giggled, almost having to yell over the music. 

“We just mixed a bunch of shit together like Svedka, some Kool Aid packs, some Gatorade, and uh...some fuckin’ apple juice I think. I can’t remember.” Dalton poured some out into a cup for Yeonjun and handed it over. Yeonjun brought the cup to his lips and took a small sip, it tasted like straight acid. 

“How much Svedka did you put in this?” He questioned as it burned down his throat. 

“I dunno like two handles?” Dalton spoke so naturally, as though anyone would understand what he was talking about. But Yeonjun silently nodded and brought the cup back to his lips because he didn’t know what a handle was. 

“Hey…” Dalton leaned in close to his ear and spoke in a regular voice that sounded like a whisper against the bass that vibrated Yeonjun’s ears. As the boy was speaking, Yeonjun could see Soobin’s dark eyes watching them from the other side of the room, completely expressionless. “You wanna hear something gross?” Dalton asked.

Yeonjun furrowed his eyebrows. “Uh...sure.”

Dalton smiled and leaned further into Yeonjun until his face was nearly pressed into Yeonjun’s shoulder. He was wobbly and giggly and his breath was warm against Yeonjun’s skin, sending tingles down the touch-starved spine. “There was one time I made this bomb fruit punch and I was drunk as fuck, right? So I’m drinking this fruit punch and it’s like three in the morning and there are these chunks in it. So I’m like, ‘I don’t remember putting real fruit pieces in this fruit punch’ and then I went to go look at the drink bowl and there’s this chick passed out next to it, right? She fuckin’ spit her guts all over the fruit punch and I drank that shit.”

Yeonjun made eye contact with Soobin across the room with a grimace painted on his face. He lowered the cup of Jungle Juice and sat it on the counter. “Maybe I don’t actually want this drink…” he said uncomfortably, causing Dalton to throw his head back in boisterous laughter. And God, Yeonjun was a little bit embarrassed at himself for being so easily affected by someone who wasn’t intending to be seductive or flirtatious in the slightest. 

Then Soobin appeared in his sight, grabbing Yeonjun’s arm and gently pulling him a few steps away from Dalton. “I think you and I are leaving soon,” he said loud enough for the white boy to hear, “Taehyun got off work so we don’t have to Uber back to the dorm. Beom is drunk and I think he found a girlfriend for the night.” Yeonjun looked around the room to find Beomgyu, who was entwined with some girl in the corner of the room while she kissed him and he stumbled over his own feet. He was leaning over and his eyes were drooping like he could fall asleep at any second. 

“Uh, I don’t think we should leave him here.” Yeonjun said. He usually didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes but now he felt more confident to state his own opinion in front of this boy who he would be spending the rest of the school year with. It was a freeing feeling and Yeonjun had to wonder if this was simply normalcy for everyone else.

Soobin leaned in with a confused expression, his face coming close enough to paint a blush on Yeonjun’s. This close, he could see Soobin’s perfectly pouted lips when he spoke. “Why?” The boy questioned. Yeonjun shook himself out of whatever buzz induced horniness he was in and thought of how to respond. When he was about to speak, he grimaced. Yeonjun didn’t want to keep yelling over the music so he pulled Soobin out into the apartment hallway. The music was still leaking out through the closed door and he could feel the ground vibrating from the bass. He was really surprised no neighbors had complained yet considering this apartment was off-campus and probably extremely annoying to the adults who lived here.

Once they got out, Yeonjun sighed and they settled into a more comfortable distance. Soobin’s eyes were trained down on him as though he was extremely interested to hear what Yeonjun had to say and it made Yeonjun look at the floor as he spoke. “I don’t think we should leave him there. I mean, he looks pretty out of it. It’s kinda messed up for her to kiss him or try to have sex with him.” Yeonjun explained. “Shouldn’t we just take him back with us?”

Soobin hesitated. “You know what?” Yeonjun felt his nerves peaking back up, wondering if he had said the wrong thing. “You’re a real one.” Soobin smiled. “I’m so glad you’re our roommate.” Yeonjun smiled too, looking back up into Soobin’s eyes. When the boy patted him on the shoulder, Yeonjun wanted to lean into his warm hand. “We vibe so well, you’re just like one of us already.”

Yeonjun felt his cheeks getting hot. “I - you know…” ‘I never really had friends’ he wanted to say, but held his tongue. “I’m so happy you guys are my roommates, too.” He looked down at the ground again, unable to hold eye contact with Soobin anymore, like the taller boy was so good at. His chest was on fire from the happiness that the boy’s simple words had brought him. He never imagined it could have been so easy to make friends. Maybe Yeonjun wasn’t the problem, maybe it was just everyone else before. 

“Before we go get Beom, let me tell you something.” Soobin’s attitude suddenly switched, just like before. “Don’t let Dalton give you drinks, dude.”

“Uh…” that caught Yeonjun off guard. “Why not?”

Soobin sharpened his eyes when Yeonjun tilted his face up again, making him feel as though he was being lectured. “Watch how a guy approaches you. When they’re trying to intimidate you and get in your pants, they’ll back you into a corner, physically. So you can’t really back up if they get too close and you can’t get away without pushing right by them, which shy people won’t do. Trust me, I’ve been to a lot of parties and I’ve seen him do it before.”

Yeonjun was really confused. He didn’t get any creepy vibes from Dalton and definitely not like he was being hit on. 

“I’m just saying,” Soobin continued, “that’s why I had to literally pull you out of the corner in the-”

“Wait,” Yeonjun took a step back from the other boy, who took a step forward. “Is he gay?” Yeonjun asked.

“Yeah and you’re cute so I’m just trying to help you out, here.”

“ Oh. ” Yeonjun was embarrassed at how surprised he sounded. Not that Dalton was gay, but that anyone would call him cute. 

“Anyways, let’s go get Beom. Tae is probably already waiting for us in the parking lot. He’ll be pissed if he has to wait.” 

~~

“We shoulda gotten the cover, I told you!” Beomgyu whined. 

“No no it’ll be fine. It’ll stay this time.” Yeonjun responded. They had decided to save money by buying a yard of black cloth to cover the ugly couch instead of a real couch cover. Who would’ve thought that a couch cover would be fifty dollars? Way out of budget. So Beomgyu and Yeonjun decided to cut their yard of cloth into pieces and then duct tape the pieces onto the individual couch cushions.

So far, the tape had popped off the cushions every time Beomgyu sat down, revealing the ugly green color underneath. They must have cut the pieces too small, but they only had a yard to work with so they had to use the fabric that had already been cut. “Just sit down one more time, it’ll work.” Yeonjun said. Beomgyu plopped down and the fabric pulled away once again, causing the blond boy to moan in frustration. He slid down onto the floor in front of the couch. “Can’t we just staple it or something?”

“uh...I think the school would charge us for damages.”

“But maybe they won’t notice if it’s just tiny staple holes on the back…”

Yeonjun sat down on the floor next to his roommate and leaned back on the foot of the couch. “We’re just gonna have to be gentle with it and keep tucking it back under the cushions if the tape doesn’t stick.” Beomgyu didn’t respond for a few moments and Yeonjun felt too awkward to try and move the conversation forward. He missed how easily conversation came to him when he had been drinking with them at the party. He was able to make friends with so many people he had never even met before just because he had a few shots and his mind decided to unfilter itself and stop stressing over every single word. 

He got, like, ten people’s snapchats in just one night. He actually felt like people liked him and wanted to be around him. The validation felt addicting.

But now, when he only had himself to rely on, Yeonjun just felt uncomfortable. It had been too long in silence for him to continue the last string of conversation and he didn’t have anything interesting to talk about in order to start a new one. He wondered if the silence was awkward for Beomgyu, too, but when he looked at the boy, he didn’t seem uncomfortable. He was simply pouting down at the pieces of fabric in front of them. Eventually, Beomygu’s phone beeped and he grabbed it, looked at the notification, and sighed. 

“Listen to this bullshit,” he started, “you remember Elizabeth?”

Yeonjun nodded even though he really had no idea who that was. 

“Well! Every time we’re at the same party and we both get drunk she’s always all up on me and kissing but when we both go home and we’re sober and I try to talk to her about it she says she doesn’t wanna ruin our friendship.”

“Ah.” 

“And even worse than that,” Beomgyu’s pout deepened, “we went out to the woods for a while that night at the party you came to, and she smoked all my fucking weed.”

Yeonjun hesitated for a few seconds and then asked, “isn’t your friendship kind of ruined already if you’re kissing and stuff?”

“That’s what I’m saying!” His roommate exclaimed, “it’s already weird between us...we basically don’t talk unless we’re drinking and then it’s - well you know...then we’re already making out.”

Beomgyu’s voice became quieter as his sentence came to an end. Yeonjun wished he knew how to give advice, but he had never been in Beomgyu’s shoes before so he couldn’t think of any wisdom. He also had never had to give advice to a friend before so he couldn’t think of any empty sympathies, either. Instead, he quietly asked, “is she the one who just texted you?”

“Actually, it was her roommate, Alisia. She asked if she and Elizabeth could come over to hang out, what should I say?” Yeonjun’s brain fried in that moment. He wasn’t expecting to have to make any decisions so his mind fired off in different directions of what would be the most socially acceptable answer. His social battery had been depleting from all the time he spent with Beomgyu today, causing him to load and lag before coming up with a response.

“...Yes?”

Beomgyu smirked as though he hadn’t even noticed how long it took for Yeonjun to respond. “You just wanna see the fallout, don’t you? Don’t come looking for drama in this household ‘cause I won’t say anything to her face, I’m not gonna bring it up at all! I’m just gonna pretend like nothing ever happened between us.”

Yeonjun let out a small huff of laughter while Beomgyu texted Alisia to come over but then frowned. “Wait,” Yeonjun spoke, “doesn’t Taehyun get off work soon? Should we tell him that people will be here?”

Beomgyu made an unimpressed noise while still looking at his phone, “he doesn’t care. He would only be mad if we’re, like, fucking someone in here and he had to hear it.” His roommate looked over after a few seconds of silence from Yeonjun only to see him avoiding eye-contact and pretending to play with the string on his hoodie. “Are you a virgin?” Yeonjun’s eyes darted up to the other boy. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but I’m curious. I’m a virgin so I won’t judge.” Beomgyu explained. 

“Well yeah, I am. I never - uh, nevermind…” Yeonjun stuttered. 

“Wait, wait, you never what?”

“Nothing!” Yeonjun whined, causing Beomgyu to break into giggles.

“You never what! You can tell me, seriously. I told you I’m a virgin!” He exclaimed loudly, and then immediately quietened when the door opened, revealing the two girls, barely holding back laughter. 

Yeonjun couldn’t hold his own laughter when Beomgyu dramatically flopped back down onto the ground, holding his hands over his eyes in embarrassment. 

He never got to tell Beomgyu that he had never even had his first kiss.

~~

His first week of class was better than expected. It was such a far-cry from highschool, where the classrooms were loud, rude, and cliquey. The university had so many students that nobody really knew each other in their classes. Therefore, Yeonjun didn’t feel too out of place. Everyone was quiet, respectful, and ready to learn. University really was a brand new beginning. He was almost sad that he was set to graduate in only three years. Yeonjun had taken college courses in high school in order to get out of the education system as fast as possible but he was already beginning to regret that decision and it had only been a week. 

But he still had years of classes until then. A lot of time to fuck around and not focus. He was itching for the weekend to come back around so he could go out with his roommates again. They didn’t talk much during the week since all of their classes were at different times and Taehyun was always working but Yeonjun really hoped Soobin and Beomgyu would invite him out to party again. It felt like the only way for him to meaningfully bond with them and become their friend. When Yeonjun drank, he felt lighter. His words came out easier and he didn’t second guess himself so much. He really loved-

A loud ringing buzzed from his pocket, interrupting his musings. He smiled when he realized it was his dad calling. 

“Hey!” He answered brightly. When his dad had left him in the parking lot with words of hope that Yeonjun would make friends, Yeonjun had been worried that he would disappoint the man. But now he was excited that he could prove those words true. 

“Yeonjun, how was class?” 

“It was good, we don’t have much work right now since it’s the beginning of the semester but so far my professors seem okay!” Yeonjun smiled. 

His dad let out a sigh of relief from the other side. “That’s good! Where are you right now? It sounds like you’re in a wind tunnel.”

Yeonjun laughed. “I’m walking back to the dorm right now. I just got out of class.” Even though he couldn’t hear or feel any wind, Yeonjun covered the microphone with his hand and hoped to block out some of the air.

“That’s better,” his dad said, “are you planning on coming home this weekend?” His voice raised at the end with a hopeful lilt. 

Yeonjun bit his lip, he honestly wanted to go party with his roommates. He felt somewhat guilty, but wasn’t this what college was for? And didn’t his dad want him to make friends? It had only been one week, there would be time to visit home later. “No...I’m getting along really well with my roommates and we might do stuff this weekend so I want to be here, you know?” He explained, trying to keep the smile on his face.

“Oh? What kind of stuff?”

“We might go out - I mean, go out, like, out to bowling or something, you know? The theatre, too, maybe.”

His dad reluctantly agreed, but told Yeonjun he had to visit at some point . “Don’t forget me now that you’re away at college, boy!” He jokingly said before they got off the phone. Yeonjun felt a little guilty for lying about going bowling but he wasn’t sure how his dad would feel about drinking and partying. He had never been the type of kid to go do those things in high school so they had never talked about it. Anyway, it was just one lie. It wouldn’t hurt anyone.

When he got back to the dorm, there were several people in the living room. Cans of Mike’s Hard Lemonade were piled on the kitchen counter next to little red and blue jello shots. On the kitchen table stood, in all its glory, a gigantic bottle of Smirnoff, still filled to the brim. 

“Hey Yeon!” Beomgyu called out from their little cloth-covered couch. Yeonjun made his way over to him and Soobin, glancing at the other people in their dorm. He recognized Dalton and the two girls from a few days ago, Alisia and Elizabeth, but nobody else. Beomgyu introduced him to the other three people in the room but Yeonjun was sure he wouldn’t remember their names, he was really awful with that. “So, here’s the plan,” Beomgyu explained, “there’s a party at Delta Phi Omega tonight to celebrate the first week of classes being over! It’s a frat party so it’s gonna be big, way bigger than the little house party we went to last weekend, you know?”

Yeonjun nodded. 

“So we’re all pregaming here and then we’ll head over there at nine.” Beomgyu smiled and clapped his hands together. 

“Isn’t it only uh,” Yeonjun looked at his phone, “six P.M. right now?” Were they really trying to drink for, like, ten hours straight?

Beomgyu and Soobin laughed. “You’ll be fine,” Soobin reassured, “you know your limits, right?” Yeonjun nodded with no idea what his limits were and avoided Soobin’s eyes when the boy looked at him for a little bit too long. Luckily, any awkwardness that could have arisen from that was covered by the other people in the room, who spoke and laughed openly with each other. But Yeonjun could still feel Soobin’s eyes on him and eventually the boy spoke lowly towards him while the rest continued their own conversation. “By the way, Yeonjun, what do you usually use as a mixer?”

Yeonjun hummed as though he was in thought. Of course he had no idea but he wouldn’t say that. “Well what do you use?” 

Soobin leaned forward and Yeonjun gulped. “Eh, usually fruit juice. Anything that covers up the alcohol taste instead of enhancing it like those fuckin’ disgusting chocolate mixers.”

Beomgyu laughed and thankfully entered their conversation. “You’re only saying that because the last time you had chocolate flavored Kahlua you got so drunk you threw it up for like two hours straight.”

Soobin closed his eyes, “don’t remind me.” He breathed. “I get nauseous just thinking about it.” 

Yeonjun watched them with a smile, he really hoped that one day he could sit with them and talk fondly of past drunken shenanigans.

Soobin turned back to Yeonjun, making his smile drop. “Anyway, I have to go pick up mixer from the xpress mart downstairs, so will you come with me? It’ll look suspicious if I buy three bottles of lemonade and pomegranate juice on my own.” Yeonjun felt his heart warm up at that. Even though Soobin made him incredibly nervous, Yeonjun loved being invited anywhere so he smiled again. After all, it was Yeonjun’s problem that he couldn’t handle people getting too close to him without burning up. They weren’t even doing anything. He needed to get a grip.

“Okay, sure.” He nodded at Soobin.

On their way down the stairs to the xpress mart, Yeonjun asked Soobin what chocolate mixers tasted like with alcohol. 

“Imagine taking a shot of Robitussin when you’re sick and then drinking a glass of milk afterwards. God, I’m gonna vomit.” Soobin’s expression cringed up and he shook his head at some awful memory. Yeonjun smiled and then laughed, warming up when Soobin laughed along with him. They entered the little store and headed straight to the refrigerated section. “Hey…” Soobin’s voice said thoughtfully. Yeonjun looked over to his roommate, who was picking out a flavor of lemonade. “Have you ever done acid?” 

He briefly considered lying and saying yes, but pretending to have done a hard drug was probably harder than just pretending to have drunk alcohol. Yeonjun really didn’t want to be caught in a lie so early. It would probably ruin his reputation. So he decided to be honest. “No, why? Have you?”

Soobin grabbed a pink lemonade bottle and handed it to Yeonjun. When their fingers brushed, it almost made Yeonjun flinch as though he had been electrocuted. The bottle of lemonade, coming straight from the refrigerator, was so cold. It perspired liquid ice down his palm. But even just the tips of Soobin’s fingertips against his was hotter than hell. The juxtaposition made Yeonjun nearly gasp, but he held it in. “That’s very interesting.” Soobin spoke as though he had felt nothing. Of course, why would he have? “I happen to have two tabs of it back in my room.” 

Yeonjun’s eyes widened. “If you get caught with that, you’ll be in big trouble.”

Soobin waved him away. “Don’t worry, I put it in my laundry basket. They won’t look there when they do their check-up shit.” Yeonjun was really reluctant to believe that but he didn’t want to argue with his roommate. “We probably shouldn’t talk about it here in public but I’ve done it once before and I barely even felt anything. I probably got some weak-ass tabs but if you did wanna try, I got two left. Shouldn’t be too bad for a beginner.”

Yeonjun hummed, not saying anything in response. He felt really uncomfortable. He had barely even started drinking and he was already offered acid? Yeesh.

They went to the checkout with two bottles of lemonade and one pomegranate juice. Yeonjun noticed the girl working at the checkout was in one of his classes, but she didn’t seem to recognize him. 

“Have you smoked weed before?” Soobin asked on the way back upstairs. Yeonjun just shook his head in response. “God, I need to show you things. I wanna pop your weed cherry.”

Yeonjun stuttered and his heart nearly exploded, how could he even respond to that? “O-oh…Okay…” Soobin looked at him and the corner of his mouth lifted up into a smirk. Yeonjun couldn’t look at him and couldn’t tell what he was thinking but he hoped the silence wasn’t as awkward to Soobin as it was to him. God, Yeonjun needed to get better at the playful banter his roommates were always partaking in.

By the time they got back up to the dorm, everyone was already rowdy. The TV was playing some music video Yeonjun had never seen before, several jello shots were missing and the pantry had been broken into for snacks. Yeonjun was a little uncomfortable, he didn’t know where to go or who to talk to since they all knew each other so well and he was still new. He didn’t like how loud they were being because they had neighbors and the walls were thin. The last thing they needed was for an RA to show up and write them up to campus police for having alcohol. 

Dalton eventually made his way over to Yeonjun with a can of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. He wasn’t as drunk as he was the first time they met but Yeonjun still tried to stay distant from him as Soobin had suggested. He was concerned about Dalton, but...Soobin knew him better, right? So Soobin would know if there was something to be concerned about. 

“Have you tried the strawberry flavor?” Dalton asked, offering the can towards him. Yeonjun could feel Soobin’s eyes on him from somewhere else in the room and his anxiety started to peak. Soobin had told him not to drink anything Dalton gave him. If Yeonjun took this drink, wouldn’t it make Soobin angry?

“Yeah, I don’t really like it.” Yeonjun shook his head and nervously bit his lip.

“Oh I mixed some of the regular lemonade with it so you should try, I bet you would like it!” Dalton pushed the can towards Yeonjun again and Yeonjun took it this time. He didn’t want Soobin angry at him but he also didn’t want to be rude. He uncomfortably looked down at the can, hoping it wasn’t drugged or anything. Before he could take a drink, Soobin came over and took it out of his hand. “Dalton, what did I tell you about forcing people to drink your weird fucking concoctions?” He asked, pouring it down the kitchen sink. Even though his words sounded harsh to Yeonjun’s ears, Soobin’s voice was light enough that Dalton only sighed in response.

“You didn’t have to waste a good drink, man.” The boy said. 

“It was probably disgusting anyway.” Soobin said, his voice low. Yeonjun thought he was going to melt into the ground due to the awkwardness he felt in the air; he couldn’t even look at them. But Dalton quickly walked away and Soobin turned towards Yeonjun with a much brighter demeanor. “Baby, let’s get a real drink for you.”