Archive of Our Own

I. 

Yoongi didn’t know when it started. 

He didn’t know how or why or for how long. He didn’t know why him of all 7 billion people in the world. It could have been anyone else. In fact, he preferred it being someone else. 

But it was him, his best friend. He was in love with Seokjin. 

And he didn’t have any answers to the questions he had. All he knew was that it happened before he realized it was happening. 

His heart had chosen Seokjin. His foolish, stupid heart. 

One of the things he knew for sure was that it wasn’t gradual. It never is with Seokjin. Kind of like how he entered Yoongi’s life. One second they were strangers then the next they weren’t. 

One second Yoongi isn’t in love with Seokjin then the next he is. 

It feels like, what Yoongi would imagine, being stuck in the middle of a tornado. You’re standing in your room surrounded by things that you know. It’s safe and it’s comfortable. Then suddenly a tornado comes swooshing in and everything you knew was thrown into the storm. 

You’re still in that same room but everything suddenly feels so unfamiliar and familiar all at the same time. Nothing made sense. All you know is that you would allow yourself to be swallowed by the tornado that is Seokjin all over again. And that’s why Yoongi thinks Seokjin could be the scariest tornado he’s ever seen. And he hasn’t seen plenty of tornados in his life. 

It’s scary. It doesn’t feel as safe, it isn’t as comfortable. But it felt more like home than it did before. 

Seokjin is just the kind of person that you meet and your entire world is flipped on its head. Falling in love with him would be no different.

It was August when Yoongi first met Seokjin. 

It was the first week of Yoongi’s second semester as a freshman at university. And so far, the semester hasn’t been going according to plan. Yoongi slept through his alarm, which made him miss half of his first class. He walked in quietly, hood up, eyes down trying not to draw any attention, but the professor called him out anyway. 

“First impressions always matter,” the professor said to Yoongi as he took his seat. “Let’s not be late anymore, Yoongi-ssi.” 

And if that didn’t already put him in a bad mood, he already had three papers due the following week and a shit ton of reading assignments. So instead of going straight to his dorm to sleep, he decides it would be best to stay in the library for a couple of hours to get a head start. But by the time he’s done studying, it’s raining so hard he can hardly make out the street lights around campus. 

Great .

He stares blankly at the rain. He can always run to the dorm, but he risks ruining all his expensive school books and he would rather not have to pay for new ones again. But it’s not like he has any other choice, does he? The library was closed already seeing as it was midnight. The librarian left as soon as she could carrying an umbrella. 

With a deep sigh, he takes a step outside the library into the rain, ready to run for it. 

“ Yah!” 

He jumps back, surprised. There was a man barrelling towards him. “Yah,” He says again as he approaches Yoongi, standing a few feet away from him, “Are you stupid? Were you really going to walk out in the rain just now?” 

But Yoongi stares dumbly at him because standing before him was probably one of the most beautiful people he’s ever seen. Tall, broad shoulders, dark black hair, and the prettiest face he’s ever seen. He swears he’s seen men like him in magazines or dramas or anywhere else really… except for near him. 

“Are you okay?” The man asks him, head tilting to the side a bit.

Yoongi snaps out of his daze, flushing with embarrassment. “Huh?” Yoongi says quietly, trying to look elsewhere but him. “What did you say?” 

“I asked if you were stupid enough to just walk out in the rain and with all your school stuff too. The rain’s really strong.” He says smiling softly at Yoongi.

“Yeah.” Yoongi replies quietly, slightly embarrassed and flustered, nodding his head. “I was actually.” 

“So where were you heading?” He asked as he picked something out of his bag. An umbrella. “Let me walk you there so you don’t get sick.” 

“I was just heading to the dorms, but it’s fine, really—” 

“Perfect!” He says grinning at Yoongi as he opens the umbrella, “That’s where I’m staying too. We can go together.”

Before Yoongi can protest with more excuses, the man puts his arm around his shoulders, squeezes him closer as they stand under his umbrella and start making their way to the dorms. 

During the entire walk, the man was talking about how insane he thought Yoongi was for even considering walking under the rain. He could have ruined all his books or, worse, he could have gotten sick. “The first few weeks are crucial. It’ll be almost impossible for you to catch up if you miss out on class because you’re sick.”

It took everything in Yoongi not to look up at him and just stare. So to save himself from more embarrassment today, he decides it’s best to just stare at the ground. 

“I didn’t have an umbrella.” He mutters, “It seemed like the only choice.” 

“Don’t have you have any friends to call to come pick you up? Maybe make sure you don’t get sick?” He then asks. 

“My roommate.” Yoongi answers, “But he’s asleep and once he’s knocked out there is no waking him up. He can probably sleep through an earthquake.” 

“Then call me.” Yoongi looks up at the stranger. The stranger who basically just forced him to walk with him under his umbrella so he doesn’t get sick. The stranger who Yoongi believes could be a god with how beautiful he looks. 

The stranger was grinning at Yoongi, “I’ll be your umbrella.” 

“I don’t even know your name.” is what Yoongi replies. 

They finally make it to the dorm building. They walk in the building and start shaking off the water droplets that fell on them. Yoongi gets his backpack off his back and frowns at the wet bag. Granted, the umbrella wasn’t big enough for the both of them. Yoongi immediately opens the bag and grabs his books out. Some of them are okay, but the bigger ones are soaked. He frowns. 

A hand is suddenly in front of him, reaching out for a shake. “I’m Seokjin.” 

Yoongi looks up, his hand reaching for his. Despite the bitter cold outside from the rain, his hand is warm. He has a feeling that it’s always warm like this. 

“Yoongi.” He says quietly. “Min Yoongi.” 

“Min Yoongi.” Seokjin says, testing the name on his tongue. And, for some reason unknown to Yoongi, Seokjin’s smile grows bigger like he likes the fact that that is his name. “I’ll see you around, Min Yoongi.” 

He watches Seokjin as he makes it up to his dorm. The warmth from his hand still lingering on his palm. He looks at it then back at the now empty stairwell where Seokjin was just seconds ago. 

“See you around.” He whispers to no one before grabbing his books and walking to his dorm. 

His books are practically falling apart with how soaked it was, but he suddenly didn’t seem to mind. 

That was the day it began. It was weird to Yoongi at first. Seokjin was so unexpected that he had trouble making sense of it all. Seokjin was just a person who shared his umbrella then suddenly they’re hanging out at each other’s dorms, studying together in the library, and picking each other up from their classes. But now that Seokjin is a prominent figure in his life, he wonders how he lived without him before. How quiet, dull, and lonely he was without Seokjin in the picture. 

Yoongi has always been that — quiet, dull, and lonely. He had friends. He is sociable when he needs to be, but he always prefers just staying in his room with his guitar, his computer, and his books. He always looked after himself, never needed anyone to take care of him. Seokjin was the only one who has ever truly knocked down those walls that Yoongi has built around himself. He seemed to see right through every lie Yoongi let slip, seemed to know everything he was thinking just by looking at him. He doesn’t know how Seokjin did it, but he did. 

Seokjin cared for him more than anyone else in his life. It was December when he realized this. Yoongi was in his second year and Seokjin at his third. 

Yoongi was sick. He was stuck in the dorms because of it. He hasn’t attended classes all week, which concerned him the most. He was missing out on a lot and it terrifies him, especially knowing that finals were around the corner. But Seokjin made sure to take notes for him, so he wouldn’t have to worry. Seokjin even went so far as to ask Yoongi’s roommate, Namjoon, to take notes for him in the classes that they don’t share. 

Yoongi never needed anyone to take care of him, but he also was never really good at taking care of himself. Usually when he’s sick, his parents would give him medicine and he’d just drink it, but he would still do this as he normally would. 

Seokjin wasn’t having any of that. 

“You are to rest.” Seokjin scolds lightly as he prepares Yoongi’s food, “It blows my mind how you were literally going to go to class at this state. You look like you’re about to pass out.” 

He felt like he was going to pass out, but he wasn’t going to admit that to Seokjin. 

“I’m fine, really.” He says standing from the bed, but he catches Seokjin’s deathly gaze and sits right back with a sigh. “I need to go to class.”

“Yoongi.” Seokjin says exasperated, “You’re sick .” 

“So?” He grumbles, arms crossed, face all scrunched up like a five year old. 

He doesn’t see, but Seokjin rolls his eyes and walks over to Yoongi with a bowl of ramen, but not just any ramen. Ramen with milk. “Shut your face and eat this.” 

“Ramen?” He asks dumbly as he gets the bowl from Seokjin. 

Seokjin nods, “With milk.” 

“How do you know I like my ramen with milk?” Yoongi’s eyes are wide. He’s sure he has never specifically told him this. Or maybe he did. He doesn’t remember. 

“You told me.” Seokjin says as he sits on the opposite end of Yoongi’s bed with his own bowl of ramen, also with milk. “It was after midterms last year and you, Namjoon, and Hoseok were drunk. You showed up at my dorm alone — to be honest, I don’t know how you made it seeing how drunk you were — and you asked me to make you ramen with milk. Told me it was your favorite because that’s what you made yourself when you were younger and ran out of cheese, but that it was a secret because your friends laughed at you for it.”

He doesn’t remember saying all of that, which isn’t shocking seeing as he was drunk when he mentioned it. But he’s surprised Seokjin remembers it. 

It’s one of the things he noticed about Seokjin after a year of friendship. He tends to remember the details, the small miniscule things you expect no one to remember. Like that time he casually mentioned he preferred cupcakes over cakes when Hoseok offered him a bite of his cake. Yoongi didn’t think much of it when he said it. But months later, on his birthday, Seokjin gave him a box of cupcakes. 

“I didn’t know what flavor you preferred, so I kind of got everything.” Seokjin grins at him, “Happy birthday, Yoongi-ah.” 

Seokjin also remembered that Yoongi prefers sleeping with hoodies on because it’s comfortable and, somehow, makes him sleep better. So when Yoongi was locked out of his dorm because Namjoon had a guest . He threw Yoongi one of his spare hoodies for him to wear. “Sleep well, Yoongi-ah.” He said quietly before he fell asleep. 

Yoongi sits on his bed, looking at Seokjin, getting slightly dizzy — whether from his sickness or the thought of Seokjin remembering the little thing, he doesn’t know yet. Yoongi’s head tilts to the side as he continues to silently observe Seokjin.

“Stop staring at me and eat. You’ll need to drink your medicine after.” Seokjin says quietly slurping some of his ramen.

Yoongi looks down at his bowl of ramen with milk. Something in his chest feels warm, the same warmth he felt when he first held Seokjin’s hand. He doesn’t think of it too much, quickly writes it off as a part of his fever. Curiosity still gets the best of him though. 

“Hyung… how do you do it?” He asks Seokjin, his voice soft. 

Seokjin looks up with a noodle hanging from his mouth, “Hmm?” 

“How do you remember?” He continues softly, pondering on his own, “How do you remember the little things? You seem to always remember. You remembered I like cupcakes and you also gave me your hoodie to sleep in when Namjoon locked me out because you know I like to sleep in hoodies.” 

Seokjin’s eyes lit up in recognition. “Oh,” He said, “I always make it a point to remember the little things.” 

“Why?” He asks curiously.

“Because they’re the ones that people tend to forget.” Seokjin answers simply, “Someone once told me that it’s the little things that take up most of your heart, so I make sure I never forget.” 

“So you remember every little thing that someone tells you? Even strangers?” 

Seokjin rolls his eyes for the fifth time that day. “ No , stupid.” He said, shaking his head, “Only for the people I care about.” 

The warmth in his chest grows by tenfold. And it’s so overwhelming Yoongi has to put his ramen down. The fact that Seokjin chooses to remember little things about Yoongi is because he cares about him. He doesn’t think someone has cared about him like this, cared enough to remember all these little things, to make sure they remember the little things. 

Yoongi thinks that might have been when it started — the falling in love with Seokjin — because the warmth in his chest hasn’t left since. 

The thing is though Yoongi might not have been too sure of when it started, or why or how, but he knows for sure when he figured it out. He even has every detail memorized because he doesn’t want to forget. It might have been the best worst day of his life. 

It was December when Yoongi realized he was in love with Seokjin. There wasn’t a cloud in sight that day despite the cold December winds. The sky was a beautiful light blue that Yoongi couldn’t decide whether he hated or not, but he was in a really good mood that day so he decided that he might as well just enjoy it. 

He passed all the finals he has had so far. He has spent most of his day at the library with Seokjin, Jimin, and Taehyung. Jimin and Taehyung were Yoongi and Namjoon’s new dorm neighbors, freshmen both taking liberal arts. At first it was Namjoon who befriended them, but somehow they found a way to soften Yoongi’s sometimes very cold heart. 

For the past three hours, Seokjin has been buried deep into his history book, trying to memorize the world wars. During the first hour, Seokjin did nothing but complain on why he had to study why the fuck these countries couldn’t just get along, but something seemed to have caught his interest since then and hasn’t stopped reading the book. 

Taehyung and Jimin have done nothing but pretend to study. Instead, they’re giggling like a bunch of school children while doodling on their notes. This would usually irritate Yoongi, but he’s got a soft spot for them and, besides, he is in a really good mood today. 

In such a good mood that he did not realize he was smiling at his psychology notes on the table. “Hyung,” Taehyung whispers from across the table, “Why are you smiling?”

“Hmm?” Yoongi looks up. 

“You’re smiling at your psychology book.” Jimin says with a teasing smile, “I don’t know much about psychology, but I know that it really isn’t that funny.”

This is what catches Seokjin’s attention. He looks up at Yoongi. Not saying anything, just observing. “For your information,” He says to Jimin and Taehyung, trying his best to stop the flush on his neck and cheeks mentally. “Psychology is plenty funny.” 

“I don’t think so.” Taehyung says smugly, “What’s gotten you so smiley today, hyung?” 

“Nothing.” Yoongi answers, hoping it would end the conversation. 

“You’re happy.” Seokjin says, quietly. 

He looks at Seokjin and sees him smiling so big as if seeing Yoongi happy just made him really happy. The warmth in his chest returns. “I am.” He answers, not being able to deny Seokjin, even if Taehyung and Jimin were watching. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy before.” Seokjin says thoughtfully. 

Jimin is quick to agree, “Yeah, hyung, not even drunk.” 

Yoongi shrugs, “I don’t know. I’m just… I’m just happy today.” 

“I like it.” Seokjin says suddenly after a period of silence, “I like seeing you happy.” 

It didn’t seem possible, but the warmth in his chest grows stronger than it has ever been. The only thing running through his mind is: Seokjin cares. He wants to see me happy. He looks after me when I’m sick. Remember the little things about me because he cares and that I know he cares. 

Seokjin’s handsome. Too handsome that sometimes he feels like it hurts Yoongi’s eyes, like he always tells him. Somehow that’s all the others seem to notice about him. He is kind, the kindest he’s ever met. Always first to break awkward silences by doing something stupid, so everyone will just laugh. He’s so unbelievably charming that he’s sure he can trick any professor into raising his grade, which he knows he’s done, but won’t ever admit. 

And he thinks he’s funny, which he is sometimes, but other times his jokes fall flat. But for some reason, that’s even more endearing to Yoongi. Seokjin’s laugh is probably one of his favorite things in the world too. He purposely does or says things that he knows will make Seokjin laugh just to hear it. 

Because, like Seokjin, Yoongi likes seeing him happy. He only ever wants to see Seokjin that way. And that he was willing, more than anything, to do whatever to keep him happy. 

Then that’s when it hits him. He’s in love with Seokjin.

The sudden realization shot through this body and crawled through his veins. That was it. He was in love. 

He didn’t sleep a wink that night. Namjoon once told him that love was simple, that love whatever form, whoever for, was just that - love. It didn’t seem simple to Yoongi. Perhaps it could be simple, but when love is in the hands of human beings it becomes far from it because people are unpredictable. They’re fickle and not the best handlers of things that are fragile. 

People change, love changes. 

Namjoon was partly right though because it felt simple. He was in love with Seokjin. It has never felt more simpler than that, like everything falling right into place.  

But he knew that it was just an illusion. He might not be into romance novels, movies or a romantic, but he’s sure… so sure that falling in love with your best friend wasn’t a good idea.

Love changes everything. There is more at risk. The more your heart grows, the more you have to lose. And his friendship with Seokjin meant the entire world to him. He wasn’t going to ruin it by being in love with him. He wasn’t going to risk losing Seokjin, no matter how he felt about him. 

So he made a promise to himself that same night. He was going to love Seokjin quietly, and from afar.

He knew what he was risking when he made that promise, but he didn’t care because to him whether his heart shattered into a thousand pieces, he had Seokjin. And that was far more important than being loved in return. 

The thing about love, though, is that you can prepare for it, prepare for heartbreak. But it will never compare to the real thing. And Yoongi thinks he’s ready to face heartbreak when he meets it, say it’s okay, and life goes on as it always does.

It was August when Seokjin fell in love with someone else. And it hurt a lot more than he could care to admit. 

Seokjin was dating Jae Hyuk. They had literature together. One thing led to another and they started dating. He’s not sure about the details because Seokjin never mentioned it and he never dared to ask. 

He remembers the first time Seokjin told him. “I’m seeing someone,” He said while they were watching this drama Namjoon recommended. Yoongi stilled for a moment. The warmth in his chest that was always there for Seokjin suddenly turned into ache. A dull, ache in his chest that seemed impossible to ignore. 

But he had to. He made a promise. 

“Who?” He asked, eyes not leaving the TV. He tried to focus on the characters on screen, the words they were saying, but Seokjin’s words kept echoing over and over again. 

“Jae Hyuk. He’s-”

“The guy from your Literature class?” Yoongi asks because he had a feeling. He always was with Jae Hyuk whenever Yoongi would pick him up from his class. 

Seokjin nods his head. 

It was silent. Yoongi knows he should say something like “good for you” or “that’s good to hear” or “i’m happy for you” but instead he asks, “Are you happy, hyung?” 

This time he looks at Seokjin as he waits for his answer. He really tries his best to ignore the ache in his chest. The only thing that matters, that should matter, was Seokjin’s happiness. 

It takes him a while to respond. Yoongi doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until Seokjin looks right back at him. 

“I think...” He says quietly, “I think I could be.” 

Yoongi nods his head, understanding. “Okay. Let me know, alright?”

Seokjin grins, “I will.” 

And so Yoongi waits. He waits for Seokjin to tell him he’s happy, not because he’s a masochist, but because he really means it when he says he wants him to be happy. 

It didn’t matter if it was with him or with someone else. He can’t be selfish with Seokjin, even if he wishes or prayed it was with him. As long as Seokjin was happy, he would be too. 

It wasn’t til that day in August when Yoongi got the confirmation that Seokjin was happy. 

It was another day spent in the library, huddled over books, quiet whispers, and shared laughter. Yoongi and Seokjin were trying so hard not to make noise in the library as they talked about Namjoon’s drunk ass from the night before. 

Yoongi was laughing so hard he had to clutch his stomach as tears fell from his tears, while Seokjin doubled over, slapping the table silently, tears also falling from his face. 

They looked insane. They felt insane. But they were happy. 

Until Seokjin receives a call and he stops laughing. He takes a look at his phone and holds his phone to his chest as he excuses himself. Yoongi knew it was Jae Hyuk. The bitter feeling at the pit of his stomach was making itself known, so instead, Yoongi tries to focus on the empty word document on his laptop.

He tries and fails because the bitter feeling was too distracting. Instead he looks to the glass windows in search of him and finds him by the doors of the library, and he was laughing too. But it wasn’t the loud guffaw, table-hitting laugh, it was more toned down, more content yet happy. Yoongi knew at that exact moment that Seokjin was in love. 

When Seokjin came back in a few minutes later, the contented smile never left his face. He sat back down and re-opened his textbook, trying to make sense of the page ahead of him. 

“Hyung,” Yoongi says before he can stop himself, “you’re happy.”

Seokjin looks up at him, confused, until he finally understands what Yoongi was talking about. He smiles softly and nods his head, “I am, yes. I think… I love him. No, that’s wrong. I know I love him. I’m in love with him.”

His smile grows and Yoongi can’t help but smile back. 

“I’m happy for you.” Yoongi tells him. And he means it. He really is, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

But he made a promise. Love Seokjin quietly, and from afar, so we don’t lose him .

II.

It was April when Yoongi realizes Seokjin’s leaving. He’s said it time and again that he can’t lose him but Seokjin’s graduating and he’s scared. He’s moving on to the real world. He’s going to get a job, live with Jae Hyuk, and he will never hear from him again. 

Yoongi thinks he hasn’t been so terrified in his life. 

So Yoongi does what he does best - he sulks. In secret, of course. He can’t actually show Seokjin he’s sulking because he knows he’s being unreasonable. He’s just graduating. They can still see each other. They can still hangout. 

But if there is anything Yoongi understands about life is that it’s unpredictable. And he’s scared of that . What if he finds something out there more interesting than hanging out with Yoongi and never goes to see him again? 

Okay, so maybe he really is being unreasonable. He can’t help it. Seokjin has been Yoongi’s constant since that day when Seokjin shared his umbrella with him. 

He was always there. Throughout every slump, every breakdown, and every breakthrough. He was always cheering Yoongi on, always being there to be the shoulder he can lean on. The person who looks after him, takes care of him, and loves him. 

They created this little world in their university that’s just theirs. And he’s about to lose that. 

So he’s scared. 

Though he isn’t as subtle as he thinks he is because Seokjin knows Yoongi. He can see it in his eyes whenever he mentions the date of his graduation drawing closer and closer. 

So the night before his graduation, Seokjin sneaks off to Yoongi’s dorm. He doesn’t even knock, he just walks right in. Namjoon was passed out on his bed, while Yoongi was seated by his bed, book in hand. 

He wasn’t actually reading, just staring at the words, completely spaced out until someone grabs the book right off his hands.

He looks up and sees Seokjin standing over him. “Shall we go for a walk?” 

Yoongi doesn’t even answer. He gets up, grabs a hoodie before following Seokjin out the door. They walk around campus, just letting the silence speak for them. The university looks so different at two in the morning. It’s dark and quiet, and albeit, a little eerie, but there’s a certain kind of comfort in it that he can’t find during the day when it’s buzzing and bright and full of people.

“You’re sad.” Seokjin says after a long period of silence between them. 

Yoongi sighs. He’s not at all surprised Seokjin figured it out, but he doesn’t really feel like talking about it. He knows Seokjin does though, so he sighs.

“I am too.” Seokjin admits. 

It’s silent again as they allow each other more time to think, more to let the unspoken words sink in. 

“I have no idea what’s going on in that head of yours.” Seokjin breaks the silence, voice shaking a bit, “I’m scared. The real world has never seemed more real to me knowing that I’ll be graduating today, but what scares me the most is that you won’t be there beside me. To tell me if I’m being stupid or that I’m too loud or that I’m overthinking everything.”

Yoongi stops in his tracks. Seokjin senses this and stops too, turning to look at him. Fear flashes across his eyes and Yoongi hates it. 

“I don’t… You’re my best friend, Yoongi-ah.” Seokjin says quietly, tears pooling at the corner of his eyes, “And it scares me that I’ll have to face the real world without you there.”

Without really thinking, Yoongi steps forward, breaking the short distance between them and pulls him into a hug. Seokjin wraps his arm around him immediately, squeezing him so tight as if he was afraid that Yoongi would vanish. 

Yoongi has never been good with words. He wants to tell Seokjin that he won’t face it alone just because he isn’t going to be there with him physically, that he’ll always be there for him, and that he’s scared too. So so scared. But he knows nothing he says will ever convey what he’s really feeling so, he lets the hug speak for him and hopes Seokjin gets the message. 

He attended Seokjin’s graduation later that day with Namjoon, Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung. They’re with the other relatives of the students who were also watching the ceremony. 

Jimin and Taehyung play a game of who can spot Seokjin first, but Yoongi wins, quickly pointing him out. Seokjin looked like the complete opposite - confident, laughing, and just so happy. He was laughing with some of his friends as the others were called on stage. 

“You okay?” Namjoon after Seokjin receives his diploma. He swears he has never cheered so hard in his life. 

Yoongi nods his head, “Yeah. I’m good.” 

“Just one more year and you’ll join him in the real world.” Namjoon tells him with a pat on the back. 

Just one more year, he repeats in his head. Just one more year. Wait for me, Seokjinnie.

A year later and it was finally Yoongi’s turn to graduate. 

He was standing amongst other graduates, graduation cap in hand, and his toga loosely fixed on him. His parents were somewhere in the crowd, probably finding their way to their seats. 

He expected to feel a bit sad today, a little scared like how Seokjin was last year. Though the real world did seem daunting and mysterious to him, he wasn’t as scared as he thought he would be because he would finally be free — free to live his life and to go after his dreams. 

And if all his plans go to shit, that’s okay because he knew he had Seokjin. He knew he would always be there. Even if they haven’t spoken in six months, even if he stopped calling, stopped hanging out — he knew he would always be there. 

Because the night before Seokjin’s graduation, the hug they shared was a promise, a promise to be there despite it all. 

The ceremony dragged on for hours. Yoongi can be a very patient person when he wants to be, but he wasn’t having any of it today. All he wanted was to get his diploma, have lunch with his parents, and go find Seokjin. 

He wanted to tell Seokjin everything he’s missed out on in the past half year he hasn’t spoken to him. He wanted to tell Seokjin that he was finally there, that Seokjin didn’t need to be scared anymore, and that they didn’t need to worry about that ever again. 

He wanted to tell Seokjin that he missed him. 

Though he wasn’t there, there were traces of him everywhere. It could be something a professor said that he knows would make Seokjin laugh or how much this new kid Namjoon met named Jungkook reminded him so much of Seokjin, or even the library. Just being in the library without Seokjin felt so different, it felt so empty. He stops going there to study. Instead he camps out in Jungkook’s dorm or in his makeshift studio at his own dorm. 

Yoongi also thought his feeling for Seokjin would disappear while he was gone, but it never went away. It was always there. The pang in his chest, the ache, and the warmth… it was always there, lingering. 

“You should move on.” Hoseok told him once while Yoongi was being too sulky, “Him not being around should be to your advantage.” 

“I’m trying.” Yoongi grumbles as he watches Hoseok make himself at home in his dorm, making them food with whatever Yoongi has laying around. 

Hoseok looks at him from where he was standing and gives him a look. “Are you though?” 

“I don’t know.” Yoongi says quietly, thinking. Hoseok’s right… Is he even trying to move on? 

He should, he knows he should. But he also doesn’t think it’s that easy when it comes to love. Love clings on whether we want it to or not. Like Seokjin, it leaves traces everywhere, making it hard to forget and even harder to let go. 

“I never wanted to fall in love with him, you know.” 

It was the way Yoongi said it that made Hoseok look at him again, but this time something akin to empathy in his eyes. “I know.” Hoseok says quietly, “I know.”

Yoongi found his parents quickly after the ceremony. His mom congratulated him, kissing him in both cheeks as his father tells him all about the lunch they have prepared for him. “There is cake too.” His dad says and Yoongi just nods his head. He doesn’t really like cake, but they don’t remember that. They never do. “And I was thinking of going to your grandparents today too. I’m sure they would want to congratulate you.”

Yoongi tries his best not to sigh. He didn’t want to push back finding Seokjin for a couple of hours to visit his grandparents, though he probably should. He hasn’t seen them since Christmas. 

“Okay,” Yoongi says, politely, rubbing his mom’s back as she hugs him. 

“ Oh, ” His mom suddenly says, “Seokjin-ah, is that you?” 

Yoongi stills. He hears his dad and mom talk, but he can’t seem to make out what they’re saying. His heart is hammering in his chest. 

Did he hear his mom right?

He turns slowly and the hammering in his chest slows. And all he feels is warmth, spreading throughout his chest to his hands to his tummy... to his heart. 

His plans of searching for Seokjin later that day were no longer needed because there he stood. A bouquet of flowers in his hand and the biggest, brightest smile. “Yoongi-ah,” He says with a soft chuckle, “Congratulations. Welcome to the real world, stupid .”

His legs move before his mind is able to register what he is doing. He’s running the short distance between him and Seokjin, pulling him into a tight hug. Seokjin accepts it without second thought and squeezes Yoongi a little too tightly.

“You’re here.” Yoongi says, frantically, “You’re here.”

“You didn’t think I was going to miss this important day, did you? This day is proof that you aren’t as stupid as we all thought.” Seokjin teases him. Usually, Yoongi would slap his arm and call him stupid back, but right now it makes him cry. 

It makes him cry because he realizes that he’s probably never going to love anyone as he loves Seokjin.  

It should scare him, but when Seokjin is holding him, rubbing his back, and whispering things like “I’ve missed you”,  “I’m sorry I stopped calling”, and “I’m so proud of you”, he can’t really bring himself to care.

When he finally lets go, it was Yoongi’s mother’s turn to smother Seokjin. His parents have always been fond of him, especially after Seokjin spent Chuseok with them a couple of years ago. 

“Seokjin-ssi,” His father says smiling brightly. “You’re looking good.”

“Ah, I know.” Seokjin says smugly, which makes his mom laugh. Smacking him lightly on the arm. 

“You’ll join us, right? Oh, we’ve got so much food, you should join us. We’re also heading to Yoongi’s grandmother’s after lunch. She’ll love you. Let me just make a quick call to set a place for you at our table,” His mom says as she pulls out her phone. 

Seokjin then grins at him, chuckling. “I’d love to join you. I have a lot of catching up to do with Yoongi anyway.” 

Yoongi smiles brightly. Suddenly eating cake and going to his grandparents’ doesn't sound so bad. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this happy before. Maybe he has. He doesn’t remember it. But this… this he wants to remember because this was the place where he least expected to find it. 

He didn’t think he’d find happiness in Seokjin. 

He didn’t think Seokjin could make his way to his heart so easily either. Simple and trivial moments like coffee runs before class and cooking a ramen dinner together felt like the world to him. Every moment with Seokjin seemed to be filled with happiness, even if it stung every now and then. 

Yoongi never wanted it to end. 

If he could cement that part of his life — that they will be happy the way they were now and that nothing would change — he would. 

But the only thing that’s permanent in life is change. 

And the laws of physics state, what comes up must come down. Yoongi knew at one point it would change. He knew it was coming as much as he wished it didn’t. There was always this fear in him, a sadness laced along with it, that he might forget what it was like before it all changed. 

Somewhere in his heart though, there’s a quiet happiness and gratefulness in all of it. Still, he hopes he will always remember. 

And that it remembers him too. 

Yoongi remembers the day it all changed. It was August when Yoongi told Seokjin he was in love with him. 

It was raining. It had been raining non stop for several days now. 

It was four in the morning of Saturday and Yoongi has not slept since he got home from work the previous day. He spent the first few hours of his evening catching up on TV shows he missed throughout the week, but somehow he ended up on the floor, with his balcony doors open, watching and listening to the rain with the TV playing reruns from behind him.

He doesn’t know what brought him to watch the rain, he kind of just sat there and watched without thinking anything of it. In fact, he wasn’t thinking at all. He just sat there and watched how the light from the city reflected through the droplets of rain. Something about it was so relaxing, so peaceful.

So peaceful that he didn’t even hear Seokjin walking into his apartment, quietly calling out his name as he searched for him throughout the apartment. Seokjin finally found him in his room, seated on the floor, with the balcony doors wide open, watching the rain. 

Yoongi looks at Seokjin as he takes his seat next to him. Yoongi knew in an instant that Seokjin was upset. He can see it in his eyes and in the slight frown on his lips. 

It takes everything in Yoongi not to ask. He knew Seokjin would tell him when he’s ready. 

For the meantime, they sit in silence as the rain continues to pour. Yoongi closes his eyes and quietly wishes for the world to stop and that they can stay in this moment for a little while longer before they bear the weight of the world once more. 

It takes a while. Maybe an hour before Seokjin says something. It was so quiet that Yoongi nearly missed it. 

Nearly . 

“He broke up with me.” 

Yoongi looks at Seokjin, brows furrowed in concern. “What?” 

“Jae Hyuk…” he trails off quietly, staring off at the carpeted floor, “He ended it.” 

Yoongi should feel happy, relieved that Jae Hyuk is no longer in the picture. But he just can’t bring himself to. At one point, he did make Seokjin happy and that’s all Yoongi ever wanted for him, whether it meant him or not. 

“Why?” Yoongi asks trepidatiously.

Seokjin sighs as he looks forward, looking anywhere but at Yoongi. “There was someone else,” He answers and before Yoongi can stand up and hunt the man down, deck the fuck out of him, Seokjin says, “He didn’t cheat on me. It wasn’t that. He… I- I just wasn’t the one in his heart anymore.” 

“There’s this guy at his office that he’s been taking about for months. I didn’t think much of it at the beginning, but after a few months it started to bother me. The reverence in his voice every time he mentioned him… He was talking about him during dinner and this funny thing he said at work. I couldn’t let it eat away at me anymore so I asked him about it and he kept denying it at first. Said he loved me, that I was the only one... but I knew he was in love with that other guy.” Seokjin trailed off quietly, “Believe me, I would know because it used to me.”

“I should’ve seen it coming, I suppose, but I guess I thought I had a firmer grip in his heart. I think he finally realized it at the end. He was in love with someone else. He apologized, ended things with me, and left.” 

“Just like that?” Yoongi asked.

“Just like that.” Seokjin repeats sadly, “Isn’t it scary how someone can mean something to you then the next… Or maybe I just wasn’t enough for him.”

“No.” Yoongi says firmly, catching Seokjin’s eyes. “Don’t say that.” 

“I’m just saying-”

“No.” Yoongi says again, shaking his head. “Hyung, no. You don’t get it. You are more than enough. He was just stupid not to realize it. And I’m not just saying this as your best friend, I’m saying it because it’s true. You remember the little things. The things people tend to forget because that’s how you show them you care. You always make sure everyone around you is okay and accounted for before yourself. You go out of your way to take care of the people you love. You’re so selfless in the way you love and the fact that he chose to love someone else when he had you makes me so angry. You were never just enough because you’re...  everything , hyung, you’re everything…” 

“Yoongi…” 

“No, believe me , hyung.” Yoongi says as the frustration seeps through his veins. He doesn’t know why he’s mad. Maybe he’s mad at Jae Hyuk for leaving Seokjin. I mean, how could he? Seokjin’s the best person he knows. Maybe he’s mad that Seokjin isn’t even angry in the slightest. Maybe he’s mad because if he were the one Seokjin was in love with, he wouldn’t, not even for a second, let Seokjin go… wouldn’t ever let Seokjin believe wasn’t enough. 

Because he’s more than enough. He is everything. To Yoongi, at least. Seokjin has to know this so his next words were something he never expected to admit. 

“I would know because…” Yoongi trails off, chest heaving, “I would know because I’ve loved you for years. I’ve been in love with you all this time and not a second went by when I didn’t think that. Hyung, you’re just so— Just when I think I couldn’t love you any more than I already do you do something and my heart it…” He claws at his chest, right where he knows where his heart is, “it just grows and grows and I don't think it has stopped, not even for a second to catch its breath… Hyung, you have to. Please . Don’t believe that voice in your head telling you you’re not enough. I can’t stand it.”

“Okay, Yoongi, okay.” Seokjin whispers, reaching out to Yoongi. He can see Seokjin hesitating in his touch and Yoongi can’t bear to see it so he hugs his knees closer, resting his head on it. The gravity of his confession suddenly weighing down on him. He’s aware that he has broken his promise to himself. He was only supposed to love him from afar. He was never meant to say anything, but right now… right now, he didn’t care. He wasn’t going to let Seokjin go down that hole of doubting himself, he didn’t want him to think even for a fraction of a second that he wasn’t enough. 

He just couldn’t dare look at Seokjin right now. Because he said it, he finally said it. Even if he promised himself he wouldn’t, he finally said it. I love you. 

And Seokjin is horrifically silent.

It’s weird, Yoongi thinks. He’s always thought of what would happen if he told Seokjin. He’s always thought the world would suddenly erupt in chaos. It would be loud. Sounds of crashing, loud explosions, and glass shattering everywhere. 

Now that he’s said it, he feels this weird sense of calm. The world isn’t in chaos. It’s silent, almost too silent. 

“I love you,” Yoongi repeats. I mean, he’s already said it, so why the hell not? “I think I’ve been in love with you since freshman year. You’re just so… you’re just so you , hyung. You came barreling into my life and made your way into my heart so easily, so easily that I—

I had no idea until I did and… I made a promise to myself, hyung. I would love you from afar, to keep it a secret because it didn’t matter how much I loved you, it was far more important to keep you by my side as my best friend. I couldn’t lose you… I don’t want to lose you but…”

Yoongi takes another deep breath and sighs, “And hearing all of this… I just couldn’t stand it. Jae Hyuk’s a fucking asshole. You deserve so much better, hyung. I wish you would realize that.”

It’s silent again. 

Then Yoongi feels a hand on his wrist. 

“Yoongi…” Seokjin whispers quietly, trying to get Yoongi to look at him. Yoongi refuses. 

Seokjin wants to reach out and hug him, hold him and tell him it’s okay but he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries especially after everything that has been said that night. He just got out of a relationship and didn’t want to hurt Yoongi more than he probably has. 

He probably has been hurting him for years. Granted, it was unintentional and he was clueless. Still, Seokjin hated the idea of hurting Yoongi. 

He wished he loved Yoongi back. If Seokjin was to be with someone for the rest of his life, he knew he wouldn’t mind if it were Yoongi. He was always Seokjin’s anchor, to keep the tide from taking him away, to keep him grounded when everything felt askew. 

Yoongi takes care of him too. The thing with Yoongi is that he loves quietly, in small gestures that are subtle, but takes the most space in your heart. Like that one time Seokjin kept sulking over losing his lucky pen right before a big test that he was nervous for then Seokjin woke up with a small box at the end of his bed with a note that read: 

Hyung, 

May this pen bring you more luck than the previous one. You’ll do well, as you always do. 

Yoongi

Yoongi likes to think he’s this big cranky, old grandpa that is cold to everyone. Seokjin likes this about him because it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Yoongi’s warm, soft, and he loves Seokjin so quietly and deeply. 

Seokjin loved Yoongi more than anything in the world. He was his best friend. 

He just wasn’t in love with him. He wishes he was though. It would be easy to love him and to possibly spend the rest of his life with him, but love is something that can’t be forced. 

He can pretend, but that wouldn’t be fair to Yoongi and to himself. He couldn’t hurt Yoongi like that. 

I wished I loved you the way you loved me , he thinks quietly as he looks at Yoongi, maybe someday, but for now… my heart is elsewhere. I’m sorry. 

“Yoongi,” Seokjin whispers so quietly, so full of hurt. He pulls Yoongi’s hand closer and presses his lips lightly on the back of his hand, silent tears streaming down his face. “I’m sorry.”

He lets go of Yoongi’s hand gently and gives Yoongi the only thing he could: space. 

Yoongi’s breath hitches as he hears Seokjin walk out of his room and out of his apartment. And once he was gone, he lets go of the breath he was holding and cries. 

Yoongi is only certain of two things that night. 

One, he was right all along. Telling Seokjin would result in chaos. The shattering of his heart was so deafening, Yoongi was beginning to think he wouldn’t hear anything else for the rest of his life. 

Two, He lost Seokjin. For real this time. 

That thought alone broke Yoongi in ways he thought wasn’t possible. He should’ve kept his promise and he’ll spend the rest of his life wishing he did. But even after all that, he still loves Seokjin. That’s the one thing that didn’t change. 

Yoongi is starting to think it might never change.

III. 

It’s December when Yoongi hears from Seokjin again. Three years since the night Yoongi broke his promise and poured his heart out. 

He never meant to, but it happened. And Yoongi has spent the next few months after that night trying to recover from two things: 1) Embarrassment. He can’t believe he poured his heart out like that. No hesitation. He just said it and didn’t think of the consequences at that time because he just wanted Seokjin to know he was more than enough. He couldn’t let Seokjin go on believing the reason why Jae Hyuk broke up with him was because was less, and 2) Losing Seokjin. 

Losing Seokjin was a punch in the gut. At least that’s what it felt like. Well, more like several punches in the gut. He swears his heart hasn’t stopped aching since. Maybe it has dulled with the years that passed, but it’s still there. Lingering. 

Yoongi wishes he can ignore it, but it’s Seokjin. He’s never really been good at ignoring anything Seokjin. 

So, no, he hasn’t recovered yet. At that point, it felt like he would never recover because there has not been a day that has passed where he hasn’t wanted to go back to the night and take everything back. 

He would rather hurt and hurt and hurt in silence and have Seokjin by him than to be hurting all the same and be without him. 

But what’s done is done. Yoongi tries to pour all his feelings into his work, buries himself in it so instead he’s drowning in paperwork instead of heartache. And it works for the most part. He’s able to distract himself during the day, surround himself with friends, and spend time at home with Holly. But at night, when he’s all alone in bed, his mind drifts off to Seokjin. 

He wonders how he’s doing. If he’s happy. If he’s healthy. If he misses Yoongi the same way he misses him. If he regrets that night the way he does. If he wishes that they could rewind to that night and do things differently.

But those questions were never answered until he gets a call from Seokjin years later. Yoongi remembers just staring at his phone ringing, seeing his name on the screen, shock and fear keeping him frozen on his chair. 

He hesitantly picks it up and answers, hating how weak his voice sounds. “Hello?”

“Hi Yoongi,” Seokjin says and Yoongi can hear the smile in his voice. “It’s been awhile. I hope I’m not disturbing you or anything.” 

“No, no. Hi hyung.” He says, trying to keep his voice shaking to the minimum. “How are you? How are things?” 

“I’m good and things have been great, actually. You? How are things going with you?” 

“Good as well.” He lies. Nothing has been good since that night he lost Seokjin. But he has to admit hearing Seokjin’s voice through the phone has brought relief he never thought he needed.

Yoongi brings him up to speed on his life since they stopped talking and Seokjin does the same. They’re very good at avoiding the topic they know they should be talking about. And Yoongi almost forgets what they’re supposed to be talking about until Seokjin starts. 

“Yoongi.” He says quietly after a moments’ silence. “I’m sorry.” 

Yoongi shakes his head immediately, “No, hyung, please—”

Seokin puts his hand up to stop Yoongi from talking. “No, I need to apologize, Yoongi. Please let me.” 

“Okay.” Yoongi agrees reluctantly. 

“When you admitted your feelings to me, I was surprised to say the least. I wasn’t expecting it and I had no idea all of that was going on inside that heart of yours. And the thought that I was hurting you all that time without knowing just… I hated it. I just hated the thought of hurting you. I hated myself for not loving you back.”

Yoongi has to bite his tongue from speaking, wanting to let Seokjin know that’s something he shouldn’t be sorry for. 

“You deserve the world, Yoongi. You deserve someone who will hold your hand through everything and to stand by you. Someone who doesn’t hurt you… someone who sees you, sees the love you have for the world and the people around you. Someone who returns the same love you give, maybe even more. And I… I’m sorry it’s not me.”

Yoongi stops breathing then. The ache that has dulled in the pit of his chest starts again and burns in tenfold. 

“I tried…” Seokjin says then, his voice the softest it has ever been, eyes glued to the grown. Hands fidgeting, not able to look Yoongi in the eyes, which Yoongi is kind of thankful for. “But that wouldn’t be fair to me… to you… I’m just sorry, Yoongi. I really am. For not loving you the same and for walking away.”

Seokjin finally looks up then and, even with the crushing pain he feels in his chest, he smiles gently at his hyung. “I’m sorry too. If I had kept my mouth shut, none of this…”

“No, Yoongi.” He says, reaching out to hold Yoongi’s hand. “I don’t want you to apologize for that. It’s…  okay. You said what you felt and that’s all I can really ask of you. I’m glad you told me, actually. I don’t want you to be hurting alone… even if it’s because of me.” 

“You don’t hurt me.” Yoongi says honestly, holding Seokjin’s gaze. “You make me better. I don’t care if you don’t feel the same way. I didn’t do it for you to love me back, I did it because I wanted you to know that to me you’ll always be more than enough. I couldn’t stand seeing you doubt yourself. It hurt me more seeing you do that to yourself.”

Seokjin’s eyes turn glassy, probably from the tears threatening to spill. Yoongi sighs, squeezing Seokjin’s hand. “It’s not your fault that you don’t feel the same way. I don’t want you punishing yourself for that. The way you love me now is more than enough and I can’t ever ask for more. Being selfish is the one thing I can’t be when it comes to you, hyung, so please… It’s okay. I’m okay, I promise.” 

Seokjin tugs his arm and pulls him in for a hug. “You’re my best friend, hyung. That will always come first, okay?” 

“Okay.” Seokjin whispers. 

When Yoongi pulls back, that’s when he sees it. The silver band on his ring finger. His heart sinks, but the happiness he feels from being reunited with Seokjin overpowers any pain he feels. He grabs the latter’s hand before he can fully pull away and holds it up. “You’re engaged?”

Seokjin looks down, his ears and neck flushing a bright red. 

Yoongi can’t help but smile wide. “Hyung, are you really?” 

Seokjin pulls his hand away and hides it, eyes downcast and...nervous? “I know we just… I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt you—”

“You don’t hurt me. I’ll say it over and over again until you believe me.” He says and Seokjin finally looks up, a sad smile on his face. He contemplates Yoongi for a second, searching his eyes for any dishonesty and hurt.

When he finds none, he sighs and nods his head. “Yeah… Not too long ago, actually.” 

“Are you happy?” Yoongi asks. This has always been the most important thing to him. Seokjin’s happiness is first before anything else. He doesn’t care how much it hurts. 

The smile on Seokjin’s face is enough already to know what his answer is. “I didn’t think it was possible,” he says quietly, shyly looking up at Yoongi, “to be this happy.” 

“That’s all I want for you, hyung. You deserve it.” Yoongi smiles. 

He fiddles with his engagement ring. “It’s funny actually. It’s what gave me the courage to call you and to meet up with you today. I was thinking about all these milestones in my life and how you were no longer a part of it and I hated it. I hated not having you around. And to be honest, I don’t think I can do this without you. The thought of committing to someone forever is terrifying enough as it is, but not to have you there… that’d be even scarier. I know I want to do this, I never wanted anything as bad because he makes me happy and I love him, but… I know this is so selfish of me, I know it is… to ask this of you, but would you…” 

Yoongi smiles at Seokjin, “I’ll be there.” 

He looks up at Yoongi, eyes wide in shock, like he didn’t expect it. “What?” 

“I’ll be there, hyung.” Yoongi says. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I mean, someone has to make fun of your dancing on your special day, right?”

“Brat.” Seokjin says as he laughs, hitting Yoongi’s arm lightly. The laughter dies down and Seokjin says quietly, “Thank you, Yoongi.” 

It hurts, he’ll admit that much. But he’s happy because Seokjin’s happy and he’s back. 

That is good enough. 

IV.

Seokjin has been fussing over the wedding for months and it’s both entertaining and funny to Yoongi. 

Since their reunion a few months ago, Seokjin has weaved himself so perfectly into Yoongi’s life again. Things don’t go back to the way they were, but somehow Yoongi thinks this is better. 

They hangout during their lunch break, making it a point to eat at every single cafe in their vicinity as a challenge. They also hangout with Namjoon, Hoseok, Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook and try to relive their university days by getting drunk and immediately regretting it the morning after. 

Yoongi eventually meets Seokjin’s fiance, Minho. And Yoongi couldn’t think of anyone more perfect for Seokjin. He’s kind, caring, and loves Seokjin almost as much as Yoongi does and that’s enough for him. 

It doesn’t hurt as much as it used to, seeing Seokjin happy with someone else. Perhaps Yoongi is finally moving on and letting go, maybe his heart has finally caught up with his head and decided enough is enough. Either way, he’s happy to be back in Seokjin’s life. 

The past few months Yoongi has been helping out with Seokjin’s wedding planning, making sure that the latter doesn’t pop a nerve with all the stress that it brings. He’s pretty sure he just adds more stress with all the teasing, but it’s stress he knows Seokjin doesn’t mind. If anything, he finds comfort in. 

“I just want it to go perfectly.” Seokjin says with laughter when Yoongi calls him a groomzilla. 

“And it will be, hyung. Don’t you trust me?” He asks as they pick a color for the table napkins. Yoongi points at a light grey at the corner of the table and mentions that it looks good with the rest of the color scheme. 

Seokjin sighs, nodding his head, picking up the napkin that Yoongi chose and hands it over to his wedding planner. “You better be right, Min Yoongi, or else I’ll have your head.” 

But the day of the wedding is finally here and true to Yoongi’s word, the day goes on perfectly. No bumps in the road and, most importantly, Seokjin is happy. 

The ceremony is over and everyone is at the reception eating, dancing, and drinking the night away in celebration of the newlyweds. Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook are at the table with him, taking videos of each other taking shot after shot while Hoseok watches them with concern. 

But Yoongi doesn’t pay any attention to them, keeping his eyes on the happy couple at the front, speaking into the mic, thanking all the guests for coming. 

“You finally letting him go?” Namjoon asks as he hands Yoongi a glass of whiskey, seeing where Yoongi’s gaze was. 

Seokjin moves to the dance floor with his husband, his head is thrown back back with a laugh at something his husband whispers in his ear. Yoongi should probably look away, but he doesn’t. He can’t seem to. All these years of loving Seokjin and he has never been good at looking away. It’s what got him where he was in the first place. Yoongi wants to tell Namjoon that he was stupid. How can you let go of something that was never yours?

He opens his mouth to tell Namjoon exactly what he was thinking, but before he even could, he catches Seokjin’s gaze. Yoongi waits. He waits for the ache to come, the dull ache in his chest; the one he’s grown so accustomed to with Seokjin. But then Seokjin smiles at him — that dazzling, warm smile that won his heart in the first place — then winks. Yoongi laughs, which makes Seokjin smile even bigger. 

“No,” Yoongi finally says to Namjoon, his smile never leaving his face, “I’m finally saying goodbye.” 

He waits. And he waits. 

But the ache never comes. 

It’s August when Yoongi finally says goodbye to Seokjin.