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“And you’re sure this is going to work?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t our dear Inspector like this?”
“By my calculations, there is only a 6% chance of the Inspector liking this, with the choice of food accounting for the majority of their enjoyment of such an evening.”
“That can’t...that can’t seriously be right, is it?”
“Marius.”
“What?!”
“Yes, I’m sorry to say that the trio of prisoners have escaped and we need you to track them down again.”
“Again.”
“Yes, again.”
“You realize that this happened last year around this same time, too, right?”
“Yes, Inspector. Exactly one year ago, as well as the year before that as well. So I suggest you go track them down. Wouldn’t want to be late for your anniversary.”
“It’s not a date, Detective!”
“Of course, Inspector.”
Tick, tick, tick, tick.
Marius tapped the table, trying not to grow too worried, even if he was starting to. Hopefully Lyfrassir wouldn’t be late for their dinner together, and hopefully they wouldn’t be coming in, guns blazing, like they had last year. He didn’t even have a chance to try his food then before he had been arrested! This year, though. This year would be better, and he had a note left for Lyf, and he even had a note on the door to let them know that everything would be fine if they didn’t panic or anything like that. Hopefully it would be fine, and hopefully Lyf would like the little, nice, somewhat-fancy anniversary dinner for them. Exactly four years since they had met, and while Lyf was clearly very young and denying whatever fondness he had for the pirates, Marius wasn’t about to let it stop him. No, he was absolutely going to continue doting on Lyf and cooking for them and celebrating their anniversary as much as he could. This year, he had even managed to find a proper gift for Lyf: a fine pair of leather gloves, lined with a soft fur. He hadn't even stolen them, and he had them nicely wrapped, too, and he knew that the color would go well with their uniform, too.
He had nearly decided to curl up and catch a bit of sleep before Lyf got there, before he heard the slam of a door, clearly being kicked in. Huh. Maybe Lyf was more excited than what Ivy’s calculations would have suggested. A wonderful thought, if only because it meant that Marius might be able to convince Lyf to run away with him and abandon the life of law and cop-itude that he had now.
As expected, less than a minute later, Lyf was stomping into the room, wearing the heavier heeled boots and field uniform, rather than the more decorative office one that Marius honestly preferred. While these boots were quite lovely on them, the uniform didn’t suit him nearly as well as the deep blues of the their uniform.
“Ah, Inspector Lyf. I was wondering when you’d get—”
“Von Raum. You didn’t even try to get away from here.”
Lyf’s words and dry tone were highlighted by the stun gun pointed at Marius. Marius couldn’t quite help but grimace at the sight of the weapon, not entirely sure what the reason was for such rudeness. Here he was, with a nice anniversary dinner made for them, especially as he knew that Lyf had worked the majority of the weekend and forgotten lunch the last three days, and Lyf was greeting him with that . Honestly, he’d expect such behavior from Jonny or Tim, but certainly not Lyf.
“Inspector, please. I thought I made it quite clear. I wanted dinner with you.” Marius grinned at Lyf, tilting his head slightly as he looked at them.
Lyf huffed, rolling his eyes, though he didn’t seem to drop the gun at all. Excellent in many cases except for Marius trying to have a nice meal with a paramour. “I don’t entirely understand what the purpose of this meal is. Regardless, I am not impressed with this, and especially not with such a transparent attempt to poison me.”
Marius couldn’t help the indignant snort, rolling his eyes as he stood up, walking around the table to pull out the chair. “I know I’m not the best cook in the world, especially not after years in prison, however I don’t think I’m bad enough as to poison you unintentionally.”
“Exactly!”
“I’m sorry?”
Lyf rolled his eyes, the gun finally dropping, though that simply appeared to be because Lyf was growing just frustrated enough that they had to gesture as they spoke. “You! I’ve read your file, all three of you. You’re ruthless pirates, preying upon lost ships, and the gods know that you would easily poison me without a second thought if it so served your purpose.”
Ah. Yes, that aspect of his reputation likely would make anyone hesitate to trust him. “I would never poison my favorite member of the New Midgard Transport Police. I promise.”
“Right, of course.” Lyf snorted quietly, though the gun was returning to his side and the holster, and Marius glanced at the table.
“Want something to eat? I’m sure you’ve been working all day without a break.”
“I want to arrest you and drag you back to your cell, von Raum.”
Marius huffed before looking at the table. He had worked for hours on the meal. “Not even a bite? I worked hard!”
“I’m sure la Cognizi or Alexandria worked hard, and you’re trying to profit from her hard work.”
Marius couldn’t even bother to hide the laughter that time at the idea of Raphaella being anything other than a mad scientist that was entirely terrifying in the kitchen, even if she was slightly better than Ivy was. As it was, Ivy might know all the cookbooks in the system, but that didn’t actually translate to actual cooking ability at all “No! No, are you serious? I’m the one that cooked it. I even tried to make sure that it had your favorites, but that’s very difficult to find out. You’re the exact opposite of an open book, you realize that, right?”
Lyf rolled their eyes before sighing and looking over at the bottle of wine sitting in the bucket of ice. It looked fairly normal. Marius had worked extremely hard to find something that would be good, that he remembered Lyf saying that they liked, and here it was. He looked over at the rest of the meal as well, letting himself feel a bit of pride at the menu. Roasted venison with a cherry-wine sauce, and rye bread that was still warm, and there was even sticky toffee pudding in the kitchen for later. Marius finally stood up, offering the bottle to them. While the small box and gift was there as well, he wanted to wait until after dinner to give it to him, so that Lyf wasn't on edge while they opened it up.
“I suppose dinner first won’t hurt.”
Marius grinned at the concession, and he turned to grab the glasses as Lyf took the wine from him. “Of course dinner can’t hurt! I hope you like it, honestly. I worked—”
Lyf cut Marius off as the man turned backed to look at the inspector. With a heavy motion, the heavy glass bottle came down across Marius’ head, Lyf bringing it down as hard as he could. Marius dropped as the glass shattered, and Lyf sighed as he realized he was stuck with a rogue space pirate all over the floor.
“So. Something tells me that your evening wasn’t that successful.”
“Fuck off, Raph.”
“I estimate that there is a 3% chance of the Inspector returning to our cell within the next year. Excellent work, Marius. You’ve ensured that I don’t get another new book for approximately 7.32 months.”
“Fuck off, Ivy.”
“You’re not allowed in bed, by the way.”
Marius groaned as he laid back on the floor, lifting his hand up enough to flip both Ivy and Raph off before falling silent again, wondering if Lyf had at least eaten the meal, rather than throwing it all away this year.