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Gavin can't read Nines' face. Normally, he can, but today, everyone's faces have been indecipherable.
Nines is looking at him. With anger? Worry? Sadness? Disgust? Gavin doesn't have a clue. But Nines is looking right at him. His blue eyes flick downward towards Gavin's hands. They're still shaking. It's like he's having a seizure and it's really annoying.
He doesn't like being watched. All he wants is to get through today and promptly forget it. He doesn't want to remember landing himself in the hospital, he doesn't want to remember throwing up and collapsing onto the bathroom floor, and he doesn't want to remember making the decision to do this to himself.
"Read anything interesting lately?" Nines seems stressed, and it's stressing Gavin out big time.
"Nothing I haven't told you about, Gavin."
First name. Nines has been using his first name since he told Nines what he did in the car. Not bad, just weird. Today is weird. Today feels like a dream and it has been really hard to convince himself that it isn't.
Gavin tries to shift farther away from Nines but is stopped by the wires connecting him to the heart monitor, which isn't necessary in his opinion, but he'll just have to deal with it.
Such a hassle over one man. One idiot who should have known better than to do stuff like this.
Two hours and twenty minutes until they'll let him leave.
One hundred and forty minutes until he can pretend this never happened.
"I'm not sick."
"You threw up quite a lot, Detective. I think it's best for you to stay home regardless."
"I'm not gonna throw up again, I'm not sick."
Nines shakes his head lightly, not saying anything.
Gavin doesn't want to be left alone. Even now his mind is racing. If he were to stop breathing, how long before someone would notice? If he stopped breathing at home, how long would it take someone to find him?
He isn't sick, but Nines won't believe until Gavin tells him.
It's funny, or at least it would be if he wasn't here.
It was funny how closely everyone was watching him, how much he had panicked over nothing, and how he had done this in the first place.
He can tell they want to make sure he doesn't do this again, but they don't understand how he felt about it.
Gavin felt sick, and awful, and terrified. This was not his intent, and he will be careful in the future.
They keep saying he was lucky. Lucky that whatever he took wasn't lethal- at least not how much he took. Lucky he didn't have to get his stomach pumped. Lucky that the ER had space for him.
And that's also funny because if he were lucky, he wouldn't be here at all.
Being here was an accident that he does not want to repeat.
"Are you okay?"
Not something he wants to be asked by someone who has been staring at him for the last thirty minutes.
"Peachy. Better than I was doing a few months ago."
"Better. Is- is this…" Nines looks around the room and then back at him, "This is better?"
This is better. It doesn't matter where he is today as long as he can forget it tomorrow.
He doesn't say anything to Nines, and Nines doesn't press him for answers.
Tomorrow it will be like nothing happened.