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Language:
English
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Published:
2020-05-15
Words:
1,208
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
19
Kudos:
111
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627

Love but Actually an Impulse Adoption

Summary:

McDoon can't prey on Mouthface anymore thanks to Jack Bauer, and Slippery When Wet is displeased by it all

Notes:

This is the Cult Server's fault. Love you guys!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

McDoon slow clapped as the family in the town square dispersed.

“My, My, My, what a sweet little number.” He drawled, “And I guess the song was alright too.”

The young woman who had caught his eye blushed and smiled. She opened her mouth to speak but before she could get a word out her father stepped forward with a dopey grin.

“Why thank you very much son,” He held out his hand. McDoon hesitated for a second before reaching out and shaking his hand. “My name is Jack Bauer Dikrats.”

“Uh, I’m McDoon.” McDoon’s entire plan had disintegrated in front of him and he didn’t know what was going on.

“This is my daughter Mouthface,” Jack Bauer pulled his daughter forward.

“Pleasure to meet you,” She said with a small smile. He grinned again and shook her hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He drawled. “May I just say you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Why thank you,” She dropped in a small curtsy.

“Hey, McDoon! I got your supplies,” Cletus Jones came out of the general store with an armful of supplies. McDoon bit back a groan, just when he had been making some progress. He glanced at Jack Bauer and was surprised to see him studying him with an intensity that didn’t match his more carefree personality.

“What in Sam’s Hell is going on out here?” The woman he assumed was Mouthface’s mom came out of the general store with a young boy in tow.

“Well dear, I’ve just adopted two more kids for you.”

“What?!” The woman, Mouthface, McDoon, and Cletus Jones all yelled.

“Well, Slippery When Wet, I found these two young men, and I’ve decided that we need two more strapping young men to help us on the trip.” Jack Bauer said with a grin.

“I, uh,” McDoon stuttered, struggling to process what happened over the last twenty seconds.

“Jack Bauer, why would you do that?” Slippery When Wet asked. McDoon was slowly backing away until a small hand found his. He looked down and saw the seven-year-old boy staring back up at him.

“I’ve always wanted a big brother.”

“Uhhhh,” McDoon looked at Cletus hoping for a way out.

“I never had a family before,” Cletus Jones was looking at Jack Bauer and Slippery When Wet with delight.

“Come on honey,” Jack Bauer gave Slippery When Wet puppy eyes.

“Ma’am, I promise that we will be as much help to you as possible. We’ve been up and down this trail dozens of times. We can help you folks on the journey.” Cletus said moving towards them. McDoon took a deep breath and looked up at the sky.

“Cletus,” He started to pull Cletus away when the child pulled on his hand.

“My dad is kinda stupid and I don’t wanna die. Please Mr. McDoon. Can you be my new big brother?”

“Come on McDoon,” Cletus said, taking his other hand. McDoon looked between the hand and Cletus’ eyes in panic before Cletus remembered where they were and dropped his hand.

“Ah, I see.” Slippery When Wet looked at them with a smile. “You adopted us a new son and his love.”

McDoon let out a loud groan.

“Fine! Fine Fine Fine!”

“Yay!” The little kid scaled his side and settled on his back.

“We’ll need a new wagon,” Jack Bauer said, stroking his chin.

“No, you won’t. We have our own wagon and ox, we can take one of you in our wagon.”

“Wait,” Cletus said. “Does this mean we don’t get to be bandits no more?”

“You two are bandits?” Jack asked. “Perfect! You’ll know how to intimidate people. Craphole you go with the two of them.”

“Ok, dad.”

“One more thing.” Slippery When Wet stepped forward and hissed in McDoon’s ear. “If you look at my daughter in any way that isn’t like your little sister I will skin you alive and feed your corpse to the ox.”

McDoon stared at her, a healthy amount of terror filling his face.

“Understood ma’am.” McDoon took two steps back with his hands up before carrying Craphole to his wagon. He and Cletus moved some of their supplies around and made a little space for Craphole to sit.

“I can’t believe we got adopted,” McDoon said, handing Craphole a blanket to sit on.

“Me either,” Cletus said with a grin. “And now we can go out and get a real home in Oregon! Plus! They didn’t mind that we’re, you know.”

“That’s true.” McDoon looked at Cletus. He had never considered Cletus as more than friends with benefits because he never thought he would settle down. With this new possibility, he could feel a new sensation in his stomach, almost like nerves.

“C’mon Doony,” Craphole said from the back of the wagon. “We need to go to mom and dad!”

“Alright, alright,” McDoon reached back and ruffled his hair before untying the ox from the post and hitching it back to the wagon. Cletus drove the wagon back to where Jack Bauer and Slippery When Wet were waiting.

“McDoon, can you double-check our supplies?” Jack Bauer asked. “You’ve been on this trail before you’ll know what we need.”

McDoon moved over to their wagon and started going through all their supplies. He made a few mental notes of things they would need to pick up at Fort Laramie.

“I think you have enough.” McDoon straightened up and moved back to his new parents. “There’s going to be some things you’ll need to pick up at Fort Laramie but between what you have and what I have we should be fine.”

“I can’t believe I leave you two alone for ten minutes and you go and get two more kids.” An older man said as he got to their wagon.

“Hey Mitty,” Jack Bauer said.

“Hi, Dad,” Slippery When Wet said, giving him a side hug. “These are our new sons McDoon and Cletus.”

“Well, as long as they ain’t farmers it’s fine with me.” Mitty glared at Jack Bauer before climbing into the back of their wagon.

“Alright,” Jack Bauer clapped his hands. “Let’s get a move on family.”

McDoon couldn’t stop himself from smiling at his enthusiasm. McDoon moved to the back of the wagon to climb in, only to pause when he realized some of the supplies had been tossed from the wagon.

“Hey, Craphole?” McDoon poked his head into the wagon to see Craphole looking anywhere but at him.

“Mhm?”

“Did you throw the supplies out the back of the wagon?”

“Uh, I don’t know.”

“Uh-huh.” McDoon studied him for a second before picking up the supplies and putting them back in the wagon. “Come here.”

Craphole moved closer and McDoon picked him up, carrying him around to the front of the wagon.

“Cletus, he’s gonna sit up here with you. I’ll walk with the Ox.”

Cletus gave a nod and smiled at Craphole, immediately beginning to explain all the parts of the wagon and how they worked together. McDoon rolled his eyes but was unable to stop a fond smile from forming when he looked at how excited Cletus was.

This was going to be a new start for him, he just knew it.

Notes:

Comments and Kudos are my Life Force.