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Singing was Jeongguk’s passion.
Ever since he was younger it was his dream to sing even though he was shy. But most people are, aren’t they? They have to work and build up the confidence, build up the courage to sing in front of others.
It took Jeongguk a while to do such a thing but eventually he managed to. And now, singing was his life.
Sometimes, Jeongguk wondered whether the choice he made to audition years ago was the right one. But now, as he looks back at how his life has played out so far he’s glad he took that chance. He’s glad he went through and attended that audition. His life changed since then.
And it changed for the better.
Truth be told, Jeongguk never expected their group to grow so much. He never expected to have so many people who loved them, attended their concerts and sang their songs twenty-four seven. He never expected to be able to do all the things he has the chance to do now. To explore all the passions he has.
Singing, painting, photography, dancing. He’s able to do it all. He even gets to travel the world.
Sometimes he wonders if he has too much.
His fans give them so much. They have given them so many chances, encouragement and love. Sometimes Jeongguk feels bad that he can’t return that in full.
But he knows at least one way that he’s capable of returning the deed.
He learned early on in their years that their fans were huge fans of song recommendations and covers. And seeing as Jeongguk loved to sing, and he did sing any time he had the chance it seemed to work out perfectly.
He could return the favour by posting covers.
That seemed like a decent idea in Jeongguk’s head.
It’s currently late right now. Nearly midnight and Jeongguk isn’t sleeping. His brain is still wide awake and he’s eager to do something. But at the same time he's not.
He knows very well he could work out. Either go down to the gym or do some things in his bedroom. But he doesn’t have the motivation to do that. So instead, he continues to lie on his bed, eyes focused on the grey ceiling wondering what he should do to pass the time.
The others are probably well into their sleep at this time. If there's anyone who’s not it’s probably Taehyung who could be playing video games or Seokjin if he’s on VLive. He knows for a fact that Jimin, Hoseok and Yoongi are all sleeping. They hardly stay up late if they don’t have schedules. The three of them have always been a huge fan of sleeping.
Part of Jeongguk wonders if Namjoon is awake. His elder Hyung who he’s looked up to and admired for the last eight years of his life. The reason for him signing up for the audition to begin with. Sometimes he still can’t believe that he has the chance to live and breathe the same air as him, let alone live with him.
If one asked him, he wouldn’t admit anything. He wouldn’t tell anyone about his ever growing crush on his Hyung. Or that the times they end up cuddling together because they’re both like koalas is his favourite time. He wouldn’t admit that he sometimes bothers Namjoon just because he wants to be around him.
That’s just plain out scary. And he doesn’t have a clue how Namjoon would react to the news if he were to find out the truth. No, he’ll keep his feelings contained and stay their innocent youngest member. He doesn’t harbor a crush on anyone. Nope. Definitely not.
He rolls onto his side, eyes moving from the ceiling towards the matching grey walls. They’re mainly empty besides the photos he has hanging of the seven of them together. Memories that Jeongguk never wishes to forget about.
Outstretching a hand in front of his face, Jeongguk reaches for his phone. Maybe he’ll be able to find something to do on there. A game of sorts or maybe he’ll find a video on YouTube. Anything to keep him busy until he grows tired.
Maybe he should have slept in one of the other’s rooms. He would have been able to sleep better then. But alas, he wanted to stay in the comfort of his own bed where he didn’t have to struggle all night for blankets.
Yet now, Jeongguk would take sleep over a blanket.
Unlocking his screen, his finger finds the white and red YouTube button. He doesn’t know what he wants to watch on there, nor if he even wants to watch anything but it’s at least worth a shot.
His finger scrolls through the videos, seeing if anything catches his eyes. Videos of people playing video games: Overwatch, Destiny, and some other games. There’s some cooking tutorials because he had been eager to cook for Yoongi one day since a lot of the time he cooks for them. There’s some drawing time lapses because it inspires him to find his creative side and paint once again.
And then there are a few song covers.
Covers of their own music and some groups he may or may not know.
Jeongguk’s finger hovers over one, silently debating whether or not he actually wants to listen to it when an idea passes through his head. He could post one of the covers he recorded a few weeks ago. Sure it’s old now, and he doesn’t have that streak of blue hair that he and Jimin attempted to add in. But he still has one he can post.
Honestly, Jeongguk doesn’t remember the last time that he posted a cover. It’s been a while that's for sure. A while since he posted anything on Twitter. He’s mainly used WeVerse ever since it became an app for them, but on occasions he’ll post on Twitter. Especially since he can post his covers there.
Rolling back onto his back, Jeongguk exits out of YouTube and heads through his camera roll. He has to find the exact video that he wishes to post. After all, he does have quite a few saved that he’s never shared before. Maybe one day he’ll get around to posting them all. Maybe not.
Who knows?
He scrolls up until he reaches a few weeks ago. There’s three videos that he took around that time period. Two of them being song covers and one being...something else.
Jeongguk definitely won’t be posting that song anytime soon.
He decided to post his cover for “Never Not”, a song he instantly fell in love with upon hearing. And when he had the chance to record himself singing it in the comfort of his room he didn’t waste a moment.
He definitely thinks their fans will enjoy it.
There’s an underlying fear that comes with posting covers despite the fact Jeongguk loves them. Sure he thinks their fans will enjoy it but what of those who don’t? Despite what their fans may think they do often see a lot of their comments. Jeongguk just hopes he doesn’t witness any negative ones.
Opening the blue bird app, Jeongguk clicks on the button to post a new tweet. For a moment he thinks of a caption. What sounds good to add to the cover? He thinks for a moment, humming quietly the lyrics of “Never Not” as he does so.
Deciding to go with something simple, Jeongguk adds something simple to it.
For you. He adds as a caption.
He thinks it’s perfect.
With a smile, he scrolls through his photos once again to find the video. Once he finds it he clicks on it and without a second glance or thought he posts it.
Now to sit and wait for everyone to react.
Maybe now he’ll watch a YouTube video.
He closes Twitter and heads right back to YouTube clicking on the first video that he comes across. A gameplay of Overwatch. That seems nice for the time being. It’ll definitely keep busy while he waits. After the video is over he’ll check Twitter again.
The video for the most part is interesting. The YouTuber playing, plays as McCree so that’s a bit nice to watch at least. But he’s still curious as to what their fans are saying, so not even fifteen minutes into the video he finds himself back on Twitter.
At first, the comments and retweets are all positive. Comments of people saying how nice his voice is, how soothing it is. Others screaming because he posted a video of him singing and it’s been a while. That makes Jeongguk crack a smile. Even if he doesn’t post for months, the moment he does everyone panics.
Then he scrolls down some more and some comments catch his attention.
“You produced your own song?! Omg it’s amazing!!”
“Jeongguk producing and releasing him singing his own song is the best thing of my day.”
“Omg… it says For You and he says Namjoon’s name 😳”
Jeongguk sucks in a deep breath, eyes wide as he heart begins to beat rapidly in his chest. What do they mean by his own song? It’s not his? It never was. It’s just a cover of a song that he really really enjoys.
And why were there so many comments about Namjoon?
Wanting an answer to so many questions, Jeongguk clicks on the video and listens to it.
His breath catches in his throat within the first note.
This wasn’t “Never Not”.
It was his own song. A song he wrote and produced without the others knowing.
A song he wrote about Namjoon. A song confessing his feelings for Namjoon.
Jeongguk is sure his heart stops beating at that moment.
Or maybe it’s the moment that a knock sounds at his bedroom door. He feels like his phone has burnt him and as his door is opened he chucks his phone across the bed. He hears it land on the ground with a thud and internally curses.
Nothing is going as planned.
All he wanted was something to do until he got tired. And now he’s once again wide awake with panic.
“Guk?” He hears Namjoon’s voice come quietly from the doorway. The elder doesn’t make a move to come inside nor does Jeongguk invite him in. He feels terribly embarrassed right now.
Did Namjoon see the video? Was that why he’s here?
“You can’t fall asleep either, can you?” Namjoon continues. This time Jeongguk hears as the elder enters his room and softly closes the door behind him. He feels suffocated being in the same room as Namjoon with no escape at the moment.
Truthfully, he’s scared. Scared of rejection. Of being told he’s weird for liking him. Maybe Namjoon hadn’t even seen the video. Maybe he’s just seeing Jeongguk because he can. Who knows?
“I-I thought you were sleeping?” Jeongguk murmurs, standing up from his bed. He walks around and collects his phone from the floor checking it over to see if there’s any damages. Luckily, there isn’t. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I couldn’t sleep.” Namjoon answers truthfully. He stands by the door, never moving further into the room but also not getting any closer to the door. He stands his ground there, crosses folded across his chest as he stares at Jeongguk through the darkness.
The only light that really offers them anything is the nightlight that Jeongguk has. Don’t get him wrong, he loves the dark. But having a small nightlight is nice. Keeps the monsters at bay. Yes, even adult Jeongguk believes monsters lurk under one's bed.
“I was working on lyrics to keep myself busy until I got tired.” The elder explains. “It was working for a while but then I decided to take a break, and well…” he sighs, “I saw your video, Guk.”
Jeongguk is glad that the nightlight doesn’t offer them that much light. He’s glad that Namjoon can’t see the way his cheeks burn a bright red, embarrassment colouring them. He’s glad he can’t see the face that Namjoon makes as he mentions it.
He wishes he had decided to count sheep instead of ever posting a video. Or at least he should have checked the video before posting.
This could have been avoided.
The younger laughs awkwardly, taking slow timid steps back towards his bed to sit down on. He doesn’t look in Namjoon’s direction again. He doesn’t feel confident in his voice for a change. Too worried that he’ll say something wrong or something stupid.
“I’m going to guess your intention wasn’t to post that, was it?” Namjoon questions.
Jeongguk lets out a small hum of confirmation. At least Namjoon is asking yes or no questions. That makes things easier.
“Were you trying to post a cover?” Another hum. “I see. I listened to it. It’s a good song, Guk. I really liked it.”
“Could we not-...” Jeongguk begins, wishing they wouldn’t talk about the whole thing but he cuts himself off once he registers the last part of Namjoon’s sentence. “You liked it?”
Namjoon laughs, and a moment later Jeongguk feels the dip in his bed as the elder climbs onto it. He looks in the direction of the elder, the nightlight doing very little to let them see each other. “Yes. I liked it.” Jeongguk can see the faint outline of a smile on Namjoon’s face. “It’s not how I imagined you’d confess to me but I liked it nonetheless.”
Jeongguk’s eyes go wide at that, mouth opening and closing multiple times as he struggles to find the proper words. He clears his throat, looking away immediately, “What do you mean ‘imagined’? Did you know this entire time?”
“Guk, seriously?” Namjoon asks, shaking his head. “All of us knew about your crush on me. I’ve known for at least a year now.”
“You’ve known and you never said anything!?” Jeongguk gasps, hands flying to his face.
He can’t believe this. This entire time he thought he was keeping this massive secret that he would carry with him to his grave and now he’s finding out it’s not even a secret. They have all known. Namjoon knew.
“Why didn’t you say anything? Don't you find it weird that your band mate and friend has a crush on you?”
“I’ll only find it weird if you find it weird that I feel the same.”
Jeongguk’s brain short-circuits, “Wait, what?” Did he hear that right?
“I didn’t say anything because it wasn’t my place. I wanted you to tell me on your terms whenever you were confident,” Namjoon explains. Jeongguk can feel the bed move around as Namjoon fixes his position on the bed. A moment later he feels Namjoon’s hand beside his own, but he doesn’t make a move to grab it. “You have made me wait over a year already. I was ready to wait even longer if I needed to.”
“Wait wait wait.” Jeongguk throws his hands in the head, shaking his head back and forth as he tries to pick at bits and pieces of what Namjoon is telling him. “Okay, so you’ve known I liked you this last year? And now you’re telling me you would wait for me? Because you like me? As in like like? As in ‘I want to kiss you’ like?”
“Yes to all three of those,” Namjoon confirms. He snaps his fingers together.
“Oh my god.” Jeongguk murmurs, clamping a hand over his mouth. He inhales a deep breath, turning to face Namjoon. He reaches for his phone, slides up the screen and turns on his flashlight so they can see better. Right now, he doesn't want to get up and turn his actual light on. So this will have to do. “I cannot believe this. I-...wow.”
“Can I hold your hand?” Jeongguk nods. A moment later their fingers are intertwined together. “Can I be honest about something?” Another nod of confirmation. “I’ve been wanting to confess to you for a few years now. I've been wanting you to be my boyfriend. And at the time, I was a bit relieved you never told me of your feelings if you had any then.”
Jeongguk blinks, tilting his head to the side. Why? He doesn’t get the chance to ask before Namjoon continues.
“I used to wonder what would happen if we dated and broke up. How would it affect everything. But now, years later, I think that we would make it. We would be together for a long time maybe forever,” Namjoon squeezes Jeongguk’s hand, leaning closer to him, “So this is me asking you for forever. Well...just as boyfriends for the time being. You know what I mean.”
Jeongguk throws his head back as he laughs. Of course he knows what Namjoon means but he can’t help but be endeared by the way he explains it. “Of course. Forever it is. I’d love that.” He whispers. “Can I be honest about something too?”
Namjoon blinks, nodding his head slowly, eyes watching Jeongguk curiously.
“I really want you to kiss me right now.”
So Namjoon does.
He closes the distance between the two of them, pressing his plump pink lips against Jeongguk’s skinnier ones. Jeongguk is almost positive that Namjoon is aware of this, but that’s his first kiss. Ever.
He’s not even sure if he’s doing it right and yet he doesn’t care. He’s happy and content right now just having Namjoon by his side. He’ll learn over time anyways.
They have forever after all.
“You’ll have to show me the rest of that song,” Namjoon mentions, as he pulls away. The two of them lay down in Jeongguk’s bed. Namjoon’s arms immediately come and wrap around his waist.
Jeongguk snorts at that, rolling his eyes as he gets comfortable. “We’ll see about that one.” There’s a fond smile on his face, and even though that’s what he said he doesn’t mind if Namjoon hears it anymore.
It won’t change anything.
Maybe he’ll show him in the morning. For now though, he closes his eyes and focuses on falling asleep.
It only takes five minutes before he’s out. A simple reminder that he always sleeps better with his Hyung.