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You are waiting for Duke to come pick you up to take you on your movie date. While this is not only a movie you’re looking forward to with your favorite vampy hubby, you are READY to get out of the house. This weekend’s been nothing but all dayers doing major projects and homework for your classes. Plus Corey and your mother have been at each other’s throats lately, arguing about nothing and everything. While your mom insisted you stay inside as it’s cold and wintery out, you’d much rather sit outside than be in a room with thick tension.
After what seems like an eternity, Duke pulls the car into your driveway. You wave goodbye to your parents, and jump into his car.
“Dukie!” You give him a peck and a tight hug.
“Hey, sweets! You’re awfully cuddly today, is everything alright?”
You sigh. “Yeah. Okay, no, long ass weekend with homework. Plus Corey’s having senioritis and Mom isn’t having any of it. They’ve been pissy with each other all weekend.” You cross your arms. “She reassures me that it’s nothing to do with me and to not take it to heart but…...what if you were standing in front of a house that was on fire and it bothered me and someone told YOU ‘Oh, it’s not YOUR house that’s on fire!’ It’s still scary as hell!”
“Well that’s a bleak comparison….”
“Like she yelled at him for something, and MY GOD is she scary when she’s angry! Thankfully it’ll never happen!”
“Scarier than your Dad?” asked Duke. “He was scary that time Tori and Corey were fighting outside that one time outside of your house….”
“No, Dad’s scarier.” You nervous laugh. “He’s gotten angrier. Usually people he’s angry at have it coming….”
Duke slowly raised his eyebrows and his pupils shrunk. “OH. Well then. How is he taking all of this?” Duke asked nervously.
“He’s fine. I….just needed to vent. Thank God we’re seeing The Muppets, it’s nice and upbeat. I need some colorful monsters to distract me from school and my stupid brother.”
“Manamana!” Duke said, tussling your hair with his non-dominant hand.
“Doodoodoodoodoo!”
You two sing the song on the way to the theater, and then go in to buy your tickets. Duke groans.
“What’s wrong?”
“Fuck. I forgot my wallet at home. No time to get it…”
“I’ll pay.” You offer.
“Are you sure?”
“Duke, you ALWAYS pay! I can treat us!”
“But it’s in cash!” whined Duke. “We won’t be able to get as much junk food!”
You pull out some gum. He sighs. After you buy your tickets, you are directed into the theaters. You stretch your arms and rest your head on Duke’s shoulder sighing.
“God, I feel so relaxed when I am with you.”
“Even that time I went nuts?”
“Well…”
“Or the time your brother tried to kill me?”
“Uh….”
“Or that time I told you my secret?”
“Duke! Those were a few isolated incidents.” You smile and close your eyes, imagining you and Duke on a tropical island, far away from everything. Despite these unusual circumstances, you truly do feel safe with Duke. And loved. And beautiful. When the previews start, you open up your eyes. But….something feels off..
“The Hunger Games?” said Duke blinking. “Hmm. This seems a bit…..more mature to show before The Muppets movie….”
“It’s PG-13. They’ll prolly show a PG film or something.” you say.
Next comes on a preview for The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. You and Duke exchange looks.
“Okay…..this is….dark….uh…” said Duke.
You stand up and turn around. “IS THIS THE MUPPETS?” you ask.
“No. This is Twilight Breaking Dawn.”
Duke makes a loud disgusted noise, and you guys hurry out of the theater. You look around frantically.
“He gave us the wrong theater!”
“No shit..” grumbled Duke. You finally find the right theater, and you’ve only missed a few minutes of it. Embarrassed, you guys sneak in and find a seat. Suddenly, you hear a cry and a thud.
“WAAAUGH!”
You look over, and Duke’s sitting himself up, with soda and popcorn in his hair.
“Babe, you okay?” you whisper.
Duke grumbles. “I’m gonna go clean up. Rotten kids don’t fucking clean up after themselves.”
While you try to focus on the movie, you are startled by a tap on your shoulder. You turn around.
“Tori?!?”
“Hey, *Y/N*.” She waves. You try to hide your disappointment. But then to your surprise you see sitting next to her….
“Suri? Lily? Bradley? Jenny?”
“HI *Y/N*!” they all shout, resulting in a fierce shushing noise from Tori.
“QUIET.”
You look back at Tori. “They’re…..with you?”
Tori huffs. “Babysitting gig. Russell and Missi were busy with senior project shit, so I offered. Russell was okay with it. Need the money anyway. Is your beloved with you today?”
“Mmmhmmm.”
“Slipped on the spill left by the twins on our way in, eh? Don’t worry, I’ll tell the Albarns to ground them.”
You turn around and focus on the movie. Duke rushes back from the men’s room and plops down right next to you. He pauses, gets up and groans.
“Chocolate. Sorry.” He runs to get some napkins and clean off his pants. Tori sees this and turns to the Albarn kids.
“Which one of you dropped chocolate on his seat?” she hissed.
“It wasn’t any of us, it was like that when we got here!” Suri defended.
“Yeah.” said Lily.
“We spilled the soda and popcorn. I didn’t get any chocolate!” said Bradley too loudly.
“I still have mine!” said Jenny.
“I wish we were creative enough to think of THAT idea!” added Bradley.
“Well WHY didn’t you and your brother clean up the spill when I asked you to?” snarled Tori.
“We didn’t have a mop. If we have a mop and stuff, we could clean it. Mom always gives us a mop!” said Jenny.
Tori groaned and audibly pressed her hand to her face. “Well you NEED to clean up your shi-I mean, cra-I mean, mess or else people will slip and get hurt like Duke did! He could’ve died!” You laugh and roll your eyes at Tori’s overreaction, envisioning Duke a corpse surrounded by cola and popcorn. Duke comes back and sits in the other seat next to you and kisses you on the cheek.
“Fozzy’s so funny. What did I miss?”
“Well-”
“Duke! Psst! Duke! Duke!” Duke turns around and sees Tori wiggling her fingers at him with a flirty grin. Duke grimaces and turns back to the film. Lily turns to Tori.
“No talking during the movie!” said Lily.
“I knoooooooow, Lily!” whined Tori. Duke glanced back and to you then nudges.
“What are they doing with her?”
“She’s babysitting.” Duke huffed and shook his head. “Poor children.” BONK! Duke recoiled as he felt a foot kick his seat. BONK! You turn around and see Bradley kicking Duke’s seat to the rhythm of one of the songs. Duke turns around and shoots Bradley his signature Glowing Red Eyes death glare and Bradley stops. Miss Piggy appears on screen and Duke shakes his head and snickers.
“Oh look, it’s Tori’s furry form.” he whispers.
“She’s right behind us!”
“I don’t give a shit.” snarked Duke. You have to keep from laughing so you bite your tongue.
“I mean, she’s melodramatic, volatile, and boy crazy. Like Ms. Dunham!”
“Her furry form is a wolf, you know that!”
“Wolf in sheep’s clothing…”
You jab Duke and suppress your giggles. “Stop! You’re so fresh!” You glance up at Tori, and you feel badly, as she looks genuinely hurt from Duke’s comments. She blinks for a few seconds and harrumphs. Duke stretches his arms and wraps his around you, planting a kiss on your cheek. You sigh, resting your head on his shoulder. You’re finally able to piece together everything that’s happened in the film and understand what’s going on. Duke is playing with your hair while you glance at his smile. All seem well and you almost forget that your frenemy is babysitting your best friend’s cousins behind you. Until...
“OOOOOOOOH DUKE AND *Y/N* SITTING IN A TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” shouted Bradley.
“Shut up, Bradley! I can’t hear the movie!” retorted Jenny. You hear her kick Bradley from under the seat. Then more kicks. A kicking free for all has started between the twins. Lily cuts in.
“Guys, stop! You’re embarrassing me in front of *Y/N*, *Y/N*’s future husband, Kermit and the rest of the Muppet entourage!” She groaned. “I’m surrounded by idiots!”
“I’m not an idiot!” objected Suri.
“Except for you Suri. Well, not today. But most of the time you’re not an idiot. It’s those two!”
“ENOUGH!” shouts Tori, loud enough that everyone in the theater turns around and jumps. “WE’RE LEAVING! IF YOU CAN’T BEHAVE LIKE CIVILIZED HUMAN BEINGS, I’M TAKING YOU GUYS HOME!”
“But...it’s not finished….” said Lily.
“Yeah. WE’RE behaving!” said Suri pointing to her and Lily.
“Well, you ALL have to behave! I can’t just leave you and Suri here and take the twins home! I’m responsible for ALL OF YOU!” snarled Tori.
Lily groaned. “Group punishment sucks. I wish Missi were babysitting us! She’d have the twins straightened out….”
“WELL MISSI ISN’T HERE SO TOO BAD!” An usher flashed a light in Tori’s row.
“Excuse me, m’am? I’m going to have to ask you and your children to leave. Your screaming is disrupting the films, and frankly making other people cry. Including Miss Piggy if she were here.”
Tori gasped. “MY children?!? What’s THAT supposed to mean?!? I’m BABYSITTING HERE!”
“Well this is a movie theater, not a monster truck arena. There are probably designated screaming areas elsewhere. I’m sorry ma'am.”
“I wasn’t yelling, I was RAISING MY VOICE!”
“Same difference. Like crocodiles and alligators. Now go.”
“But-”
“Before I call my manager.”
Tori groaned loudly, grabbed each kid by their arm tightly, and dragged them down the stairs. While you’re clinging onto Duke shaking in fear from Tori’s episode, you notice all of the kids are crying. Duke notices this too. He waves to them.
“Bye Bradley! Bye Jenny! Bye Lily! Bye Suri! I’ll deal with Tori later! I promise!” he whispered.
“Let’s GO, Suri!” snapped Tori. You’re trying to calm down from the adrenaline high Tori’s fit sent you into. Duke holds you closer and whispers in your ear.
“If I ever run into her in public again, I’ll never let her hear the end of this.” he growled. “Like I know the Albarn kids are an armful, but she needs to fucking chill! They should never hire her to babysit again.” All of a sudden, the screen goes grey and the movie stops. The lights turn on.
“I’m terribly sorry, but we’re having technical difficulties. Sorry for the inconvenience everyone. And the traumatizing display of aggression from that crazy lady.”
You stare forward, and a lump develops in your throat. Tears well up in your eyes.
“Babe? You okay?” You look him in the eyes for a few seconds, and then break down. He pulls you into his arms. He pats your back as you sob into his shirt.
“Shhh, shhhh shhh. Babe. Babe. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
“No it’s not!” you sob.
“I’m sorry nothing went right.”
“I can’t escape screaming or tension wherever I go! I can’t win! I hate everything! I hate stress! I *sob* want *sob* to run away with you and Nanniiiiiiie!” you start hiccuping.
“But doll, if I moved in with Nannie, she wouldn’t leave us alone! I would have to sleep on the couch and she’d be asking when we were gonna get married!” This got an awkward, sob laugh out of you. After your laughing fit you speak up.
“I don’t wanna go home! I want to spend more time with you!”
“You can!” Duke leans in and whispers. “Maybe if we’re lucky I can sneak us into another showing of it. And during the scenes we already watched, we can kiiiiiiisss…..” He raises his eyebrows. “I wanna check something though….come with me..”
You two walk briskly out of the cinemas. You look at Duke. “Where are we going?”
“Gonna see if Tori’s still here. C’mon.”
You sigh. “Oh Duke….”
You step out of the theaters and Duke scans the parking lot. He spots Tori standing outside of her car, shouting at Suri.
“Suri, if you don’t stop crying, we won’t listen to any music on the drive home!”
“B-b-bb-but….” Suri sputtered.
Duke marched up to Tori. “Tori. Tori! TORILLE!” Tori turned around.
“What the fuck do you wa-oh, hey Duke. Do you….know these brats-er, rugrats?”
Duke glowered down at Tori, his face twisted into the nastiest scowl he could muster. “Yes. Babysat with Russ, Missi and *Y/N*.”
“Wow! Cool. So you also know how much of a pain in the-”
“Don’t. Talk. To. Them. Like. That. Ever. Again.” he growled, getting into her face. Tori backed against her driver’s seat car, and mustered up some backbone. “But, Duke….come on now. You saw how they were in the theater…..the little twerp was kicking your seat! Why do you give a shit? You don’t even like kids that much anyway!”
“Yeah, but at least I have the fucking decency to not make them CRY! Or the whole theater!”
Tori blinked and looked at you. “Oh, did I make *Y/N* cry? I’m sorry…”
“Don’t fucking bother. It’s too late to apologize. You can’t do this shit and then go ‘BOO HOO I’M A TEWWIBLE PERSON MY LIFE SUCKS SO ME MAD FORGIVE ME’ over and over! You have to TRY. Just…shut up Tori.” Duke headed back towards you, stopped then said over his shoulder.
“By the way, I’m gonna ensure that the Albarns fire your salty ass! I mean, hell, I’m a brooding emo boy with daddy issues and no aptitude in life who doesn’t like kids and still a better babysitter than you are!” Duke smirked and waved sarcastically. He put his arm around you and led you back into the film hall. You sit down in a chair and he bends over and cups your face in his hands.
“So, do you wanna get your money’s worth and sneak into another showing, or go back to my place and get my wallet and treat you to something?”
You sigh. “Your place. I just wanna get out of here. I just wanted to get away from homework and drama and crap but of course THOSE TWINS AND TORI…” you collapse into Duke’s arms and he picks you up, your head on his shoulder. He pats your back.
“Alrighty then. Don’t forget to text your parents to let them know.”
“I really hope they don’t mind.”
“They won’t.” He carries you to his car and places you in the passenger seat then you two kiss. Afterwards he gets into his seat and starts the car. You text your parents updating them and smirk. Duke noticed and asked.
“What? What’s the smile for?”
“You’re so protective….you may make a good dad someday..”
Duke got flustered. “Excuse me-what?!?! No!! I-I-I I just got upset that they had to put up with Gorey Tori, that’s all! Plus, imagine being a kid and being screamed at that thing, they’re gonna need years of therapy! Lily’s gonna kiss that Ivy League college away from this trauma! I just sympathize for them, that’s all!”
“Well, I’ve always liked guys who are protective of their loved ones…” you say walking your fingers up his shoulder.
“Shut up! I am not a dad, or a babysitter or an authority figure. I’m just some lone wolf horror buff, okay?! I don’t have a nurturing or loving bone in my body!”
“But you love me, don’t you?”
“Well....” he sighs. “That’s different. I mean…….are you saying I’m losing my edge?”
“Nooooooo! Just…..there’s a possibility you’d make a great dad, being funny and protective.”
“I’ll just stick to a crazy uncle for now, *Y/N*. If we ever get married and Corey has a kid or something. But I’m never changing another fucking diaper as long as I live! Chocolate ice cream and gravy or anything remotely the same color of….what I witnessed that dark day makes me gag.”
“Fine then. I’ve never changed a diaper in my life.” you peck him on the cheek. “Love you Duke.”
“Love you too, my pretty darling.”
THE END