Chapter Text
Wen Qing grew as a fearsome woman, a formidable female cultivator. She rose from a scared little girl, frantic about her younger brother's safety, to a woman with a sharp tongue and temper to rival that of any strong man. Her gaze alone can strike fear, even moreso when she allows them a glimpse of her needles. She may not be a cultivator that fights with a sword, but she is still respected at the same time she's detested with her skills in medicine. She ensured the safety of her brother, of her family, of the remnants of what was once a proud and great sect.
She would not have done it had Wei Wuxian not offered his help.
Wei Wuxian gave everything up to save her and her family. He gave up his title as Yunmeng Jiang's Head Disciple, he gave up his reputation in the Cultivation World, he gave up his moments when he could bask in the presence of his loved ones, gave up his dream in attending his senior sister's wedding. He gave everything up.
The reminders make Wen Qing sick with remorse. Guilt crawling and threatening to make her spill tears whenever she sees the way Wei Wuxian's eyes would stare blankly, unfocused, silver eyes dulling as if he was dead and it makes her heart ache. Wen Qing has never been soft on Wei Wuxian nor on Wen Ning, always showing her strong love in the form of scolding and hisses. In spite her temper and sharp tongue, she loves both men fiercely and holds Wei Wuxian in high regards, treats the man as her younger brother as well.
Her beloved little brother, Wen Ning, who died but had his consciousness live thanks to Wei Wuxian, told her once of how the latter feels like an older brother to him. She thought of it fitting, for Wei Wuxian is sweet and caring and would do anything for Wen Ning. Wei Wuxian has always been kind in spite his shamelessness and loud personality. He treated them with great care and affection, even Wen Yuan became besotted with the young man.
Wen Qing has never been soft on Wei Wuxian, but she loves him, holds deep affections for the man who gave everything to save them. It is why every time she sees the man's sorrows when he thinks no one looks at him, she feels so heartbroken that no healing she possesses would grant help. She and Wen Ning see his heart longing. He would tease Wen Ning like he would tease Jiang Wanyin. He would ask Wen Qing to make him a delicious soup like he would ask Jiang Yanli, and he would carry Wen Yuan and claim he shall be his mother, to comfort his heart whenever Wen Yuan calls his rich brother his father.
Saving them had cost Wei Wuxian's happiness. Even as the man pretends that he fares well, smiling and laughing, Wen Qing and everyone else can see that deep inside he's hurting. They know his own mind is no longer safe even for himself, he's breaking, he's falling apart and no amount of help they try to provide can truly heal his heart. They hear his screams every night in the cave. His screams are filled with pain and each night, Wen Qing can't fall asleep to the sound of his cries.
She would've hugged him, she would've done anything to make sure her little brother would be safe and comforted, but the resentful energy would twist about, unrestrained as its grandmaster suffered in the throes of his terrors. She remembers shaking every night whenever he cries, calling out names of people he held dear.
She doesn't know what hurts the most, hearing him scream for his siblings, for Lan Wangji, for Wen Ning, or for her. Sometimes he'd scream for her and it's what makes her break down in tears, overwhelmed with hurt for the misunderstood man. She would be torn with frustration, trying to get past inside the cave just to hold him but she's never granted access. She'd remember those screams taunting her, like the ones he emitted when his golden core was taken away from him.
Wen Qing would get down on her knees then, she'd pray to the heavens that he'd no longer suffer in their stead, wishing he'd be happy. Truly happy.
Wen Ning would come to her, hold her as they'd both lament for Wei Wuxian. Wen Yuan would cry, wishing his Xian-gege, his A'Niang would no longer be in pain. Granny and Uncle Four would do their best to cheer him up, but the attempts barely did anything.
Wen Qing watches as Wei Wuxian stares at nothing inside his cave, sitting on his make-shift bed. She studies his weak figure that is screaming of fatigue, of hunger and thirst that are neglected. His skin is no longer vibrant with life and good health, his hair in rough tangles, and his silver eyes almost obscured by fluttering lids, neither opening wide nor closing fully like those who passed away enduring hardship. His robes seem to be too big for him these days and Wen Qing knows why, knows that Wei Wuxian would give too much for them and receive less for himself.
Wen Qing grew as a fearsome woman, but right now, she is anything but. As she walks to Wei Wuxian who does not expect her presence, as she sits besides him and holds him close to her chest, she is a sister.
Wei Wuxian does not say anything. When before, he'd tease and taunt, jest and laugh, these days, he is silent, solemn, and he barely smiles. He has changed into a person that has taken the brunt of the world that resents him, carrying the weight of their words and torment with too much ease that is worrying.
Wen Qing chooses not to speak, letting her silence and embrace tell Wei Wuxian that she is here for him, that she will listen, that she will stay. Wei Wuxian is pliant in her arms, face buried in her embrace. He pulls away and finds himself a comfortable seat on the ground. Wen Qing parts her lips to tell him to sit besides her, but she purses them when he lays his head above the hands on her lap, his face evident and his eyes looking up at her with such an enervated look that Wen Qing had to swallow her cries.
"Qing-jie.." Wei Wuxian calls her and it makes her heart burst with warmth as much as it aches. She moves before she can help herself, her fingers finding themselves caressing Wei Wuxian's hair, palms holding the other's head like he's a delicate babe. She waits for Wei Wuxian to speak, afraid if she voiced out words, her vocals would fail. There is a silence that ensues for a moment, both just basking in each other's presence, breathing in the quiet but deep affections.
Wei Wuxian utters.
"May I sleep?"
Wen Qing's hand halts from caressing his hair. She gives the man a nod, "Of course you can. You need sleep anyways, Wuxian. You've not rested enough." She feels relieved that Wei Wuxian is finally going to sleep after many sleepless nights but then Wei Wuxian shakes his head. "Qing-jie, I want to sleep forever."
Her sharp intake of her breath is heard.
"Wuxian.."
She meets his eyes, and she wishes she did not.
Wei Wuxian's eyes are glistening with unshed tears, silver orbs carrying too many emotions that Wen Qing's heart is pierced. Seeing Wei Wuxian tear up is one of her weaknesses. She can't stand it, it hurts too much. Wei Wuxian rarely allowed his tears to be shed, he's a man of smiles and gentle laughter, he's a man of freedom and kind spirit. To see such a usually happy man break down is too painful even for a woman like Wen Qing.
He looks so worn out, he's too thin for his own good, his skin is clinging onto his bones that Wen Qing is afraid he would break should she take ahold of him. She can't find her voice the more she shares a gaze with Wei Wuxian, her fists shaking as she tries to hold back the stinging of her eyes but then, Wei Wuxian's tears fall onto her lap, onto her robes.
Wei Wuxian does not blink as the tears fall, and Wen Qing is no longer sure about how long she can hold back her own cries. Wei Wuxian, in spite the tears, graces her with a soft but weakened smile.
How can a man filled with nothing but hurt remain able to curve the edges of his lips?
"I feel so tired, Qing-jie.." He croaks out, his hands that are placed beneath his head trembling like Wen Qing's own fists. She does not say anything, she does not scold him because she knows he's telling the truth. He's not whining, he's not jestingly complaining like he often would. Wei Wuxian rarely ever told others of what he is truly feeling, keeping so many things inside of him for his own self to bear.
It must be too much now, too much that he's telling her of it.
"I want to sleep.. even just for a while. If it could go beyond, if it could be forever, I'd be thankful."
Wen Qing knows what he means and the more she thinks of Wei Wuxian dying, the more her heart screams, the more her selfishness grows, and the more her tears form until they are falling onto Wei Wuxian's face, mixing in with his own tears.
"A'Ying," Her voice cracks, Wei Wuxian does not react, "You can't sleep forever." She tells him, even as her mind yells at her for her greed. She wants to utter apologies, but she finds them stuck in her throat. Wei Wuxian lets out a soft heave of his breath, "Even just for moment, Qing-jie?" He asks, so vulnerable that Wen Qing can no longer control the sob that comes from her lips. "A'Ying I-" I don't wish to lose you. I can't lose you. A'Ning, A'Yuan, everyone.. We can't lose you, please..
All that comes from her lips are sobs instead of the words she wants to say, she prays, she hopes Wei Wuxian has heard the words that are unsaid.
He did.
He closes his eyes, silent tears accompanying Wen Qing's loud and unashamed sobs. She is not a woman who shows her weakness. She is a woman who has long since learned to uphold a strong demeanour for the sake of her brother and her family, but right now, she is weak and hurting for Wei Wuxian. The young man never deserved this, he deserves to be free of worries, deserves to smile genuinely and to laugh joyfully because that is who he is, who he was before this.
Wei Wuxian raises his head and his body, grabs her palms into his and he feels cold, his hands feel so small in hers. She looks at him, sees those silver eyes showing tinges of warmth as he carries her hands to both sides of his face. He still wears a smile and it scares her, for the smile is real this time but it isn't the smile that she wanted to see.
It's a smile that tells her, I'm sorry.
Even as he's torn and falling into the desires of rest, he still comforts her like she's the one who lost everything, like she's the one who cannot see her siblings and the man that owns her heart. Yet, Wen Qing is selfish. She is selfish for she can't even allow Wei Wuxian his wishes that will grant him happiness. Wei Wuxian deserves to rest after everything, but Wen Qing cannot bear the idea of his rest being his death. The idea of it pains her greatly and it's the same kind of pain when she lost her parents and thought she had truly lost Wen Ning.
Wei Wuxian is her little brother by heart, and she is selfish for wanting to keep him alive in this world that wants them dead.
Wen Qing has never ran out of words, but as Wei Wuxian held her hands with his thumbs caressing the back of her hands, she cannot find her sharp tongue.
She's truly grateful for him, so grateful that she promised herself she'd grant Wei Wuxian any wish that she can allow him but she has denied him and denying him is too much for her heart.
"Why are you crying, Qing-jie? Don't tell me you'll miss me." Wei Wuxian jokes, but it is not full of humour. "You should be happy, Qing-jie, I won't bother you anymore. You'll be able to buy every radish you want instead of potatoes." He laughs, and it is lifeless. His voice wavers and Wen Qing pulls him closer to her, hugging him tightly that she swears she can hear him letting out a cry.
"Don't be stupid." Is all she can tell him, but she means a whole lot more.
Wei Wuxian falls asleep in her arms soon enough, not uttering anything after Wen Qing's words. She carries his body and he's too light for her. She wishes he's heavy, wishes she'd have a hard time lifting him up, that way she'd be comforted and be certain he's eating well but reality is often harsh.
She lays him gently on his bed, cleaning his dried tears before she cleans her own. She plants a soft kiss atop his forehead, caressing his hair like she would to Wen Ning in his most vulnerable times, showing gentle sisterly affections when no one else can see.
She looks at Wei Wuxian's resting face, he does not look at peace. He carries sorrow even as he sleeps and he appears to be mourning. She feels her eyes sting once again, parting her lips to whisper to the sleeping man the words she could not say earlier.
"A'Ying, thank you.."
Thank you for saving my family, thank you for giving us a home, thank you for giving us your heart and your ears when no one heard our cries. Thank you for being there for us when others turned a blind eye. Thank you for everything.
Her voice trembles, her tears almost fall, "and I'm sorry.."
I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for putting you into this. I'm sorry for being unable to help your pain. I'm sorry that I can't do anything to make you better again. I'm sorry for stealing everything from you. I'm sorry.
She allows herself more moments of weakness and kisses his head.
"Jiejie loves you."
She stands up and leaves.
Wei Wuxian's closed eyes shed tears.
It is already nighttime, dinner is being served in the hall they often gather in whenever they wish to eat altogether. Wei Wuxian has been asleep since this afternoon and Wen Qing did not want to bother him, letting him take a rest that is temporary, hoping he would not have nightmares in his sleep. Wen Yuan wanted to check him and sleep with him but Wen Qing and many of the elders told the young boy to leave Wei Wuxian to rest as peacefully as he can even though they knew the young man would not mind his son's presence.
Wen Ning listened to Wen Qing as they prepared the meal, they had used the ingredients they were able to acquire, they made sure it would be to Wei Wuxian's liking. Wen Qing had confided in Wen Ning the same as the latter talked to her about what he noticed and felt for their brother by heart.
They may or may not have cried together, although Wen Qing would have been the only one capable of shedding tears.
"A'Yuan, can you wake your A'Niang?" She bends down to the boy's level after she placed a tray on top of the table, smiling gently at the other when pink forms to colour his cheeks. He gives out a heartwarming grin and a nod, "Mn! Will wake A'Niang!" Wen Yuan exclaims, his enthusiasm a lovely thing to have in their dark times. He reminds her of Wei Wuxian's joy and she finds herself thinking wistfully.
She kisses his cheek before she lets him run outside to get to Wei Wuxian's abode, knowing Wen Yuan will never fail to bring the former with him seeing as he can never deny Wen Yuan of anything. She talks to Granny for some time, sharing occasional words with Wen Ning too as they wait for the last family members before they could eat.
Wen Yuan is running towards them.
Wei Wuxian is not with him.
Wen Yuan is tearing up and they all feel the rush of panic. "A'Yuan-" Wen Qing starts, running to hug him and they watch in horror as the young boy begins to wail.
"A'Niang..! Something is wrong with A'Niang! A'Yuan can't wake A'Niang up!" The boy cries aloud, his sobs heartbreaking and worrying.
Wen Yuan is given to Granny before Wen Qing and Wen Ning break into a frantic run, Wen Qing is dreading, her stomach twisting with sickening worry at the young boy's words. She recalls Wei Wuxian's words earlier and as they get closer to the cave, she begs the heavens that what would greet them would not be what she thinks.
Please be safe. Please be safe. Please be safe.
She gets inside first, Wen Ning following behind her. When they arrive to where Wei Wuxian often slept, the blood is drained from Wen Qing's body and she feels her heart stop.
Her eyes are blown wide, a pained cry coming from her lips as her brother yells in terror.
"Ying- ge !!"
Wei Wuxian is laying on the ground, a pool of blood surrounding his body. His eyes are open as crimson liquid drips from his parted lips and in his hand, he held a long poisoned knife.
Wen Qing's whole body freezes, the fright absolute that she can barely hear her brother screaming for her, screaming for help as she stares at those silver eyes that have lost its life. Wen Ning holds Wei Wuxian close to his chest and more blood is seen all over his robes and on the ground.
The blood is not young.
Like a dam breaking, her body moves, scared for dear life, as she runs to their brother, runs and runs until a desperate scream is torn right out of her throat.
" A'Ying !"
The people of Yiling could hear The Burial Mounds crying that night.