Chapter Text
“It’s gunna be okay Buck” the words replayed over and over in Bucky’s head as he stared at the old figure on the park bench. The burning in his throat becoming unbearable as Sam took off at a charge across the yard towards him. Fury radiating from the Falcon.
Bucky’s sniper eyes picked up on Banner’s trembling figure as he began to shut down the machine.
“You okay big guy?” Bucky kept his tone soft as he looked over at him. Large, heartbroken eyes met his and he swallowed thickly as the Hulk spoke softly.
“Better than you, but probably not much” Bucky let out a soft smile at the response. A smile which promptly died on his lips as an old voice called across the field.
“Bucky?!” he turned to see Steve standing, looking at him with hopeful eyes and Sam standing next to him, arms crossed over his chest and face pinched. Steve raised a hand and Bucky swallowed thickly as Banner spoke softly again.
“You don’t have to go over there if you don’t want to, you don’t owe him anything Sergeant” Bucky looked at him and watched the giant green head nod in reassurance. He let out a shaky breath, ignoring his name being called a second time. He felt his eyes sting and turned away from the voice calling him and reached for one of the boxes.
“D-do you need a hand with this stuff?” Banner clearly saw it for what it was and smiled gently.
“Sure, thanks man” Bucky tried to smile and if a tear or two escaped his eye as he piled into Banner’s truck, the scientist was graceful enough not to mention it.
“Bucky!” Steve gaped in fear as his best friend walked away, shoulders slumped and trudging steps as he piled into the old truck. He turned back to Sam who was absolutely fuming.
“Sam-“ Sam held up a finger and clenched his jaw.
“No. Right now, you don’t get to talk. We gotta get back to To- Pepper’s place. Whatever the hell your explanation is, they deserve to hear it from you.” Steve’s eyes filled with tears as Sam shook his head and began walking to his own car. The same one the three of them had driven to the funeral that morning.
He began following Sam to the car nervously. He thought they’d be happy for him, that he’d finally live the life that Tony and Natasha had been telling him to get. But now, surrounded by tension and that positively haunted look in Bucky’s eyes that he could see even from that far away. Steve realized that he’d miscalculated. Now, instead of being excited at the idea of going back and explaining the long beautiful life he’d had with Peggy, he was terrified.
Wanda was screaming – well actually she was crying but Steve preferred to call it screaming because the alternative hurt too much. Sam was in the kitchen, looking over the island counter as he pretended to wash dishes. Banner had left, not wanting to deal with the fallout and Dr. Strange was sitting on the couch staring at the cup of tea in his hands. Steve couldn’t decide who looked scarier, Clint or Pepper. The group all stared quietly as Wanda continued to spew out words, “selfish” and “uncaring” appearing several times in her tirade. Steve shuffled in his seat, old eyes looking to his best friend for some form of support.
When he finally looked in Bucky's eyes, he wished he hadn't.
Bucky's eyes were completely shuttered off, normally that would mean no one could read him. But Steve knew his best friend and knew exactly what that look meant.
He'd made a mistake.
A very big one.
He slowly leaned forward and scratched out in his old man voice as he reached out a hand. As much as he adored Wanda, she wasn’t his concern right now.
"Buck, I can explain-" Bucky lurched away as though he'd been burned and let out a cold snarl.
"Don't touch me" Wanda stopped mid-rant at the gutted tone and the group all looked over at Bucky as Sam slowly put it together, eyes widening in shock as he glanced between the two for several moments.
"Oh my God, you didn't know either, did you James?" Bucky shook his head tiredly and wrapped his arms around himself as he sniffed, looking up at Sam.
"You really think I would've just let him walk away without saying anything?" Steve's brow furrowed in confusion.
"Say what? What're you talking about Bucky?" Bucky let out a horrid imitation of a laugh and even Strange flinched.
"Nothin', doesn't matter now, you just kept me from wastin’ my breath is all" Steve looked at him as ice cold dread began to fill his stomach.
"Bucky, please, what were you going to tell me? I deserve to-"
"You deserve nothing!" The whole room froze as a distraught Pepper Potts paraded back into the room, cutting Steve off mid sentence as she finally snapped.
"You're fucking selfish Captain Rogers, and I don't want you in my home! What about your family here huh!? Why were we forgotten for you to go off after some girl you knew for what, a year!? How dare you abandon us - how dare you take her future from her to fill your own selfish desires. I used to dream that Morgan would find a man like you - one who respects people. Now, you're the one I should be warning her about, get out." By the time the rant was over Pepper's voice was dangerously low and the tears were sliding down her face and dripping off her chin. Bucky took a silent moment to be grateful that Happy had taken Morgan for a cheeseburger.
Steve made an aborted move to stand and Pepper set her jaw, pointing at the door.
"Get out, Captain" Steve gaped at her as tears stung his eyes and he choked out to his friend desperately.
"Sam?" Sam shook his head and that was when Bucky realized the veteran was crying as well.
"You know, I'm all for you hanging up the shield, getting that nice quiet life you deserved, but did you really have to do it like this? Why weren't we enough? Why wasn't Peggy's happiness enough? I don't understand why you had to walk away from the people who care about you to chase a ghost" Steve felt the wind knock out of his sails at Sam's soft tone. Bucky suddenly swallowed thickly and stepped forward.
"Sam, I'm gunna go. You gunna be okay?" Sam sent the Sergeant a grateful smile and nodded.
"Yeah man, you want a lift?" Bucky shook his head, pointedly ignoring Steve's desperate voice repeatedly saying his name with increasing panic.
"Naw, I'm good. I just – I can’t be here anymore" Sam nodded in understanding as Strange stood.
“Allow me to offer you a lift sergeant Barnes, we’re heading the same way and honestly I don’t care enough to be here” the doctor’s tone was passive, but Bucky could see the compassion in his eyes and smiled gratefully.
“Sure, if you don’t mind” Strange nodded and the two stepped outside, walking away from the commotion still carrying on in the cabin as they headed to his Jaguar. Bucky was at the door to the car before a broken voice echoed behind him.
“Bucky, please” he turned as Steve walked his way over as quickly as possible in his old age. He took a calming breath and closed his eyes, noticing that Strange had stopped from getting into the car, pretending to look out at the property as he remained a silent support for the man he barely knew.
“Not right now Steve-“
“No, Bucky, right now. I need you t-“ Bucky felt the last of his resolve snap as the tears he’d been fighting for the last several hours finally let go.
“And I needed you!” Steve stopped short and Bucky was faintly aware of the audience collecting on the porch.
“Bucky-“
“You promised, ‘Till the end of the line. You know, I could’ve accepted that you went back but – but look at me – did you even look for me?” guilt poured off the Captain in waves and Bucky sniffed in spite of himself, choking back a sob.
“I couldn’t, Bucky you know-“
“Bullshit” Steve Bucky both looked over as Strange interrupted him.
“If you can go back in time and take a woman’s marriage and family away, you sure as Hell can stop torture.” Steve inhaled sharply as Bucky looked up at him.
“Y-you didn’t even try?” tears slid down Steve’s face at Bucky’s broken tone. Bucky shook his head and wiped his eyes.
“Buck-“ the brunette’s gaze shut Steve up as he opened the passenger door.
“I never want to see you again” Steve let out a broken cry and grabbed him.
“No, Bucky please-“ Bucky lurched away again and looked at him.
“Was she worth it Steve? Was it all worth it?” Steve hesitated and Bucky wiped his eyes again, moving to get in the car.
“Goodbye Steve” Strange climbed into the car and revved the engine in warning as Steve began banging on the window, tears falling unabashedly from his eyes as desperation coloured his tone.
“Bucky!” Strange took off down the laneway, Steve’s cries fading into the distance.
The two pulled up to the Sanctum in silence, Bucky’s tears had dried but he remained a shadow as they climbed out of the car, following him into the building.
“Where would you like to go?” Bucky looked down at his hands and shrugged his shoulders.
“Don’t really have anywhere to go, thanks for the ride Doc, I’ll get out of your hair.” Strange gently placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a smile Bucky didn’t even know he could give.
“How about Wakanda to start?” Bucky nodded and looked at him with an unspoken question.
“I won’t reveal where you are, if Rogers finds out, it was from someone else” Bucky nodded in gratitude as Strange opened the portal.
“Thank you Dr. Strange” he moved to step through the portal when the man’s deep baritone spoke again.
“Barnes, I know you don’t believe me right now, but I promise you, it’s going to be okay” Bucky gave him a sad smile and turned back to the portal, letting out a humourless laugh.
“No offense, but you’re the second Steve who’s said that to me today, forgive me if I don’t believe you.” Strange could only look on sadly as the broken man walked through, portal closing behind him.