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It was years ago, but that doesn’t matter. Your brain doesn’t forget things that easily.
He was fifteen; she was sixteen. It was his first relationship, and it started so well. Not that it stayed that way. She controlled him, she threatened him, she made him scared to be around her but also scared to be away from her… and then it got worse. She punched him when she was angry, one time breaking his nose. He lost his virginity to her, but it wasn’t consensual; she made him feel like he couldn’t say no, and told him it meant he enjoyed it when he came. He was terrified of her, but he loved her.
He got out of the relationship at eighteen, but fourteen years have passed and he’s still struggling. Yoshida is tense and jumpy, and finds it almost impossible to trust anyone. Which is now more of a problem than ever… because of Futami.
He has a partner now, and he loves him. But… but he hasn’t dated since the… since last time, and everything makes him worried. The thought of making love with Futami terrifies him, and every day he finds himself worrying that Futami might turn out to be like her. And he hopes he won’t; because he loves him, and he can’t go through all of that again.
“Are you okay, Yoshi?” Futami asks one evening, handing him a bottle of beer.
Yoshida shrugs. Does he trust Futami enough?
He should tell him.
So he does.
“I… there’s something I need to talk about,” he says.
And as his heart races, he tells him. He tells him everything.
“And that… that’s why I’m so anxious around you.”
“Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” Futami says.
He hugs him close, and Yoshida manages a weak smile.