Chapter Text
Here’s a fun fact: There are no direct flights from San Francisco to Tulsa. There are also no direct flights from San Jose to Tulsa, or from Oakland, or even Sonoma County. No airport in the Bay Area will take you directly to Tulsa, which means that getting home was, to borrow from the French, a huge fucking pain in the ass for Richard. Of course, as soon as he had a serious boyfriend he wanted to bring home for Christmas, his mother suddenly offered to drive two hours to pick them up from the Oklahoma City airport, something she would have never done for just Richard, but, whatever. Richard’s over it. So now Richard Hendricks and Jared Dunn are sitting on United Airlines flight 5585 from San Francisco International Airport to Will Rogers World Airport in Oklahoma City.
Here’s another fun fact: Jared had apparently read the entire Wikipedia page for Tulsa, Oklahoma, and was bombarding Richard with fun facts.
“Richard, did you know that Tulsa has one of the largest concentrations of Art Deco architecture in the world?” Jared asks. Jared is in the aisle seat, leaning over Richard to look out the window.
“I did know that,” Richard replies. “Jared, did you want to switch seats?”
“No, no, I’m fine. Did you know that S.E. Hinton’s The Outsiders takes place in Tulsa? S.E. Hinton wrote it while she was just a Junior at Will Rogers High School.” Jared’s angle has his knees jammed into Richard’s leg.
“I did. I actually went to Will Rogers High School. Jared, you know any fact you learned about Tulsa from the Wikipedia page I probably already know, right? I mean, I’m kind of really into fun facts.” Richard tries to shift his legs away from Jared, but there isn’t enough room.
“I didn’t just read the Wikipedia page!” He reaches into his backpack, moving his knees away from Richard’s leg, and pulls out a thin book. Richard sighs in relief. “I also read the Insider’s Travel Guide to Tulsa.”
“Jared, wh- why would you buy a travel guide to Tulsa? Do you not trust me to show you around?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend, really, I just want this trip to go perfectly.” Jared stares at his lap.
Before Jared can go into the self-flagellating routine Richard knows is coming, he reaches over for Jared’s hand. “It’s going to be great, I promise. My family is going to love you. I mean, I love you. So why wouldn’t they?”
“Oh, Richard,” Jared says, voicing dripping with emotion. Richard allows him to run his thumb along Richard’s cheek bone. “I love you too. You know I would cross the ocean for you. I would fight through jungles for you, I would hijack a plane for you-”
“Maybe don’t- maybe don’t say that one right now.”
“Oh, right. My point is, I love you, but Richard, you have to admit, you haven’t told me very much. I don’t know what to expect.”
Richard furrows his brow. “Well, what more did you want to know?”
“Everything! What should I call your parents? What do your siblings do for a living? Do your parents have any pets?”
“Ok, um, my parents will probably ask you to call them Tom and Rhonda, but you should call them Mr. and Mrs. Hendricks at first and let them correct you, they’ll like that. My brother William is a lawyer, my sister Maggie works for the Federal Reserve in Cleveland. And yeah, my parents have a cat. Her name is Rutabaga and she’s kind of evil.”
“Thank you Richard.” Jared turns back to the window for a moment before fixing his eyes on Richard once more. “But Richard-”
“Yes, Jared?” Richard says sharply. When he looks up into Jared’s watery eyes, he immediately feels guilty. “What’s up?”
“I don’t even know how to behave at a family gathering. What do we do? The closest I’ve ever come to experiencing a family event was when I testified against my uncle Jerry.”
“What? You just, you just behave normally. Just be yourself. We’ll probably play games and drink beer, it’ll be fun. Like I said, they’ll love you. And it- it won’t be anything like when you testified against your uncle, I promise.”
“Thank you for answering all of my questions, Richard. I just want to know everything important there is to know!”
Richard squeezes his hands again. “I promise, I’ve told you everything important.”
Richard had NOT told him everything important. The first important thing he forgot to mention was that Oklahoma is really and truly the Plains. Jared counts 5 cowboy hats before they even make it to baggage claim. He spends a solid five minutes staring at a magnificent bronze sculpture of a Native American man with his arms outstretched before Richard pulls him away.
The second important thing he forgot to mention was that Rhonda Hendricks has a strong Southern accent. Like, strong. Jared learns this as they are bombarded in baggage claim.
“Hey Richard! How’s my baby boy?” she asks, cupping both of his cheeks in her hands.
“Hey Mom-” Richard begins, but she had already moved on.
“And you must be Jared. Look at you! Oh, you are handsome! Isn’t he handsome?” she says, wrapping Jared in a crushing hug. Jared beams. “Richard, how come your boyfriend is carrying all the luggage? Get your lazy ass over here and help out.”
“He insisted!”
“Really, Mrs. Hendricks, it’s fine, I don’t mind carrying the bags.”
“Well, it goes against every hospitable instinct in my body, but if you insist, I suppose I can allow a guest to carry the luggage.” Rhonda throws her hands in the air. “Oh, and Jared, please call me Rhonda. Ok, this way to the car.” Rhonda turns on her heel and heads toward the parking lot. Jared struggles to keep up, the luggage throwing off his center of gravity.
“So, Rhonda, if you don’t mind me asking, where are you from? You have a beautiful accent,” Jared asks, as the duffel bag on this left shoulder attempts to topple him.
“Oh, thank you, sweetheart. I’m from Jackson, Mississippi.”
“What a coincidence! I lived in Meridian for a few years when I was growing up!”
“Oh, how funny! Was your daddy military?”
“Oh, no, I grew up in the foster system.” Jared figures it’s not worth mentioning that his father is in a White Supremacist paramilitary group in the Ozarks.
“Oh!” Rhonda says, turning around to face Jared. Her facial expression is one Jared has seen many times, a mix of discomfort and surprise and pity. You’ve done it now, Donald, he thinks. Five minutes in and you’ve already revealed your tragic backstory to your boyfriend’s mother.
“Well then,” Rhonda continues, “We’ll just have to show you what a real country Christmas is like.” As they reach the car, Rhonda pops the trunk, and Richard helps Jared load their suitcases in the back.
“Hey,” Richard whispers, bumping Jared's shoulder. “It’s gonna be a good Christmas.”