Work Text:
No one's picking up the phone
Guess it's me and me
And this little masochist
She's ready to confess
All the things that I never thought
That she could feel
Hey Jupiter - Tori Amos
The worst indignity of it all isn’t the way everyone went quiet as she walked in, or that Snapper managed to break the vase - the one Kara salvaged from Cat’s desk when she left - as he threw possessions in the banker’s box. No, the biggest embarrassment for getting fired over a blogpost that didn’t even change anything in the end, is that Kara has to come and collect her final paycheck in person.
She hasn’t been as reliant on her meager CatCo salary since the DEO started paying a stipend, but there’s paperwork to complete, too. The HR department have been too good to her over the past two-and-a-bit years to suddenly mess them around now, so Kara puts on her big girl pants to head into the CatCo building one last time.
A few brave souls give her a passing smile, but for the most part they avoid eye contact. Where Kara was once known throughout the building as Cat’s right hand, the good cop they should cooperate with before the bad cop rained down hell in four-inch heels, now she’s just the idiot who screwed up. She can’t help feeling a few people who still blame her for Cat’s worst excesses are probably glad to see her downfall.
She’s collected so many termination letters from Phyllis in HR that the steps seem to be worn into grooves in the carpet for her. Unlike Pam at the DEO, Phyllis is kind and welcoming, nothing ever too much trouble for Ms Grant. Or Ms Danvers, as she always insists on calling Kara, unless she stays for a cup of tea and some gossip.
Phyllis is going to be so disappointed. Kara’s eyes are stinging with preemptive tears as she knocks on the door. Which is strange in itself, as Phyllis only closes it for the most confidential meetings, most of which she holds in the conference room with witnesses.
“Come in.”
Kara does, and where she expects to see Phyllis with her soft perm and bright floral blouses, instead she sees the only person who can get those threatening tears to spill: Cat Grant herself.
“Well, at least you’re on time.” Cat has her feet up on the desk, though it isn’t hers. Deep red heels to match the fiery stripe through her black blouse, coupled with one of her signature black pencil skirts. As part of missing her, Kara has found herself branching out into new stores, trying to capture at least some of Cat’s presence in her day. She can’t compete with this though. Cat looks like she’s come to attend some kind of runway funeral, and she’s hot enough to start the pyre by herself.
“I can explain-” Kara attempts, furiously wiping away tears. “The public had a right to know!”
“Yes, they did,” Cat agrees, and Kara finally breathes all the way out. “But they also deserve to be sure that knowledge was fact-checked, verified and free of bias. If you want to get a message to your fellow aliens-”
“But-”
Cat raises a finger to silence any further denials. “You are in enough trouble. Message your fellow aliens on WhatsApp, make a group chat or something. But you cannot, will not, and thanks to Snapper, did not use the reputation of my publications to promote shoddy journalism.”
“I was doing it on my own time,” Kara points out. “That’s why I’m being fired.”
“No,” Cat corrects. “Using yourself as a source. Refusing to comply with ethics guidelines. Repeatedly missing deadlines and stealing stories from other reporters. Insubordination, including defying direct orders, and generally being the worst team player since Jared Leto started sending people dead rats. All that plus why Snapper fired you.”
“You’ve done all of those things!” Kara feels that spark that’s been missing, igniting a streak of anger that jolts through her. She thought her champion had come to fight her corner, to commiserate over bullish men ruining the media. To save Kara from whatever the hell her life has become lately. Apart from saving Alex the other night, it feels like she hasn’t done a single thing right since hearing Cat say I’ll be back on the balcony. “I have been trying so hard, you know how hard I work.”
“You’ve been distracted.” Cat kicks her feet off the desk, placing her hands on it instead as she leans forward to lecture Kara. “I gave you everything you needed and instead of diving, you paddled around in the shallow end, chasing boys and arguing about stories you had no right to be covering. That is not what I expected. I thought you were ready for me to leave.”
“Don’t do that, please.” Kara takes a seat at last, pinching the bridge of her nose. She shouldn’t be able to get headaches, but she’s been toiling a little since the exertion of stopping a spaceship in its tracks. “Don’t do that thing where people have their own selfish reasons, but make it sound like they only did it for you.”
“Setting you free was a fringe benefit,” Cat concedes. “I was giving you room to flourish. Instead, Eve tells me you’re trailing after a frat boy, trying to stop him peeing on the furniture.”
“That was one time, and he was really drunk.”
Cat looks appropriately horrified. “I know Cadmus must be a terrible threat to you, and to people you care about. If you’d reached out to me, I could have helped you negotiate a way to fight them in this job as well as in the cape. Why didn’t you?”
“You can’t reach out to someone who isn’t available.”
“How did you know I wasn’t? For God’s sake, Livewire is back on the loose and you didn’t so much as call me?”
“I keep tabs on her,” Kara promises. “And Winn helps - you remember Winn, right?”
“I had a sabbatical, not a head injury.” Cat stands then, looming over Kara, who has rarely felt so small. It’s so tempting to just put her head down on the desk and let the tears fall again. “Kara, what’s wrong?”
“I wish I knew,” she sighed. “I’ve been feeling strange for a while now. I don’t know how to describe it. Usually I experience things so much more than everyone else - sounds, tastes, colors… lately it’s like I’m back on Krypton. Maybe even less than that. Even potstickers don’t make me happy like they used to.”
“You know what it sounds like…”
“I have everything I should need,” Kara continues, building a head of steam now. “I have a calling, my dream job handed to me. Okay, I miss seeing my sister as much, but she got a great girlfriend! So I got a boyfriend. I should be just as happy as her. I save people, every day. It used to give me such a rush, but now it’s just more work. More stuff to do before I get to go home and be alone. Only now my boyfriend is always there, like he thinks he lives there or something. I didn’t… I didn’t…”
There’s no holding back the tears this time. Cat is around the desk in record time, putting even Kara’s speed to shame. This hug, their third because Kara does count and it does matter more than it should, is the fiercest yet. Despite her tiny frame, Cat’s hug bodily lifts Kara from the chair, pulling her closer than they’ve ever been. Cat’s heartbeat thunders against Kara’s chest and for a moment Kara feels like a motor that’s had its power supply restored.
“It’s okay,” Cat assures her. “Or it will be.”
“I screwed up.” Kara is mumbling into Cat’s shoulder, the silk of the blouse so soft against her face.
“We all do. God knows I did, abandoning you like that.” Cat’s arms squeeze just a little tighter. It might be just imagination, but it’s almost enough to hurt Kara. “All these diving metaphors of mine, and I didn’t once think to ask if you’d ever learned to swim. But I can put that right.”
“But-”
“You need to speak to your government people,” Cat continues, drawing back just enough to face Kara again, holding her firmly by the upper arms. “Whatever your cells do on this planet, they’re not immune to some creative brain chemistry. I’d share my prescription right now if I thought it would help, but this is going to take more than an inspiring quote and drinking a smoothie in the morning. You know that, don’t you?”
“I just don’t understand why now. I’ve lost people before. I lost my whole planet and I got through it.” Kara knows she must look pathetic, but it’s the first time in so long that she’s been able to put any of this into words. She came close with Alex on her earth birthday, but it always feels like a window is slamming closed, and if Kara doesn’t talk fast enough, she’ll lose her sister to Maggie all over again.
“I suspect,” Cat soothes with her words, and gentle stroking motions over Kara’s biceps. “That you probably didn’t deal with that on any real level. But in the past few months you’ve been around people from your planet again - that woman you fought, the man who came to CatCo and killed Kelly.”
“He’s nothing to me,” Kara argues. “But that woman was my aunt. My mom’s twin sister. She died, too.”
“A little help to handle your grief, Kara. Then we’ll see what we can do about getting your career back on track. With support this time, not just adversarial techniques. They work for me, and they might for you when you feel better. But not everything in your life has to be a battle.”
“Am I still fired?”
“Yes.” It lands like a slap. Kara takes a step back, but Cat won’t relinquish her hold. “Although I’ll let you resign instead. Without prejudice, of course. As soon as you’re ready, you can come back. I’ll create another position if I have to. Hell, I’ll launch you a new magazine if that’s what it takes. In the meantime, maybe Supergirl can have an outlet at CatCo. First-person, with reliable sources. Kara Danvers can have a well-deserved rest.”
“Why would you do that for me?” Kara doesn’t understand entirely, but she sees the gift for what it is. One more time, Cat has her back in ways that nobody else can. It’s a favor and a challenge all rolled into one. “Why did you come all the way back from wherever you were-”
“Metropolis.”
“Just to watch me leave CatCo? Even if it’s not for good.”
“For the past two years, I’ve been the best possible version of myself because of you, Kara. I ran this company better than I ever have, and it gave me the freedom to step back. You’ve given me the peace and confidence to spend time with my son while he still needs me, to regroup and choose my path just like you’re trying to do now.”
“I really helped?” Kara can’t help fishing just a little.
“You did,” Cat confirms. “So you’re going to let me do the same for you. My one reservation is this boyfriend.”
“It’s funny,” Kara says. “But standing here with you, like this… it’s like I can’t even see his face.”
“Replacements can be that way.” Cat’s grin is positively wicked. “I thought I’d at least diverted your hopeless crush onto James Olsen. Alas. Tell me that Luthor girl is just your replacement powerful woman, and not-”
“Oh God no,” Kara confirms. “We’re just friends. She has the best taste in restaurants, I have so many new recommendations for you. But, wait… how did you know?”
“Do you think I look like this for my own benefit?” Cat teases. “You have the subtlety of a Jimmy Fallon monologue, and frankly it’s a delight to watch your reactions. It’s a wonder you didn’t trip over you own tongue some days. Of course, this window when you’re no longer a CatCo employee would be the perfect time to explore that possibility. Sans boyfriend, naturally.”
“Well, that’s not very modern.” Kara does some teasing of her own. She wriggles out of Cat’s grip long enough to grab a pen and sign her dismissal agreement, shoving the check into her back pocket. “I’m sure he’d be really into a threesome.”
“You had half a chance with James,” Cat warns. “But Eve has told me too much for the walking pick-up line to even be on the table. But seriously…”
Kara kisses her, and it’s almost exactly like a movie. She can practically hear an audience sighing in relief; Rao knows the rate of Kara’s heartbeat sounds like applause. Cat’s lips part as though she’s simply been waiting for an invitation, and perhaps all this time she really has. Where words and feelings have failed Kara so many times in recent weeks, lips and tongues and the faintest hint of teeth say so much more.
“This isn’t a cure,” Cat reminds her when they finally part. “But I’m not inclined to deny you something we both want, not if it makes you even a little happier. I do have some referrals for you. People to talk to.”
“I can’t-”
“These recommendations come from Bruce Wayne and Diana Prince,” Cat drops the names as casually as she does with every other celebrity, but the knowing glint in her eye says Kara was an idiot to think she could ever keep her secret from Cat. “And I’ll be moving back to National City over the course of this week. It’s my natural base of operations.”
Kara moves in for another kiss, but Cat halts her in place with a single finger to Kara’s lips. Kara kisses that gently instead, but nods in acknowledgment.
“No cheating. Got it.”
“I’m sure you can throw a thong for him to chase, some kind of distraction once it’s done,” Cat suggests. “And when you’re done, I’ll be at home. To talk, to kiss, to… well. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“I thought I was losing the last thing that mattered, coming in here today,” Kara explains, moving towards the door while she can still make herself do it. The pull of Cat is as magnetic as ever. “Instead I got back the one person that can make me feel right again. I hope Phyllis doesn’t mind us making out in her office.”
“Phyllis is just annoyed she owes me fifty for holding out this long. Before making my move,” Cat clarifies. “She’s insisted you were meant for me ever since you passed the six-weeks mark.”
“You should get moving,” Kara replies. “It doesn’t take me long to get home, remember? And five minutes after I get there, I’ll be leaving as a single person.”
“And if you need to stay single for a while, until things feel better, I’ll respect that.” Cat makes the promise effortlessly, and Kara thinks she might love her for that alone.
“I’ll decide after some more kissing,” Kara promises. “See you later?”
“Yes. You will.”