Chapter Text
As he felt his body press against the seat barrier he had laid his head on when the train slowed to a stop, Sakusa blinked his eyes open groggily, wincing at the bright sunlight that flooded his face through the window across from him. He didn’t quite appreciate that the first thing that occurred to him after regaining consciousness was being blinded by the morning sun, grumbling under his mask at the realization that the day was only starting. He would be thankful that he was the only one in the car at the time, but just before he could complain more, the doors opened and a few people walked in, just as exasperated as he was having to start their day off so early. Sakusa glanced at the electric sign above him, flashing between “Current Stop: Hirayamajōshi-kōen Station” and “6:25 AM”.
Hirayamajōshi-kōen Station, Sakusa thought. Ah. He turned his head beside him after noticing a shift in the atmosphere. He caught eye contact with Amanai as she speed-walked through the train doors, barely making it before they closed behind her. She smiled and waved, as she made her way over, sitting down beside him. “Hey, it looks like you just woke up. You look awful.” Amanai remarked, placing her bag on her lap and getting comfortable in her seat.
“Good morning to you too, Amanai.” Sakusa stifled a yawn, Amanai stifled a laugh. “Wake me up when we get there?” He didn’t give her a chance to respond before resting his head back against the seat barrier and closing his eyes.
“Not even going to entertain a conversation with me? How mean.” She pouted. Her eyebrows furrowed as she gazed at Sakusa, already sleeping soundly. “Fine.” She said with a huff and pressed the back of her head against the window, pulling out her phone to pass the time and to stay awake from the hypnotic hum of the train moving.
It certainly wasn’t the first time they’ve had an exchange like that on a train, so early in the morning. In fact, a month ago, Amanai didn’t even know Sakusa rode the same train line, and neither did Sakusa himself. The two of them had vastly different morning routines—Sakusa was more of an early bird than Amanai, and would get up as early as his body could afford to avoid the infamous Tokyo rush hour—so before then, their paths never crossed. It wasn’t until morning volleyball training at the ripe time of 7:00 AM became a requirement and Amanai had to force her night owl self to get up earlier than usual. It just so happened she noticed that familiar face when she walked into a nearly empty train car one day; being able to sit next to him definitely was something to look forward to when waking up early. It was a good thing for her.
It was also a good thing for Sakusa as well (although he would never admit that in his life). Waking up so early came at the cost of his own sleep schedule. It was always the case, even in high school. Itachiyama was 35 minutes from the nearest station to his house, so even then he woke up at the break of dawn. Since there wouldn’t be many people in the first half of his trip, he’d take the opportunity to close his eyes, even if it was only for a short period. Once people started to fill the car though, he’d wake and move to the corner of the car, secluding himself in a tiny social bubble and glaring at anyone who came near. His trips to university didn’t take nearly as long but were still the same gist.
Ever since Amanai started sitting next to him, however, he didn’t have to worry too much about it anymore. She would enter around the middle of his route, at the time where most people came in. With her to his left, the seat fence to his right, and his bag in front of him, he was perfectly protected on all sides. And with that to reassure him, he could get the most out of his train naps until Amanai would tug at his sleeve to signal it was their stop.
Their walks from Tama-Dobutsukoen Station to the gymnasium for morning training at first were mostly in silence. It was a bit awkward for the both of them since before then, they’d only talk for a few minutes on campus in class or after practice. This was a little different from those instances. More personal and intimate, in a friendly way at least. As time passed, however, they slowly opened up about the mundane things: what they had for dinner the other night, their home routines on the weekend, the loud neighbor beside Amanai’s apartment, the dog that Sakusa would pass by on his way to his station. Amanai would comment on Sakusa’s habits, like his most observable trait of being a germaphobe or the smaller things like how he had the tendency to mess with his nails when he was disinterested. Sakusa noticed a few things about Amanai as well, like how she tended to stand behind him when it would get crowded or how she had a nasty glare that was on par with his own when she was pissed off. Sakusa never told these things to her, and would instead simply play along and banter against her. If they had some time to spare or there wasn’t any practice, they’d stop by a convenience store along the way to grab a bite before continuing.
At the end of the day, they’d meet up at the station around sundown, talking about their day while waiting behind the yellow line for their train to come. It didn’t happen all the time, of course, with assignments and other plans that came first. Never did they hold it against each other if one of them couldn’t make it; they were adults with responsibilities before anything else. A simple text—most of them a one-liner like, “I’m heading home early.” from Sakusa or “Have things I need to do, see you tomorrow!” from Amanai—to keep each other updated sufficed, and they went on with their day.
University life didn’t offer much opportunity to build a routine; there were always assignments due the next day, group meetups for projects, practice matches, camps, tournaments, even social outings (if they had time for that). But for Amanai and Sakusa, it was these brief meetings—where Amanai would meet an exhausted Sakusa, where they’d walk to the gymnasium at the break of dawn, where they’d laugh and banter with each other along the way, or revel in comfortable silence—that became the calm before and after the storm of a day they’d had.
After afternoon practice one day, Sakusa noticed that Amanai was oddly quiet; unlike the normal silence between them, she was unusually tense. He figured it was due to the All-Japan Intercollegiate Volleyball Championship coming in a few weeks. Their coaches decided to ramp up the schedule, conditioning both the women's and men’s teams to their stamina’s end. Coupling that with the work that was piling up from both of their classes didn’t make for the best combination for their stress levels. For Sakusa, he just wanted to go home and rest after finishing the work he needed to do for his classes, but it seemed like Amanai had something else in mind.
“I think,” Amanai started as they both sat down in their usual seat on the train, Sakusa up against the end of the seat row and Amanai beside him, “I’m going to practice more.”
She had that look in her eyes, Sakusa thought. The look that every dedicated volleyball player, including himself, had when they fell a level deeper into the sport. She stared almost lifelessly at the food under her like it had offended her in some way, clutching her bag tighter by the second. It’s probably her receives. He’d known he had always had trouble with her receives, ever since high school. Amanai admitted to it herself. For someone who strived to be a well-rounded player such as Amanai, it was only natural that she’d want to improve on an important skill like receiving. But the cost of wanting that was what concerned Sakusa the most about what Amanai said.
“And you’re telling me this because…?”
“Oh—” She turned to face Sakusa, snapping back to reality and regaining that bubbliness of hers. “It just means I’m probably not going to be riding the train with you in the afternoons for a while. After the Championships it’ll go back to normal.”
“Ah. I see.” He stayed quiet.
“What, are you going to be sad without me?” she playfully pouted, suppressing a laugh. Sakusa scoffed.
“In your dreams.”
But every morning since then, Amanai wasn’t the same. When Sakusa would wake up from his train nap at Hirayamajōshi-kōen Station, he’d watch as Amanai would walk in, dragging her feet and heavily plopping down beside him with a sigh. Upon further inspection of her condition, he observed the prominent bags under her eyes that formed only recently and her complexion becoming paler. It would worsen every passing day. Just as he had feared. But he wasn’t sure exactly what she was doing that caused her to look like a zombie that hadn’t eaten in a week.
“Are you alright?” He finally inquired, hoping to get something to piece together the full situation from her.
“Yup… Perfectly fine.” Sakusa wasn’t convinced in the slightest. He sighed into his mask and furrowed his brows. “Fine, maybe I’m a bit tired. And sore.”
“Take a rest and ask to skip out of morning training for today.”
Amanai seemed to have woken up from that with an outburst. “What?! No, I can’t do that…”
He crossed his arms and broke eye contact. “Then start taking care of yourself.” He gently pushed the back of Amanai’s head, burying her head into the bag on her lap. “Now rest.” She wanted to object but didn’t have the energy or the mental fortitude to go up against Sakusa. The simple gesture was enough for her to pass out within a few seconds before Sakusa tapped her shoulder 15 minutes later to leave.
It was like they switched positions; usually, it was Sakusa who would be sleeping until they got off, but instead, it was her. Sakusa didn’t mind it though, he knew she needed the rest, and was more than happy to give it to her. Although Amanai did appreciate it, she could only wish a little nap could alleviate all the stress she put on herself. Every day she came in looking worse than the previous day, she could feel the glare from Sakusa piercing her side. He was concerned—maybe a little too concerned—and she could sense that he was going to do something.
Her hunch was right, but it wasn’t as she expected.
A week before the championships, Amanai and her team had just come back from a practice match at another university and were heading towards the gym from their bus. Amanai was walking next to one of her closest teammates, who happened to be Rino Hibiki, the setter for Dainohara, the school that defeated her in the semi-finals in her second year. It was a surprise to Amanai, and originally, she was too shy to approach her, especially because of the amount of confidence and ego she emitted, but after being forced to work together as setter and spiker, they got along surprisingly well. When she wasn’t with Sakusa during the day or when she was off-campus for matches, she'd be with Rino, talking about random things that popped into their heads.
“Ah, Kanoka, are you going to be staying afterward again today?” Rino asked, her hands in her pockets to warm them. It was getting kind of chilly since it was nearing the end of November.
“Yeah, just for maybe half an hour or a bit more. Since we missed classes today, I want to catch up on some work that’s due.” Instinctively, gripped her right shoulder and rotated it a bit. She could feel a tinge of soreness from when she strained it a little during their match. It wasn’t a huge injury, she convinced herself, just overexertion.
“Mind if I join you? It’s still, what, 5-ish? I got some time before I have to head home anyway.” A couple of her other teammates chimed in, asking to tag along.
She laughed. “Sure, why not—”
“Sorry, she won’t be joining you all today.”
Amanai whipped her head around at the sound of a familiar voice interrupted her. A few teammates stopped to turn. “S-Sakusa?!”
“Oh, it’s the boyfri—” Rino started, but Amanai slapped her hand over her mouth to shut her up. Not a word, she said under her breath, and Rino nodded.
“I’m accompanying her home. Let’s go.” He started walking off in the direction of their usual path back to the station but paused to wait for her decision.
Glancing between her team and Sakusa, she panicked to make a decision. Rino removed Amanai’s hand from her mouth. “You should go, I’ll tell Coach, no worries. Plus, I was wondering when you’ll take a break from all the overtime practice.” She smirked. “You owe me, so tell me about how it goes later.” She waved goodbye and ushered the rest of the girls off, leaving Amanai and Sakusa there.
She trudged her way over to Sakusa’s side, pissed off and practically fuming. “Why are you here?! And why did you do that, In front of my team no less! Ugh, now I’ll never hear the end of it from Rino... “ She huffed. “I know what you’re thinking, you’re gonna tell me that I’m overexerting myself, that I’m not taking care of myself. Well, I know that! I’m letting you know now that I have everything under control, I don’t…” Her heart and breath was unsteady from suppressing her actual feelings behind her outburst. None of them actually having to do with Sakusa at all. She realized what she had done and hung her head, gazing at her shoes. “Sorry...”
Sakusa stayed silent the entire time, letting Amanai vent all her queries onto him. People often did this in front of him, like he was some sort of venting wall. Usually, he’d tune out, but he listened to Amanai. “It’s alright.” He closed his eyes to avoid looking at her directly. “I understand you’re stressed.” He handed her a water bottle from a plastic bag she didn’t know he was holding. “Let’s get you home.” She nodded, taking sips of water to calm down with Sakusa’s presence leading the way.
When Sakusa said he was going to accompany her home, she didn’t know he was actually serious. At Amanai’s stop, he followed her out without a word and let her lead the way. It didn’t take very long to walk from her station to her apartment. With a click of the key opening the lock on her door, she let him in first before she let herself. Sakusa greeted the small residence of hers with a Pardon for the intrusion.
“Sorry, it’s a little bit of a mess here for obvious reasons.” She hadn’t been able to fully clean her apartment other than the occasional dusting and wiping. Her bed was still unmade from the morning and her books and papers were scattered across the table that was against the wall. “It’s not usually like this, I swear.”
“You don’t need to worry about that.” He put down his bags, pulling out a pair of gloves from one of them. “Where are your cleaning supplies?”
She saw that gleam in his eyes that only happened when he cleaned. “Sakusa, no—” she sighed. “Second cabinet on the right. BUT!” Sakusa was startled. “Let me help.”
“No.”
“It’s my apartment. Now give me some gloves.”
He hesitated. He didn’t really like when people cleaned alongside him, in fear of them leaving a smidge of dust or cleaning the wrong way, but indeed it was her apartment, so it was her territory. He scourged his bag for another pair of gloves and handed them to her.
Her apartment was small, so it shouldn’t have taken more than an hour for two people, but since it was Sakusa, he insisted on cleaning and even reorganizing her entire living space in order to get to every nook and cranny. When Amanai saw the time, she decided to let Sakusa continue while she started making dinner for both of them. She had a couple of leftovers from yesterday and decided to make zosui soup since it was the easiest. By the time she was done, she was convinced that her place was cleaner than when she initially bought it. Sakusa certainly looked satisfied once he finished. She set up bowls on the now clutter-free table and sat down, Sakusa across from her. They both said Itadakimasu and started digging in.
“Thank you, by the way. You really didn’t have to do all… this.” She motioned around her.
“...It’s hard to find consistency around this time.” He set down his bowl. “Events pile up, stress takes a hold of you... Most of those are out of your control. You may know all of that, but there’s very little you can do about it. So it’s important that the things that you do have control over—your health, your time—you take to your advantage. It’s those small consistencies that ground you and keep you from getting ahead of yourself.”
He was right. She got ahead of herself, tunnel visioning into only benefiting herself, and ended up neglecting everything else around her. She sipped her soup and nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
“I came here to show you that. Do you see how different it feels to have a clean apartment?”
She chuckled and looked around. Her place smelled so nice, better than ever. “Mhm. Thank you again.”
“Good.” He finished up his bowl and grabbed his bag. “Well, I'm going to go now. Thanks for having me."
"Anytime, I can take it from here! You're always welcome to stop by since you've helped me out so much now." She stood up from her seat and followed him to the door, watching him put on his shoes.
"I'll keep it in mind."
Once he was out, she waved goodbye, and he nodded in return. She made sure he was out of her line of sight before closing and locking the door. She went back to the table to clean up the dishes when she found that Sakusa had left the plastic bag where he was sitting. She picked it up and opened it to see if it was anything important, and found a package of tuna onigiri inside. It was her favorite food.
She smiled at the gesture, unwrapping it, and enjoyed the little onigiri.