Chapter Text
After fifteen days of injecting himself with medication, it was finally time to go to the doctor to have his eggs retrieved and proceed with their fertilization. Nervousness took over both of them; they were filled with hope and felt one step closer to achieving their dream.
They arrived at the clinic, where they spoke with the doctor to review the procedure and make sure everything was going well. Since light sedation was necessary for the extraction, they proceeded to put him under.
His large blue eyes slowly opened. Only minutes had passed, but it felt like seconds to him. A cold sensation had taken over his body; he had never felt anything like this before. It was as if he were on the verge of dying. Then, warmth enveloped his right hand—it was his husband holding it.
“Are you awake already?” that figure asked, one Isagi still couldn’t see clearly.
He didn’t even understand what was happening. Had he been in an accident? Why the hell was he lying in a hospital bed?
“Don’t worry. In just a few minutes, he’ll be fully conscious again. It’s normal,” a nurse explained to the blond, who was attentively watching over his partner to make sure he woke up safely.
“We’ll be going home soon, Yoichi,” Kaiser said calmly, holding his husband’s hand firmly and reassuring him with his support.
- - - - - - - - - -
In five days, they would have to return so the doctor could implant the embryos inside him. They were getting closer to finally finishing the exhausting process.
“It was horrible. I thought I was going to die. I hope I never have to be sedated again, and I don’t want to have to inject myself ever again either,” the shorter one said as they made their way to the club for training.
Isagi had been training ‘normally,’ so he wanted to make the most of his last day, because after the next stage, he would have to put his career on hold for a while. Taking care of himself was his priority, so he couldn’t risk something happening to him while playing.
“You’ll see that you won’t have to do it again. We’ll have twins right away, so there won’t even be a need to repeat the process just to give our first child a sibling,” the blond assured him with a confident smile as he parked in the Bastard München parking lot.
Kaiser didn’t want Isagi to overwork himself, so he had arranged with his coach for him to take these last training sessions calmly—without the coach knowing, of course, and without telling him the real reasons behind it.
“I’m sure of that!” the other replied, smiling.
- - - - - - - - - -
The days had passed, and the embryo transfer had been easier since it didn’t require sedation. Now they only had to wait around fifteen days before taking a pregnancy test and finding out whether the procedure had worked.
The doctor had only transferred two embryos, since Isagi had not produced a sufficient amount. It was possible that neither would ‘work,’ that one would, or even that both would. There was nothing left to do but wait.
His goal was to get as much rest as possible. He didn’t want to suffer a loss because of making a sudden movement or failing to follow his doctor’s instructions. From that point on, he would even be careful with everything he ate and all of his habits.
- - - - - - - - - -
The uncertainty was absolute torture. There were only a few days left until they found out whether they would become parents.
— I wish I could sleep through these days and wake up to a positive test— the German thought. He was incredibly excited and remained optimistic despite everything they had gone through.
“Yoichi! I’m leaving!” he shouted so his partner could hear him from the bedroom, but he received no response.
The younger one came downstairs as quickly as he could and, standing on his tiptoes, kissed him on the lips.
The atmosphere at home and their relationship dynamic had been very positive, as they were both filled with hope.
“Have a good day, Mihya. I love you,” he said, staying by the door and watching as his husband left the house.
Kaiser continued training as usual, so Isagi stayed home resting—or well, maybe he wasn’t exactly lying around doing nothing, but at least he wasn’t playing any matches or training.
Spending all that time alone only increased his anxiety. He tried everything: he read books, watched movies, cleaned the house, talked with his friends on the phone, went for walks, and yet there was no way to get the subject out of his mind.
- - - - - - - -
The days had passed slowly, but at last it was time to go to the doctor and take the blood test. The couple was on their way there, filled with anxiety but also with hope.
“You know? I think everything is going to be okay… I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to get your hopes up, but…” Isagi said, his face turning slightly red. “I feel pregnant. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s true. My body is telling me…”
His partner, who was driving, lost control of the car for a brief moment, distracted by those words.
“Whoa! Sorry, you caught me off guard,” he exclaimed, quickly bringing all his attention back to the road. His face lit up, and his eyes began to fill with tears. The emotion had taken him by surprise, but he couldn’t stop smiling at the hope those words represented.
“Don’t say things like that, you’re going to make me cry. You have no idea how much I think about the moment they give us the results. You’re going to look adorable with your little belly, our baby is going to be so cute—especially if they look like you. Tell me, do you think it’ll be a boy or a girl?” he asked, full of excitement.
“A boy! It’ll definitely be a boy. Would we give him a German or Japanese name?” he replied with another question.
“Not a chance, Yoichi. It’ll definitely be a girl. And I think we could find a name that’s easy to pronounce in both languages.” The conversation had become very pleasant, but they had already arrived at their destination.
Once again, they were in that place where there were so many pregnant people, some of them even with their newborn babies. The younger man’s legs trembled with fear, but the hand of his partner resting over his calmed him down a little.
It was time to go in and take the test. The Japanese man explained to his doctor how he had been feeling during those days, and the doctor told him that it was normal to feel “pregnant” due to the stimulation and hormones, since it was a way of signaling to the body that they were trying to induce a pregnancy.
This brought the couple down a little, however, they still held on to hope.
“Would you like me to give you the result myself, or would you rather be left alone with it inside an envelope?” the doctor asked. He was probably so used to his job that he had lost any expression on his face. There was no happiness or sadness, making it impossible to tell the answer just by looking at him.
“You can tell us yourself, if you don’t mind. Right?” the blond asked his partner for confirmation, and he nodded. The doctor understood and opened his mouth…
“I’m sorry. The result was negative,” he replied simply.
The couple couldn’t believe it, since they had both felt so hopeful. They had already imagined that day would be a celebration—that they would return home and dance happily, that soon they would be able to announce the good news to their family, friends, and team.
The younger one was overwhelmed, but not more than the German, who hadn’t said a single word and, in fact, seemed lost in his thoughts.
“Mihya…” he said, taking his hand so he would react.
“Oh! I’m sorry. It’s just… this wasn’t what we expected. I’m sorry, doctor,” he replied.
After all, it was a difficult piece of news to process. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the sacrifices his partner had made up until that point, and seeing that none of them had led to anything was hard to accept.
“For now, Mr. Yoichi should rest. If you want to try again, you should wait at least three months. You’ll be able to continue training over the next few weeks until you decide whether you want to try again,” the doctor explained.
There was nothing else to discuss for the moment, so they said their goodbyes and returned home. There was no conversation on the way back, but it was understandable—neither of them knew exactly how they were supposed to react.
The younger one started preparing dinner.
“Are you okay? We should talk calmly now that we’re home,” Kaiser suggested, gently placing his hands around his partner’s waist.
The tears began to fall. The shorter one didn’t really know what he was feeling, but he definitely hadn’t expected to feel this way.
“S-sorry for telling you that I felt pregnant. I should've kept it to myself. I-it’s just… I really did feel that way,” he said between sniffles.
The other hugged him tightly, placing one hand on his husband’s head and pulling him closer to his shoulder so he could cry freely. That way, he could also let out some tears of his own.
“It’s okay. You were just as hopeful as I was, so we were feeling the same thing,” he said, trying to comfort him—though perhaps he was also trying to comfort himself.
“We’ll try again. Next time, we’ll succeed,” the Japanese man said, breaking down into tears once more.
The day they had both hoped would be filled with happiness and life had ended up becoming the complete opposite.
- - - - - - - - - -
Six months later
Time passed quickly, and Isagi was about to finish the hormonal stimulation; the second in vitro attempt was close. During that period of time, the couple continued experiencing ups and downs in their relationship. The younger one had to pause his training again, using illness as an excuse to the media and his team.
Fear was the main presence this second time, as both of them were aware that the result could once again be negative. In the same way, they had been trying to conceive ‘naturally,’ and all the tests had continued coming back negative.
Disappointment and lack of motivation were evident, especially in the Japanese man, who had become somewhat cold and distant. He didn’t even complain anymore about sex done out of obligation; he just wanted a positive result, for their relationship to go back to how it used to be, and then to be able to resume his career.
“Mihya, we need to talk seriously” he said while his partner was relaxing in the bathtub. Isagi brought a stool and sat beside him. Kaiser felt a bit of anxiety tightening in his chest. He knew nothing good was coming, since his partner’s tone was rather gloomy.
The blond’s breathing became unsteady, but he tried to hide it to avoid causing an unnecessary conflict “Tell me” he said, looking at his partner with an unchanging expression of concern.
The other one sighed, as if trying to release everything that was causing him pain. Meeting his gaze with furrowed brows, he spoke “I want you to promise me something” his hand began to sink into the bathwater, seeking physical contact.
“Anything you want. I would do anything for you” the German said, taking the hand that was reaching for him. The blue-haired man could feel the fear, since it could be transmitted with just a subtle touch.
“Well, you already promised, even before I told you what it was, so now you can’t say no” he warned, moving closer to him.
“Mihya... if the result of the next in vitro is negative... promise me you’ll distance yourself from me and try to live your life with someone else, with someone who can give you what I can’t.”